let me be you. but still myself

  • simon, iron sisters: they (shadowhunters) act like they're our allies but they don't know what we go through just to get through the day
  • TRANSLATION: I'm homeless, starving, barely surviving, depressed and I had a clan who understood what it's like to live like this but I lost them. no one at the institute gives a damn and I realized this too late
  • maia, agreeing: tell me about it
  • TRANSLATION: we'll never be equals with them
  • simon: you know, and just when I thought I was starting to get the hang of it (being a vampire) I sank to an all all-time low
  • TRANSLATION: just when I started liking my life, the clan who became family and this new version of myself, I did the lowest thing I could've done and hurt people I cared about - it's something I regret
  • maia: what happened?
  • simon: *silence*
  • TRANSLATION: let's not do this, it's still an open wound (mentally flashes back to that day and raphael's behavior since, watching him walk away again and again)
  • maia: oh Now you're quiet?
  • TRANSLATION: that bad huh?
  • maia: *deflects by sharing an embarrassing story*
Break-up text.

Darling, I just want to let you know that I’m okay. I got your texts, your emails and your phone calls. I just wasn’t feeling myself, you know ? And I have been getting those feeling lately. I don’t know how to explain it. It feels like I need to change something. I’m getting impatient and irritated. I can’t sit still anymore and I don’t think I’m happy with how my life it is right now.

Do you remember when you told me on the 15th of March 2015 that if I don’t feel happy, I should find my happiness? Don’t regret those words, please. Happiness seems like such a wild concept right now and I don’t think that I have felt it in a while.

Please, baby. Don’t blame yourself. This is not about you but about me. I can’t find myself. And I know. I know it’s such an asshole move for me to say all of this over text but you know how I always had trouble expressing myself. I would like to have the courage to just come to your apartment, look into your eyes and tell you how I am really feeling but I can’t. I won’t be able to look into those deep blue eyes of yours. They would hold me back. Because I still love you.

And I am so sorry to end everything like this but I can’t do this anymore. I’m lost, I’m scared and I can’t find myself anymore. I hope you’re not crying even though I am. I want you to be strong. I want you to conquer the whole world, because you deserve it. Again, this is not you baby, it’s about me. And I am begging you to please not try to get me back because I have no self-control when it comes to you. I’m packing everything, I’m leaving tonight. I don’t know yet where I’m going but all I know is that I can’t take you with me. I don’t know when I’ll be back or if I’ll be back. I want you to get over me. Forget me as if you never loved me. It won’t be difficult, I was not the best anyways.

Goodbye my love. I promise to remember everything and to remember you because you are what I needed. I love you x

oof, let me tell you I’m exhausted but still feeling good??

which is rare….. because usually when it’s super stressful at work I tend to let it drag me down but this time I’ve decided to focus on other things, like, getting back into a regular workout routine. and socializing (mostly means I’m texting w people all the time, but also going out to meet family and friends.) and also getting back to writing… I’ve missed it so much

anyway I wanted to just write this down and let y'all know I’m proud of myself for not letting my anxiety and stress control how I feel but instead realizing I need to take care of myself

anonymous asked:

Hi! I have a question for you as a writer. I'm shy and not 100% confident in my English. Like i read and understand it, but when it comes to writing i become self-concious. And i want authors to know that i appreciate their work, their word choices, metaphors and humour. But i'm not sure if i could convey it through my not so perfect english. So should i still try to write longer comments? Or just limit myself to short generic ones?

so first let me preface this by saying short comments are fine if that’s what you’re more comfortable with, we fic authors love and any all comments that we get

that being said, we *adore* longer comments, people who write multi-paragraph comments are super-duper-amazing people that I want to give lots of hugs to. If you’re willing to put in the effort, we will not care if you make a few mistakes with your English along the way.

that also being said, your English is really good! I wouldn’t have known you weren’t a native speaker from this ask if you hadn’t told me ^_^`

astertale  asked:

[Daphne shows up late in her pajamas with a reusable shopping bag slung over her shoulder. She throws a flirtatious wink towards Gaster once he opens the door, strolling to the snack table and immediately unloading her treasure.] "I brought my famous taco dip and tortilla chips. Try not to propose after the first bite," she warns... Though it almost seems like she'd be perfectly fine with that.

Gaster grins at the wink, thinking to himself that he still has it while Sans and Red roll their eyelights.  It’s G!Sans, however, that meanders over to the snack table this time, quirking a brow.  “that good, huh?  no promises here, kiddo.”  Smirking, he tries a bite, and he’s unable to hold back his satisfied moan.  “you weren’t kiddin’.  if you let me have this all to myself, i might just drop to one knee right here.”

anonymous asked:

I'm sorry. I couldn't do it. I couldn't confront my dad. I got too scared. I'm sorry. My dad... Well, there's a reason my parents got divorced, okay? And the kind of shit that i went through, I'll never forget it, even if I live to be 100. And I'm still scared of him, subconsciously​. Im so upset with my lack of courage I want to cry. I'm sorry. I let myself down...

It’s okay

Nobody should ever force or pressure you into coming out, and you shouldn’t unless you know you will be safe

If you ever need anything, you can message me (eerily-twee)

I’m sorry you let yourself down, but you can know you didn’t let me down

-Avin 👽

beyourowndensity  asked:

I just want to ask, have you seen Mark Hamill's tribute to Carrie Fisher from SWCO yet? If so, what is it like? Is it really, really sad? Thing is, I still haven't. And I can't actually bring myself to, even though I know I have to eventually. I heard that Mark is close to tears at one point in it, and that thought really upsets me. I feel like I'm letting them both down. I don't know what to do.

I watched most of it during the live stream (sadly couldn’t finish since I had to catch my bus), but it was a bit sad, yeah. Mark was on the verge of tears in one part, and it was pretty heartbreaking to see. :/

However, I’d say that the overall tone was a warm remembrance of Carrie, with Mark telling funny stories about her and trying to offer a light view on coping with her being gone. It wasn’t ALL sad, and I think Mark, bless his heart, kept it together very well. He did a great job.

As to whether or not you should watch it? That’s entirely up to you. I don’t think anyone would judge you if you didn’t, but I personally think it’s worth watching at least once.

youtube

This Month is Autism Acceptance Month and many of you have requested this, so I’m super happy to be able to take time to sit down with some friends and educate myself on the autism community! This was an absolutely wonderful chat and I hope you enjoy as much as I did! Through the video, I make mention of “Autism Awareness” at the time of the recording, I was unaware of the more accepted term, “autism acceptance”, so I apologize!! I’m very happy to learn and use this term from here on out, so thank you for letting me know!! There are still many things I’m learning, so thank you for bearing with me as I continue to educate myself!

anyone else kinda terrified you’ll never be able to hold a job in the future because of your mental illness

december 31st, 2015, 10:23 pm: i saw you for the first time. you were talking to a girl and i could tell that you were capturing her with every syllable that left your mouth. and i knew why: you were beautiful and bright, and i was drawn to you even then, like the planets are drawn to the sun.

december 31st, 2015, 11:58 pm: we met standing in line for the bathroom. you introduced yourself, and asked for my name, smiling when i gave it. “lovely,” you murmured, and repeated it a few more times, rolling the letters around in your mouth like a new food.

january 1st, 2016, 12:05 am: i could still feel you on me, your lips, minutes, hours, months later. the clock had struck midnight and you just grabbed me, didn’t ask if it was okay until it was over. you were laughing, brushing it off, all teeth and well-kissed lips, but i knew i saw you blushing. 

january 21st, 2016, 1:12 pm: you got my number through the mutual friend that threw the party. i still don’t know how you got my address. i didn’t remember telling you. you couldn’t tell me, either.

february 14th, 2016, 9:12 pm: you took me out to dinner and bought me chocolate and roses. it was all so cliche, and i loved every second of it. when you kissed me good night, i swore i could feel the rest of my life, pressed right up against my lips.

february 26th, 2016, 11:33 pm: we made it official. i remember how you asked me, how shy you got, like you didn’t know what the answer would be.

march 17th, 2016, 5:43 pm: we spent the day at the saint patrick’s day parade, and you filled yourself with beer and kissed me hard against the bar bathroom door. i drove you home and that was the first time you told me you loved me.

march 18th, 2016, 9:24 am: you called me and told me you loved me again. “i want to make sure that you know i still mean it when i’m sober,” you said.

march 24th, 2016, 1:09 pm: i met your parents at easter brunch. you had demanded i come with you, and i was glad i did. your mother was kind and beautiful, and your father was warm and handsome, just like i knew they’d be. after we’d eaten, your mother got me alone. “he’s never brought a girl home before,” she told me, “normally he isn’t very open about who he’s dating. but you, you’re different. don’t read into this, but i think he may really think you’re special.”

april 12th, 2016, 8:31 pm: you saw me naked for the first time, and you kissed every inch of my skin. i’d never felt that much love from anybody before that night, and i haven’t since. not even you could replicate those few hours.

may 5th, 2016, 4:57 pm: we fought for the first time. i ran into my ex at the grocery store and wanted to chat for a few minutes. you didn’t. when we got in the car, you told me that if i was still in love with somebody else i could just leave, and i told you that you should trust me and not be so insecure about our relationship. we screamed the whole way home and you slammed the car door when i dropped you off. i almost crashed three times on the drive home.

may 6th, 2016, 8:03 am: you came by with flowers and breakfast. “I’m sorry,” you told me, “you just mean so much to me, and the thought of you ever being anyone else’s makes me sick.” i smiled, “but you don’t have to worry about that now. i’m yours.”

june 16th, 2016, 10:51 pm: for my birthday you took me out to dinner and gave me a beautiful necklace with a silver chain and pearl pendant. we drank expensive wine and stumbled back to my place and fucked. i had never been fucked before, not like this. i woke up the next morning with bite marks on my neck and hickeys all the way down my stomach, but you were gone. “had to run,” you’d written on a post it note, “i love you.”

june 18th, 2016, 2: 41 pm: i hadn’t seen you since my birthday and you weren’t picking up when i’d call.

june 19th, 2016, 3:13 am: “ had to run,” the post it note had said. maybe you were running from me. i couldn’t tell if it was the 3 am darkness talking or the part of me that already knew.

july 1st, 2016, 4:01 am: i looked over at you, sleeping in the darkness beside me. when we were together, things felt perfectly normal. but now, i could feel the shifts. “are we falling apart?” i whispered to you, and although i hadn’t expected an answer, the silence broke my heart all the same.

july 4th, 2016, 6:47 pm: we were at a barbecue and i saw you across the crowd, talking to a girl. i saw the way she was drinking up every word that escaped from between your lips, and that’s when i knew. that’s when i knew you weren’t mine anymore.
july 21st, 2016, 7:08 pm: i brought it up to you. “i think we’re starting to grow apart,” i said, “there’s a distance between us that wasn’t here before.” you reassured me that it was all in my head, but i didn’t hear it in your voice. i didn’t see it in your eyes. you knew it was there, too, but unlike me, you weren’t trying to do anything to stop it.

august 10th, 2016, 11:37 pm: i lay awake and thought about what your mother said, all these months later. “don’t read into this.” but of course i did. i couldn’t help myself. fuck, i loved you so much.
august 15th, 2016, 1:12 pm: you invited me over and i discovered that the key you’d given me no longer worked. “i had the locks changed,” you said, “i’ll get you a new one.” it was a lie, and i knew it. you didn’t get me a new key.

september 8th, 2016, 2:00 pm: i caught you cheating. in a desperate attempt to revive the romance we’d had at the beginning of our relationship, i bought dinner and brought it to your place. when you finally opened the door, i saw it written all over your face; the way your eyes widened, the way your jaw dropped, the way your cheeks drained of color. i heard it in the stammer of your voice, the sharp intake of your breath, the grinding of your teeth. when the girl walked up behind you, half naked, asking who it was at the door, i already knew. “how could you?” i whispered, and you just opened and closed your mouth. the girl pieced it together and started screaming. she hadn’t known. i left the food at the doorstep.

september 10th, 2016, 1:49 am: you never called after that, never came by, never reached out, but it wasn’t like we’d needed to confirm anything. i knew it was over, but it took every ounce of willpower i had not to go back to your place and find out why, why everything.

september 27th, 2016, 6:20 pm: i kept finding myself huddled in a ball; in my bedroom, in my kitchen, in my shower. not crying, or yelling. just huddled, clutching my body close to myself, staring. still not understanding.

october 31st 2016, 9:01 pm: i spent halloween haunted by the ghost of you. your face was around every corner. i could still feel your touch trickling down my spine. that night, i lost it. the anger surged through the sadness and bubbled to the surface. i screamed until my throat was raw, screamed at nothing, about nothing, for no reason other than i was too full.

november 10th, 2016, 2:17 am: you called me when you were drunk and i answered. i listened to you ramble, vomiting up apology after apology. near the end, you told me you loved me. “call me tomorrow when you’re sober if you still love me,” i said.  you didn’t. 

november 25th, 2016, 7:15 pm: i went out on a date with somebody new. they didn’t pull me in like you did, but for a few hours, i forgot about you and i felt okay. i drank myself to sleep that night so i wouldn’t have to think about you. the next morning, the hangover hurt more than you did. it was a start.

december 24th, 2016, 8:12 pm: i was spending christmas with my family, and i was doing great until my aunt asked about you. i told her you cheated, but i was doing okay, and then i excused myself and threw up the appetizers into the toilet. i called you then, and when you picked up, i let out a sob. “you ruined me, you fuck,” i croaked, “and you can’t even apologize. not when you’re sober, at least.” there were a few seconds of silence, and then you hung up. i still hope that it ruined your christmas.

december 31st, 2016, 10:23 pm: i saw you for the first time in months across the crowd. it made me sick to know that even after all that had happened, you were still the most beautiful person in the room to me.

december 31st, 2016, 11:55 pm: you found me in the kitchen. “i wanted to tell you i’m sorry,” you yelled over the music, “and i miss you.” and in those final moments of the year, i thought about it. i thought about letting you back in. the countdown started, and you moved closer to me. and i.. i pushed you away. i turned away from you and said, “no. i can’t.” and i walked out of the room.

january 1st, 2017, 12:05 am: i have forgotten how you felt against me, your lips. and for the first time, i am finally okay with that.

—  a year in review -c.h. // instagram: @evanescent.love (via @poeticaffinity)
Evermore is the most gorgeous song that rips your heart out and makes you feel all the FEELS!!

- Josh Groban’s version is absolutely wonderful 

- I literally can’t comprehend how he stole an angels voice and made it even better 

- You can really appreciate the depth and strength of his voice like damn 

- I get Phantom of the Opera vibes and can totally see the song in both 

- Thank you my enchanting siren 

BUT HEAR DAN STEVENS VERSION WITNESS OUR BEAST SING 

- This one literally makes me clench my heart in pain 

- At the end of the song I’m on the verge of tears 

- You can truly feel how much she has affected him and he can never let her go inside his heart 

- But he does because he is selfless as fuck and wants her happiness before anyone’s 

- It just has so much emotion especially the last lyrics like I’m bawling just writing this 

- Forever in love with you my Beauty 

- READ THESE DAMN LYRICS AND LISTEN TO THE SONG SO YOU CAN FEEL YOUR HEART BREAK!  

I was the one who had it all
I was the master of my fate
I never needed anybody in my life
I learned the truth too late


I’ll never shake away the pain
I close my eyes but she’s still there
I let her steal into my melancholy heart
It’s more than I can bear


Now I know she’ll never leave me
Even as she runs away
She will still torment me, calm me, hurt me
Move me, come what may


Wasting in my lonely tower
Waiting by an open door
I’ll fool myself she’ll walk right in
And be with me for evermore


I rage against the trials of love
I curse the fading of the light
Though she’s already flown so far beyond my reach
She’s never out of sight


Now I know she’ll never leave me
Even as she fades from view
She will still inpire me, be a part of
Everything I do


Wasting in my lonely tower
Waiting by an open door
I’ll fool myself she’ll walk right in

And as the long, long nights begin
I’ll think of all that might have been
Waiting here for evermore!

Originally posted by partofyourtaleasoldastime

Originally posted by poissonxquad

the “i have a crush on my straight bestfriend”mixtape

1. sleepover // hayley kiyoko 

“even when you’re next to me, it’s not the way I’m picturing. i’m just feeling low, feeling low. you wanna be friends forever? i can think of something better”

2. bestie // sizzy rocket 

“tonight she got a really tight dress on and she likes to dance. she’s dancing all on me with her thighs and then i realize i wanna fuck my best friend”

3. on your side // the veronicas

“i still wear your t-shirt out, all the ink is faded now. i wonder who you’re dreaming of tonight”

4. secret // chelsea lankes

“between you and me, you are the secret i keep. it’s too much, you know” 

5. explosion // zolita 

“cant pretend that i’m not in love with my best friend. in my dreams, you are my queen. i’m mad for you, you’re mad for me, you tell me you’d die without me”

6. boyfriend // tegan and sara

“i let you take advantage cause it felt so good, i blame myself for thinking we both understood”

bonus track (by popular demand) 

jenny // studio killers

“i borrow your lipstick so often, i’m using your shirt as a pillow case. i wanna ruin our friendship, we should be lovers instead”

total track time: 23 minutes

anonymous asked:

I'm sorry to bother you, but do things really get better? I'm 16 right now and everything I know is sadness and exhaustion and anger and then I talk to my parents and they just complain about adult life... is it worth it to go on?

oh gosh, i promise, it’s worth waiting, buddy. i know there are a lot of people who say, oh it gets better. and it does in some ways, but what it really gets is different. the people who are angry and mean and horrible often stay that way. the people who cut you off or who flip you off or who piss you off often are the same people at 16 as at 26. 

i think i hated people telling me “it gets better” because what could get better about being a mentally ill queer cuban girl in a world that wanted to eat me. i got spat out. my writing isn’t published because i’ve been rejected so many times i don’t even notice anymore. i was told a few times “make it less obviously homosexual”. what is going to get better about that, i said to myself. the memory of it will never be a nice one.

things got different slowly. like i didn’t realize until i was far on the other side of it. i wasn’t kidding in that last post when i said today i read my writing at 15 and it was painfully obvious how depressed i was. i didn’t have a diagnosis. like you, all i knew was that i was exhausted and angry and sad all the time and when i talked about it, i was told “everyone feels that way sometimes.” i felt that way all the time. in this story, i don’t suddenly wake up after turning 18 and have a magical life where it is all bunnies and flowers and loving. it took me 3 years of trying before i finally managed to quit self-harm completely. my eating disorder and i are still not on speaking terms, luckily. i’m slowly getting a handle on my ocd. i didn’t realize that the biggest thing that was changing was me.

yeah. being out of the house made it easier. away from where people knew me as a certain person. being someone new or being who i was or being in a room full of people who didn’t care how gay i was. being in control made it better. finding real and true friends made it better. being able to make my own plans and choose my own story and do more than just wait until i was old enough to be taken seriously - it got better.

but honestly it’s me. i learned how to shake hands with depression, he and i are such good old buddies i sometimes see him before he’s even coming. and i’ve gotten so good at getting out of his embrace, because practice makes perfect, same as anything. and i’ve learned things about myself i had no idea about at 16. i didn’t even realize i’m funny. i had never been skinny dipping. my only kiss had been sort of an accident. there was a lot i cared about then that i don’t care about now, because in my new world outside of that, the people i surround myself with don’t care either. i’ve worn a dinosaur onesie pajama set to eight parties now when 19 year old me wouldn’t be seen without her makeup. i wear glasses in public even though i’m nervous they make me look like a bug. i have tattoos and new piercings and a bank account (and no money) and i have love. and i don’t mean with a partner, although i’m blessed enough to say i have that as well - i mean. i just found it. i taught myself how to look for it. i figured - listen, i’m here still, so i might as well, like, try to enjoy it. and it wasn’t overnight. it still goes away sometimes. but i love so much and so easily now. i laugh more because of it. i let myself love dogs and movies and silly things. and this love sort of … makes things better. because it reflects off of everything into you. like a mirror.

at sixteen… at sixteen i was very suicidal. i didn’t know that it applied to me, because i thought i was just annoying and lazy. looking back now i always pull a face at how obvious it was, and how close i got to walking myself into a grave. it was more than a close call. death, like, waved. i actually believed i wouldn’t make it past 18. what was the point? what was the point of anything? i think if i’d told myself then, “it gets better”, i would have laughed. “maybe for you!” i would have said, “you have money and a life and you’re not like this.” but it did get better. in inches. stick around to see it. stick around to see everything wonderful that’s waiting in the wings for you. that knows your name. a fate of beautiful moments that are small and precious, like butterflies landing on fingers or snowflakes on tongues, or just sitting with a good book during the rainfall. hell, stick around to write the book, because (trust me), if you believe in your art and yourself - it can be done.

stick around most of all because what gets better is you fall in love with yourself. the world doesn’t become suddenly sickeningly sweet, even if the people around you become better and you’re given more opportunity. that’s wonderful too but… what happens is that over time, the stuff they told you stops sticking. you realize that just because your nose is crooked it doesn’t even matter because it doesn’t stop you from being the best dang ping pong player in your family. you realize you have a family, even if they’re not blood. you realize you are your own family. and you learn to take care of yourself and yes, it gets ugly at times, but you manage. and inside of managing there’s all these wonderful successes like mac and cheese and getting the bills done and the smell of clean laundry and friends that make you laugh so hard you almost pee and an apartment with plants in every corner and a hairless cat in sweaters or a dog with a bowtie or both and watching movies and reading books and seeing art, all of which haven’t been created yet, and possibly you’re the one who makes them. and managing … managing doesn’t have to be big. sometimes it’s just making a small difference. and sometimes the person you make a difference to is yourself. and that’s amazing.

stick around because, trust me, somewhere in there, you meet your younger self in your dreams and you tell her - oh gosh, i promise, it’s worth waiting, buddy.

5

Okay back to happier (?) topics - today’s prompts were firsts/future/tears !!!! and honestly that’s probably a happy set why did I go for this even we might just never know

Too Soon - Jeff Atkins Imagine

Jeff Atkins x reader

Request: Hi i was wondering if i could request 13 reasons why imagine where the reader and Jeff have been dating for a couple months or an year…maybe have smut like they made love and then where Jeff passes away and maybe have the reader visit the grave with clay and tony to tell Jeff..that he was a dad.

WARNINGS: Fluff, smut, small swearing


“Atkins!” I scream when I see my boyfriend in the hallway. I jump in his arms wrap my legs around his torso and kiss him as if I didn’t see him in months when in reality is was literally two periods ago. I’m cheesy like that. We’ve been dating for over a year now, but everyday feels like we started dating yesterday. He never seizes to amaze me. He surprises me with flowers and I still get anxious and excited like a little girl when we go out on dates. He still does things like climb through my window even though my parents basically forced a key on him. He even does things like come over at 2am when I joke about being scared. He’s just the best boyfriend in the world.

“Hey baby” he laughs as he kisses me back. “You ready to go”

“Yes, it’s Friday and I’ve never been happier” I slide my hand in his as we walk out the school building earning a ‘bye’ or ‘what up’ from people.

As we walked to my house, Jeff kept telling me corny jokes and pick-up lines he found online last night trying to make me laugh.

“Babe, knock knock?”

“Not another one J.”

“Baaabe knock knock, come on last one I promise.”

“You said that three jokes ago” I whine.

“Oh. Knock knock?”

“Who’s there?” I sigh.

“A broken pencil” he smiles.

“A broken pencil who” I sigh, already knowing the joke.

“Never mind it’s poin-”

“Pointless” I say as I laugh dramatically. He looks at me seriously for interrupting his corny joke. 

“Sorry baby, love you!” I try to kiss him the rest of the way home as he pretends to be mad at me.  

As we walk in, he stills pretend to be mad when he stomps into my room and close the door. He closes me out my room. My room.

“Babe really” I laugh.

“Do a knock knock joke then you can come in.”

“No”

“Yes”

“Noo babe”

“Well then I’m going to go take a nap”

“No!” I roll my eyes as if he can see it. “Fine babe…knock knock”

“Who’s there” he cooed.

“Al.” I smirk.

“Al who?” 

“Al strip for you if you open this door” I smirk biting my lip. As soon as I said that, the door swung open and I’m met with Jeff’s lips as he pulls me inside. He shuts the door and pushes me up against it. 

“No need to do that” he whispers in my ear. He starts kissing and sucking on my neck and pulls up the dress I’m wearing. He slides his hands under my underwear to my butt and pulls me to him.

“J-Jeff” I moan. He looks at me and bit his lip as he throws the dress off, leaving me in just my bra and panties. He scans my body as I turn my head, feeling nervous all of a sudden. He moves my head to face him and I see such admiration in his eyes.

“You’re the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever laid my eyes on.” When he said that I wanted nothing more than to feel him on me. I throw my arms around his neck and hungrily kiss him. He grabs my legs and I jump on him as he moves us to the bed. He hovers over me as he deepens the kiss. He puts his hand behind my neck to pull me closer to him. He rubs my thigh up and down as he slowly peppers kisses all over my neck and chest. He’s painfully teasing and I can’t take it.

“Jeff” I whisper.

“Yes y/n?”

“I need you” he looks at me and simply smiles.

He continues to kiss my neck as he unclasp my bra. He starts sucking my breast and massaging the other as I run my hands through his hair. He does the same to the other and I’m a moaning mess.

“Jeff please” I moan.

“We’re almost there baby” he whispers.

He kisses down my stomach and thigh slowly, never breaking his stare from me. I whine again as he comes back and goes back to sweetly kissing me. I groan from the friction of my almost bare core against his jeans and wiggle for him to get the idea. He does and pulls off his jeans and I hastily pull off his shirt.

“Someone is ready” he giggles. I roll my eyes and roughly palm his member through his boxers making him grunt.

“Someone is hard” I mimic smirking. He tries to keep his groans in until I full on grab him and he does a full moan. Now he’s the frantic one as he rips my underwear off of me. Literally.

“Jeff!” I scream.

“Sorry baby, I’ll get you another one” he smirks. He slides his hands all over my body, making me shiver.

“You like that?” he asks. I nod as he slips a finger in me and goes back to kissing. I  whimper from his touch and go for his underwear. I push them down and his member springs out. He kicks them off and slides two fingers in this time. I moan into his mouth as he goes at a fast pace. I let out more moans as I start to get close.

“Jeff baby, I’m abou-” when I said that, Jeff pulled his fingers away and I frown. 

“I want to feel you cum, not with my fingers” he smirks.

He grabs a condom out his wallet from his pocket and slide it on. He gives me a look for confirmation and I nod, just wanting to feel him already. He pushes his length into me. At first it hurt, but it always does when we have sex because of his huge size. The longer he’s in me, the more I get used to it. He pushes in slowly and draws out a little. I start to moan as I connect my lips with his. As he picks up his pace, I dig my nails into his back. He hooks my legs over his shoulder and I scream a little.

“Je-OH My fuck!” he’s directly hitting my g-spot and I can’t even think. I moan louder as I grab the pillow under my head, arching my back. 

“Fuck princess! you feel good” he moans. 

“H-harder J-Jeff!” He goes harder and I start almost full on screaming. As we both are climaxing, Jeff pulls out and puts me on all fours. He pushes back in and grabs my breast from behind. I lean back as he kisses my neck while pounding into me. He moans into my ear as I hold the back of his neck. I can’t control my moans and screams and neither can he. They come out louder as he hits the right spot over and over again. As we get closer, I fall onto my hands and Jeff holds my waist. He roughly rubs me with his fingers as I scream to let go of my release.

“J-JEFF!” I scream.

He cums shortly after I do and collapse next to me. We lay there in a comfortable silence while I rest my head on his shoulder and his arm wrapped around me. Both still out of breath, he looks over to me.

“Knock knock?”

“Who’s there” I laugh. 

“I love”

“I love who?” I say, letting him finish it this time for his sake.

“I love you” He smiles as he kisses me.

“My corny boyfriend” I laugh.


*Tomorrow Night*

“You guys have been inseparable all night my gosh” Jessica drunkenly laughs. Me and Jeff look at each other and chuckle, knowing exactly why. We have been at Jessica’s party for a while now and have been sitting on the couch with Jessica, Bryce, and Zach.

“Leave them alone babe, that’s how we are” Justin laughs.

“Oh, you get me flowers?” when Justin doesn’t answer, all of us start cracking up. 

“Well I’m going to get a beer, you guys want one?” Zach asks as he gets up. 

“Nah no thanks man, my girl will kill me cause I’m the driver tonight” I smile when he said that, happy that he cares about his well being. We continue talking to our group of friends and have a pretty good time.

“Where is Clay and Hannah” I whisper in his ear.

“Somewhere around here, probably upstairs, I did my meddling for the night and got them together.”

“Aw how noble of you” I giggle, pinching his cheeks. “Thank you ma’am”.

“See! look at them, they are perfect” Jessica playfully whines.

“Shut up!” Justin say as he grabs her face and start full on making out. Everyone starts ewing and shooing them off the couch.

“Get a room!”

“Jess, your room is upstairs!”

“Get it Foley!”

Justin flips us all off, never breaking their kiss and we all laugh. Monty taps Jeff on the shoulder and screams over the loud music.

“Yo bro you still doing the beer run!?”

Jeff got up and nodded his head, “Yeah shit I almost forgot”

I got up with him, frowning and grab his arm before he could go anywhere, “Babe do you have to go? I’m pretty sure there is enough beer, just not enough for every single person to get ass faced drunk.”

He kissed my forehead and smiled, “I’ll be right back babe I promise”. I pick up my bag and turn towards him, “Okay then I’m coming with you”.

“Baby, you have to watch out for Clay and Hannah remember, I’ll be back in 15 minutes then we can leave right after.”

I sigh still not liking this. I know he didn’t drink anything, but I’m still nervous for him to be out this late. What if someone else out there is drunk driving? I tell myself its fine and nod my head.

“Okay fine, just be careful J.”

“I will baby, I love you.”

“I love you too.” he gives me a peck on the lips and I hold onto his hand and let it slide out once he got to far to reach it. I watch him walk out the door and sit back down onto the couch, waiting for his return.


*4 Weeks Later*

Life is unfair. Life is so unfair. Why him? Why Jeff? Why my boyfriend. Such an amazing boyfriend. Is the best. Was the best. I stare down at his tombstone and couldn’t stop my tears from falling. So many tears. I found myself screaming at night. If I wasn’t screaming I was just silent. Completely silent. I mean was there for me to say? He’s gone. Jeff Atkins is gone. Never to hold me again, never to make me feel better, never to get me the flowers, never to throw rocks outside my window. I bend down and touch his stone. 

“I-I m-miss you so much” my voice cracks. “Why d-did you h-have to leave m-me?” I start crying harder. This is my first time being at his grave, due to the fear of seeing him. The fear of seeing reality of this situation. 

“Y-you would b-be so happy right now” I hiccup as I touch my stomach. I felt the little bump and smile through my tears.

“Y-you would have told him knock knock jokes” I laugh to myself, “or her”.

“Y-you would have t-taught baseball terms” I smile.

“You would h-have been the perfect dad” I cried looking down at him, “the best”.

I put the roses he always got me onto his grave and wiped my tears, even though they kept coming down. I kissed my finger and touched them against his stone that read 

Jeff Atkins

World’s greatest son 

world’s best companion

Even a better dad

Gone but never forgotten.

“I love you Jeff”I got up and continued crying as both Tony and Clay stood there respectfully and silent, waiting for me to finish. I smile lazily at them and hooked my arm into both of theirs as we walked out of the graveyard. I look back one more time and thought to myself ‘the love of my life might be gone, but he will forever live on in my heart’


A/N - Omgg!! I cried making this ending. It was so sad to me. I hope you guys liked it and love you guys for all your support. Your imagines are not forgotten.

5

I Don’t Mean It Pt 5

Previous Parts: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

After dinner and with what Taehyung said, you were heartbroken. You believed his words, although you knew he would sometimes say things he didn’t mean when he was upset. But you knew inside that this time was different. He wasn’t going to ask for forgiveness this time around.

Did he even consider you his friend this entire time? Did any of them consider you a friend? Or were they really only nice because you had information about them. You loved each of them dearly, always wanting the best of them. Ever since they moved in next door, your life had changed for the better. You had always had a special place in your heart for Taehyung too. The way he made you feel when you were with him was indescribable. 

But it seems that all of it was a lie. 

“If he wants me out of his life, then that’s what I’ll give him” you say silently to yourself.


The award show season came and went by in a flash. And for some reason, Tae was itching to text you to tell you all about it. About how happy he was for winning awards. About how he wished you were there to celebrate with them.

But he dismissed any of those feelings and replaced them with his anger. He saw the other boys call and tell you the good news, but he kept his distance, not wanting to ruin their fun. 

A few weeks prior, the group’s manager came up to Taehyung regarding an article that a reporter was going to publish. Within the article was a detailed description of all the places Taehyung frequented in secret as to avoid the eyes of the public. In this article was a detailed description of all the small things that not many people knew about. 

Tae was of surprised. Where had this reporter gotten all this information? His manager had said that he had gotten this information from you when he found out that you both were neighbors. He said that you had received a sum of money for the information. Thankfully his manager had “stopped the article from being published” but he scolded Taehyung for being close with just some girl.

And with that, Taehyung was fuming. He swore never to tell you anything ever again and to have you out of his life. But a voice inside him told him otherwise and he couldn’t push you out completely. He still couldn’t. And he still didn’t tell the other guys yet because he knew it would have only distracted them.


A/N: I think I’m going to end part 5 here for now. I wanted to make this longer, but I’m going to hold myself back and keep it for part 6. What do you think is going to happen? Who wants a part 6? Let me know!! I also want to thank you all for the support once again. And thank you for understanding for when I didn’t post last night! 

DEFENDERS!  A humble pitch!

Readers and retailers!  We will be doing some serious press in a couple of weeks but as you will start placing your orders soon and I wanted to give you the hard sell on DEFENDERS. 

This is a book we are very excited about. For those you don’t know we are  launching an all new DEFENDERS in June. It is all new material written by myself and drawn by my iron Man and Civil War collaborators @davidmarquez and the amazing @jpocolors

 my history with these characters is, let’s say, pronounced. First of all, some of you know that I’m one of the creators of Jessica Jones. Doesn’t get more intimate than that.

The second season of the show is filming now. Since her TV debut she has become a worldwide media sensation. It still stuns me to this day. 

For those who have not been reading the new Jessica Jones series, things are very different for her and Luke. Their relationship will be the cornerstone of Defenders just as it was sometimes back in New Avengers.

In fact, let’s talk about NEW AVENGERS. where i staked my reputation and put Luke Cage right front and center

 if there was a major marvel event, I tried to make sure Mr. Cage, for the first time in his long history, had something to say about it

CIVIL WAR 1

SECRET INVASION

Plus, I was writing Alias, Daredevil and two Avengers books simultaneously and it created a situation where I could develop the relationship between Jessica Jones and Luke Cage into something very real…

And I love Daredevil so much. I have missed writing him. 

And returning to the character under this decidedly different scenario has been very fulfilling creatively.

When I was writing all these characters previously, I initially steered clear of Iron Fist because he was being written by two really good friends of mine Matt Fraction and Ed Brubaker in the seminal run with David Aja.

 but once he became available…

 we even found a cool way to connect the iron fist saga to the Phoenix saga

we introduced the white costume which is the best costume! 

when I was done with avengers I was already preparing this book.  I was.  I pitched it publicly in on my last page…

and then something happened…

They all became big ass tv stars!

And all those who spent the aughts MOCKING me for a Luke cage ‘crush’… were silenced!! as I was proven right!! again! :-)

And now finally the stars align for us to make this very special new book. Our goal is to create a brand-new, very dangerous, very exciting tapestry for the  street-level comics. All of which will be centered around these four amazing characters but almost every single character you can think of that would fit in the mean streets of marvel will feature in this book. 

They will be threatened by new players, new threats, old scores, and new rules.

 issue three? The punisher

 here is an exclusive look at some of issue number one, two, and the ALL NEW free comic book day story that sets everything up in the Guardians FCBD issue available at all participating comic book stores all over the country on free comic book day May 5

 these are not in any sequential order, but check this out…

That’s my pitch! People always ask me what they can do to support their favorite comics… go to your local store and preorder. 

That means the store will set one aside for you and that means we will set one aside for the store.

 See you for free comic book day they where many of you are going to be shocked by what you find in that story… and then just a couple weeks later defenders number one and the all-new chapter for these characters that you and I love so much

bonus item, the Neal Adams. Cover for number one

remember that time comics legend Neal Adams drew Jessica Jones? :)

🎉 | Nunchiwrites 1000 Followers | Appreciation Post | 🎉

Wow… I’m not good with words you guys, but suffice to say that I never in a million years expected to make it to one freaking thousand followers… I’m-… You guys just deserve the world, genuinely. So, without further ado, here are some (if not all?) the people I would like to personally thank. They are the ones who deserve the credit for allowing this little derp blog to come so far. I’m sorry if this is a little rushed! If I could I would spent hours on this, but I have to pack soon ;~; Just know that I could never put into words how my heart is overcome with joy whenever I interact with you all~

Originally posted by wongearng

A quick shoutout to my Shy, Tough, Octopus, Bunny, Clover, and Sekai Anons, as well as everyone who has ever sent me an encouraging anon message in the past!!


Beautiful Authors/Artists

That I look up to on a daily basis and love, as well as fangirl over miscellaneous talented works

| @baekhyuns-abs | @besternatexo | @chanyeolspout | @dream-exo-fantasy | @fairyscribbles |

|  @forexcapism | @kimjongdaely | @kpoppantydrop | @onlylovekpop | @pabosontheloose

@pandabearlikes | @pebble-xo | @writings-by-cl | @xiustories | @xiuminsm

@exosmutxoxo | @lovesehunright | @soowritings | @gwaenchanhajagiya | @oh-beyond

@yeol-stole-my-soul | @mini-minhyuk | @writing-bout-you | @musicoverlove | @exosmuttytalk

@ask-kimseokjin | @btsxexoxtrash | @oh-so-scenarios | @xiumin-on-this-shit | @rolliepollieyeolie

@kollectionn | @infiressi | @kpoppsluff | @sountouchableman | @exo-smut

@daewritings | @yehet-sebooty-ohorat | @pixelbyun@kaori-yuki-chan | @the-porcelain-doll-xo | @kittcatdoesartstuff | @sooberri


Amazing Readers And Friends

The people I owe the credit of 1k to; the ones who took one look at my trash and said “Yes, I need more of this.” (For a reason I have yet to grasp)

|  @mashirokuma | @melyyexo | @elvencantation | @minimilkiway | @empress-chianti | @aleaexo | @fangirl-aka-maniac | @seattleite—exo-l

@princess-ellaxo | @lxrixna | @pcy-cupid-me | @night-n-sky | @lexy4020 | @chanyeolsabs | @chibijk | @baekhyunslightsaber | @vinnythecorgi |

@rivaereforlife | @fillmybrokenheart | @seattleite—exo-l | @markmeevil | @nevertoomanystuffedanimals | @mariomarsmari | @wildd-dreamerr |

@rogue-writer14 | @thenight-can-bedeadly | @vivianhuynh77 | @didiknowyou | @yeollieollie | @xarmytrashx | @li-forshort |

@cuestory | @misstakenbyme-1134 | @ohmanholychimchim | @hyamori | @k-reativewriting | @eluquence | @taemins-dolphin

@alwaysinfoodmood | @lottotrash | @tousdae | @li-forshort | @sebootyforlife@got-7bangtan-boys | @paark-haaraa | @lottotrash



I apologize if I listed anyone twice, or not at all, and if I didn’t PLEASE LET ME KNOW I WILL GIVE YOU LOVE AND CHOCOLATE AND HEARTS AND FLOWERS TO MAKE UP FOR IT OKAY??

But in all seriousness, I don’t take a single one of you amazing people for granted.

I couldn’t have asked for a better stay here on tumblr thus far, and it’s my hope is to keep this blog running for as long as I have fingers to type and an active brain to think. Here’s to more jokes, memories, tears, laughs, and a butt ton of drama-filled chapters~


Originally posted by angel-in-slow-motion

I miss you so much but I know that’s it’s just the loneliness speaking. If I go back to you then I’m not allowing myself to feel true love and find someone who deserves me. What we had was nice and I wish it was real but we both know it was only real for me. I’ll always think about you but I refuse to let myself go back to you. I know what I deserve now and we both know you can’t give it to me.
—  I deserve better and I will not settle anymore but it doesn’t mean that I don’t still think about you.