“did you love her” he asked him
he nodded yeah more than anything
“so why did you keep leaving her?”
do you know what its like to be at war with your own mind?
to know you love someone but not being enough for them.
to know how good they are but being so scared to hurt them and hurt myself.
i was scared.
scared to feel so much for someone.
i never planned on loving her i just wanted to fuck.
it was the way she’d never get mad at me she’d just let me lash out all my anger with her there and she was never scared of me.
it was the way she was always so smiley even when you saw the pain in her eyes.
it was the way i could want to spend forever with her but fear losing her to anything.
i tried to not love her.
but everyday i loved her more and more.
now i cant face her. when i look at her pictures my heart man it stops for a second.
i tried to make her hate me i was so mean.
yet she never stopped being there.
sometimes i knew i was hurting her but i still said it knowing she’d forgive me and i hate myself for hurting her.
shes the first person ive been myself with
she knows me more than i know myself
she knew when i was sad
when i needed something
she knew me man.
now i tried making her hate me i picked at her flaws i brought her low. maybe i was overwhelmed that someone could be that perfect that i wanted to make her a little more like me a complete mess. but you see she never thought i was a mess. i could look my worst and she always looked beautiful fuck, she’d never care. she’d run her hands in my hair and touch my nose, have you seen its so big yet she loved it like it was a masterpiece.
what im trying to say i keep leaving because im scared, scared to hurt her, to fuck up or maybe even to feel this much for anyone.
i love her and i dont want to be 25 and regret this.