let me know if these are yours so i can credit you

Someone requested an imagine from my Instagram so… here it is!

Credit to the gif owner! (Sadly, I don’t remember where I got this gif from so if you guys know, let me know so I can tag them!)

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Requested from a darling friend. Enjoy!! 💕
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It was your first time at a meet and greet.

Especially for SpiderMan: Homecoming.

Iron Man and SpiderMan were your favorite Marvel characters, so getting to see them a week early before the national debut was a big thing deal for you.

You waited in like with your best friend, who shared a love for superheros as well. Despite her favorite being Flash.

“Robert is so hot for an older guy.” She swoons. You giggle and she makes and ‘ugh’ face.

“He is. But Tom Holland is pretty cute too.” You say.

“He looks like a 10 year old who hasn’t hit puberty yet.” She says. You swat her arm and she smiles.

“He is playing a freshmen in the movie.” You declare as the line surges forward.

“Yeah yeah. I know. I just like teasing you.” She laughs. You roll your eyes and your heart pumps louder as you see Robert and Tom at the tables, taking photos and chatting with the fans.

You loved the fact that even though these things were rushed, they still made time for the fans.

You guys are next and you hand practically also faints in RDJ’s arms.

“How much booze did you give her?” He asks me as I snap a photo of her and him. Its my turn and I laugh.

“None surprisingly. She just really loves you.” I say, smiling for the photo.

“And you don’t? Do that again. I think I blinked.” He says to my bestie.

“I’m obsessed.” I say, smiling again. He shoots me a wink and a smile and tells me to add the photo to my shrine. I laugh and head over to Tom, who freezes when he sees me.

God I must be bright red.

“H-hi.” I manage to say, hoping not to spit on him.

I hold my hand out so he can slip on the SpiderMan bracelet but my hand starts to shake. He chuckles and goes to put the bracelet on but fumbles, his fingers not being able to clasp it.

“I-I’m so sorry.” he stutters. I smile sheepishly and he finally gets it on, holding my hand.

“Just get married why don’t you?” My bestie says, snorting at us. I blush even harder and Tom’s face goes red.

I turn to leave when I feel a tap on my shoulder.

“Sorry for not being able to put the bracelet on. But I was wondering if you guys would like to catch up for some lunch after?” Tom says, pointing to Harrison who waves.

“Sure.” My bestie says.

“Can I have your number so I can tell you where to meet?” He asks.

My bestie elbows me in the side and I come back to reality.

“Yeah okay.” I manage to say.

He flashes a smile and leaves, the piece of paper with my never on it, tucked into his shirt pocket.

What we really need is an adaptation of the original 1740 The Beauty and the Beast

So were you aware that the The Beauty and the Beast story we all know is a heavily abridged and rewritten version of a much longer novella by Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve?  And that a lot of the plot holes existing in the current versions exist because the 1756 rewrite cut out the second half of the novella, which consisted entirely of the elaborate backstory that explains all the weird shit that happened before?  And that the elaborate backstory is presented in a way that’s kind of boring because the novel had only just been invented in 1740 and no one knew how they worked yet, but contains a bazillion awesome ideas that beg for a modern retelling?  And that you are probably not aware that the modern world needs this story like air but the modern world absolutely needs this story like air?  Allow me to explain:

The totally awesome elaborate backstory that explains Beauty and the Beast

  • Once upon a time there was a king, a queen, and their only son
  • But while the prince was still in his infancy, in a neat reversal of how these fairy tales usually go, the king tragically died, leaving his wife to act as Regent until their son reaches maturity
  • Unfortunately, the rulers of all the lands surrounding them go, “Hmm, the kingdom is ruled by a woman now, it must be weak, time for an invasion!”
  • And the Queen goes, “Well, if I let some general fight all these battles for me, he’ll totally amass enough fame and power to make a bid for the throne; if I want to protect my son’s crown, I have no choice but to take up arms and lead the troops myself!
  • (Btw, I want to stress that this woman is not Eowyn or Boudica and nothing in the way her story is presented suggests that she had any interest martial exploits before or in any way came to enjoy them during these battles.  This is a perfectly ordinary court lady who would much rather be embroidering altar covers for the royal chapel and playing with her child until necessity made her go, “Oh no, this sucks, I guess I have to become a Warrior Queen now” and she just happened to kick ass at it anyway.)
  • And the Queen totally kicked ass, but the whole “twice as good for half the credit” thing meant that no matter how many battles she won, potential enemies refused to take her and her army seriously until she had defeated them so no sooner would she fend off one invasion than another one would pop up on a different border.
  • So she spent the majority of her young son’s life away from the castle leading armies, but it was OK because she left him in the care of her two best friends, who just happen to be fairies!  This was an awesome idea because a) fairies have magic, and therefore are like the best people to protect the prince from any threats and b) fairies consider themselves to be so above humanity that the lowest fairy outranks the highest mortal, so they’d have no interest in taking a human throne.  Good thing they were both good fairies instead of one good and one evil one!
  • (Spoiler:  they were not both good fairies.)
  • So the two fairies basically take turns raising the prince until he’s old enough to rule.  And on the eve of his twenty-first birthday, the evil older one comes into the prince’s bedroom.
  • “So listen, kid.  You’re about to become king, your mother’s on her way home from the war to see you crowned, and I have a third piece of good news for you!  You see, I’ve actually been spending so much time here lately because Fairyland’s become a bit too hot to hold me for reasons totally not related to me being secretly evil.  And if I have to hang in the human world, I might as well reside in the upper echelons of it, so even though as a powerful fairy I completely eclipse your puny human status in a staggeringly unimaginable way, since you’re about to be king and since my premonition that I should stick this whole guardianship thing out because you would be hot one day has totally proved accurate (go me), I will graciously lower myself to allowing you to marry me.  Please feel free to grovel at my feet in gratitude.  (Btw, we can totally start the wedding night now, we’ll tell your mother about it when she arrives tomorrow.)”

Keep reading

in honour of march being #trypod month, here’s everything you need to know about podcasts! (part two here)

what the heck even are podcasts?

podcasts are audio shows that are either in episode or radio format, which you can download and listen to whenever you like, for free!! there are both fiction and non fictional podcasts, so there is something for everyone

why should i listen to these?

podcasts are similar to audiobooks and radio shows in that you can listen to them anywhere, on your phone or computer, and are ideal for commutes and journeys (i personally listen to most of mine on the bus to and from school). most podcasts are made by people as a hobby rather than their job, so you can support them by listening as well 

where can i find podcasts?

pretty much every podcast ever is available on itunes and spotify, and many apps for non apple devices

cool, can you give me some recommendations?

fiction

welcome to night vale [weird and spooky fantasy] is about a small town in america, where a lot of weird crap goes on, but here in night vale this is generally completely normal. this is pretty much how everyone gets into podcasts, and is a really good starting point for listening to fiction podcasts

the bright sessions [sci-fi] is about some folks with superpower in therapy trying to learn about themselves, their powers and how to control them. honest to god this is my most favourite fiction podcast ever, i love it with all of my heart and cannot recommend this enough. 

the orbiting human circus of the air [fantasy?] is about an old-timey radio show that broadcasts from the top of the eiffel tower. this is honestly such a joy to listen to, and has some wonderful stories with really interesting ways of telling them

wolf 359 [sci-fi and comedy] is about a small crew in a space station, orbiting the red dwarf star, wolf 359. it starts off pretty light hearted and gets pretty wild pretty quickly, so buckle in for a bumpy ride. (they did a live show and recorded it and put it on youtube and it is honestly such a gift seeing zach jump back and forth arguing with himself.)

the penumbra podcast [noir/fantasy/western/horror] is really queer. its great. the main stories follow a non-binary pi named juno steel, but there are other stories on the feed too that are well worth a listen (and season 2 premiers really soon!)

eos 10 [sci-fi and comedy] is about some doctors in space. its hilarious (the main plot arc starts with a boner that just will not go away) and the characters are super interesting. its been on break for a really long time, but is on its way back soon, so keep your eyes peeled!

the strange case of starship iris [sci-fi adventure] is new and really cleverly done. im still blown away by how cool the end credits are, everytime i hear them. its also about gays in space which is cool also ;)

the adventure zone [comedy and adventure] is barely a fiction podcast as it is 3 brothers and their dad playing d&d. if you have never played d&d, or think its boring, then dont let that deter you, because this podcast is the funniest one i have listened to. it starts a little slowly, so be prepared for that, but it really picks up a few episodes in, and griffin’s story telling gets SO good, i really recommend this one as well

dead serious [supernatural] is about two teens who discover that the local haunted house is actually Haunted and talk to the ghosts living there about their lives and deaths (this is mine ;))

non-fiction

spirits is 2 women chatting about really cool myths and legends, both old and new, from all of the world, whilst quite tipsy. this was the first podcast i listened to and i fell in love. i personally recommend the “japanese urban legend” episode its super creepy and super cool

dead pilots society is a table reading of tv pilots that are bought by companies but never made. they so far have all been comedies and include well known writers and actors, and are great for long journeys, as well as one time listening if you don’t want to get too emotionally involved in anything

my brother my brother and me  is a really bad advice show and really good comedy podcast run by 3 brothers (the same ones in the adventure zone minus their dad) who answer questions and give terrible advice that is hilarious to listen to. they also made a tv show on seeso recently, which you can also check out the first episode on yt!

international waters is a quiz show between british and american comedians which is interesting and hilarious, with different contestants each week to keep it fresh and interesting

i have a ton more i could talk about, but these are some of my highlights. if you want any recommendations, feel free to message me or drop me an ask!

Sheriff Knows Best

Stiles/Derek, G, 2K words, Sheriff POV, Coffeeshop AU, matchmaker!Sheriff

(Credit for the title to @cobrilee!)

This is an expansion of the following idea, written by the lovely @artemis69:

the coffee!AU, where John goes to the same coffee shop every day, and there is this very grumpy, quiet barista that always makes him amazing coffee and keep the best pastries for him. And one day the Sheriff learns that Derek is the one to bake them all, so he decides: this will be my son in law, I need a reason to have this man in my family for at least forty to fifty years. Then he matchmakes with no subtility whatsoever, basically offering his only son on a silver plate, Stiles spluttering all the way (but he takes Derek’s number anyway because the guy is just amazingly cute)

John’s on his regular morning stroll when he stops in his tracks and takes in the brand-new coffee shop, complete with a banner advertising their opening day. The little corner space has been boarded up for over a year, and John had no idea it was opening today.

Any new businesses are a boon for Beacon Hills, especially family-run ones like this one is rumored to be, so John ducks inside. It’s warm and homey, and there’s a pair of young dark-haired people behind the counter, close enough in features that they’re probably siblings. The quiet bickering points that direction, too.

They stop, though, when they see the Sheriff—the uniform tends to have that effect—and he pastes on his public servant smile. “Hi there. I saw this place was open and wanted to come on in and introduce myself. Sheriff John Stilinski.”

“Oh, it’s so nice to meet you,” the woman says, holding out her hand for a shake. A nice strong grip—John likes this girl already. “I’m Laura Hale, and I own this place with my brother Derek, our resident grumpy barista-slash-baker.”

Derek rolls his eyes at Laura, but his smile to John is genuine, if small. “Hi, Sheriff. Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise, son,” he says, perusing the case full of tempting sugary treats. “You made these?”

He nods. “Can I get you anything?”

John hums. “A medium coffee, and…any one of these delicious-looking goodies. You pick. Just don’t tell my son,” he adds, and Derek looks up at him.

“Your son?”

“I have slightly elevated cholesterol,” he says, stressing the word. “Nothing to worry about, honestly. But he polices my diet. I don’t think he knows about this place yet, though, so this is great.”

Derek hums. His tongs hover over a muffin—lemon poppyseed, it looks like—before moving to another one. Raspberry-almond, according to the sign, and well, John isn’t picky. Derek drops it into a little bag and hands it over.

“Happy to help,” he says.

John thanks him and opens the bag. Laura’s still pouring his coffee, but it smells so damn good that he can’t resist.

“Wow,” he says, his mouth full. “This is delicious.”

Derek looks quietly proud, and Laura claps him on the shoulder as she reaches over to hand John his coffee. “On the house, today, Sheriff,” she says. “Thanks for stopping by.”

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” he promises.


“Thanks, Nina,” John says dryly, leaning back so she can put his plate in front of him.

“You’re welcome, Sheriff,” she says with a friendly smile, ignoring his stink eye.

Stiles just grins at both of them and digs into his French toast. He insists on having their weekly father-son breakfast at Paulie’s Diner because no matter what John orders, Nina will only bring him an egg-white omelet with a dry English muffin. Stiles must have some serious blackmail or be paying her off somehow, and John is, he has to admit, grudgingly impressed.

“Don’t look so bummed out, Pops,” Stiles says, around a mouthful of what’s surely syrup-drenched deliciousness. “At least I let you have turkey bacon.”

“It’s not the same,” he says grumpily, poking at it. “But at least I’m getting a steady stream of baked goods now.”

Stiles glares at him. “Are you serious? From where? I thought I had paid everyone off.”

He knew it. “I’m not telling you,” he says, a little displeased with how childish he sounds.

“Fine,” Stiles says, sniffing. “I’ll figure it out, you know I will.”

He will, John knows. Goddamn, he loves his kid, even if his life goal seems to be depriving John from any and all delicious food. “And speaking of, I met someone the other day,” he starts, and Stiles gasps theatrically, his hand coming up to cover his mouth.

“Is this you crapping all over my dream of having Melissa as my stepmom?”

John sighs at the reminder. Melissa is…well, she seems happy with that Argent guy. Whatever. He’s not bitter.

“Not for me, Jesus,” he says, shaking his head. “For you.”

“Oh my god,” Stiles says, slumping back in the booth. “Eye roll” is too mild, John thinks. It’s more of a whole head roll. “Seriously, Dad, I’m only 25. You don’t have to marry me off quite yet. You’ll get your grandchildren someday, I promise. Stop trying to set me up with people.”

“I’m just trying to be helpful!” John protests. “He seems nice.”

And makes really good treats, he adds in his head. That’ll be a good trait for a son-in-law.

“And who exactly is he?”

John pauses. “I met him at the aforementioned undisclosed location.” 

Stiles snorts. “Find out if he actually likes dudes, then get back to me.”

“Okay,” he says seriously, and Stiles grimaces.

“No, Dad, don’t actually—”

Keep reading

Real advice

So a lot of you on here are teens and might be getting ready to be out on your own. Here are some things I learned the hard way or that are just good to know.

  • Never smoke or quit if you are currently. The cost of addictive smoking is more than half your groceries a month AND the bodily cost will surprise you.
  • Drink water. Yeah okay I know this one sucks but water is much much cheaper than soda, trust me. Your skin will thank you.
  • Send thank you cards. Don’t have any? Get the cheap ones and send those. It doesn’t matter how nice they are, the fact that you sent a thank you card matters. Send it for gifts, people calling you to check on you, those adults who helped you move, and even people who interview you.
  • Withhold 1. Okay so speaking of jobs, on your forms (US) where you are trying to figure out your tax withholding, put one. Yourself. It’s an easy way to make sure you don’t owe $2,000 in April and you still get a pretty decent check. 
  • No pets. If you don’t have a pet now, don’t get one. It’s super hard to get an apartment that will let you have a pet when you are first starting out. Wait until you are a bit older and can afford to rent more than a one bedroom apartment. 
  • Insurance. You’re young, so why do you need life insurance? Because that’s the best time to get it. Yeah, it’s a dumb expense to pay right now, but if you get it early, you can afford it. The longer you wait, the more expensive it is. Car insurance is going to be high for a few years, but it will drop around 22 and 25 years old. Health insurance usually comes through your job and please don’t ignore it. Renter’s insurance is usually pretty cheap and it covers you if there is a fire or natural disaster and you have to go back home to mom.
  • Off brand. This goes for food, clothing, makeup, and cleaning supplies and just about anything else you can think of. For food, Aldi’s is your best friend. I can go fill up a cart of just food and it will cost maybe $70. the same amount of food at Walmart is easily over $150. You can of course be picky, but try to get the majority of your food off brand. Hygiene products too. Goodwill is great for clothes, but plan a trip. Save like 60 bucks and drive near a big city where the rich people live. Go to the goodwill there. You can basically get an all new wardrobe for pennies on the dollar. Makeup is tricky. It can be really really expensive but you don’t really have to buy all of it name brand. Pick whats most important to you. I prefer eye shadows and lipsticks name brand and I deal with everything else from the drugstore. With he right techniques, you can make it look expensive. As for cleaning, I always use dollar tree stuff minus my laundry detergent because of allergies. Bleach, stain spray, and vinegar are gonna be your best friends,.
  • Car. Okay so yeah, that brand new car is nice and sure, maybe you can afford it. For now. Disaster will strike. Something will come up and bam, you’re stuck choosing if you want to walk everywhere or eat. Try getting a slightly used car, such as one of the ones they let people test drive a lot or a car that has previously been leased. Just as nice and much MUCH cheaper. And I have gotten THREE cars with no down payment so don’t let them tell you you can’t. But it is nice to put it down,even $100. 
  • Negotiate. Don’t be afraid to haggle with people. Yeah it’s intimidating but it’s 10 minutes of your life versus hundreds of dollars a year. What can you negotiate? Almost anything. Car payment. Rent. Insurance. Hospital bills. Even due dates for the bills you can’t negotiate on. Also, if something comes up where you have to skip a payment on something, call them. Give them like $25 and explain your situation. Ask if your payment date can be moved with the $25 as a goodwill promise to pay the rest later. It works. They would rather move your date than send you to collections. 
  • Collectors. Okay so this one is tricky. If you have fallen behind and owe a collector, don’t fret. I do too, even as I write this. Owing a collector means that the original service has been paid (health bills, credit card ect) and you are now paying the people who paid your bill. (I know it’s confusing) however, they will usually want the entirety of what they paid for you in 6 months. Meaning if they just paid a bill for you that was $3,000, they are gonna ask for $500 a month. That’s rent. That’s crazy. Tell them outright what you can afford and don’t lie about it either. If you can afford $100, tell them that. If you can afford $50, tell them that. If you can’t afford to pay them anything when they call you, let them know when you can. If you can’t afford it when you told them you could, don’t answer your phone to a number you don’t know. I know that sounds horrible but if you are renting an apartment, renting a car, and literally own nothing, they can’t do much to you. Just pay when you can and try to maybe pick up some extra shifts at work to make a payment. I have been dodging collectors for about three years. I owe I think three right now. I pay ONE of them a month, but it’s a large payment to keep them quiet for a while. I do not suggest this for you, I am just letting you know what I do.
  • Credit Cards. Okay, the big one. Many adults will tell you to never ever get a credit card and that’s just not feasible in this world. However, it can be addicting to be able to go to Walmart when you are negative in your bank account and get that $10 movie. I mean, it’s just 10 bucks right? WRONG. It will build up fast and soon the one credit card you have will be maxed. So you have to get another for emergencies. And another. And so on. So here’s my advice; Get a credit card through the same bank as your checking and tell them to put a limit on it and not let it raise. Then lock that sucker away and forget you have it until a real emergency comes up like a flat tire, short on money for groceries, or that collector that hasn’t been paid in 4 months. You can make it on one credit card if you are strict with your money, which I am sure you don’t have a lot of.
  • Budget. Speaking of money, write out a budget for yourself. Don’t know how? Here’s the easiest way. Most people get paid bi-weekly so here’s how to do it. Make two columns, Check 1 and Check 2. If you have a full time job you know about how much your checks are going to be so put the amount at the top of each column. Now that hard part - figure out what is due when. Is something due June 1st? Take it out of check 2 (end of May). Is something due May 14? Take it out of check 1 (beginning of May). That main thought process behind your budget is that you want to have the money for a bill set aside before it’s due. Paying a bill a few days early is a great way to make a good financial reputation for yourself and for some things even build credit. Now if you get paid bi-weekly, you will sometimes have a month where you get 3 checks. DON’T BLOW IT. Put it right back into your budget as Check 1 and keep the flow going. If you prepay bills, like your car or your rent or your credit card, and stay a month a head of those big ones, you may need that wiggle room later. If your car, for instance, is paid ahead 1 month, you can use the car money you would normally pay that month for maybe some extra groceries or some small emergency without using your credit card and you won’t even fall behind! You’ll just be back to owing every month instead of being ahead. It’s like a savings account without the temptation to blow the money. 
  • Simplicity. Enjoy simple things. A gym is expensive, go for a walk instead. Cable is expensive, pay for internet. Phones are expensive, get on a family plan (there is no shame in staying on your parent’s plan, just pay your share). Food is expensive, enjoy leftovers. Movies are expensive, go early and resist any snacks. Shopping is expensive, go to the mall and spend all day trying on cute clothes and taking selfes in the dressing room (makes you feel like a million bucks sometimes!). Time is expensive because you don’t have a lot of it so If you want to stay in bed all day on your day off, do it. If you want to binge on your day off, do it. If you want to just play board games with friends on a Saturday night with a few beers, do it. Simple fun is way better for your pocket and your anxiety.
  • Mental Health  - speaking of anxiety, make sure you take care of your brain. Go outside, even if it means sitting on your steps. Wake up early, even for just an hour. Don’t burn yourself out at work or school because you will suffer the consequences. Make a schedule. If you have trouble with timekeeping, ask for help. If you feel you do have a real mental disorder, see if your employer has what’s called and EAP program (employee assistance program). They usually help you find a mental health provider and give you a few visits for free. This will help you narrow down what exactly you have and after you’re free visits are up you can see who is in your health insurance network that can provide you the mental care you need. if you are prescribed drugs, always get generic. If there is no generic, ask for an alternative. I will not lie to you, mental health is the hardest thing to treat. It took me 8 years and a lot of money to figure out the right medication cocktail for me and my bipolar/ schizophrenia (yes I have both). Turns out I only need two pills, and if I were to refill both of them right now, I wouldn’t even pay $10 thanks to my health insurance (which sucks but at least it’s there) and because I got generics. Also, talk therapy can be pricey but sometimes only a few sessions can change your life. I have literally only been to talk therapy 11 times in my life and that was to deal with PTSD, bipolar, schizophrenia, and suicidal tendencies. 11 sessions. That’s 11 hours. And yeah, I paid over $400 out of pocket for those collectively. But if I hadn’t I would probably be dead right now so it was worth it.
  • Connections. Calling your friends is awesome because sometimes, it’s free therapy. And okay, maybe you’re 19 and you still have a horrible relationship with your parents. It’s okay. I am 25 and I still have problems with my parents. My whole family actually. Social media is a kind of safety net for me because that’s where I can be myself. Find where you can be yourself, it will help you stay sane.
  • Clean. Sometimes when I feel crappy, I take a shower. I clean the living room. I do the dishes. I vacuum. I mop. I open the windows. I get the trash out of the house. Change into some clean clothes. Organize my desk. Clean out your closet and put all your unwanted clothes in bags to donate. Just a small amount of cleaning can make you feel like you accomplished something. 
  • Hobbies. This one is a little hard too. It depends on your personality, your budget, and how much free time you have. Drawing , singing, and writing are free. Exercising can be free if you run or walk in the park. But most hobbies do actually cost money. Video games, playing an instrument, painting, sewing, cooking/baking, making things - those all cost money. Some of them lots of money. But you have to have a hobby outside of social network, sleeping, and working. It’s another thing to keep you sane and it’s just a good idea.
  • Toxic people. Do not be afraid to cut people out of your life that do nothing but make you feel bad about yourself or insult your life. This could mean breaking up with your partner, unfriending a person from your social circle, cutting out a whole circle of people, or even not talking to a relative(s). It’s not easy for some people but if they do not build you up, they will only tear you down. 
  • Drink at home. Okay so this one might sound like a no brainer, but I’ll explain it anyway. Packs of beer and hard liquor bottles are cheaper than a pint and a shots at the bar. Bottles of wine are cheaper than a glass at a restaurant. It’s never okay to drive drunk or even after one bottle of beer. NEVER. Staying at home is cheaper all around and you can drink in your pajamas while watching Finding Nemo on loop. Or invite some friends over and create a drinking game out of a show, a game you already have, or just talk and drink. 
  • Sleep. This one is so important. You need a good bed and a quiet, dark place to sleep. If you are scared of the dark, get a night light. Can’t sleep in silence? Get a fan. I have both of these and they help. You’re brain will feel tired if you ‘slept’ for 12 hours but only got 1 hour of REM. REM can really only happen every night if you are in a calm and dim environment. Quality of sleep will effect your eating habits, your emotional state, your mental stability, and your ability to make rational decisions among other things. 

So these are obviously just a few things, but I feel they are important to share. Please feel free to add any and reblog it for those about to enter adulthood. 

Loki and Children

I have been having some thoughts about the original mythological Loki and the thought that has been on my mind most is this:

Loki is

1. Surprisingly great with kids

2. Is addicted to parenthood

Let me explain.

As to the first bit, well, yeah, it’s surprising. Or it should be at first glance. Because, seriously, this is fucking Loki. Standing in close proximity to him for longer than a minute is bound to result in theft, arson, a splash of bloodshed for color, and at least one confused party waking up in bed with the fucker. He’s a chaotic, manic, and generally hazardous force to be reckoned with.

To us. That is, adults.

Mortals, gods, giants, trolls, dwarves, et cetera–but only those who are mature.* *Read: there is Something to be Gained from conning, seducing, or otherwise messing with us. Whether it’s to save his own skin, or to get some sweet petty vengeance, or to steal a bauble, or to satisfy some carnal itch, or to just fuck up somebody’s day for the Hel of it, Loki only ever targets those he can take something worthwhile from. 

And what is there to take from kids? 

Plenty of folks on his extremely extensive Enemies List have children, of course. No one in the Norse mythos was especially mindful of dropping their seed. So. Children.

Children–easy to fool, easy to make a hostage, easy to charm and siphon their parents’ secrets and treasures from–should be great big bullseyes to the God of Mischief and Trickery and Assorted Other Unscrupulous Things. Yet there isn’t a single Edda or snippet of lore in which Loki makes cruel use of them. Not once. 

But what’s the big deal? Most of the rude and/or villainous characters in Norse mythology don’t bother with harassing kids either. Except in the case of stories like Loka Táttur.

Loka Táttur is a tale about how a farmer loses a bet with a vicious troll who swears to kill the farmer’s little boy. The farmer calls upon three gods in turn. Odin, Hoenir, and Loki. Odin and Hoenir both disguise the boy and hide him away, but the troll is too clever and each time manages to sniff out the boy’s hiding place. Ultimately it is Loki who hides the kid–pulling an Idunn-in-a-Nutshell gag and hiding him as a speck on the eye of a flounder in the water–and then, rather than stepping back as Odin and Hoenir did from their work, he sits in his boat and lets the troll see him.

The troll, being suspicious, asks what Loki’s business is. Only fishing, obviously. The troll demands to join him. Lo and behold, they bring up a wealth of flounders, including the one where the boy’s hidden. Loki manages to change the boy back to his true shape and hide the kid behind his back without the troll noticing. As Loki brings the boat back to shore, and to the farmer’s boathouse with the latter’s doors open, Loki tells the boy to run through the boathouse. He goes, the troll gives chase, and the troll becomes wedged in the entryway. 

At which point Loki proceeds to chop off the troll’s legs and stick an iron stake in the bastard’s skull. Then he walks the kid back home. The grand payoff for Loki after all this? 

The boy is safe. The troll is dead. The End.

Huh.

Now, much as Loki may have been the catalyst for a lot of corpses pre-Ragnarok–see his business with Thor getting his hammer back and leading more than one giant into a death trap–Loki is actually very rarely, if ever, one to get his hands dirty by killing a victim himself. Even Baldr was done in by an arrow he aimed with blind Hod’s fingers. So why did Loki personally orchestrate this plan in such a grisly way? For what gain?

What, other than the satisfaction of personally slaughtering the would-be child-killing prick troll?

In a less bloody narrative, we see his hand in getting Thialfi and Roskva, a pair of mortal siblings, taken into Thor’s service. While the exact ages of the two aren’t mentioned, they are young enough to still be in the care of their parents. When Thor and Loki are travelling it’s their father who invites them under their roof. Thor’s goats are slaughtered for the evening meal and–in some tellings–it is Loki who entices the son, Thialfi, into breaking a leg bone to taste the marrow. When morning comes and Thor resurrects his goats, one has a broken leg.

Thor’s visibly pissed—never ever a good thing–and so the family offers to make some compensation.

Loki, coughing through his hand: ThialfibroketheboneheshouldpledgeservicetoThor

Thialfi: Uh–

Loki, clearing his throat: Alsotakethesistertwoforonedeal

Rosvka: But I didn’t do anything—

Loki, en sotto voce: Kids, consider your options. Teensy mortal lifetime of toil on Midgard, harvesting dirt and snow on one hand. Potentially immortal lifetime, I don’t know, scrubbing giant blood off Mjolnir in Thor’s hall on Asgard on the other. Verdict?

Both: Sold.

Loki: Excellent! Really, Thor, you’re a master dealmaker, a born barterer, I’m in awe.

Thor: Wh—

Loki: AND WE’RE BACK TREKKING LETS GO

Cue laugh track.

Point being, Loki has been shown to purposefully go out of his way to help kids because…because. Yet how does this translate to the idea of him being good with kids?

I ask this purely hypothetically and am trying not to laugh as I do, because really. Really. How in the hell is a kid not going to be entertained by the Norse god of revelry and recreation?

Oh yeah, that bit’s often left off the résumé.

Loki, God of Mischief, is also God of Recreation. Play, in other words. Because playtime is a thing that is Chaotic rather than a product of Order, and so Loki is naturally all over it. There are some who even credit him with having added that trait to the first humans, Ask and Embla, while Odin, Vili, and Vé were carving them and breathing character into their souls.

On top of that, he’s also the god of flyting—poetic shit-talking.

So we have a shapeshifting, storytelling, magic-wielding, game-spinning, trickster god who can also teach young ears every bad word they could ever hope to learn, and he’s expected not to be a hit with kids? This is all without even mentioning the fact that Loki is a bit of a hyperactive attention hog all on his own. What better audience for him than a gaggle of credulous little onlookers who are too young to sneer at his antics rather than take delight in them? Children are wee balls of mischief themselves, muddled in with imagination and wonder and an eagerness to be wowed or made to laugh themselves into weeping.

All of which brings me to point number two:

Loki is a kidaholic.

Like, even though a lot of his and/or her sleeping around the Realms can be chalked up to an insane libido, there’s also just the sheer number of kids they’ve produced to factor in. Maybe more than even Odin or Thor could boast. At least half being born from Loki herself. Not because Loki was helpless against the workings of nature—it’s impossible to believe that Loki wasn’t smart enough or powerful enough to get around producing new Lokisons and Lokisdottirs with every other bedmate—but because Loki wants more kids. There will never be enough kids.

The guy’s got a case of severe paternal/maternal hoarding going on. I mean

Loki: I need another one.

Odin: You really don’t.

Loki: You’re right. I need two other ones.

Odin: I am positive that you do not.

Loki: Three. Triplets. Need them. Right now.

Odin: Loki.

Loki: Four? Four. Definitely four.

Odin: Loki, please.

Loki: Yeah, let’s go with four. I can give or get. I’ll flip a coin.

Odin: Loki, as Allfather, I am expressly forbidding you to impregnate or be impregnated for at least a century.

Loki: Fine.

Odin: …

Loki: …I’ll settle for three.

Odin: What did I just say?

Loki: Three’s a good number, isn’t it? All good things come in threes. You and your brothers—

Odin, fighting an aneurysm: You and your brothers—

Loki: So you agree!

Odin: I did not—

Loki: Three it is!

Odin: Loki—

Loki: Be back when I feel like it

Odin: Loki

Loki: Give my love to Sleipnir

Odin: LOKI—

Loki, pantsless, vaulting over the wall, cartwheeling towards Jötunheimr’s Ironwood forest: Bye

It’s in that Ironwood that he meets Angrboda and fathers a giant wolf, a giant snake, and the literal corpse-faced queen-goddess of the dead by her. Being that Loki’s scope of attractiveness/aesthetic acceptability is elastic enough to let all sorts of species between his legs, I find it hard to believe that his kids’ unique looks would repulse or even faze him. They’re his children. Therefore they’re great.

And we all know how that happy family ended up. Ditto his second family with Sigyn and his two little twin boys.

Enter Ragnarok, warfare, general Bad Times, and so on.

Anyway.

Comical as it is to envision a Loki who cringes at the notion of parenthood and/or fears his more monstrous children, I just don’t believe it lines up with what we know of the Loki of myth.

Myth Loki is a god who would spend hours entertaining a child, simply entertained that the child is entertained.

Myth Loki is also a god who would hunt down and methodically dismember whichever idiot thought it would be okay to make a child cry within said god’s earshot.

(Zimbits, AU, 3.7K, click “read more” for the whole fic.)


Thanks. You can put it on the counter in the kitchen.”

That had been Jack’s first mistake.

It wasn’t so much the words he said, but rather the fact that he’d said them in French.

However, to Jack’s credit, he had been in the middle of revising a chapter when he’d heard the knock on his door, and the fact that he hadn’t had any caffeine yet due to the broken coffee maker had thrown off his entire morning.

He had been expecting Georgia, the lady he rented the cabin from, to be standing on his door step. However, instead of the landlord, he got a blond guy with wide, brown eyes staring back at him.

There was a sort of gurgle of surprise and a nervous giggle from the other guy for a moment before he blurted, “Hi, I’m your new housekeeper!”

Jack raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything in his confusion. Francine, Georgia’s wife, usually stopped by once every couple of days to tidy up the place, but neither of the two ladies had mentioned anything about a new hire.

Jack must have been lost in thought for a moment too long because the other guy took this as a sign that Jack didn’t speak English. “Uh, you know, cleaning?” He mimed a sweeping action and then pointed at Jack. “Ummm, je… travaille pour Georgia?” he said in a truly horrendous accent.

Jack gave an impatient nod of his head.

Je m’appelle Eric or you can call me Bitty. Actually, je m’appelle Bitty,” he said proudly with his hand out.

There was something about the other guy’s candidness that made Jack pause, or maybe he had been trapped in a cabin for too long, but he reached out and took the handshake.

It’s nice to meet you,” Jack replied in French.

And that had been his second mistake.

Keep reading

I don’t know how to title

So, this took me way longer than I thought. Oops. This is a prompt fic for @stephaniebithell 

I hope you like it. I’ve never actually written Voltron before. Or any kind of battle. So, go easy on me.


“WATCH OUT!” Keith’s voice cried out through the Blue Lion’s speakers. Checking his screens, Lance had to pull hard to the left, just barely missing the laser coming at him. The laser would have smashed into the cockpit if he hadn’t moved, and Lance let out a small huff of breath, relieved.

“That was a close call, Lance.” Shiro berated gently, “You need to be more careful, alright?”

Lance nodded before cracking a smile. “Come on, Shiro! Careful is my middle name!”

Hunk cut in, confusion evident in his voice, “I thought your middle name was Alejandro?”

Laughter echoed over the coms, and Lance pouted, whining, “Hunk, buddy! Who’s side are you on, man?”

Dodging another laser, Hunk replied, “The one where all of us get out of this alive? Does that count?” He dodged a few more lasers, firing a few shots of his own, panting slightly.

“Hunk’s got a point, guys,” Shiro reminded them. “Can the chatter, those lasers are still coming.” There was acknowledgement from all the other paladins, and Shiro sighed in relief. “Alright, here’s the plan. Lance, Hunk, you guys hang further back, try to pick them off from a distance. Stop anything that gets past us. Keith, Pidge, your lions are faster and smaller, I need you covering me. Take out the little guys. Black and I will target those turrets. Understood?” Confirmation came from the others, and everyone moved into position.

Everything went well for several minutes. Shiro had knocked out all but two of the turrets, and Lance and Hunk’s teamwork had destroyed at least a dozen big cruisers and battleships. Some of the larger ships had started to retreat, and Lance and Hunk targeted those as well. As one was coming up on Lance’s left, he saw Green, down and to his far right, with a small ion cannon pointed right at its flank. Making a split-second decision, Lance turned his lion and fired, taking out the ion cannon and saving Pidge. He started to turn back to his original position, but he was too late. Before he could react, a laser cut straight through his hull, sending poor Blue tumbling. Lance was strapped in, so he stayed in place, but as the others’ yells came over the com, a piece of debris slammed into the back of his head, and everything went black.


When Lance came to, the battle was over. Black was towing Blue down to the planet’s surface, where the castle and the planet’s inhabitants were waiting. As he came back to his senses, Lance began to hear the others.

“Lance! Kiddo, can you hear me?”

“Lance, buddy! Come on, tuagane, wake up, man!”

“Lance, you big doofus! Wake up!” (“Pidge!” “Sorry.”)

“LANCE! Lance, please! Dammit, Lance! Wake up! Talk to me!”

Finally, finally, Lance could move a little. “Ugh…. Keith?”

To Lance’s aching head, it was as though a full orchestra had exploded onto the coms.

“Alright, Lance! You’re okay!”

“You asshole! Don’t do that to me ever again, you hear me?!” (“Pidge! Language!”)

Hunk was now blubbering incoherently, Pidge was raging, and Keith was strangely silent. Just as the noise was getting to be too much, Shiro’s voice cut through the mayhem, muffling everything else like a blanket, “Lance. Are you okay? Can you answer me? You were out for a while, buddy. I need to know if you’re okay.”

Lance took several deep breaths, settling the nausea his headache was causing, before answering softly, “I-. I think I’m okay, guys. I have a killer headache, and I’m a little nauseous and light-headed, but I’m okay. Might have a concussion, though.” With that, most of his energy spent, he slumped back into his seat.

“Okay, Lance,” Shiro breathed. “Do you think you can stay awake for me for a few minutes? We’re almost back to the castle. I’m sure you’re really tired, but if you can put off sleeping for just a couple of minutes, I want Coran to check you over in person. They’ve already got a pod waiting and everything. Can you do that, kiddo?” Lance murmured an assent, and Shiro let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. “Alright, buddy. Thank you.”

Shiro looked at his monitors. The landing was coming up. “Alright, buddy, we’re right there. I’m going to put you down now, in 3 – 2 – 1.” With that, the blue lion was placed very gently on the ground next to the other three lions, which had already landed. Once Blue’s jaw opened, Hunk and Coran rushed inside, while Shiro landed Black. By the time Shiro had left the cockpit, Lance was out of his lion, and Allura was talking to the natives, Keith beside her.

Shiro went to Lance first. Looking Lance over, he glanced to Coran. “Coran, how is he? He was out for at least fifteen minutes.”

Coran smiled gently. “He’ll be just fine, number one. A few vargas in a pod and he’ll be good as new.”

“Thank you, Coran. Hunk, will you help him?”

“You don’t even have to ask.” With a small smile, Hunk pulled one of Lance’s arms over his shoulder and started moving towards the castle. Coran followed.

Now that he knew Lance was safe, Shiro could deal with the natives. Or, more accurately, deal with Keith, who looked to be one wrong word away from pulling out his bayard. As Shiro came closer to the group, he started to hear some of the conversation.

“-yes, you’ve said that the boy’s role is to be the blue paladin, but what else does he even do? What does he contribute? From what I saw, all he did was hang back for most of the fight, and make jokes for the rest of it!” Ah. Now he was starting to understand Keith’s murderous expression. Not to mention the low, continuous growl coming from Blue.

Allura cut him off. “It is not your place to question not just my choice of paladins, but the choices of the lions themselves. The blue lion chose Lance, and as such-“

“Princess Allura, I meant no disrespect, to you or the lions. I was simply concerned. Voltron is the universe’s only real hope of stopping the Galran Empire, and if its members are not efficient, perhaps-“

Shiro cut in, mouth a hard line, shoulders tense, as he stopped Keith from doing anything rash. “If you know about the joking, then you were listening to the coms. If you were paying attention, you would have noticed that I gave the order for the blue and yellow lions to hang back. Those two lions are larger, and therefore slower, but their weapons are strong. In this situation, they were much better suited for stopping the larger ships, and picking off stragglers. Lance especially works best at a distance. He’s the best shooter we have. Long-distance is his forte. Those assignments were the most efficient use of our resources.” The native was about to interrupt again, and Shiro bit out “On top of all of that, Lance was injured defending your planet. You would do well to remember that, and to show him the respect he deserves.”

When he was done, Shiro turned to Keith. Keith was still seething. “Shiro, did you hear what he was saying about Lance?”

“I heard him, Keith.”

“Lance could have died, Shiro! And that guy was treating him like a waste of space. Space garbage!”

“I know that, Keith.” Shiro’s voice was strained. He was angry, too, but there was nothing they could do.

“I’m gonna go back over there and teach that guy a lesson-“ Keith started to turn back around, bayard in hand, but was spun around by Shiro’s hand on his shoulder.

“You can’t attack the guy, Keith. He’s a diplomat. Let Allura handle it.”

“Can’t I just punch him in the face?” Keith pleaded.

“NO, Keith.”

“What if I just break his nose a little?”

“I said, NO, Keith.” Shiro spun to face him. “We can’t do anything. Allura can handle it. Now let’s go back to the castle. Lance will be healed in a few hours. I saw how anxious you were. I know you want to see him. And when he wakes up, I’m sure he’ll want to see you, too.” With that, Keith relaxed, sighing in defeat, and went on to the castle.

Shiro stood there for a moment, composing himself, before moving in the same direction. Before he got there, he heard one last parting shot. “You know,” the native drawled, excessively loud, “if the so-called blue paladin were a better pilot, he wouldn’t have been hurt in the first place-“

CRUNCH. Before anyone could move, Shiro snapped. He had rushed back, pulled back a fist, and slammed it straight into the obnoxious native’s nose. Without a word, Shiro wiped the blood off his hand onto the man’s shirt, and walked straight back into the castle. The look on that jerk’s face was definitely worth the difficulty Allura had negotiating an alliance several days later, and when Lance woke up, his laughter over the story gave Keith the brightest smile Shiro had seen on his face in years.


If you guys want me to write what happened in between when Lance was unconscious, let me know.

Advancing beyond 'Witchcraft 101'

I want to talk a little bit about letting go of that beginner stage and actually advancing in your knowledge and your abilities.

You were unsure about getting started, and nervously bought your first book on witchcraft, and it was probably Wiccan. You devoured it and became eager for more, knowing that you were on the right path. You soon amassed a great deal of Witchcraft 101 books, and likely a lot of tools that you may not have used. You’ve noticed the differences in your books: one says to have the altar in the north, another says the east, a third says in the centre of the circle. You probably know a lot of the magical properties of many common herbs and crystals, having zealously memorised lists of correspondences. You’ve performed spells and rituals from those books verbatim. And now you’re starting to feel stalled. At least, that’s how it was for me.

‘Witchcraft 101’ is, I found, a safe zone. You could make mistakes, or doubt your own knowledge, because you were just a beginner. But you soon feel that you’re safely on a precipice, and off the edge is the big wide unknown. You feel that you’ve become a big fish in a small pond. (Who doesn’t love a good mixed metaphor?). For me, acknowledging that I had grown beyond Witchcraft 101 was a big step, both as a witch and as a person. It takes confidence and courage to say “I am ready to move forward.” I worried that it smacked of arrogance saying that I had mastered the basics, or that I was trying to advance too far too quickly. But that isn’t the case at all. In every form of education you must give yourself credit for what you have learned, and allow yourself to move onto more challenging subjects. So it is for witchcraft, as well.

There was also the fear of being a fraud. Of not being worthy to call myself a witch next to someone who has been practicing a lifetime longer than I have. A fear that other witches would look down their nose at me. “What would he know?” they’d say. But that fear was thoroughly unfounded. When I spoke up, contributed my opinion and my knowledge to discussions, it was met with welcome.

Give yourself permission to advance. Only you can know when you’re ready to move beyond the basics, but you have to allow yourself to do that. You have to acknowledge your knowledge, to own your wisdom. You’ll still make mistakes, you’ll still stumble over some concepts, you’ll still be confused by things, and that’s okay. But witches weren’t made to live in safe zones. We were made to step off the precipice and fly.

exchanges (m)

Summary: In which Jeon Jungkook is that friendly neighborhood superhero, you’re the face in the hallway that saved his high school career, and he can’t ever seem to get a grip around you. Even when he makes you scream after a fated accident—not for the reason you may be thinking; get the thought out of your head! 
Pairing: Jungkook | Reader 
Genre: Fluff/Smut; Spiderman AU 
Word Count: 14,838
Author’s Note: Honestly though, it was only a matter of time before I got around to writing a story like this. I am obsessed with Spiderman, so this might just be the foundational guideline for many future Jungkook Spiderman AU drabbles to come in the future. 

The story was also heavily inspired by this photo that made me cry for seven days and seven nights. +photo credit !!!!!!!

.

(the present)

If Jeon Jungkook is against anything in his life, it’s one’s ability to exaggerate certain situations or problems to make those things seem much bigger than they probably were. Well, actually, take that back. It’s not that he’s against it per say, it’s just that his peer’s daily struggles of pop quizzes and missing the morning bus aren’t exactly headliner news—especially in comparison to what he has to go through.

Jeon Jungkook is against exaggeration, probably because he can’t get away with it himself. It’s not that he doesn’t like to exchange his fair share of embellished stories or fabricated events weaved into true experiences, it’s that he can’t afford to do so. Sharing stories of his nightly routines and dashing superhero adventures may seem great, but only if he could manage the burden of a personal life and a masked life intertwining.

As an 18-year-old boy, he can probably say it’s safe to assume that he cannot. Manage the overwhelming, opposite pressure both of his lives take him, that is. It’s difficult enough being a college freshman, a tiny fish in an ocean of whales and sharks, but throw in his late night Spiderman facade would be too much of a tale to share with other people and peers who probably ask too many questions and know too much about him. He’s never liked the exposure that comes with being in the spotlight, and he can’t hide behind his mask if people knew who he was.

Oh. Right. Speaking of his Spiderman facade, that’s who is he. Haven’t heard of him? You know, the dashing hero of Seoul, red and blue spandex attire with a web shooter, fine tuned senses and amazingly quick reflexes? The boy who swings around the city, volunteering for trouble and always coming out right on top? The boy who constantly maintains that casual, slightly amused tone throughout a majority of his rescues?

Yeah, well, that’s Jungkook.

Keep reading

The A-mew-sing Sequel To Adrien’s Game

This time, there are only four episodes covered but a lot of pictures so I’m adding a “read more”…eventually.  Also, Ladybug is on Netflix!  Go watch.  Here we go with the next four eps!

The last time we left our boy Adrien, he was developing his flirting technique with the lovely Marinette.  Or not.  It’s fun to speculate though, right?  Right?!

…ANYway, let’s see how he tops the almost kiss.

 In “Darkblade” (Le Chevalier Noir):

  • Marinette decides to run against Chloe for class something-or-other
  • To the utter delight of 95% of the class
  • That’s right man, just play it cool…
  • CASUAL FINGER GUNS and AMBIGUOUS SUPPORT!!!


In “The Mime” (Le Mime):

  • Hey, I didn’t know y’all were gonna be here too lol!
  • Smooth move, dude.  Just play it off like you had NO IDEA.

Our cat son heats things up below the cut!

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If you had told Dex even a week ago that he would willingly be sharing a blanket with Derek Nurse on the floor of the Haus living room all afternoon, pressed together so close they’re practically in each other’s laps, he would’ve laughed in your face.

Now, he just bangs a fist against the side of the old space heater in front of them and subtly pulls Nursey a little closer into his side. Not that there’s all that much closer to pull him.

“I told them,” he mutters. “Draft fucking central.”

He not so much sees as senses Nursey roll his eyes. “Rans and Holtzy not letting you replace all the windowpanes last year is not why the heating went out, yo.”

Intellectually, Dex know this. But it’s easier to blame their former captains for their current predicament than it is to blame the fact that he’s let routine Haus maintenance slide so much this semester that they’ve ended up here. Because if Dex doesn’t keep a close eye on things like the barely functioning water heater, or the garbage disposal that’s missing two blades and is about to fall out of the sink entirely, who will?

Except, well, he’s been distracted this year. From the moment he got back from summer break and moved into the attic with Nursey, he’s been… distracted.

Nursey is distracting.

Keep reading

I’m now entering my third semester of my second year college, and I think I’ve gathered enough experience in college to give relevant tips to incoming freshmen or just regular old college students. I’m not an expert in getting all As, not getting those 4.0s in every subject, but I have maintained my place as a Dean’s Lister since my first sem freshmen year, so I think I do have an idea on what I’m talking about. Feel free to take my advice! (or not).

homework/projects
1. seriously, once you get information on your homework/project, start them immediately. DO NOT wait till last minute to complete them because you will regret it. Do them as soon as the professor assigns it to you so you won’t spend the next few weeks stressing out on the amount of homework you have.

2. start creative projects first. unless you can pull creativity out of your hat whenever you need it, I highly suggest you start creative projects as soon as  you get them because trust me when I say you do not want to be decorating/designing shit when the due date is tomorrow.

3. do your best in every assignment; trust me, the points will count at the end of the semester.

4. do extra credit work and treat it as priority work; excess points are cushion points. 

5. group projects suck but here’s a good rule to keep in mind: if you’re the leader, delegate those tasks (read up on division of labor). if you’re a group member, do the delegated task as best as you can. know your goal as a group; are you guys in it to get to know each other and build rapport? then the output won’t matter as much and focus on helping and getting to know each other. Is the output the most important part? Then be real with each other; if you can’t do this task, then don’t do it & instead give it to someone else. Some may not even get any work at all, because what matters is the output. 


friends/other people/professors
1.  keep your circle small. your friends are there to guide you, support you and tell you when you’re wrong. find the crowd you vibe with the most because trust me, the right friends are medicine to all college problems

2. those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. keep that in mind, my dear.

3. love the professor? do your best in their class. hate the professor? do your best in their class. it doesn’t matter whether you hate the prof or not; they still hold your grade at the end of the semester. if you really can’t stand them, just think of it as training your ability to be humble (and not punch someone).

4. talk to your professors. they’re not as bad as you think they are.

5. seriously, go to their consultation hours when you think you’re failing. 


class/notes
1. TAKE NOTES. cannot emphasize this enough. don’t rely on anyone to take your notes for you; it’s your education, it’s time you take responsibility for it.

2. sit in front of class if you believe you’ll get distracted if you sit in the back. 

3. talk to your seatmate! you’ll need them when you get sick and can’t come to class.

4. again, TAKE NOTES. don’t photograph the slide. write that shit down, or type it if you don’t want to write. bottom line, don’t picture it. 

5. revise, revise, revise. if you want to understand the material, a good way to go about it is to revise your notes in a way YOU can understand.


having fun/relationships
1. have fun! i was too stressed when I was a freshman all because I focused too much on getting 4.0s. It’s possible to get 4.0s and still have fun! having fun doesn’t need to be about drinking (although if it is, then stay safe doing it!) it could be reading a book or hanging out with your friends, whatever works for you and keeps your mind off school for awhile.

2. it’s okay to have crushes! they could be your inspiration (but don’t let them be your distraction)

3. talk to that cute guy you’ve been classmates with ever since February who you can’t stop looking at. you’ve got nothing to lose.

4. relationships are a good source of support, love and care but pls don’t forget your friends.

5. learn how to have fun, and college will be easier. 

Reminder: having fun does not equal to slacking off.

I guess that’s it! If you guys want more tips/advice/academic or college realted, I can write more or you can just hit up my ask! 

Steal my car, I'll wreck your life.

Back story, i am apart of a small family-owned type used car dealership (cue used car salesman joke here) we have maybe 50 cars on the lot at any time and our main business is sub-prime or people with less than perfect credit. We truly want to help the people that can’t afford/have the credit to buy from a new car dealership. We’re actually very liked in our small community.

So recently I had these customers, lets call her wife and him husband (They’re early 20’s). They come into my store and I like them, they seem like a nice young couple trying to start their lives out, they have two very sweet little girls, and could just use a break. They have made some mistakes in their early lives and have less than perfect credit. I coach them on how to improve their credit and they seem sincerely interested in fixing it so I bust my ass to get them a loan with the wifes mother cosigning on a nice third row SUV. Wife is literally crying hugging me because every other dealer turned them down. Now they are a little short on the down payment so i take a check for the balance and we agree i’ll cash it on his next payday (Mistake number one) but pretty common in this line of work.

I forget about them until the next week when I drop the check at the bank along with other deposits. The next thing i know i receive a notice that the check has bounced. Along with a couple NSF fees attached for me, and the check comes back. It’s a dollar amount that is considered a first degree misdemeanor in our state, just under a felony. I reach out to wife to see what happened and how we can make arrangements to get this taken care of. The last thing I want to do is go after a young couple with two small kids. At first wife is a little shocked and insists the funds were pulled from their account and I show them the picture of the NSF check. She understands and says they can pay half in 2 weeks when she’s paid again and in another 2 weeks pay the other half. I agree to this and just take them on their word (mistake 2).

A couple weeks rolls around and I don’t hear from wife or husband and am now thinking i’ve been taken for a ride Ignoring my calls/texts/etc you get the point. I get a call from the bank and come to find out they haven’t made their first payment either.

Now with this particular bank if the customer does not make their first payment we have to “Buy Back” the deal. Basically we have to give the bank the money they sent us for the loan. After blowing up their phones and facebook they finally call me back. I get the sob story he got let go from his job and he just started a new one and mom is going to help them get back on their feet. I go through hell and high water with the bank to make a deal that if they make their payment they’ll keep the loan but i’m still on the hook if they miss any of the next 3 payments. Wife also tells me they’ll make payments to me on the bounced check once he starts getting paychecks. So i agree, they make their payment to the bank and i go about my life….Until the next month comes around.

I get an email from the bank saying wife didn’t make the next months payment and won’t answer their calls. At this point i’m furious and ready to just go get their vehicle. They won’t answer any of my calls and call mom, mom scrounges everything in her social security paycheck to help try to make the payment for them and is short. Wife and husband tells her they’ll cover the balance and of course don’t pay. Bank says deal is a buyback we need our money back for the loan within 7 days. Now the only way I can payback their loan is if my floor plan (Basically giant credit card we buy cars on) gets pictures of the car in my possession.

I try to call/text/email/message on facebook to get ahold of both wife and husband and they block me on everything. They’re basically just stealing the vehicle without paying. They even blocked mom who has been trying to help them get this handled, yes they screwed over their own mother in this ordeal. I just want the vehicle back and move on with life. So this is where i go @prorevenge on them.

I begin by dropping the check off at the local prosecutor, and they’re delighted to file charges against them. I do some skip tracing calling family members, all of which are more than happy to help because come to find out husband has had 7 jobs in 4 months and has burned every single family member with money they’ve borrowed. I find wifes Father on Facebook, Father has been trying to take custody of deadbeat wife and husbands 2 kids because of how they treat them. He informs me they are staying in sisters house right over the border (we are on the state line of 2 states remember this) I call up a repo company and even myself drive the hour to go get the vehicle. They’ve been hiding it in the garage (according to neighbors and repo company). I do some searching and find out they’re both on probation for stealing a bunch of stuff from multiple stores. So I of course find and call up Mrs. Probation officer to see if she has a last known address. I then mention to her they’re staying above the state line and bounced a very large check to me, and they’re facing fresh charges in my town, she appreciates the knowledge.

Now while I was up at their house one evening I talk to one of the neighbors (Who also hate them they’re always yelling at their kids and eachother) and convince neighbor to call me if they see the vehicle outside. It took one day, I get the call, I send a very large friend who lives nearby them to go get the vehicle. After many expletives, berating my friend, they hand over the vehicle. But not before finally calling me while he was there and tell me how they’re going to sue and blah blah.

I’m out quite a bit of money from the ordeal, but here’s the best part. I just found out by living out of state they violated probation and just got sentenced to 30 days in jail from that, and they also just had their “video court date”(because they’re currently in jail with the probation violation) with the local judge on the new charges of the bounced check. I got my vehicle back and guess what? Deadbeat wife’s Father got custody of the 2 kids.

Dean’s Plaid

Summary: You and Dean do NOT get along. Until the night that you do.

Warning: smut, anger sex

Word Count: 3200

A/N: Hope y’all enjoy some Dean smut! XOXO

There are two things in the world you really hate: plaid and Dean Winchester.

There are plenty of things that you don’t like, that irritate and annoy you, that you’d rather not deal with. But those are the only two things you actively hate. A store with a window display of plaid clothing is enough to get your blood boiling these days. And Dean? Well, you make sure you never think of Dean. That just tailspins your world into a mess of violent anger for days before it wears off.

So the fact that you are currently wearing one of Dean Winchester’s plaid shirts, listening to him hum along with the radio as he drives you to his motel?

Yeah. You’re gonna need something to kill.

Or you could just kill Dean.

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Pack Mom - Derek Hale x Reader

Originally posted by hvproductions

Pairing: Derek x Reader

Prompt: You’ve always been the mother figure to everyone in the pack but when the pups start calling you mom they also start treating you as Derek’s mate, awkwardness and confessions ensue.

Warning: Smut! and other shit! :D 


ENJOY!!

*****

You hopped out of your newly bought Mustang, you knew the pack would be shocked at your new car but the moment you saw the sleek black vehicle you knew it was the one. Your last car got trashed in a car chase with the Calaveras but you dug into your inheritance and decided to get something nicer. The moment one foot stepped out of the new car Stiles was on you with a million questions.

“Ohh my god when did you get this!? How does it run!? How much was it!?” You rolled your eyes but answered all of Stiles’ question calmly because you adored Stiles he was like a brother to you.

“Wow that is one beautiful car.” You heard a gruff voice say from behind you, you knew who it was but you turned around anyway with a nervous grin.

“I know she runs amazingly!” You exclaimed cheerfully which made Derek crack a small smile.

“Did he just smile?” Stiles stared at Derek with wide eyes.

“Yes Stiles I have the ability to smile.” Derek deadpanned.

“How come I’ve never seen you smile at anyone except Y/N? Well unless you count that deputy at the police station who you flirted with. Why don’t you smile at me?” Stiles rambled his arms flying around in an exaggerating manor.

“I smile at Y/N because she is about 5 times more attractive and 100% less hyperactive spaz.” Derek replied easily but when he said you were attractive your mind went blank, your heart started racing rapidly and you knew your cheeks were most likely bright red.

“Ooo Derek and Y/N sittin’ in a tree K I S S I N G fir-”

“Stiles shut up before I rip yo-”

“First comes love!” Erica popped up out of nowhere and started singing along.

“Then comes marriage!” Liam exclaimed as he burst out the door with a grin on his face.

“Then comes a baby in a baby carriage!” The three of them shouted together, at this point you knew your face was bright red so you buried your head in your hands willing it to go away.

“Then comes a divorce because she finally realises how grumpy Derek is.” You heard a cheerful voice at which made you look up to see Peter.

“Derek’s not grumpy.” You huffed at Peter which made everyone turn to you.

“Oh so no divorce?” Peter smirked knowing he’s caught you red handed.

“No! I mean-We’re not…And he’s not-Fuck my life!” You screamed storming into the house the pups soon following behind you.

You sat down next to Isaac and Liam as soon as the pack meeting started, they were both sat very close but you knew it was because contact made them calm. As Derek went through everything he needed to you stared at his chiselled face, the abs that you could see through his tight shirt and his ice green eyes as they darted to and from each pack member who asked question.

As the meeting came to a wraps Liam already had his head on your shoulder and Isaac had his on your lap you glanced at both of them smiling but knew you had to move if you wanted to get started on making dinner.

“Liam honey I need to go start on dinner.” His head shot up, nodding before running off to play video games with the boys.

“Isaac sweetie I need to go make food.” You giggled when he nuzzled into your lap more, you ran your fingers through his hair softly before looking down at his face realising he was sleeping. You lifted his head gently and set it on a cushion once you had moved. His face twisted in one of a lost puppy and he reached for anything he could.

“M-Mama..” He whimpered as his hand touched mine. Suddenly you were aware almost all the packs eyes were on you. You wanted to be embarrassed but you couldn’t be because it didn’t feel weird to be called that by the pups.

“Can I ask why everyone feel like that is something to gawp over?” You snapped in a motherly tone which soon made them lower their heads. As so finally got round to making tea you could hear Isaac shouting at the tv which you assumed to be because of a video game, suddenly Jacksons voice cut through the conversation.

“Aww is mama’s boy losing? Why don’t you go-”

“JACKSON JOHNATHAN WHITTEMORE!” you screamed as you shot out the kitchen door straight into the living area. Jackson froze and dropped his controller.

“Apologise right now!” You shouted as everyone seemed to freeze. Derek seemed ready to jump in but you knew he didn’t need to.

“Sorry Isaac..” You dipped his head slightly as if he’d been scolded by his mother.

“Now who’s a mama’s boy?” Stiles snorted which made your eyes shoot to him.

“Mieczyslaw Stilinski! Get in this kitchen and help me make food!” Everyone stared at you wide eyed making Stiles flush.

“How the hell did you pronounce that so perfectly!? I can’t even pronounce it and I’m his best friend!” Scott exclaimed as everyone stared at you then Scott. You ignored Scott question and followed an embarrassed Stiles into the kitchen.

After you finished making dinner you had the pack set the table and carry the excessive amount of food to the table. You all sat down, staring at the various foods you had made. You sat to Derek’s left and Scott was on his right. You noted that everyone let Derek eat the first bite which was normal because he was the Alpha but when everyone stared at you, you looked to Derek for help.

“Why is everyone looking at me?” You asked confused by everyone’s actions.

“The first person to eat in the pack is the Alpha then his mate, then the Alpha’s second.” Lydia stated calmly as she smiled over at you.

“But Scott is Derek’s second not me?” You replied, your left eyebrow raised slightly.

“But your Derek’s mate. Right?” Isaac asked from the seat next to you.

“What?” You looked back to Derek who was staring at Isaac with the same confused look.

“Guys we’re not dating…” Derek shifted awkwardly in his seat as he spoke it made your heart clench painfully at the fact he was uncomfortable with the idea of dating you.

“Oh sorry the idea of dating me seems so farfetched to you.” You growled at him making everyone freeze for what felt like the millionth time tonight.

“That’s not what I was saying Y/N.” Derek stated softly as he stared into your Y/E/C eyes.

“So what were you saying Derek?” You sneered and everyone seemed to shrink into their seats.

“Well I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable with everything they were saying…” He whispered his voice trailing off slightly.

“In what world would anyone be uncomfortable with dating Derek Hale?!” You screeched staring at him like he’d grown another head.

“Well if you wanna play that game fine! In what world would anyone be uncomfortable with dating Y/N Y/L/N!” He retaliated harshly.

“So then why aren’t you guys dating?” Liam spoke up softly, everyone turned to look at the youngest of the pack his head held high as if he’d knew he’d said something smart.

“Because Derek doesn’t like me the way I like him and you know this!” You whisper yelled to Liam but realised that you’d said it loud enough for everyone to hear.

“You like me?” Derek asked making you turn your attention to him, your face now bright red.

“Can we talk about this after diner please? I’d like to at least enjoy the food I cooked before you flat out reject me.” You mumbled softly before pushing the food around your plate. You looked up to Derek who was now out his seat. Before you knew what had happened you were yanked out your seat, one of his arms firmly wrapped around your waist and the other hand cupped your cheek.

“Do you like me?” He asked again with more heat and curiosity in his voice, his green eyes stared into yours making everyone else disappear. You nodded softly as your eyes flicked from his to his lips. His lips met yours in a soft yet passionate kiss, after a few seconds of small kisses that stole your breath away you were pulled out by the sound of Isaac’s voice.

“Ew it’s like watching your parents make out.” You pulled away flushing slightly before looking up at Derek who sent you a pantie melting grin which made your knees weak.

“Can we eat now I didn’t slave over a hot stove to eat cold food?” Stiles grumbled which made me turn to him with a raised eyebrow daring him to take all the credit.

“I mean let eat this delicious food mama made and then make sure to give her a foot massage later?” He grinned over at your cheekily.

“Stiles shut up or I will rip your thr-” Derek stopped mid-sentence as you shot him the same look.

“I mean let’s eat then put on Y/N favourite film?” Derek mumbled his eyes wide.

“See now you’re getting it. Okay time to eat.” You giggled pressing a gentle kiss to Derek’s cheek.

After dinner you all put on a film and cuddled on the giant L shaped couch. Everyone was touching in some way with and Derek in the middle of what could only be classed as a puppy pile. You could stop to scared thought that this could just be another one of your dreams about Derek but every time you count your fingers and thumbs you had ten altogether. You buried you head into Derek hard chest which was surprisingly comfortable. You drew shapes absently on Derek’s chest as your listened to his heart beat. Every now and then it would rise and become louder but other than that it was a calming tempo.

Eventually everyone started leaving until you were the last on left in the newly re-built Hale house. You shuffled about as Derek walked you to the front door. As you were about to put your shoes on Derek stopped you grabbing your face and kissing you with so much emotion and roughness you knew your lips would bruise. When he pulled away, you let out a small whine from the loss but opened your eyes to look into his.

“God I’ve wanted to do that all night but I felt like I’d scar the pups.” Derek sighed softly as he started regaining his lost breath.

“Derek…What are we?” You asked softly as his hands made circles on both cheeks.

“You’re mine and I’m yours.” He responded calmly, his hands slipping into your hair. When he gripped your hair slightly you let out a whimper now thoughts of him claiming you, his eyes glowing red as he made you submit, made their way into your head. You soon started to feel your panties grow damn which as soon as Derek took a deep breath through his nose you knew he smelt because his eyes changed from icy green to crimson red.

“Stop.” He growled as your arousal got worse as his red eyes stared into yours.

“I can’t stop the fact that you turn me on Derek.” You chuckled softly, biting your lip so stop another whimper escaping when you felt his hand grip your hair tighter.

“You smell so sweet.” His left hands moved to grip your hip as he drew you closer towards him.

“If you don’t leave now I’m going to take you upstairs and claim you.” Derek growled into your ear, his fangs grazing against the shell of your ear.

“Then do it.” You panted as his mouth moved to your neck.

“You sure that’s what you want I mean we only star-”

Before he could continue rambling you grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him down for a bruising kiss. Both his hands gripped your waist in a tight hold but you didn’t care if he left bruises it just meant that Derek wanted you that much he couldn’t control himself and to you that felt empowering.

“Yes I’m sure I want Alpha to claim me.” You whined softly as you pulled away from the kiss.

He didn’t answer with words instead chose to growl at my choice of words, there was something extremely attractive about his red eyes and growls that went straight to your core. You step back from him and pulled off your baby blue summer dress you were currently wearing, leaving you in your underwear, a strapless nude pink bra and matching panties. His eyes roamed over you hungrily as you made your way up the large set of stairs, swaying your hips seductively as you went. He was soon chasing after your almost fumbling like a horny teenager to get his shirt off.

Once you reached his room, you crawled onto his bed on all fours. He made his way over to you gripping your hips tightly. His right hand slowly made its way down your back pushing softly on your shoulder blades so you were face down with your lace clad ass in the air. You giggled shaking your ass at him playfully making another feral growl emit from his chest. He playfully slapped your ass making you playfully moan at him. You knew at this point you were so wet that your panties were likely soaked. His right hand made it way down my back to my ass before skimming over your lace cover pussy.

“Jesus you’re so wet.” He groaned as if this fact caused him and his dick physical pain.

“Mhm because Alpha makes me wet.” You gasped as he moved your panties to one side and ran his index finger through your wet folds.

“What does Alpha’s little kitten want?” He whispered as his lips gave small kisses to your ass cheeks which made you whine softly.

“Want Alpha’s tongue.” You managed to whisper, your hands gripping the sheets tightly in anticipation. Instead of responding he ripped your panties off, his tongue delving into your pussy as soon as the shredded panties were thrown away. You let out a breathy moan as his tongue dipped into your hole, fucking you roughly with his tongue before moving his attention to your clit giving slight kitten licks making you whimper before trying to push back on him. His hands gripped your hips keeping you firmly in place as he continued his ministrations on your dripping core. Soon his fingers entered the mix, his two fingers slowly pushing in and out making your moans louder. He started sucking on your clit making your orgasm start towards the edge.

“D-Derek am gonna’ cum.” You stuttered out barely able to even form the sentence but these words only made his finger go faster and his licks and bites get rougher. You finally felt yourself fall gripping the sheets, his name repeatedly falling from your lips over and over. Finally as you started to come down his attention stopped and you were flipped onto your back.

“Would like to stop now Y/N?” He asked as he hovered over your body his shirt gone along with his jeans leaving him in boxers with a very large noticeable hard on showing. He tucked some of your Y/H/C hair behind your ear, his actions soft and loving making you smiles up at him tiredly.

“No I want you to make love to me.” You smiled at him lovingly as he leaned down kissing your forehead. He nodded as he grabbed a condom from the nightstand, carefully rolling it on. He lifted your legs gently wrapping them around his waist, his tip now teasing your entrance. He looked at you one last time as if asking once again if this was okay but instead of answering verbally, you brought him down for a reassuring kiss. He entered you slowly your back arching softly as you gripped onto his bicep with one hand, the other gripping the sheets. You had only had sex once when you were 17 but he was a lot bigger than the guy who took your virginity. He stopped as soon as he was fully inside of you he looked down to make sure you were okay.

“You okay baby?” He asked softly caressing your face.

“Y-Yeah this is only my second time ever having…” You drifted off yours cheeks flushing tenfold.

“You should have told me I’d of prepared you more!” He whispered yelled his voice full of panic and apologies.

“It’s okay Der I’m fine now you can move.” You whispered bring him down for a chaste kiss.

He looked uncertain with your words but you moved your hips up letting out a gasp followed quickly by a moan. You moved your arms to rest around his neck pulling him down for a slow yet passion kiss as he began with slow thrusts that made you moan into the kiss. He supported himself on one arm and used the other to run his fingers through your L/S hair. He kissed the corner of your mouth as his thrust got harder but not faster. His lips placing a trail of kisses to your neck.

“Shit Y/N…Feels good.” He moaned huskily into your ear.

Your moans were gentle and worn out as you felt yourself building again. When you clenched around Derek slightly brought his hand down to draw circles against your clit. His panting and gasps getting heavier as his thrust became more uneven and messy. His other hand gripped the sheets as he felt you finally cum around his shaft.

“Derek!” Your voice shouted out as you felt yourself cum for the second time.

“I’m cumming…” He gasped as he thrust into deeper than before, making you rasp out a quiet moan. As he came his thrust became more uneven and slowed down before coming to a stop. You were both panting as he took the condom off. He tied it throwing it into the bin before he collapsed next to you. He pulled the covers from under both of you making sure your naked body was covered as he drew you in until your head was on his chest.

“I love you Y/N.” He whispered as he kissed your head, running his fingers through your hair.

“I love you too Der.” You murmured before you felt sleep take you.

I guess being pack mom isn’t so bad after all.

Elsewhere University- Feathers

Like a whole bunch of other people, I saw @charminglyantiquated ’s Elsewhere University Comic and got SUPER INSPIRED. And since she’s so generously encouraging other people to play in her sandbox, I present ‘Feathers’.  EDIT : PART 2 HERE

You go to Elsewhere University. You’ve been going to Elsewhere University for (years and years and years and years) for three years now. You know how things are. You’re not an RA, but… Mm, you could have been.

Might still be. Aren’t yet.

This is your junior year (you think). You know how things are. You carry salt in one pocket, iron in another, trinkets to bargain away in your book bag, offerings in your purse, pearls around your neck.

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3

Hey guys!!!

Thought I should clarify. I’m not having sex with these guys for yoga clothes/gifts/money.

The thing is when you’re meeting the guys on tinder they’re looking for regular girls. Not escorts/SBs so you have to play that game too or trick them into thinking you like them and they’ll spend more money on you. I never mention “sugar daddy” or “sugar baby” or anything like that. My guys always tell me “I’m not your sugar daddy” and drop $5k in my bank. No one wants to feel used. For me I make them feel like a boyfriend and I care about them. I buy my bf little gifts and wrap it with a pretty bow. My bf loves Mountain Dew so I go to Target and buy the pure cane sugar one in a glass bottle and I told him this one is better for him then the fructose one. It’s more expensive but I want to make him feel special. I heard him bragging to his brother about it. It was so cute. They want to feel special. Our job is to make them feel like a king. Like they’re the best. And we feel so safe around them. Our job to pump up their ego and their wallets open up.

Don’t have sex with these guys!!! You get the most gifts when you’re not having sex with them. Once you have sex the gifts slow down because they already won you. You gotta make them chase you and win you so they will cherish you. Be unavailable too. Don’t always answer, don’t text then back right away, and go hang out with your family and diss him sometimes.

How I tinder:

Here’s what I found out. You gotta be available to go within the hour. The guys that are impulsive seem to spend the most. The guys that plan future dates flake or ghost. So I go on tinder and try to match the guys that look like they have money. I talk to all the guys I match with because it’s a numbers game. Once I get some traction with a guy I start focusing on the guys that are responding. Then the guys that ask me to dinner or whatever I say “awwww I really wanted to go to the spa today… what about a couples massage instead” or “I really need new makeup (insert what you need)” the real ones will step up and say “ok I’ll come get you and we can go shopping”. Now if the guy says “what do I get out of it” or something relating to sex I unmatch them. I’m not having sex for $500 Sephora shit. Them taking me shopping is getting me to come out. I hate going out to eat because my 30 year old daddy gives me a Platinum Amex to eat whatever and my bf has his credit card on my UberEATS and Postmates. I rather eat Lobster from Boa at home in my PJs with no make up on.

Then you let them blow money on you and you GO HOME! Then they’ll call you again tomorrow because they’re invested in you. You run the same game “awwww I really want to see you but I really need new sunglasses from Chanel”. If they’re real they will offer to buy it for you.

Once you get them to start spending money on you regularly you have conditioned this guy to think he has to spend money if he wants to see you. Dinner does not count! He’s eating too!!!!

Now here’s where you cash in… there’s going to be that moment he falls in love with you. Then he’s going to want to see you all the time and maybe even ask you to be his gf. You say “I really like you but I have to be honest with you. I have a guy that gives me $5000 (insert amount) a month and I can’t really afford to leave him. I can’t have sex with 2 guys because that’s just gross.” If he’s real he will tell you to dump your guy and start an arrangement. NEVER USE THE WORD ARRANGEMENT! Then you rinse and repeat and collect your sugar daddies! And of course you can sleep with multiple guys but you never let him know that. In his eyes, he’s the king, the one and only!

So my Santa Barbara guy told me he’ll give me $5000 a month + shopping to break up with my bf because I wouldn’t have sex with him because “I only have sex with one guy at a time”

I’m not a pro at this. I’m still learning and tweaking shit. So many girls message me asking for advice. I want to help all of you. Your body is sacred. Don’t just give it away. Have sex with guys you like, are attracted to… you’re not a $300 hooker. You’re more than that. You can find love in this sugar world. I’m not into old guys. I date guys younger than me and at best 40 because I want to feel attracted to them.

Let’s do some affirmations together:

We are attracting the sugar daddy of all sugar daddies! He’s going to give us a fat allowance and buy us everything we want! All we have to worry about is “what color” :) We are attracting love and happiness.

I hope we all make it ladies :)

two rotten apples [m] | pt. 2

credit: x.

❛❛we’re next-door neighbors and have hated each other since middle school but now we’re going to the same university how can we avoid the other person like the plague so there isn’t a crime scene— what do you mean you promised my mom you would keep an eye on me???? you fucking planned this❜❜ AU

COUNT → 17.686

GENRE → smut | eventual angst

PAIRING → jungkook | reader

WARNINGS → dom and sub tones | spanking mention | mild cum play | explicit language | male and female masturbation | penetration | erotica mention | public sex | restraints | dry humping | graphic dirty talk 

LINKS → 1 | 2 | COMING SOON


The second the timer on the drying machine went off to alert you of your shirt finally being dry enough to wear, the band from its neckline snapped against your shoulders when you slipped it back on. You pulled some of the cotton material to your nose, trying to see if it still even faintly smelled like beer.

Unlike your underwear which just smelled like cum and farts.

The farts courtesy of Jungkook. Well, you didn’t know if he actually farted, but he just naturally smelled like that to you—like old beans and moldy cheese.

You’d spent the past two hours in the laundry room in nothing but a bra and your loose-fitted skirt. It still hadn’t hit you yet—at least not entirely—that you had let your next-door neighbor spank and bone the living shit out of you. That was something you were going to put on your list of stupid-things-you’ve-done-but-did-anyway-for-some-reason. Maybe his mother could relate after giving birth to him. You were pretty sure she found him just as annoying as you.

But then everyone else thought rainbows shined out of his ass.

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