I’ve seen a few people say on occasion that the fact aces feel “relieved” when they realize they’re ace is “telling” and imply it means being ace isn’t so bad.
let me tell you a thing.
I went years without one of my worst chronic illnesses being properly diagnossed. the day I got a formal diagnosis I felt relieved.
I felt relieved even tho I knew it still meant even with good insurance to help pay for the best treatment of it I’d still be dealing with debilitating levels of pain and fatigue. knowing that with my shitty insurance I would not be able to get the proper treatment to minimize it as much as possible. knowing that doctors don’t even know enough about what causes it let alone know how to fix it. knowing they know so little about it compared to something better studied that they’re still finding stuff out about the symptoms of it. knowing that some doctors and nurses still claim it’s a psychological condition. knowing I am going to live my whole life in moderate to severe pain and exhausted and never be able to live a normal life.
I felt relieved because I had a name for it, because that gave me a source of support. I could use the internet to communicate with other people who had it and get support and knowledge of their experiences with it from them. because it made me feel less alone.
that relief didn’t make what I deal with any better, it was because it gave me a frame of reference, made me feel less alone, and helped me find support from other people who experience the same thing.
I implore you people who think the fact asexuals feel relieved when they realize they’re asexual to think on this.
The blinding light that had surrounded Cas moments ago slowly dimmed down to a level that wouldn’t burn their damn eyes out, before disappearing as quickly as it had appeared, leaving a confused, but blessedly healed, Angel of the Lord sitting on the ratty ass couch. Cas turned to Dean, looking as shocked as he had felt, before turning to stare at something behind the hunter. That something turned out to be Crowley, as he was holding the Lance, or the top part of it anyway, running his fingers over the now relatively harmless spear head. Apparently he had broken the Lance while they had their backs turned when Cas started spazzing out, black goo that looked eerily similar to the crap that came out of him during the Leviathan fiasco, effectively breaking whatever spell that was killing Cas and allowed him to finally be able to heal himself.
They all turned to him, bewildered, but Crowley just looked at us, a look of indifference on his face. “You’re welcome” was all the King of Hell said before he dropped the spear head and left, ever the drama queen. He looked around and saw that mom and Sam looked just as confused and relieved as he did, though Sam was looking rather proud and mom looked like she was wondering how in the hell (no pun intended) a demon could do something so selfless, so human, and so out of character like saving an angel’s life.
But none of that mattered, not when Cas was safe, healed, alive. Sure his clothes were still bloody, they’ll get him some clean ones as soon as they get to the bunker and burn the bloodied ones because he did NOT want to see the evidence of Cas’ closest and almost final brush with death for a second longer than necessary, and still weak from the amount of grace that had to have been used to heal himself, but he was alive. That didn’t stop the worry and fear that had taken hold of Dean when Crowley said that there was no cure for this one, Billie’s warning of ‘consequences of the cosmic scale’ still ringing in his ears and hammering about in his skull as he and Sammy reach out to haul Cas up to his feet. And if he held on a little longer to Cas’ hand and squeezed a little tighter than necessary, then who could blame him? He almost lost his best friend, he had a right to indulge in his need to be clingy, even if it was for like a second.
But that fear and worry had abated, for just a moment, when Cas turned to him, blue eyes slightly widened in shock, but with an underlying sense of apprehension. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights and for a moment Dean couldn’t understand why, before what would have been his last words to them came crashing through like a frieght train
“I love you… I love all of you”
Cas might have tried to save himself by attempting to clarify that his love was equal for us all, but even Dean, the most emotionally constipated human ever, could tell that that first ‘I love you’ was directed at him. Cas loved him.
Cas loved him?
Why would he love him? Why would he, an Angel of the freakin LORD love him, a hairless ape that has caused him nothing but grief since the moment they met. The mud monkey that had gotten him killed Chuck knew how many times, had cost him his family upstairs, his wings, his grace, everything? It just didn’t make any sense. Cas should love someone who could take care of him, and he wasn’t exactly boyfriend material, people didn’t look at guys like him and think ‘that’s them, that’s the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. That’s the one.’ He never had had a good track record with long term relationships, Lisa had been his longest and even then it was rocky and wasn’t long before it all went to hell in a hand basket. He didn’t think he could be the kind of boyfriend Cas deserved, the kind he wanted to be for him, but if tonight, of all the other times they had lost or almost lost each other, had finally taught him anything, it was that life was too short for doubts and hesitation and you never knew when your time would come (for good). He was done burying his feelings.
He turned to Sammy, giving him a look that he hoped his brother understood, before addressing him and mom, “You two go on ahead in mom’s car, me and Cas will take Baby after we clean up here, don’t want the LEO’s to find the Lance, depowered or not.”
Thankfully his giant moose of a brother understood, grabbing ahold of mom while heading to the door, giving her a toned down Bitch Face #14 when she went to protest and pull away, “Sure man, you guys be careful though. I’ll get something for all of us to eat on the way to the bunker. And Cas, I’m glad you’re ok man.” Was all he said before he dragged mom out of there and to the car, not before discreetly throwing a eyebrow wiggle his older brothers way, the bitch.
Dean breathed out a sigh of relief as the door closed, he waited till he heard mom’s car start and leave before turning to look at the angel beside him. Cas looked confused, if a bit pleased. It was then that Dean realised that his hand had migrated to the angels back during his epiphany earlier, but he couldn’t bring himself to care all that much. It felt nice, the warmth of Cas’ back seeping into his hand, the surprising softness of that damn trench coat he always insisted on wearing. He was closer than Dean remember him being a few moment ago, staring at him with wonder, with no little bit of hope just shining through those beautiful blue eyes of his.
“Dean?” He asked, as if he was afraid that this was all a dream. And quite honestly Dean was having a hard time not thinking like that too.
Dean smiled slightly, eyes raking over his entire form, making sure that he was completely healed, reassuring himself that he was really alright, before moving his other hand to cup his angels cheek. Cas turned slightly into the touch, a soft smile blooming across his face.
It was then that Dean’s eyes started to burn slightly, the full gravity of what almost happened tonight, what he almost lost, finally register with him. He pulled Cas towards himself till he was flush against his body, holding him tightly. Cas looked at Dean, worried and but happy, before he brought his arms up, his left going around his waist and his right buried in the hair on the back of his head. Dean cleared his throat before looking him in the eye, thumb brushing away the stray tear that had escaped the angel’s eyes.
“Cas… I love you too.” Was all he got out as the rest of what he was going to say got stuck in his throat, but that didn’t matter, because Cas knew, he understood all that he was trying to convey, if the blinding, watery smile was anything to go by. And beside, words were no longer need, not as he finally pulled him even closer, closing the rest of the distance between them, pressing his lips to the angel’s surprisingly soft ones in a gentle, chaste kiss. It was the first of many, if he had anything to say about it, because now there was no way he was going to ever let this go, ever let Cas go.
Thank you so much to the original artist. I could not find out who it was, and if someone knows who this is by please let me know so i can give them credit. I see now that the dark koi fin next to the symbol is not shaded in, and ill have that fixed once its healed
The first thing Yuuri registered when he woke up was the soft pitter-patter of rain outside.
He smiled. Rain meant he could stay in bed just a little longer, since Victor liked to drag him out for a morning run. He liked running, but he also liked the feeling of just waking up, when your bed’s still warm and it’s the most comfortable place on Earth.
Yuuri pulled the sheets up to his neck and burrowed into his bed. He felt so nice, so warm and boneless. He could almost fall asleep again…
An ice cold hand traced over his side.
Yuuri shrieked and tried to wiggle away from the intrusion. An arm wrapped around his middle and pulled him back against a hard chest.
Yuuri turned over and saw a slightly blurred Victor. He smiled down at Yuuri and bent forward to kiss his forehead. Yuuri smiled and pushed his face into Victor’s neck. The hickey he left there last night stood out on his pale skin.
It seems like I can’t mention a symptom without either being blamed, dismissed completely, or having to deal with an outrage that doctors haven’t found some treatment to fix me.
Like I already know this sucks I don’t need you to tell me. It just feels so performative and it ends up with me trying to make them feel better about me not having treatment instead of them just accepting I’m disabled
i hope ur all doing amazing as u all deserve to be! anyway since i reached a goal of mine i wanted to make sure i took some time to appreciate u, my lovely mutuals! thank u so much for following my messy blog,, it really means a lot to me 😪 seeing u all on my dash and makes me so happy nd im so glad that we’re mutuals,, i love u all very much nd i’d do anything for u all 💌💞 (im so serious sfhsh) pls know that im here for u all, literally just send me an ask or a message about anything (im starting school tmrw so i won’t be as active but) yeah just literally pop in my askbox and tell me about ur day nd id go along with it like??? i love talking to u guys so much so!!
anyway here we go… (if i forgot u or if u changed ur url im sorry! ill fix it just tell me!)
💐 = i admire u so much??? ur blog is amazing and i probably aspire to be like u and reblog alot from u (gdhf im so sorry)
🌟 = even though we have different aesthetics ur blog is everything and i enjoy ur content on my dash!
💗 = we’ve interacted a few times or at all and ilu pls lets interact more
🌹 = everytime i see u on my dash i smile,, ur really amazing
💘 = this is especially for ash,, i hate u well i just want u to know that uh i kinda love u like i dont know what id do without our daily convos n stuff??? ur so funny n im glad i met u…n u kinda mean a lot to me?? yeah ok bye 😪💌 also ten came back to me and made me write this so
phar/////mercy Is that ship that I thought was cute when I first found it, and would reblog art and stuff of it but then I saw what the ship’s fandom was like…
I think it was when the stans started being racist towards Michael Chu that I really just got so turned off by phar////mercy as a whole, and also from them being shitty in the gency tag. its that ship that the fandom ruined for me y’know?
I made some Pride Axolotls! I think I got the colours right for each one? If I didnt please tell me and I’ll fix it up. Also if I missed one that you want just ask and Ill make it! Requests are open. (Also send message to let me know if you use these for anything because I would like to see it!)
Warnings: ANGST. Depression, Violence, Smut, Mutant Reader
(ALWAYS) powers include immortality, healing and telekinesis. Currently can’t
think of anything else.
Summary: 5 years after the events of CACW, you are the live-in
therapist for the newly reconciled Avengers, Steve’s Fiancé. The first words
your soulmate speaks appears on your body, but only after your first
conversation has taken place, making it impossible to know who your soulmate
is, what will happen when Steve brings Bucky too live at the compound?
Song: Blink 182 Obvious
I saw you again
I think you used me again
Should we try this before we give up and move on
And pretend to restore what we have and hold on
At times like these
The fights been raging for what feels like hours, remnants of a
vase lay shattered on the floor from your aimed throw at Steve’s head, There’s
a hole in the wall where Steve put his fist through it, you’re hurling insults
at him, He’s steadily getting redder with every word out of your mouth “you
haven’t touched me in a week Steve! Am I that fucking repulsive? Do you hate me
that much?” your breaking down in front of him, tears are streaming down your
face “you cant even look me in the eye! You’re a fucking coward!” you
spit he takes two long steps forward, grabbing you by the arms and
shaking you slightly “Don say things ya cant take back doll, I don’ even know who ya are anymore!” he hisses “I’m getting sick of playin second fiddle to Bucky,
you better make a decision” you’re eyes narrow “Fuckin typical of you Steven!
Heaping the blame straight onto my shoulders! Get your self -righteous head outta
your ass and open your eyes!” “The hell do ya mean? I gave you space! I see the
way you’re eyein him when you think I aint lookin! I won’t be surprised if its
gon’ further than that!” Crack, you’re panting, the red imprint of your hand marking his
flawless porcelain skin, his mouth is opening and closing, searching for
something, anything to say that will fix the cluster fuck
that you both seem to have created, clenching his jaw he takes a deep breath
and says “I love you, but we aint happy, we gotta either fix this mess or give
up on it, I hate the thought of you with him, but if that’s what it takes then
I won’t stand in your way, if you wanna be with me then be with me, you can’t
have it both ways doll” he steps away from you, “Let me know what ya decide,
ill take one of the open rooms in the compound till ya can tell me what ya
want” he adds, he moves to kiss your forehead, but you shove him away from you “you don’t get to do that Steve! you aren’t even going to try and fight for us? MAKE UP YOUR MIND!”
“this is not my decision (y/n), it’s yours” he somberly replies
“so you’re just gonna walk out on me? This isn’t fair Steve, we’re supposed to be partners, We’re supposed to mean something!” you sob
“Guess it didn’t mean as much as we thought it did” he replies as he leaves.
I saw you again
I know you fucked him again
Can you comfort yourself with a sense of revenge
Are you leaving me here with the taste of the end
Bucky had heard the screams emitting from your bedroom and cautiously made his way toward the noise, scanning the corridors for a threat, he ducks into a corner as he sees Steve exiting the bedroom, he knows that look, that’s the look he gets whenever he wakes screaming from a nightmare, drenched in sweat ans shivering with the horror, making his way to the open door, he spies broken glass and plaster scattered around the floor, you’re a mess, face blotchy and red from crying Fuck Steve He think as he watches you sink to the floor, letting out a wail that has
tears coming to his eyes, he rushes forward gathering you in his arms he rocks
you backward and forwards, making vague shushing noises, hoping you get some sort
of comfort from his presence, your shaking in his arms, tears soaking through
his shirt, he absently strokes your hair “I’m here Printsessa” he soothes “let
At times like these
At times like these
This is his fault, he should
never have come here, he should have gone back to Bucharest when he had the
chance, in the space of a few weeks he’s managed to fall in love with his best
friends girl, and what seems to him, break them up, he takes in your sobbing
form sprouting out incoherent sentences, all he can make out is “Bucky”,
“Please” and “Make it stop it” and he breaks, the fuck is wrong with him? What
has he done? Your sobbing is calming down some when he hears you whisper
“Please don’t leave me too James” he gives you a watery smile “I ain goin
I saw you
again and again and again
There’s some room to move on, to move on, to move on
And I saw you again and again and again
How do we fix this if we never have vision
Bucky picks you up bridal style and lays you down on the bed, placing a lingering kiss on your wet cheek, your insides ache, Steve just walked out, a 5 year relationship down the drain, and you couldn’t wrap your head around it, you wouldn’t believe it, couldn’t believe it. you are handling everything wrong, you’re destroying more than just your own relationship, you’re dragging down a friendship that spans a century, you need to stop this now, before you do irreparable harm to them both, you cant be with Steve without hurting Bucky, And you cant be with Bucky without hurting Steve, you can be without them both and hurt only yourself though. With that final heart wrenching thought you utter the words that you know will haunt you for the rest of your long life:
Shock doesn’t even begin to cover his expression “ Wha’ (y/n) No, we-”
“Get. Out. Find Steve. Fix this”
“Don’ do this” He begs
“Leave, right now. I don’t want you here” you lie
The pure gut wrenching sorrow on Bucky’s face almost has you taking back every horrible thing you’ve said, but then Bucky’s face hardens, winter Soldier replacing the warm caring man you have come to know. the look he gives you is so full of venom you physically recoil from it, “Tha’s right doll, let’s ignore each other, Try to pretend the other person doesn’t exist, but deep down we both know it wasn’t supposed to end like this” and with that he turns to leave slamming the door on his way out.
You cry yourself to sleep.
At times like these
At times like these
Tags: Thank you guys for reading. Some of these tags refuse to work!