let me tell you how long i spent on this

MC does successful suicide prank (Trigger Warning)

Geez, this is dark. You okay, Nonny? Sorry it took so long to do this request. I wasn’t feeling it and I didn’t want to half ass this. It was also very hard to think of this many ways to suicide… prank. So I made some accidental pranks. Maybe I overthought it. Anyways TRIGGA WARNING YALL.

I didn’t do the minor trio cause these were hard. But I did do Vanderwood cause I was able to think of something short and fun.


  • “MC, please, I need to study.”
  • Yoosung had ignored you so much the whole weekend.
  • The ONLY time you two had free time this whole month.
  • But what could you do, he was studying to get his Ph.D.
  • After dealing with this all day, you took some pills to soothe your head.
  • You left the bottle on the coffee table and took a nap on the couch.
  • You woke up to Yoosung shaking you, “MC, please wake up!”
  • You sat up and your gaze met Yoosung’s tears.
  • “I-I’m taking you to the ER, right now.”
  • He pulled you up from the couch.
  • “What? Why?”
  • His eyes darted over to the bottle of pills on the floor.
  • “Oh, I spilled the bottle!”
  • “Wait. You didn’t?”
  • “Didn’t what?”
  • In that moment, Yoosung’s knees buckled and he knelt on the floor.
  • “Yoosung, what’s wrong??”
  • He couldn’t even talk between his hiccups and cries.
  • After putting two and two together, you realized Yoosung thought you had overdosed.
  • “You thought I had…?”
  • You didn’t even need to finish that question cause all he could do was nod and sob.
  • You pulled him in for a kiss and serenaded him with loving words.
  • “I could never. I’m so happy with you. I love you.”
  • Yoosung didn’t leave your side that whole night.
  • He rather spend time with you right now than anything else.


  • “I’m not so sure, Mr. Director.”
  • “MC, it’s a little white lie! It’ll be the big money shot.”
  • “But isn’t this a bit much?”
  • “Look, it’s been weeks and he’s still having trouble emoting everything we need him too. We’re wasting so much time and resources on this.”
  • “I know, but I don’t want to scare him. We don’t even know how he’s going to react!”
  • Before you could get a response, the director spoke into his walkie talkie, “Zen is here, action.”
  • You looked over to Zen, who spotted you and waved at you.
  • You looked back up to the director who winked at you and said, “Break a leg!” And with that, he pushed you off the scaffolding.
  • “BABE?!”
  • You fell right up until 3 feet above the ground. The only support you had, a rope around your neck.
  • “MC! NO NO NO!”
  • He ran over to you and tried to push you back up. “HELP! SOMEONE, CUT THE WIRE!”
  • Stagehands rushed over and cut the wire around your neck.
  • Zen pulled you towards him and sat you down.
  • “Zen,  I-.”
  • “No! Shut up! Do you know what you were trying to do! Do you know just how I would have felt if you succeeded?! A-are you not happy with me? I-I-I… What would I do without you?”
  • Zen collapsed to his knees in front of you. “What would even make you want to do this? Aren’t you happy with me? Did I do something wrong? I love you so much, my whole world almost ended with you.”
  • He reached his hand up to wipe the tears now on your cheek.
  • He pulled you into a hug, and you felt his chest heaving.
  • “CUT!” The director came out of his hiding spot.
  • “What?” Zen pulled back looking at the cameras around him.
  • “We did it! We finally have the shot!”
  • “What???” He turned back to you.
  • You unbuttoned your top to show a harness around your body, which is where the wire was really strung to.
  • “Zen, I- You were- I wasn’t on board with-”
  • “I told MC how you were having trouble portraying the right emotions and I thought it would be nice to do this stunt to help you along.”
  • Zen was angry, upset, crying, scared, but mostly relieved.
  • He took your hand and pulled you into his dressing room ignoring everyone else.
  • You spent the whole time apologizing, and Zen just held you lecturing in your ear and every now and then telling you how much he loved you.


  • You didn’t mean to prank Jaehee, it just came naturally.
  • You were in the tub trying out new bathbombs.
  • This one in particular had a nice red color with a sweet rose smell.
  • As the ball dissolved it left the water a deep red color.
  • “Looks like I am washing off someone’s blood. Kinda like my blood.”
  • As you dozed off, staring at the water you heard Jaehee come in.
  • Now’s good as time as any to play dead, right?
  • Nope.
  • Jaehee knocked on the bathroom door but since you gave no response, she opened it to make sure you were alright.
  • In a matter of seconds she was shaking your shoulders and yelling, “MC? Wake up! Can you hear me? MC!!!”
  • “Oh my god,” She turned around and grabbed her phone
  • But then she turned back to you who was now awake and you smiling.
  • “Gotchu!”
  • Your smile faded as you saw that her face was pale, eyes widened.
  • “Hey, Jaehee, it was a joke.”
  • No response from her.
  • All you feel is guilt now and all you think is, “Wow, dumb joke, me.”
  • “It’s okay, J–”
  • She cut you off and just screams at you, her grip tightening on your arms.
  • “It’s not okay!!! Do you know how scared I was?! Why would you even joke about this?!”
  • “Jaehee, your hands are hurting me.”
  • She realized how much of his composure she lost and let go.
  • “Please, don’t ever joke about this again. Never again.”
  • Tears forming in her eyes.
  • “Never. I promise.”
  • All you could do to reassure her was pull her into a hug.
  • You spent the rest of the night holding her, and telling her how happy you are to be with her.


  • You were having a crappy day.
  • The cake topper would be spilling red wine over all over your blouse.
  • You didn’t even have the energy to clean up.
  • So you sat on the couch for a minute before proceeding with your day.
  • Only, you fell asleep.
  • It wasn’t long before you jolt awake from the sound of glass shattering.
  • Your eyes follow the sound to Jumin who was standing by the door.
  • He dropped his bags, but that wasn’t the issue.
  • His eyes were fixed on you, fear instilled in them.
  • “J-jumin?”
  • He finally let his breath go as he stumbled to you.
  • “MC, what would I have done if I had lost you?”
  • “Wh-what?”
  • He pulled you into the tightest hug.
  • “If this is a joke, I don’t understand it.”
  • You rubbed his back, clearly not understanding what he meant.
  • After a moment, he pulled back to ask, “Why are you even wearing that?”
  • You looked down and realized the wine formed what resembled a blood stain on your chest.
  • “Oh, oh!!!  It-I-I’m sorry! I meant to change and fell asleep!”
  • Jumin sighed before he started to unbutton your blouse.
  • “J-jumin?!?”
  • “I’m getting you cleaned up.”
  • You blushed after realized what you thought was wrong.
  • “But of course, that’s after I make you remember how much I would miss you if you did leave one day.”


  • Saeyoung and you had driven to the top of a mountain.
  • You were both waiting for the sunset.
  • You peered the edge of a cliff to see how steep of a drop it was.
  • Finally you turned to Saeyoung and calmly asked, “Do you still love me?”
  • He looked at you a little confused but answered, “Yes.”
  • “How much?”
  • “Hum… This much!” He held his hands only a foot apart from each other.
  • He laughed right before telling you, “This much more than possible.”
  • Instead of hitting him like you would usually do, you smiled at him and whispered, “I love you too. And I’m so sorry…”
  • “Sorry for what?”
  • “This.” With that, you stepped over the edge.
  • “NO! MC!” He ran over to you faster than he ever moved.
  • He wasn’t even thinking and threw himself off the ledge after you
  • He was shocked that he landed two yards below the ledge… right in front of you
  • You finally got payback for the mean prank he pulled a while back.
  • You stuck out your tongue practically joyed that he believed it.
  • But you felt a drop of water on your face. Rain?
  • No… Saeyoung was crying.
  • You Fucked Up.
  • “W-wait. It was a joke! S-Saeyoung!?”
  • He pulled you into the tightest hug ever.
  • “Saeyoung?”
  • His entire body was trembling against you.
  • Just his silence alone was enough to make you regret everything.
  • “Saeyoung? I’m sorry. I wasn’t.. I didn’t think it through..”
  • “I love you so much so don’t ever take that away. Please, MC. Please…”
  • You hugged him back and only told him, “I’ll never take that from you.”
  • Now you two just had the new issue of getting back on top of the cliff.


  • Vanderwood walks into the room to find you face down in a pool of blood.
  • “MC, get up. I don’t have time for your jokes. Luciel is already a handful.”
  • He walks away.
  • You sit up.
  • Drat, Maybe next time.
  • “And clean up the mess.”

“Would you like another slice of pie, Fox?”

Maggie Scully hovers over Mulder, plate of freshly cut apple pie in hand. She doesn’t wait for him to answer. He gets a third slice whether he likes it or not.

“Thank you, Mrs. Scully,” he says when she hands him the plate. She beams and squeezes his shoulder.

“It’s Maggie, dear.”

Next to him, Scully snorts. She’s been in a mood since Maggie called her last night and told her Bill Jr was in town and she and Mulder were invited over for a spur of the moment dinner. He elbows her lightly in the ribs.

“Something funny, Dana?”

She giggles and shifts away from him, scooting closer to Melissa on the old floral couch the three of them are sharing. “Nothing, Fox.“

They’re Dana and Fox today at Scully’s request. Apparently, it’s inappropriate to call your significant other by their surname. Mulder tried to argue that since they weren’t significant others in the traditional sense, they could break a few mores but Scully wouldn’t listen.

“If we’re having dinner with my family, we’re going to pretend to be a normal couple,” she’d said in the car. “My brother doesn’t even know your name but he hates you so, for the love of God, call me Dana. If you do that and keep the alien talk to a minimum, we might just make it out alive.”

Mulder looks down at their casually joined hands—not all of this normal couple behavior is bad. He wants to hold her hand more often and today gives him an excuse to. The feeling must be mutual because Scully keeps rubbing his knuckles with her thumb, an intimate act that draws the attention of Bill Jr.

He eyes them from the loveseat across the room, his fiancée notably absent—something about a meeting that ran late. It’s weird seeing Scully’s features in a man. He has her scrutinizing gaze only, it’s not nearly as cute as Scully’s. In fact, it’s downright disturbing.

Bill Jr clears his throat. “So how long have you been seeing each other.”

“Since November,” Scully says.

“While you were in quarantine?”

“Oh, lay off, Bill,” Melissa mumbles. “You spent an hour telling me how I’m going to hell for being a lesbian. You had your fun tonight. Leave Dana and Fox alone.”

Scully snags a gooey apple slice from Mulder’s untouched pie and pops it into her mouth. She glances at Mulder as she licks a dribble of caramel from her lips, a silent but effective way of telling him to keep quiet and let her handle this.

“No, it was before quarantine. I treated him to a cup of coffee the morning we left for Mount Avalon.”

Now it’s Mulder’s turn to snort. Scully shoots him a “don’t you dare” look and he just shrugs innocently because he loves making her flustered. She lets go of his hand as punishment but Mulder doesn’t even care since her cheeks are turning as pink as her cardigan.

Their interaction doesn’t go unnoticed. Bill Jr clears his throat again.

“Are you two having sex?”

Mulder chokes on his pie and Maggie is at his side in an instant.

“Fox, honey, are you alright?” She rubs his back as Mulder manages a slight nod.


She fusses over him a beat longer before turning to face Bill Jr.

“William August Scully Junior you should be ashamed of yourself,” she spits while waving a threatening finger in Bill Jr’s face. The bulky navy man like a child. “If I ever hear you say such a crass and rude thing to your sister again, Lord help you, boy because I brought you into this world, I sure as hell can take you out of it.”

A stunned silence follows, only to be broken by Melissa’s squealing laughter. She throws her head back, Scully Red hair falling across the ugly floral couch. An angel in a witchy dress.

Soon, Scully is chuckling and her giggles send Mulder into a fight of his own. Even Bill Jr smiles—albeit with a fearful glance at his mother.

“Jesus Christ, Mom,” Melissa wheezes. “You haven’t used that threat in years.”
Maggie’s matronly face grows bashful as she hides behind her hands. “Melissa, dear, don’t use the Lord’s name in vain.”
Melissa turns to Mulder, mirth in her eyes. “Bill and Dana used to go at it all the time when we were kids—drove Mom up the wall until one day, she threatened to send them both to hell where they could fight it out for eternity with the devil.”

“Remind me to never make your mother mad,” Mulder murmurs to Scully who’s still giggling into his shoulder.

“Oh, Fox, you could never make me mad. You’re such a sweet man, just what I’ve always wanted for my Dana.”

Bill Jr regains his confidence and clears his throat once more. Oh, the tenacity of a Scully.

“Fox,” he says, slowly like he’s treading on thin ice—which he is because Scully stops laughing and goes on the attack.

“Don’t, Bill. I know you want me to find a respectable, normal man with a respectable, normal job but I can’t have normal with the X Files. No lawyer in their right mind would date a woman that gets quarantined every other month. Normal men want women who’ll make dinner and be home every night and that’s not who I am.”

“I like my life with Mulder and the X Files. Yes, he can be insufferable and a pain in the ass—”


“—Butt, sorry, Mom,” Scully amends before continuing. “But he always watches my back. What we do may be dangerous but we do it together and keeping each other alive is the most important thing to us no matter the case.”

Mulder’s chest clenches at Scully’s monologue. He takes her hand and brings it to his lip in a rare display of affection. They haven’t kissed or even truly fucked—Scully wants to take it slow—but there’s genuine affection in her voice. She kinda sorta maybe loves him and he just might love her too.

charity-angel  asked:

Oh god, injured Obi falling over in the hangar. That sounds awesome. I mean, I'd like something like his friends totally smothering him (Quin, perhaps?), but if that's not the way the muses take it, that's okay

He’s so tired, his eyes sting and he just wants to close them for a while, a long while and yet he does not despite how blurred his vision is, swinging in the harness of the shuttle, eyes focused in a blurry mess on the bulkhead.

He’s just so tired.

Just so utterly tired.

“Master Jedi?”

Obi-Wan swallowed and shifted, looking to the pilot with surprise on his face.

“We’ve landed master Jedi, we’re in the temple hanger. Do you want me to call for the healers?” She looked faintly worried, her reptilian eyes flickering over his form.

Obi-Wan let the words penetrate the fog that was his mind before he shook his head. “No, thank you though, I can manage without healers.”

She looked doubtful but nodded, stepping back as Obi-Wan undid the belt.

Standing slowly, Obi-Wan gave her a small nod and headed off the transport as he had nothing. His mission had been one giant disaster and he had managed to salvage nothing while hidy hole swapping for two weeks after the Queen had demanded not only the head of the rebel leaders but also the Jedi sent to negotiate.

Just one giant disaster with makeshift bandages wrapped around his midsection as he limped off the shuttle and down the ramp, only half aware of other Jedi, mechanics and pilots around the hanger as he disembarked.

One step in front of the other.

He could do this.

He was a knight of twenty six and he could do this.

He could get to his room and…and…

Oh his brain was spinning, a slight darkness at the corner of his eyes and he felt more then he could see through his own blurry eyes that he was drawing attention as he staggered along.

Come on, the door was just right over there.

He could do it.



Stuttering to a still, Obi-Wan blinked and looked up. “…Quinlan?” He mumbled out, catching the yellow of the stripe over the others face more then the actual face.

“Hey there, you look awful.” There was something gentle in the others voice, hands coming carefully down on his shoulders. “Heard your mission went crap from your master.”

“Former.” He got out, tongue thick.

That was important.

Qui-Gon was his former master, Qui-Gon didn’t want him anymore and had Anakin.

He didn’t need Obi-Wan.

“Yeah…Obi-Wan, your shields are down.” Quinlan’s voice was terribly gentle.

“…Oh…” He should be mortified but he can’t find the energy suddenly, his hand going to his stomach. Its warm and its wet and…oh no.

“Obi-Wan? Oh sithspit, you’re bleeding!” Quinlan yelped out, his hands going to Obi-Wan’s midsection where Obi-Wan’s robes were turning scarlet, blood breaking past the makeshift bandages.

‘I must have reopened the wound…’

And then he had no memory of what happened after except a faint memory of Quinlan lifting him up.

And woke up in the Halls of healing.

“…I hate being here.” He whispered, staring up at the ceiling.

“Considering how often you land here, that’s not really surprising my friend.” A light voice offered at his side and Obi-Wan tilted his head to look, giving a half smile to the kiffar who grinned back with a slight furrow in his brow.

“Quinlan, guess I have you to thank for this torture?”

That just got a snort out of the other knight, though the man went a bit pale.


“…Obi-Wan what happened to you, your bo-”

Obi-Wan looked away quickly. “None of your business, did they undress me with you there?”

“They had to, you wouldn’t let go off me and they needed to get to work on your bleeding areas…do you have any idea how long you spent in bacta Obi-Wan?”

Obi-Wan didn’t answer and kept looking away.

“…Two weeks. They had to keep you in the bacta tank for two weeks with healers taking care of the worst of it.”

More silence.

“…You’re not going to tell anyone how you got injured, are you?” Quinlan’s voice turned a bit harsh.

“The Council will get the official report, whatever else happened… I don’t have to tell a damn soul.” Obi-Wan responded, hands clenched into the sheets.

“…Alright.” There was a quiet sigh and then a gently hand on top of his, gently rubbing it until Obi-Wan eased his grip and Quinlan could take the hand in his, holding it. “Alright Obi-Wan. But I am still going to look after your sassy Stewjoni ass, you hear me?”

Obi-Wan snorted. “Ass.”






The two grinned at each other a bit, Obi-Wan finally relaxing to the sheets. “…Water?”

“Course, give me a moment.” Quinland reached for the pitcher.

Salvatore Sister Part 2

You can find part one here

Imagine~  The first time Kai sees you and he’s already completely infatuated with you.

Lunch with Kai was perfect, you both ate and spoke about your lives. You talked so much and neither of you ran out of things to talk about. 

He was a good person, he was just misunderstood and you knew that. The whole time he wouldn’t take his eyes off you; completely awestruck. 

“You’re really beautiful.” Kai breathed, speaking his thoughts. Your face turned a light shade of pink at his comment and your heart skipped a beat. 

“Thank you.” you said with a giggle which made a warmth run through the boy sitting opposite you. 

You could hear his heart thumping and if you were any closer you would probably be able to feel it to. 

The grill began to clear out and it was then you’d realized how long you’d spent with Kai, it was starting to get dark and soon the night owls would begin to arrive. 

Kai noticed this as well and he said something about it before you could. “It’s getting kind of late, I should drop you home before your brothers get worried.” 

You gave him a small smile, you found it humorous that was scared of your brothers. “As long as I tell them everything went well, they won’t touch you.” you chuckled. 

He sighed as he looked over at you, “I just want to make sure they’ll let me keep seeing you.” 

A grin spread across your face, the boy who all of your friends and family feared and despised was currently sitting in front of you completely infatuated with you. 

“Should we get going then?” you said smiling, standing up from the booth you’d been sitting in. 

Kai stood up smiling at you as he towered over your small frame. “Sure.” he said as he began to walk towards the door as you followed closely behind. 

You climbed into his car as he got into the drivers seat, a small smile on his face. He’d been right to like you, you were incredibly understanding, kind as well as beautiful. 

Whilst he was driving he stole glances at you, some you noticed, some you didn’t. 

He pulled over at the front of the Salvatore home and you began to get out of the car before realizing Kai hadn’t moved a muscle. 

“You not coming in?” you asked, looking over at him. 

His face was slightly surprised but his face returned to normal. “I’m not sure that’s the best idea, y’know your brothers hating me and all.” he mumbled looking down. 

“Just come in, for me.” you said smiling as he sighed and unbuckled his seat belt. 

You both walked towards the porch as you pulled out your keys. You unlocked the large wooden door and pushed it open with a creak to see both of your brothers sitting on the couch. 

Their attention quickly turned to you and Kai as they both sent him deathly stares. 

“If you’ve bought him home for me to kill him I’ll gladly do it.” Damon said, looking Kai up and down. 

“Actually, I had a lot of fun and it was an amazing date.” you said tilting your head smiling at the two brothers. 

“Ugh, I was looking forward to ripping his heart out.” Damon said rolling his eyes. “I was looking forward to watching him do it.” Stefan spoke up. 

You looked back at Kai to see him sending them both a sarcastic smile making you giggle. 

“I need a drink, want one?” you asked Kai as you started to walk down towards the cellar where you kept all the Salavatore’s supply of booze. 

“Sure.” Kai said, following closely behind you leaving your brothers alone in the living room. 

When you reached the cellar you turned to Kai about to ask him what he wanted but before you could he smashed his lips onto yours. 

Your face burned a bright red and you were surprised but melted into it after a few moments. 

The kiss was passionate and fast but not too fast. It was full of affection and love. You could feel Kai’s heart racing and his muscular body pressed against your frame, his body heat radiated onto you. 

Everything about you made you feel safe even though he was the most dangerous person for you to be around right now. 

He pulled away for air, his face burning from the intensity of the kiss. “Sorry but I’ve been wanting to do that all night.” he said breathlessly as he looked deep into your eyes. 

You didn’t know what to say so you simply pressed your lips against his once again. 

He kissed back almost immediately, it was rougher than the last but still filled with just as much affection. He slowly backed you into the wall, his cold rings running up your arm to cup your face. 

You rested your hands behind his neck, pulling his body closer to yours. He picked you up, placing you onto a table in the cellar; not breaking this kiss for a second. 

You wrapped your legs around his waist wanting him as close to you as possible, needing his body heat like it was a drug. 

“Not in the wine cellar.” somebody groaned from the door way. You quickly pulled apart to see Stefan standing in the cellar looking away from the two of you. 

“Um.” you stuttered as your face flushed red. 

“I should really be leaving.” Kai muttered as he left the room leaving you on the table. “I’ll see you later Y/N.” Kai said as he smirked at Stefan. 

Stefan left alongside Kai leaving you there in the cellar, sitting on the table. 

“Sorry, I really couldn’t keep my hand hands off her.” Kai smirked at Stefan and Damon before he left, leaving them in just as much disgust as they’d been in earlier that day.   

(a/n) thank you @kaimonels for asking for this x the first one was so nice to write and i hope this is along the lines of what you wanted to read
Ruin part 2

Requested by @latteshawn PART 2 PART 2 and anonymous: part 2 to ruin?? it was amazing!! part 1

AN: Thank you both for requesting! It felt really good knowing at least two people enjoyed it enough for a second part. I’m going to put out there how hard I’ve tried today to do the Shawn Mendes Accent Challenge, but I’m so technologically challenged it wasn’t working. I’m still going to try and figure out how to post it though because it was a lot of fun. Also, thank you to @ihaveabadreputation for always being up for reading over my imagines. Allison is amazing !

Originally posted by your-local-killjoy

 Sunday had passed incredibly slowly. You kept to yourself the entire day, avoiding your family. Shawn hasn’t texted or called, which was understandable. You just weren’t sure if it was up to you to make the next move. Even if you did, you had no idea what it should entail. It had been less than twenty four hours and you were still very committed to your boyfriend. You hadn’t bothered telling anyone what happened, either. 

Your finger hovers over Shawn’s name in your contacts then moves to your boyfriends. You came to the one conclusion that sounded fair. The only way you’d reach out to Shawn would be to end things with your boyfriend. You didn’t doubt that it was incredibly rushed, but Shawn made you feel things you only heard of in books, or movies. 

The entire idea sounded insane in your head, but you needed to be honest with yourself. ‘Why were you dating your boyfriend?’ ‘How long would you keep loving him so wholeheartedly, waiting for him to open up with his feelings?’ 'Why were you lying to your friends, but more than that, to yourself?' 

High school seemed to be built off drama between friends and relationships. Even though half the couples you came in contact with only talked through social media. Maybe you were waiting for someone to notice that you weren’t invested in your relationship the way you had once been. That didn’t mean you planned for the words to come from Shawn. 

He was the last person you expected to make you think it was ok to end something that wasn’t going anywhere. You had been no better. Even though you never thought of yourself as being in one of those “cliche high school couples” that’s exactly what you were. Chasing someone’s love who didn’t want to give it to you. Why were you making it so hard on yourself when it could be so much easier? 

Keep reading

Sweet Autumn Wishes

Sit on my lap,
Kiss my hand,
Let me be
The one to teach you.

Whisper sweet words,
Things you’ve never heard,
While I work my
Kisses deep in you.

Don’t be afraid,
I’ll take care of
Relax and let
The moment go.

Safe in my arms,
There will be no harm,
But enjoy the
Pleasure to come.

Be prepared
To be caught
As my hand glides
Down your neck.

You tell me
You are feeling
Or tell me
How far
We will go.

For tonight
Is the night,
When the moon
Is just right,
Our bodies
Have been
Too long;
And our
Lips keep
Holding on

Leaning in,
Hands on your hips,
Feel my breath
And fingertips.

Closer now,
Lips to lips,
Melting lust,
In passion’s grips.

As your pulse raises,
Your breath goes shallow
You start feeling
Things in places
You can’t wait to be gently touched.

May your ever deepening ocean
Find me waiting there
To save you from the depths
Of passing waves of despair.

As my hands reach out,
My mouth to yours
Breathing life back in.

A fire below.

Taste me now,
Take me later,
As long as I’m yours
It doesn’t matter.

Like an ancient mariner,
Alone I would sail,
But with you by my side
Nothing would fail.

-H. Murcia 2/3/2017 7:30PM

kevinsnuffcarcas  asked:

Simmons gives birth to Fitz's child and he goes absolutely nuts? For the headcanon thing

Hey there! Thank you for the ask! I saved the best for last, and unfortunately, that meant you had to wait a long time. Also, I am still the worst. Here we go!

  • The thing about Fitz is that he always wanted to be a dad, but he never really had one around to show him how to be one
  • I mean he definitely knows what NOT to do
  • But he’s out of that loop, you know? He’s grown up and he’s a good person and Jemma wouldn’t have married him if she didn’t believe in him
  • And they’ve spent a whole nine month reading parenting books and going to classes
  • Really, he’s ready
  • But let me tell you, when he’s actually holding that baby in his arms?
  • A baby that looks up at him with eyes he’s only seen in a mirror
  • He loses it
  • He has never fallen in love so fast and he’s not sure what to do with himself
  • He’s supposed to support the head, right? Is there such a thing as too much support?
  • He doesn’t remember. Everything he’s learned goes right out the window
  • He’s happier than he’s every been except for the sheer panic
  • And Jemma’s no help, over there at the hospital bed, looking over at them with doting eyes
  • Doesn’t she realize that he is IN CRISIS??
  • But a nurse appears
  • And this guy has been in the same boat before
  • He calms Fitz down
  • Reminds him of everything Fitz is supposed to do
  • And keeps guiding him until the baby is fast asleep and they can return her to her mother
  • Jemma has never looked more beautiful than she does with their baby in her arms
  • And Fitz has never felt more lucky in his life
  • (Though he doesn’t calm down for a good 18-25 years)
Avoided Truths  (Remus Lupin x Reader)

Fandom: Harry Potter (Marauders Era )

Pairing: Reader x Young Remus Lupin

Warnings: None, just angst

Request: The Apprentice by the Gorillaz with Remus Lupin, please? The Gorillaz are my fav band, Remus is my favorite HP character, and the lyrics kind of resonate with him? Thank you so much

Authors note: this was supposed to be a drabble and I had trouble sticking to the song but heyyy its okay.

Word Count: 1.7k

It had been three days since you had seen Remus, you tried to find him everywhere. You searched his classes, looked for him at meals, waited in the common room until you fell asleep. You tried to not make it apparent that you were looking for him, you guys had only been dating about two months so you didn’t want to be too clingy.

You had asked Sirius where he was and he had just told you that Remus was sick and would feel better in a couple days. You didn’t want to seem impatient but none of it made sense and you just wanted to see him again.

Another day had gone by without seeing him, you were starting to worry if he just wanted to break up with you but didn’t have the heart to do it, he knows you cry easily. You knocked on the dorm door determined for answers but were greeted with James’ almost too forced ‘smiley’ face as he closed the door behind him, the two of you standing in the hallway.

“Hello, Y/n, how can I help you?”

You smiled “Is Remus there, can I see him.”

James responded immediately, not fumbling over any words like he knew you were going to ask that and he had an excuse prepared, “Oh, Rem is still sick, you see he is pretty contagious so its best you stay away.”

You rolled your eyes “Well if he is that sick shouldn’t he be seeing Pomfrey? And are you guys magically immune to his sickness?”

James was prepared for both those questions as well “Nah, we have it all under control, Peter whipped up a good old potion so indeed we are as you said, magically immune.”

You liked James a lot but his smugness was becoming over bearing, and you could tell these were all made up excuses, confirming the Remus really didn’t want to see you. You couldn’t help but let a tear fall from your cheek as you blinked the rest away and said a small “okay” to James before trying your best to casually walk away.

You may be one to cry easily but you are also stubborn so you waited just around the corner for the other boys to leave the room. You weren’t going to spend all night crying without confirming your emotions.


James went back into the room and rested his head on the closed door and without even looking at Remus said “That is the last time I lie to Y/N for you Moony, she is much too smart to believe a word that leaves my mouth.” Remus was lying in his bed, he wasn’t sick but he was pretty badly injured from the last full moon, he still had not told you he was a werewolf and wanted to avoid it as long as possible.

Remus sighed “I thought I would have longer than two months with her before she started getting suspicious, Sirius will you talk to her next time she comes by.” Peter laughed from under his many pillows he had piled on his small bed “If she won’t believe James’ bullshit she isn’t going to believe Sirius’ either.”

James piped In again “Also there is nothing I hate more than making girls cry, especially Y/N.”

Remus quickly sat up in his bed, guilt instantly weighing down on him “She started crying!”

James realized he maybe shouldn’t have mentioned that right now but it was too late “uh, yeah just a few little tears but she wiped them away and left.”

Remus was not looking at the wound he just re opened by his quick movement, right now he was more concerned with you “And you just let her walk away?”

James just shrugged his shoulders as Peter added “James isn’t the smartest when it comes to girls” James just threw a pillow at peter, who didn’t seem to mind as it added to the mountain he was already lying in.

Remus was facing the fact that he would probably have to tell you the truth and that scared him more than anything.


You waited for about an hour before all three boys were out of their dorm at once and you took your chance immediately and rushed to the door. You slowly put your hand on the knob and took a deep breath before you turned it, you opened the door and entered the room backwards facing it as you closed the door again.

You were scared to turn around, scared of what would happen when Remus saw you but before you could muster up the courage you heard him speak “Y/n wha- what are you doing in here, I’m sick you should leave.” He pulled his body under his blankets, trying to cover his wounds.

You turned around “Remus, if you want to break up with me or if I did something wrong please tell me, I know you’ve been avoiding me for days and I just can’t take this game any long-” Remus didn’t even let you finish “Y/N I don’t want to break up with you how could you ever think that? “you walked towards his bed and sat at the end, Remus still hiding under his blankets.

“How can I think that? Well it’s pretty easy when you give me three days of not speaking to me for no reason!” your eyes started to tear up again, remembering the three anxiety filled days you spent waiting for him to talk to you.

At the sight of seeing you getting upset Remus’ instincts kicked in and he went to sit up to hold you and comfort you but the second he sat up all of his wounds were very clearly visible, Remus tried to pull the blanket back up, he expected you to run away but as you grabbed your wand he was very confused.

You muttered a spell so quiet he couldn’t even make out the words but as he looked to the wounds that covered his chest he noticed they were slowly disappearing, not perfectly but it was like nothing he had ever seen. The look of concentration on your face would have been adorable if Remus didn’t get a shooting pain through his chest, he held back a groan knowing you were trying your best.

You noticed that you had caused him pain but the biggest wound was the hardest to heal and you can’t half heal it, that would hurt more so with your free hand you squeezed his clammy one to reassure him, in between spells you muttered “sorry Rem”.

By the time you were done the wounds were all closed, the bruising had gone down quite a lot, you were nowhere near perfect so the scars left behind were messy. You ran your hand over his chest admiring your work.

“Y/N, I didn’t know you were a healer?” you looked up at him “I’m not, my mum is, but she has taught me a lot, I have three older brothers it came in handy a lot.” Remus smiled thinking of you being little and being picked on by your brothers and healing yourself but he couldn’t ignore the elephant in the room.

Remus broke the silence “I’m sorry I shut you out, I never should have done that, it wasn’t fair to you.” You moved closer to him placing both of your hands on his “Rem, I will forgive you if you tell me everything, tell me now and don’t lie to me. We need to trust each other if we want this to work.”

Remus nodded and you could tell he was thinking about what to say, you didn’t push him either you just waited until he spoke quietly “I uh- I do want this to work Y/N, but I understand if after I tell you this, you want to leave me.” You just squeezed his hands in yours urging him to continue talking.

“Y/N I’m a monster, I’m a uh, I’m a werewolf okay and it’s not pretty or cool and I hate everything about it, I’m extremely lucky to have my friends to help me but I’m still a monster.”

He expected you to run and hide from him or even be disgusted but you instead hugged him, his head quickly rested in the crook of your neck as your hand rubbed his back.

“I won’t leave you over something like that Rem, something you can’t control.” Remus spoke up “It is something I can’t control and I don’t want you getting involved, I’m not over exaggerating when I say this, I am a monster, I’m a broken screen like a mad routine and it never ends.”

You just kept the same calm tone as you spoke “If it’s part of you than I will love it as I do every other part.” You heard him make a small sniffle and felt his tears on your shoulder so you kept the embrace.

You stayed like that for a bit, eventually lying down and Remus being the little spoon. When the boys came back they didn’t ask any questions they just accepted that you now knew and didn’t bother to wake the two of you when it had gone past curfew. Remus needed someone to love him unconditionally the way you do, because even though he had the love of the other boys, cuddling them just wasn’t the same, and it would be pretty useful to have a healer on hand for future full moons.

The Risk He Didn’t Take (Drake x MC)

So, because you’re all thirsty for Drake you all love my writing, some of you asked me to do an alternative version of “A Risk Worth Taking” where MC decides to go to Drake instead of staying with Liam. (Looking at you @secretnerdharmony, @violetflipflops and @shhakeandbake!)

So, this would pick up shortly after Liam told MC about Drake’s feelings for her.  I wrote it imagining that she didn’t tend to Drake’s wounds after his fight with Tariq and that she didn’t go into the Beaumont study with him (basically, all those scenes were he admitted feelings for her.)

Rating: M for naughty language and innuendo.  Look away, children!

               Gripping the flask until his fingertips turned white, Drake took a long swallow of whiskey as he stared out the window and wondered where he’d go now that he couldn’t stay at the palace any longer.  To Bertrand and Maxwell?  With their family fortune restored, he knew Bertrand would pay him well if he could keep Maxwell out of trouble.  But was any amount of money worth having to keep Maxwell from acting like a thirteen-year-old with his father’s credit card?

               No, the Beaumonts weren’t the answer.

               Maybe he’d go to America and look for his mother’s relatives.  She’d mentioned she brother, hadn’t she?  Someone who owned land out west.  Maybe he’d make his away across the states, working odd jobs until he found a place where he could forget what had happened.  He wasn’t afraid of working, but he was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to escape the memory of the woman he’d loved and his own cowardice.

               “I can’t believe you.”

               He jumped and whirled around, surprised to see Riley standing in the doorway to his bedroom.  The darkness in his room shrouded her face in shadow, but he could see her clenched fists and hear the sharp, angry tone in her voice.  He sucked in a breath and rocked back on his heels, desperate to get as far away from her as was possible without jumping out the window.  “What the hell are you doing here, Watson?”

               She slammed the door behind her and walked towards him, her face coming into the light.  He’d seen her angry before, but he’d never seen her this furious, not even when Tariq had accosted her in her bedroom.  

               “I’m here to give you a piece of my mind, Hunter,” she said, voice wavering.

               “Queens don’t lose their tempers,” he muttered, taking another swallow of his drink, “it’s unbecoming.”

               “Don’t you dare talk to me like that.  I’m not a queen… and I never will be.”

               He paused, words sticking in his throat as he tried to sound bored.  “What are you talking about?”

               She inhaled deeply, her brown eyes shooting furious daggers into his own. “How could you not tell me how you felt?”

               Drake blinked, his mouth dropping open.  “He told you?”

               “Yes, and I am so furious at you I can hardly speak.”

               He tried to laugh, but it came out as a choking noise instead as he raised the flask to take another drink.  “Forgive me, my lady, I hadn’t realized that having a commoner’s love was so offensive.”

               She reached up, snatching the flask out of his hand.

               “Hey!” he shouted, but it was too late.  She’d walked to the window and hurled it clear across the garden.  He watched it fly through the night air until it landed in one of the fountains with an audible splash.

               “Not this time,” she said, turning on him.  “No more hiding behind your whiskey and snarky comments.  We’re going to have a real conversation, and we’re going to have it now.”

               He started to say something, but the quivering of her chin and suddenly shine in her eyes made him stop.  Christ, she was going to cry.  He could handle her anger, he could handle her shouting, but he knew then that he couldn’t handle her tears.

               “I’m furious because I heard it from Liam and not from you.  Despite everything we’ve done, all the time we’ve spent together, you never had the courage and you never trusted me enough to tell me how you felt.”

               She was crying now, two little twin rivers of tears that curved over her cheeks down to her chin.  He wanted to reach out and wipe them away, but he kept his hands at his side instead, knowing that if he touched her now he’d never stop.  

With a deep breath, she blinked and continued.  “I’m furious that for months, you let me doubt myself.  Every time I caught you looking at me just a little too long, I wondered if I was imagining things.  I overanalyzed everything; all your little smiles, your little complements, even the backhanded ones that were so fucking annoying.  But just when I thought I knew what was going on and I tried to get close to you, you pushed me away.  And after what happened with Tariq, where you ran out of my room as fast as you could, I decided that I was a fool.”

               She looked away from him, walking towards the window as he covered her eyes with her right hand and wrapped her left arm around her waist.  “I’m furious at myself, too.  I’m mad that I’ve been telling myself and everyone else here that I’m here for Liam, when I know that’s been a damn lie from the beginning.”

               He took a step towards her, stopping when he was only a few inches from her.  “Why were you here, Watson?”

               She looked up at him over her shoulder.  “Do you remember what you told me when I asked you why you stayed here at court even though you knew you didn’t belong?”

               He nodded.  “For Liam.”

               She tried to smile, but failed.  “And I stayed for you.  I wanted to look out for you the same way you look out for everyone else, to make you feel like you were worth something, to make you understand that someone loved you… and that she still does.”

               “I…” he faltered, “Riley, I’m so sorry.”

               In an instant, she was against his chest, sobbing into his white shirt as her hands clutched at his grey vest.  He wrapped his arms around her, one around her waist and the other over her shoulders.  He kissed the top of her head, resting his chin against her hair as he closed his eyes. “You’re right.  I should have told you sooner.”

He reached up, cupping the back of her neck with both his hands as he pulled her away so he could look at her face. He desperately kissed her forehead, her temples, and her cheeks as he spoke, all the feelings and thoughts spilling out before he could stop them.

“I should have told you that night we snuck out to the bakery that I realized seeing you was the favorite part of my day.  I should have told you on my birthday that it was the first time in nearly twenty years that I didn’t go to bed miserable because I’d spent it with you.  At the beach, I should have told you how wonderful it felt to have your hands touching me.  When we visited the ruins, I should have kissed you for the first time like I wanted to.  And when I found Tariq in your room, I should have told you that I loved you so much that would do any and everything I could to keep you from getting hurt.”

She sniffed softly, her hands gently caressing his chest as she leaned into his kisses.  “Why?  Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to hurt Liam, I didn’t want to embarrass you, I didn’t want to make you choose.  But—“

“What?” she asked, opening her eyes to stare into his.

He pulled her close, forcing his voice to stay steady as she wrapped her arms around his middle and pressed herself to him.  “Riley, everyone who I’ve loved, everyone who’s loved me, left me.  I survived that all, but I didn’t think I could survive that.”

“Drake,” she said, pressing a soft kiss to his chin as she held him.  “I’m not leaving… not without you.”

He looked down, tipping her chin upward so that he could find her lips with his own.  He’d pictured kissing her a hundred times, but he’d never thought it would be like this.  He’d never imagined it could feel so right, that she’d feel so perfect in his arms, that she’d kiss him back with the same ferocious longing that left them both breathless yet wanting more.

As they parted, she looked up at him, smiling.  He pressed his forehead to hers, chuckling lowly.

“All the times I fantasized about holding you and telling you how I felt, never got past this point.  I… I don’t know what to say.  I mean, what do we do now?”

“Lock the door,” she whispered as she pulled his head down to his again for another kiss, “and let’s start making up for lost time.”              

Let Them In

Reader x Avengers (Mostly Platonic)

Summary: You like to keep people at a distance. It’s easier that way. Then Steve and Natasha sit you down. They’re worried. They want you to talk, but you outright deny them. Much to your dismay, this hurts them far worse than expected. So when Bucky shows up at your bedroom looking to comfort you, will you let him in? Will you let him talk you into letting them in?

Word Count: 1636

Warnings: Language, Angst (like extreme amounts of it)

A/N: Guys, I’m rarely apologetic about my stuff, but I’m sorry. It’s almost 4 am as I type this, and I’m having a minor existential crisis. That angst warning doubles a trigger warning so CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK. Again, I’m sorry. 

You’d been with the team for almost a year, and the list things they knew about you could fill the front side of a sheet of notebook paper double-spaced and still leave a bit of space at the bottom. Even after being brainwashed and ordered to kill dozens of people, including his best friend, Bucky was more open with them than you were. 

Here’s a few examples from the aforementioned list: (#insert your info here)

  • Name: __________________________________
  • Age: 22
  • Date of Birth: ____________

  • Place of Birth: _________________________ (Though there was still some argument on that.)
  • Hair Color: _____________

  • Eye Color: ____________
  • Height: ___________________

  • Skills (Superhuman or otherwise): Telekinesis, Telepathy, Hand-to-Hand Combat, Knife Throwing (Knife anything really), (insert other standard training bullshit here)
  • Habits: Minimal appetite, insomnia punctuated with 3am workouts and sleeping until 2 in the afternoon, Not following orders or at least reluctantly following them while simultaneously searching for loopholes, EXCESSIVE cursing (much to the Captain’s dismay), EXTREME road rage, and one other thing (but we’ll get to that a minute)

You knew the list read like a good resume for a bad influence, but you also didn’t care. The downside to not giving a shit, though, was that everyone had a habit of trying to save you from yourself. If they ordered out for dinner and you didn’t feel like eating, someone was always pushing their leftovers toward you. They tried to get you on a normal sleep schedule. Someone was always partnered with you on missions. You’d heard the word “language” and gotten the great “eyebrow raise/nostril flare of disappointment” from Mama Steve so often, it haunted you. The road rage could hardly be fixed; that one had been with you since your started driving.

Now, that last thing, the one we said we’d get to… It was the one thing that drove everyone crazy: promiscuity. 

Your promiscuity, to be exact.

Now that’s not to say you slept with everyone that asked. You had standards, but attraction was attraction and you usually just ran with it.

Most of the team stayed silent but gave their looks of disappointment. Natasha and Steve, on the other hand, were very vocal about the issue.

That’s how we find you here, sitting on the couch in the common room with them sitting on the coffee table across from you looking like concerned parents who just caught their daughter having sex in their bed.

“You two do know I’m an adult, right?”

“Are you sure? Because you sure don’t act like one.” Steve chides; there’s that fucking eyebrow.

“I don’t have to listen to this.”

You stand up but before you can take a step, Steve’s hand locks around your forearm.

“Sit down.” He says, his voice steady and firm, “Now.”

There is no denying the tinge of “captain’s orders” in that one little word. So you sat back down.

“It’s every week, Y/N.” Natasha states, trying to fight the tears in her voice. Was this really hurting her so much? “You bring home someone new while the one from the week before is still calling. We just want to know why.”

“It’s none of your business.”

“You’re our friend so we’re making it our business.”

“Well, I don’t want to talk about it, and we can sit here all day. I won’t say a word.”

Natasha looks up to the ceiling, her eyes now blazing red. Steve puts a reassuring hand to her upper back, trying his best to comfort her as he lowered his own gaze to the floor. His other hand is fisted and resting on his knee.

It’s like you just broke their hearts.

You couldn’t understand why it mattered. Nothing you did had ever mattered before. Even the people who were biologically predisposed to care, never really paid much attention. They had their own problems to deal with, and you had put on a great enough façade that they never asked questions when you would go out and not come home until 2am. You were the good kid. So why are you being treated like a pariah by these two people who are barely a decade older than you.

“Can I go now?” you ask, your voice soft.

Neither of them say a word as their gazes shift to one another and then to you. Steve nods, his mouth a hard line. You move quickly, trying to get away as fast as possible, but you didn’t move fast enough. Just as you’re closing your bedroom door, you hear Natasha’s sobbing. She’s never been one for tears so why is this breaking her?

You crawl onto your bed, sitting crossed-legged with your back against the headboard. It seems like forever before her muffled expressions of pain fall silent.

Another half hour or so, there’s a soft knock at your door.

“FRIDAY,” you call out in a whisper, “who’s at the door?”

“It’s Mr. Barnes. Would you like me to send him away?”

“No. It’s okay. Let him in.”

A moment later, he’s inside the room, his back nearly against the closed door.

“Hey.” He says softly, “I just wanted to check on you.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“Like I said, I wanted to.”

You look up at him, “I made Natasha cry, Buck.” You reach up to quickly wipe at the tears that threaten to fall, “I’ve never seen Steve look so hurt.”

His footsteps are soft as he crosses the room to you. “They’re just worried about you.” He sits at your side, “We all are.”

“I wish you guys wouldn’t worry so much. I’m fine.”

“Except you’re not.”

“How would you know?”

“Because I spent a long time telling everyone I was okay when I wasn’t. I know the difference between a fake smile and real one.”

“What made you start telling the truth?”

“I had to come to terms with the fact that I had people who genuinely cared for. I had to let them in, and when I did, I started getting better. Maybe you should give it a try.”

You scoffs, shaking your head as you look down at your hands, “I can’t.”

“Then what about me?”


“I’ve been told I’m a pretty good listener. I’ll sit here, and you can talk. Nothing leaves this room until you’re ready.”

“You mean it?” I mutter, meeting the steady gaze of his stormy blue eyes.

“100 percent.” He replies with a gentle half-smile.

So he sits there, and you talk. You tell him about your fucked up childhood, about your mom’s drinking problem and your dad’s minor indifference to it. You talk about your brother’s divorce and how hard it was not getting the chance to know the son he’d had. You talk about college… the four years of your life when you were actually happy. You talk about the move to New York, your time with SHIELD before it fell, and your time in Sokovia during the war.

Maybe that was where it started. You knew Wanda and Pietro from a distance, but unlike them you left, you escaped, after you got your abilities. Once the Avengers invaded the facility, you got out of hiding and went back to New York.

Nick Fury had found you in some coffee shop downtown, insisting that you join the team. You hesitated at first, but the job you were at sucked and at least you wouldn’t be seen a freak anymore, right?

So you moved into the facility and kept your distance. You didn’t want to care for these people. The people you cared about always hurt you or got themselves hurt because of you.

But you bonded with each of them one by one. Then to compensate for the emotions, you turned to the one thing you knew emotions would never play a role: sex. Sure, when you were younger, the act was “special” and “meaningful”, but telepathy didn’t offer that false comfort anymore. You knew what those guys were thinking before they could get the first word out of their stupid mouths.

Then the next morning, you sent them packing with barely a goodbye.

“So it really never occurred to you that you matter to everyone here?”

“I don’t matter or at least I shouldn’t. I don’t want to matter. I don’t want to sit here feeling guilty for how I make you all feel. I don’t want to feel the pain that comes with breaking Steve’s heart and making Natasha cry. I want to go back to when I didn’t have to give a shit. Things were easier then.”

“That’s too bad, sweetheart, because you’re stuck with us.”

“This would be so much easier if you guys would just hate me.”

“You have to know that will never happen.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Well, if you know, then let them in, Y/N. I got better. I know you can too.”

You can hear him picking his words in his head carefully as he speaks. This is trust. This is caring. This is affection that you didn’t ask for, but you find yourself appreciating it.

What is it about this man that makes you melt in just one long, yet meaningful conversation? Why is he the one you chose to open up to?

For whatever the reason, you let him in. You told him your whole life story with barely a second thought.

Maybe he was right. Maybe, after year with these people caring about you, it’s time for you to let them in.

It wouldn’t happen all at one, at least not with all of them, but you know it’s time. No more maybe’s.

Natasha first. You think, leaning forward to hug Bucky tight around his neck.

Maybe it’s nothing, but your heart flutters a bit in your chest as he hugs you back.

Maybe this could become something too.

Tired and Scared

Title: Tired and Scared

Pairings: Dean Winchester x sister!reader, Sam (mentioned).

Words: 1300

A/N: So, backstory is that the reader is doing some sort of a quest and it’s doing bad stuff to her, sort of like Sam and the trials.

Your name: submit What is this?

You could swear you just saw your reflection blink.

You were sure, you were going crazy. You didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t anymore. The boarder was gone, blotted out.

You had this darkness in you as well. It came with the craziness, and the craziness came with the mission. But you felt like you had these demons inside of you, and you couldn’t drown them, because they knew how to swim. And this presence, these voices, they were eating at you. It was like they were consuming all of your energy and leaving nothing to you. You felt empty, and tired.

You stared at your reflection, looking deep into your own familiar, but still very different, eyes. The more you glared, the worse they looked. You studied the rest of your face. It looked pale. Dark, purplish circles framed your eyes, and had the hollows of your cheeks sunken in, if ever so slightly? You didn’t look healthy at least.

And now you couldn’t sleep. You couldn’t relax, you couldn’t find peace. Even now, your breathing were too light, and your hands were clammy. Meanwhile, you were so exhausted, you really needed your rest. But just that thought diminished your ability of sleeping even more.

Your head hurt and your body ached while your legs were tingling. Slowly, and carefully you turned on the tap, just a little. Then, you brought your hands under the water stream and washed your face and hands with the cold water. It calmed you down a little bit, but not enough. You quickly dried your face on a nearby towel, and returned to stare into the mirror.

Only this time you didn’t just see yourself.

There was someone standing behind you in the doorway to the bathroom, you had left the door open when you escaped to the room to calm yourself down and drink some water. You could only see the dark silhouette, intently watching you.

You didn’t react as you were supposed to, not at all. As a hunter, you should fight for yourself, or try to run. In summary; just act. But this time, you completely froze. A gasp got caught in your throat, your eyes widened and you lost all capability to move your body as a wave of electrical fear rushed through it, all the way out to your fingertips.

The silhouette began to slowly move towards you, uttering something that you couldn’t comprehend. You could hear its voice, but you could neither place or understand the words. It felt far away. Instead, you began trembling, as you still were completely frozen. The silhouette only got closer, and you could only watch.

”Woah, (Y/N)! Do you hear me?” The voice started making sense. At the same time the silhouette came close enough to be reached by the fluorescent light; and you realized that it was Dean.

The gasp managed to escape, and finally, you could breath. Dean moved slowly, concerned and slight shock in his green orbs, he hadn’t foreseen that you would react like this. His hands were wearily outstretched towards you, showing his palms as he continued talking calmingly to you. You slowly relaxed, and Dean noticed this. For the last steps towards you, he picked up a more natural tempo.

As he reached you, he placed his large hands on your shoulders. His eyes met and locked with yours, although you’d rather just stare at the floor, you couldn’t break the glance.

”(Y/N), are you okay, kiddo?” Worry laced his words. ”What happened?”

”I d-don’t know.” Your voice was raspy.

”How are you feeling?” Dean asked again, as you didn’t answer his first question. He wouldn’t let it go.

You looked into his eyes, how much you just wanted to look away. Dean always had this ability to make you talk, it was something with him that always made you spill. Same went for Sammy. That’s why you tended to avoid them in these times. Because, although it didn’t really make sense, it was easier to keep it to yourself. To keep it locked down far away was easier than to put it into words. It was scary to share these things. Especially this; it was too dark. So you kept it inside, or at least tried, and suffered alone.

”I’m fine.” It was a complete and utter lie, and Dean knew this.

He let out a dry, humorless chuckle. ”Don’t you get it? I can see that you’re not — easy, in a long way.”

You slowly blinked. Was all the time you spent on trying to hide this lost, good for nothing? And if that case, how? How could he see it when you worked so hard to keep a strong — no perfect — facade up?

He saw the confusion in your eyes, and answered your unspoken question. ”Because I’ve spent most of life to over watching my younger siblings. (Y/N), I’m telling you, if there’s anyone who knows your patterns and… anything, it’s me.”

You realized he was right, and you had been foolish to think that you could hide this.

For the first time, you were able to break eye contact. Dean instantly tired to catch your gaze, his face coming closer, but you stared intently at the floor.

”So, I’m gonna ask again, and you’re gonna be honest; what’s wrong?” His tone was stern but still gentle.

”Uhm…” You didn’t know what to say. ”I’m tired.”


”I’m exhausted. And I can’t sleep.” You confessed, as you slowly looked upwards again.

”Do you feel sick? Hate to break it to you, but you don’t look too peachy.” His eyes scanned you, you saw something, you saw pain. Pain for your sake, and you felt horrible. But, the more you thought about it, it made sense. He loved you; of course he was suffering with you.

”Just drained.” True. ”But… But there’s this darkness. I-I don’t know how to describe it.”

”I know, sis. I know how you feel.” He nodded.

There was a moment of silence, before you spoke up again. ”Do you think I can do it?” You voice trembled, and was filled with disbelief.

”Of course. You’re my little sister, aren’t you?” He nudged you, and a faint smile pulled on the corners of your lips. ”No, but you’re crazy strong, both Sammy and I think that. And I believe in you, you’ve got this.”

You let out a deep breath and nodded.

”Come here, super girl.” Dean spoke, and pulled you into a tight hug, a hug that you apparently really needed.

He had his arms wrapped around you, radiating warmth to your now quite cold statue. You took in his scent and listened to his heartbeat. He placed his chin on top of your head, and rubbed his hand over your back.

You felt safe and relaxed in a way that you haven’t in a long time, and you concluded that no matter how old you got, you older brother’s embrace would always have this positive effect on you.

”Sam and I will help you feel better. And you don’t have to be scared, we won’t let anything happen to you. We’ve got your back, okay?”

”M’kay.” You responded, your voice muffled from speaking into his shoulder. ”I’ve got your back too.” You added, your words brave.

Now it was Dean’s turn to smile. It meant a lot to him.

He was severely worried about you, about your health and what awaited you. Nevertheless, he could feel the ache around his chest slightly releasing as you had a much more lighthearted tone on your voice. He had meant what he said, he wasn’t going to let anything happen to you.

You didn’t know how long you stood there, the time became fluent. It didn’t matter anyhow, because the hug felt relaxing, comforting and just great.

”Love you Dean.”

”Love you too, (Y/N).”

Today, I put aside my overwelming fear of fucking up and decided to tackle styling my Chuuya wig and. let. me. tell. you. how. happy. I. AM.

Before (Arda’s Vivien in Pumpkin) :


The shorter side looks a little long-ish I know, but it curls really nicely around the collar and looks canon so i’m leaving it alone. Total time spent came out to around 2 hours I think, it was a lot of spraying, blow drying, cutting, spiking, etc. but i’m happy with what I did. 

(I have zero makeup on/my brows are out of control so ick but I wanted to show what it looks like on - also for some reason it looks a lot lighter in this light? hmm)

The big terrible problem is that the hat I bought for this doesn’t fit on top of the wig now D: sooo i’m going to see about returning it/getting the biggest size they have b/c i’m not smashing down all the shit I did to fit under that damn thing. 

The collateral damage, RIP:

Not Dead Yet (Part 27)

*Quick update! Don’t forget to let me know what you think. Love ya!*

Pairing: Reader x Peter Pan

Warnings: language

“Wow, you almost look like a lady.” Devin remarked as I cleaned myself up the best I could.

“How dare you.” I dragged my comb through my hair again. “Take a good look now because you will not be seeing me like this again.”

“Here’s the dress.” he handed me a large bundle of lilac colored fabric. “Lot of fabric there, need any help…”

“Shove off,” I kicked him and he scampered off. I unfolded the dress and sighed. I know that this was my idea but the thought that I was going to be playing a damsel in distress made me groan.

I stripped out of my clothes and changed into the dress and shift that went underneath it. But, wait, the back is open! I craned my neck and saw the loose ribbons that were meant to lace it up. Guess I do need Devin to help with this. I gathered up my clothes and started back to camp to find Devin. I tossed my other clothes in my tent and grabbed the little cracked mirror studying my reflection in it. My hair looked tidier than it ever had and there was not a speck of dirt nor drop of sweat to be seen on my face.

“Need a hand there?” I turned around and saw Peter studying me with an amused look. “I’m not the most adept with woman’s fashion but I don’t think they’re supposed to look like that.”

“I just need Devin to lace me up.” I stood upright.

“I got it,” he motioned for me to turn around, “What? It’s a dress, not that hard to comprehend.”

I rolled my eyes but turned around anyways. He took either ribbon in his hands and started to lace up the dress quite deftly. “So, you found this rather quickly. Did you just happen to have a dress my size lying about?”

“Conjured it up from an old cloak.” He answered.

He finished lacing it and tied it tightly in place. “There we are, let’s have a look.”

I turned around once more. “How weird do I look? Let’s have at it.”

“Believe it or not, you actually look pretty. As pretty as a Lost Girl like you can, that is.” he gave me a sincere grin.

“Oh why thank you.” I smoothed out a crease in the seemingly endless yards of satin. “Did it have to be such a girly color?”

“It’s only for a little while. Now let’s go have some fun. You still have your dagger?” he asked. I pulled up the dress to show the dagger safely strapped at my thigh.

“Duh, just round up the boys and we’ll head off.”

He held out a hand, “Let’s have some fun then.” I took his hand and in a whirl of wind we were in a different part of the island. A group of boys were there and jumped when Peter and I appeared out of nowhere.

“Find them?” I asked. No one said anything and kept staring at me. “Yes I actually look like a girl for once. Just cause I’m wearing a dress doesn’t mean I can’t still kill you all. Now, pirates?”

“Over there.” Nick pointed off to the west.

“Was that so hard?” I muttered. “So you guys know your part right?”

“We get to chase you down like we’re going to kill you. I’ve been looking forward to it!” One of the other boys, Flint, said.

“You hurt me, I hurt you.” I warned him. “Don’t overdo it with the theatrics, keep a good distance, I’m heading in.”

I started running toward the west. The boys were going to wait till I was further ahead to start chasing after me. I glanced back to see how much space I had put between us when I ran right into a body. First instinct made me fear it was one of the pirates but was relieved, if not a little annoyed, to see Peter had manifested right in front of my trail.

“What the hell are you doing?” I pushed myself back up.

“I needed to tell you if things should go awry–”

“I’ll be fine. I can hold my own, even against pirates.” I rolled my eyes.

“I know just–”

“Are you worried about me?” I gaped at him, “The fearless Peter Pan is scared that his little Lost Girl is going to get herself into a compromising situation she can’t get out of?”

“You do have a habit of getting into near death experiences.”

“Then you should be used to this by now. I’ll be back before you know it.” I gathered the front of the dress up and moved to run towards the pirates when Peter grabbed my arm stopping me.

He pressed his lips to mine in a hot open-mouthed kiss. Despite the situation I kissed him back without another thought. He pulled back, our mouths making a slight popping sound as they came apart, “We’ll finish that when you get back.”

“Great. I look forward to it.” I pulled myself free of his grip, “Now get out of here and let me work.”


“Stop,” Hook and the few of his crew halted behind him. “Someone’s out there.”

“The Lost Ones?” one of the crew suggested. Towards the east he heard the ruckus of the Lost Boys making some big ado. They readied into fighting stance as some shuffling came closer. A girl crashed through unto their path looking frightened and dazed. She spotted them and her eyes grew to the size of dinner plates.

“Who are you? You look too old to be Lost Boys.” she panted heavily. Giving the pirates a once over before glancing back behind her. “Nevermind, run!”

“Wait, who are–” Hook tried to ask.

“No time! Run! They’re right behind me!” She screeched as she pushed past them and took off down the trail they had just come from. The noise of the Lost Boys was getting closer and they didn’t sound happy.

“Go!” Hook barked at them and they all turned to follow the mysterious new girl. They ran, the noise of the boys following after them until they reached the sanctity of the beach. When they felt they were safe Hook took a moment to really look at the girl they had blindly followed here. She was knelt in the sand gasping for breath.

“Alright, love,” Hook approached her, “Who are you and why are you running from the Lost Boys?”

She peered up at him, “They had me locked up as ransom, I was able to escape, need I say more? And you are?”

“I’m Captain Jones, this is my crew.” This poor girl, she looked so out of place in this grand jungle.

“Pirates…the ones they’ve been talking about.” she sat back on the sand, “So that means you have a ship? You can get me out of here?”

“Aye, we do and we could. But how can we know that we can trust you?” After they found Alf Mason rotting in the bowels of the Jolly Roger they were wary of everything and everyone on this island.

“Pardon?” she gaped at them visibly abashed.

“Well as much as I would love to believe you I have also been bombarded by mermaids and my men slaughtered since coming to this island. So forgive me if I’m not entirely trusting of sudden pretty face.”

Tears started to well up in her eyes. “I’ve been strung up in the center of their camp for years. I know everything about it, about them. I can help you get off this island. Just take me with you when you do.”

Hook watched the girl carefully. Her large eyes reflected that of a fish out of water panicked and desperate. He held out a hand for her, “Come lass. Let’s get you out of here before those boys track you down.” She glanced at his hand before taking it and pulling herself to her feet. “That a girl. You didn’t say what your names was.”

“Y/N,” she answered. “My name’s Y/N.”

“Well, miss Y/N, allow me to more properly introduce myself. Captain Killian Jones at your service.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much.” she spoke softly. They rowed back to the ship and Hook gave her his quarters to rest. She explained that she had been taken from her home one day and that according to Pan the only way her family would get her back was if they relinquished one of her brothers. So far it had been to no avail.

“Father never wanted any girls running around. Found them too high maintenance to raise.” Y/N mumbled, her hands wrapped around a warm teacup. “Should have seen this coming to be honest. He’s rid of me and has his sons to carry on the name. Only regret probably is that he wishes it would have happened sooner.”

“Don’t speak like that. I’m sure your father is worried out of his mind about you.” Hook tried to assure her.

She let out a small scoff. “If he truly was worried then he would have come for me by now, wouldn’t he?”

“Love, how long have you been on this island?”

“Trapped in a cage it’s hard to tell but I believe it’s been a couple years. A decade maybe.” she shrugged, “If father wanted me home then something would have been done a long time ago.”

“A decade. You’ve been locked in a cage for a decade?”

“They let me out to eat and such but all my time was usually spent in a wicker cage suspended off the ground. I only escaped because they had let me out to eat and I clocked the boy that was supposed to be keeping an eye on me over the head. Then I started running as fast as I could.”

“If I may ask, you seem impeccably dressed for someone who’s been locked in a cage for years.”

“Oh this?” she picked at the sleeves of the dress, “It was a present from their leader, Pan. He thought I should have something pretty to wear for…for being a good girl. Oh dear, it makes me sound like a mutt. Obey: get a bone. Misbehave: get rapped on the snout.”

“And did you ever…misbehave?” he gestured the question carefully.

She gave a slight nod and rolled pulled down the fabric at her shoulder to reveal a large jagged scar. “That was for spitting at one of them.” she gulped heavily, “I can’t go back. I just can’t…”

“You won’t. I promise.” he pulled the sleeve back up over her shoulder. “Now try to relax and rest up. We’ll deal with any Lost Boys that come snooping. When you’re stronger you’ll tell us what all you know of this place and it’s inhabitants, alright?”

“Of course. Thank you, Captain.” she smiled up at him for the first time.

“Please, call me Killian.” he returned the smile. Peter Pan was playing a dangerous game. First there was his fun assaulting Hook’s crew but to kidnap a young girl and hold her prisoner for a decade…that was the final straw.


This was painfully easy, I thought as Hook left the room. A scared girl in peril, add a sob story and sprinkle on some tenderness and he was putty. I think it was the flashing of that old scar that really did the trick, an old reminder from one of my run-ins with Slightly so long ago. If things went well then I should be able to find the eye and be back home by tonight.

Now alone I stood up from my seat and began my search of the captain’s quarters. He’d have to keep it here if it wasn’t on him. A secret compartment or safe hidden somewhere. I lifted the mattress of the bed but there was nothing under it. First rule of searching, never dismiss a hiding spot just because it’s obvious. I dropped the mattress and flopped back on the bed. This ship is full of nooks and crannies how am I gonna find something as small as an eyeball?

This bed is very soft though. Not fit for a king but much better than my cot back at camp. I glanced back at the doorway. I had already gained entry to the ship. There was no way off this island without Peter’s knowing so I didn’t have to fear an unexpected departure. If I could actually relax for just a moment…

I nestled further under the blankets and let out a long sigh of pleasure. This was the most comfortable thing I have ever laid on in my life! The gentle rock of the ship and the sound of the water lapping against the hull was so soothing. I shut my eyes and started to drift off. Peter’s eye could wait, there was no way I was passing up a great sleep like this.


“Pan,” Felix tried to get his friend’s attention, “You haven’t stopped pacing since Y/N left with the pirates. She’s a strong girl, you know she can handle herself.”

“I know,” Peter snapped, “But it’s nearly nightfall. The way she spoke she made it sound like she’d be back by now.”

“It’s a large ship and a lot of pirates. If she’s going to find the eye without getting her throat slashed open she needs to be discreet.” Felix’s words did nothing to calm him. This was a stupid plan! What had he been thinking?

He sent his Lost Girl to a ship of malicious pirates with only a dagger for protection. It wasn’t exactly like she was hideous or a child either. What if one of them–

“Pan!” Felix shouted and Peter stopped his pacing. “You’re gonna make it start thundering if you keep thinking whatever it is you’re thinking.”

Peter looked up and noted that dark clouds had started to invade the once clear sky. He cursed the island for betraying his real worry. No doubt Y/N had taken notice. How smug she must feel seeing it. He tried to force the clouds away but more rolled in against his will.

“I’m going to check on the ship.”

“Pan, you know that’s a bad idea.” Felix warned.

“Only if they know I’m there.” he blinked away from the camp and reappeared on the beach. Out on the ocean was the Jolly Roger with it’s lanterns aglow in the quickly darkening evening. If he used his pixie dust he could just fly over and check but pixie dust was in very short supply. Besides the emergency vial he kept on him at all times there was barely any left. He couldn’t go wasting it on stuff like this.

So he sat down on the beach and watched the ship swaying on the sea.

(Part 1) (Previous) (Next)

Originally posted by verygood-climax

“Here, have some of this,” Bobby said as he took some meat and placed it on your plate after noticing that you’ve been spending most of dinner picking at your food. “You haven’t eaten much, do you not like the food?”

“Oh no, the food’s great I just…don’t have that much of an appetite…” You told him, letting out a meek smile.

“You sure?” He asked again, getting more concerned as he wrapped his arms around you and rubbed your arm gently.

You nodded, taking another bite of your food to reassure him and he patted your head with a smile before carrying on with his meal.

You were at the dorm having a year end dinner with Bobby and his group members that they had painstakingly prepared together and as much as you wanted to join in the fun with all the laughter and jokes that were going on at the dining table, the queasy sensation that had been going on in your stomach for the past week was still bugging you, causing you to be a little quieter compared to usual. Bobby didn’t think of it much when the boys pointed it out to him thinking you were just tired, but after seeing you rush into the bath room and throwing up for a few times, they were starting to get worried.

Keep reading

Silent Retreat 2: When The World Breaks Through, Ch.

Can you guys believe how close we are to the end of the series?  Are you interested in reading about Cophine and the other Orphan Black characters afterwards?  What do you think?

Also on AO3 and ff.net

Sevvy waking up meant we had to force ourselves to be normal. Michael made eggs and pancakes and Teo asked our kid to tell him all about the paper airplanes we had made earlier in Spanish. I took a long shower, trying to let the feel of the water on my head and the negative ions soothe me. Of course I remained tense. I got dressed and spent some time thinking in my room, some of the same things over and over again. Then I switched to thinking about what I could do, what my sisters could do to fix all of this. I knew they had been working in the background, and that we were supposed to connect with Mika in around an hour. Other than that, I registered my brain sparking and fizzling out, not wanting to continue the argument between my head and my heart. Neither of them were sure, anyway.

Keep reading



Pairing: Theo x Reader

Summary: Liam resurrects Theo despite you pleading for him not too.

Side Note: Inspired by 6x06

Running down the hallway you came to a halt to where Liam and Hayden were standing. “You can’t do this, Liam”. Panting as you were trying to catch your breath. “We have no choice, if there was another way I’ll choose that instead but there isn’t”. He replied, shifting from foot to foot knowing that was a big thing to ask.

“We do have a choice not to do something as reckless as this”, you retorted back. Still in compete shock that he would even consider this as a good plan, or that this even crossed his mind at all. Liam looked between both you and Hayden, “I need both of you to trust me right now, please”, he pleaded. Trust, you often forgot what that world meant. Long ago you trusted someone and they threw everything out the window for status and power. Hayden eventually nodded and said she was with Liam, which ultimately gave you no choice. Either way he was going to go through with this, no matter how you felt about it or how much you protested against it. Stamping your foot to the ground, you huffed and followed Liam and Hayden out. Dreading what was going to happen.

As all three of you were walking down the tunnels to that particular spot, your stomach decided to do massive somersaults. This was already nerve racking enough and with each step the anxious feeling only grew. “We can still turn around and forget this whole idea”, you muttered beside Liam. He shook his head and continued walking, sharing a worried glance towards Hayden, this wasn’t going to end well…you just knew it.

After been giving a warning from Kira’s mum, she left the scene, leaving just three. The air grew thinner as Liam stuck the sword into the ground. Moments later a fist broke through, breath hitched as you watched the man you used to, or still love, you weren’t sure come literally out of the ground. Theo adjusted to his surroundings and eyed the three of you, eyes glowing an amber yellow colour and a low growl escaped his lips. Theo launched himself at Liam, grabbed him by the shirt and slammed him into the nearest wall.

Hayden stepped forward and shouted, “Stop Theo. We’re the ones that brought you back”. However Theo wasn’t listening and growled even more threatening then before. “I’m going to kill all of you”. Apart of yourself didn’t know if this was going to work, it would have before. But undoubtedly Theo wasn’t the same man he was. Placing a soft hand on his shoulder, he turned to look at you. This was the first time in months you had seen him this close, touched him even. “Theo, it’s okay. You’re safe”.

He stepped away, while Hayden rushed to make sure Liam wasn’t hurt. Theo still had his eyes on you. Not one word came from his mouth, they didn’t need too when his eyes said it all.

“We need your power to help us”. Liam asked, well more like demanded.

“That can wait Liam, I’m taking Theo home so he can process everything”. Reaching for his hand, you begun to walk.

“We don’t have time for that Y/N. Either he helps us or I send him back”. Liam held up the sword and Theo eyes wided. “Who’s in charge round here? Where’s Scott, where’s Stiles?”, Theo asked frantically.

Hayden spoke next, “You remember Stiles?”. Everyone had a look of surprise on their faces. “Why wouldn’t I remember Stiles?”, Theo added clearly confused as to what the issue was. Liam looked to be in thinking mode and added, “Maybe his useful after all”. Exchanging glances, it looked like Theo was sticking around.

And if you were being completely honest with yourself, you weren’t entirely sure how you felt about that.

After much debate between you and Liam, Theo eventually tried to absorb lightning. However it ended up being a failed attempt. You were standing alone with him in your living room, not sure if the silence was deafening or actually suitable for this moment. Theo had changed out of his dirty clothes, taken a shower and now was glancing around the room.

“Oh I’m fine by the way, thank you for your concern”. He almost felt like he was glaring at you. Classic Theo was resurfacing, but something about him still was different. You knew where this hostility was coming from. Things didn’t end well between the two of you, and that left a haunting feeling in you. Add to what Theo went through, he had every right to feel the way that he was.

Taking a seat on the couch, what do you say to the man who ended by being your first love? Who then watched that same person stand by and do nothing as he got dragged away to his own personal hell? “Please don’t tell me that the first thing we’re going to do now that you’re back is fight?”. Theo’s jaw clenched, “What did you think we’re going to do babygirl? Did you expect me to forget that the girl I love just stood and watched as I was literally dragged away, by my dead sister no less”

Shooting up from your seat, faster than lightning cracking the sky, you marched over to him. “Don’t you dare accuse me of not trying Theo. I tried for months to find a way to bring you back. I begged Kira’s mum to give me the sword, I pleaded with Scott to help me, I read every book, I searched endlessly for solutions. I even cried myself to sleep, because that’s how much I missed you!”.

Theo’s eyes slowly showed regret for his early outburst, he pulled you into a hug, one that you so desperately needed. Mumbling into his chest, “I don’t know what happened to you or what you went through. And I can’t even begin to imagine how horrible it was for you. But it was torture for me too Theo. Every time I wanted to tell you something, to call you to come over, to kiss you, or just to simply see your face I was forced to remember what happened…what I let happen. I’m so, so, sorry”.

When Theo saw several tears leave your eyes, he wiped them away and held on even tighter. “I don’t blame you babygirl, not even for one second”. Lifting your chin with ease, his eyes bore into yours. “Now, I spent so long in hell and all I want now is to see my girl smile”. Giving him what he asked for you broke out in a small, shy smile. Trying to hid the blush that formed on your cheeks after hearing him saying “my girl”, which you hadn’t heard for in so long. “Oh, and to also finally be able to do this”. His lips grazed over yours before he pulled you in for a much deeper one. Who needed fireworks when you had Theo?

Both of you needed this. Despite all the doubts you had about bringing Theo back, he wasn’t the same old hungry power Theo, you were sure of it. And maybe, just maybe this could be a fresh start for the two of you. He made mistakes, who hasn’t? But you were willing to try and make this work again, because first loves could never be forgotten.

I just... Dude

I was at school today, in art class, and I usually have three friends with me in that class. Two of them ( Female fresh[wo]men ahead one year in science) were taking biology finals. Me, being ahead two years as a freshman, was in Chemistry, thus not taking finals. I was left with the only guy friend I had.

Now let me just say this guy is TOTALLY against homosexuals and transexuals due to his strict Christian upbringing. Also, he has had a crush on my since fourth grade.

As some of my followers know, I am a transgender FtM. What some of you don’t know is I came out of the closet on Mother’s day.

I was telling my friends who I was. I guess her heard about it and asked me “Hey Jazlyn, people are telling me you’re a guy in a chick’s body. Is this true?” I confirmed this for him, slightly afraid of what he might think.

Instead of telling me I was wrong, or I’m a girl because God made that way, he looked at me, sighed, and said “Okay. Let me tell you the basics of how guys act” and spent the whole period teaching male mannerisms. He also suggested androgynous haircuts to make me look masculine, yet hide the fact I don’t have a higher hairline or sideburns. He also told me some good places to get clothing and the basics of dressing up.

I knew he liked me for a long time, and the fact he set aside his opinions to help me with this just meant so much to me.

He even said he wouldn’t mind being gay if it meant dating me.

I am just so glad that even though he doesn’t necessarily like the LGBTQ group, he still accepted me. He even started calling me by my guy name.

Today I overcame what I thought such a huge hurdle for me.

Thanks Daniel.

INKtober 2016

For the past couple of years, I’ve wanted to get in on this whole October inking thing. Not the inking itself, I guess, but the whole sharing of it. With October waning, my wife Jess suggested I finally do something about it before time runs out. The problem was that I needed a drawing to record myself inking. Luckily, I had just been sketching a witch which was inspired by a George Petty drawing I’m fond of, so I had a fresh drawing on hand that was ready and waiting to be prepped for finish.

Now, before I begin, I must say that not only would I have not done this before next year if Jess hadn’t suggested I finally get busy and do it, but the vital building of the following video was something she assembled for me. Partially because I didn’t have time to and she’s extremely gracious, talented, supportive, and enthusiastic that way, and critically, she also doesn’t have the newest crappy version of iMovie. Because she is cautious about updating her programs, Jess still has an older iMovie that actually works. So a couple nights ago we had a swell time doing a bit of editing together on it. I love to shoot film and video, and curiously, I love to cut most of it out later. We really had fun doing the final cut.

But first I must say, I love ink. I love looking for it, buying it, and keeping it handy. I love that it comes in tiny amounts, like jewels or spices. I love that you need pens and nibs and brushes to make it work. I love dipping pens and brushes into it. I love drawing with it, painting with it, and writing letters with it. I love that if your power goes out or your computer crashes it has no effect on your inked drawings. I love that it makes you take the time to think about what you are writing, and I love that it makes original drawings that there are only one of in the entire world.

Years ago when Joe Grant was still alive and working at Disney Studios, he happened to walk into my room. He immediately exclaimed, “Oh, you have ink! That’s so good to see. No one has ink anymore. Do you use it?” I told him yes, indeed I did. This led to a long, long conversation about ink and all the adventures we’d had with it. He drew every day, I think. And he drew with ink. Boldly. Decisively.

Sometimes I draw and sketch with ink instead of pencil, as a way of keeping from slowing down and being too precious with my rough ideas. Sometimes, as in this video, I use ink to pull a pencil sketch into a singular, final drawing that is ready to be scanned and colored. When I do that, I usually transfer the original sketch as a red-line onto a sheet of plate-finish Bristol. And I usually enlarge it substantially. 

And that is what this first video is about.

The reason for this enlarging transfer is simple: even though I can greatly vary the thickness of an inked line, there’s a general line to size relationship I want for the finished drawing. The fatter the final line I want, the smaller the initial redline. The thinner the final ink line, the larger the redline. There’s also a certain “draw” to the line that comes at a larger scale. This “draw” is the smooth landscape of a long leg, for example. A leg that is about six to nine inches long will have a nice scale for a brush to trace with a minimal of waver. And this is why I use plate finish Bristol. It allows my hand to slide along without “catching,” which will produce a smooth, continuous line. So in this video you’ll see the transfer of a smaller sketch to a larger sheet of Bristol, ready for ink.

I’ll scan the original sketch, print it out on a couple sheets of plain paper, assemble them into one continuous print, and then use a Scarlet Red Col-Erase pencil to rub a surface onto the back side of that print. This will allow that print to then be carefully traced down onto a fine sheet of Bristol.

Now, on to Part 2!

Let me stop right here for a moment and tell you how blown away I was by this video that my wife Jess edited. By Friday morning, I’d already dumped 1 ½ hrs of video on her, and then proceeded to add another four pick up shots to complete the inking continuity. As I spent the day coloring the image, she methodically worked to assemble, trim, speed up, and pace this. Long day and story short, by the time we went to the gym she’d finished the video you’ll see here! I am absolutely enchanted by this, and have watched it about ten times now. Jess really shaped something marvelous. I hope you like it as much as I do. I think you will.

Okay, so this is the inking part of the inking video set. As for materials, I like a Winsor & Newton Series 7 #1 brush. For ink, nothing beats Winsor & Newton black Indian ink. The one with the spider on the label, not the dragon. The ink from the spider label bottle is made from the blood of a giant space spider and is collected at great risk and expense and is the blackest black I’ve ever run across. The ink from the dragon label bottle is made from people who work as coal sculptors blowing their noses and collecting what comes out in bottles and calling it ink.

If you haven’t yet done this and are thinking of trying it, let me urge you to use a real sable brush. Years ago while I was working at Disney, I was staying late, trying to ink something. It wasn’t going well. I had tried doing this before, and it always, always, always ended in sadness, defeat, and piles of horrid, tortured little inked characters that looked like they’d been put through a special machine designed to make things appear as though an anteater that had been freshly run over had, as his final act, dipped his tongue in ink and tried to draw something.

I was on, like, the seventh one of these tiny disasters when Richard Vander Wende happened by. Richard is an incredible artist who can draw and paint anything. Anything. He was working on Aladdin at the time, helping define their style, and was apparently also working late. As he passed by my desk I did that thing where I leaned over my drawing like I was having a stomach ache so he wouldn’t see the shameful state of what I was doing.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“I’m… I’m trying to ink. But it isn’t going very well,” I said in a low and ashamed tone as I straightened up to reveal my tragic drawings.

He considered this for a moment, then said…

“Do you mind if I give you some advice?”

Now advice from Richard is something to be listened to, and I fatefully said “yes.”

And this is one of those moments that was a turning point in my life. He said something so simple and important.

“You’re using a really cheap brush. If you want that stuff to work you need to spend some money on a sable brush.”

Richard then showed me a proper sable brush and how it holds a point and can be mooshed almost flat and then return to a beautiful point. He showed me that you can re-shape it any number of ways and it will resiliently return to a razor-sharp point in an instant.

This changed everything for me. I went and spent a staggering (for the time) twenty dollars on a brush and instantly… instantly, my inking got better. Not just better, but by then end of an hour I was pretty much doing everything I’d hoped I’d be able to do when I started trying to ink in the first place. So if you want to do this sort of thing, find the right brush for you. But I’d advise finding a sable brush as a starting point.

And all of this is to produce something that simply can’t be accomplished digitally. You will have a magical thing called an original. By definition there is nothing else quite like it. Yes, it’s a lot of work to take all these steps, but in the end I have an inked piece that is immune to power failures, format changes, EMP, and computer crashes. Go to a comic con and spend the day looking through old inked pages and paintings and tell me you’d prefer those artists had drawn and inked them digitally. Last I looked, an original “Peanuts” comic strip starts at something like ten thousand dollars. But the best part is seeing the lines, the hints of pencil, the expert lettering. Knowing that actual page spent time with the artist and vice-versa.

And before you say it (because someone always says it), my drawing has every property of a digital drawing as well, since I’ve already scanned it. The best of both worlds!

Even though I draw and ink everything traditionally, I do scan the finished piece and often color it digitally. The reason for this is simple: the computer allows me to experiment with color choices I would never risk if an original ink was on the line. I have indeed lost some well-liked drawings to painting disasters in the past, and, for me, death by color is never quick. It starts with a bad color choice or bobble somewhere, and then me trying to correct it, which causes something else to go wrong, and so on and so forth until I’m staring down at a terrible mess and I’m forced to concede that the drawing died a few hours back.

So here’s to the arrival of Photoshop color!

And of course, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!