let god define you

Confession… I am a Christian…

Who still love LGBTQ+ community, and Klance is still my life. 

My best friend is a Muslim, I sometimes forget to read my bible, and I sometimes drink with my friends. I tell lies on occasions.. and they’re not even the good ones (like i’m a horrible liar lol), I make mistakes and I fall short everyday.

And you guys know what? I think that totally qualifies me to be the perfect Believer… because guess what? There is legit no such thing as a perfect Christian and everyone who spews that hateful us-against-the-world rhetoric isn’t really even a Christian themselves. They’ve only tricked themselves into believing they are. 

Matthew 15:24 “I come only for the lost sheep” (That’s like the entire wold so if you think you’re high and mighty… suck it)

We’re all equally loved by him! If you’re LGBTQ+ don’t let them trick you into thinking God somehow messed up. Cause uh, like how in the world could God even mess up… like he legit invented everything. 

Ever Since New York Pt 6

FIRST of all, I am so happy I got to finally write this chapter. I’ve been dying from angst myself waiting to write them together like this.
SECOND of all, this is the first time I have written any kind of smut whatsover in my life so please keep that in mind as your reading, haha. I tried! Maybe I just need some more practice right? ;)

Let me know what you think!

A03 for the rest of the chapters if you want to catch up. 

:) x


“Fuck, Betty, I’m so sorry. I don’t know wha-, what the hell came over me?”

Jughead is desperate to get his words out. He doesn’t want to fuck this up now, not before he had even accomplished what he set out and came all this way to do.

“Listen, I’ll go if you wan-”

Betty cuts him off by raising her hand, as if to say stop talking. Her hand then fell to her mouth, lips so red and swollen from just being devoured less than a minute ago. Her cheeks are stained pink, she can still feel the heat in her face and she’s not certain she could string a sentence together right now. Jughead is watching her desperately, his brow furrowed and eyes pleading.

“Say something, please Betty.”

She took a deep breath, her hand still resting on her mouth. She thinks subconsciously she is leaving it there to prevent herself from diving right back onto Jugheads lips. She takes another breath, and lets it out in a sigh. She closed her eyes before she spoke.

“Why is it, Jug, that you end up with someone who is the complete opposite of me, and yet I end up with a carbon copy of you?” She opened her eyes to look at him, his are searching her face. He looks broken, his lips are smudged with the remnants of Betty’s lipstick and she can’t help but watch his mouth.

“What?” Jughead is racking his brain, wondering how she got there. He wasn’t really sure he wanted to tell her why. But the way she was looking at him, eyes so big and glassy, he would have burned down the world if she asked him too. Fuck. How did she still have this affect on him. He clenched his eyes shut in frustration, he was about to turn down a road he couldn’t come back from.

“Jughead, please.” Her voice broke and that was all it took. He was done. He placed his elbow to rest on the table, head in his hand, and tilted his head to her. He let out a laugh, almost like a huff of defeat. He looked her dead in the eye.

“Because, Betty, I couldn’t fucking bare to look at another another blonde in my bed. I tried once, you know. Long after you were gone, I thought i could try, why not?” Jughead could hardly bare to look at Betty with her watching him the way she was, like every word hurt. But he had to get it out, he couldn’t stop now. His fingers were gripping into his face so hard.
“But as soon as we got back to my place, she became a real person. When she spoke and she laughed, it was nothing like you and it felt so wrong, Betty. So fucking wrong. So I threw her out and vowed never to try that again.” He let out a sigh and leaned back in the chair, waiting for Betty to speak.

“So, strictly brunettes after that, hey?” Jughead wasn’t sure he could read the look on her face, but he could understand that tone. He ran his hands down his face.

“Basically. Jesus fuck, I know it’s a shitty excuse okay? But if you want the god damn honest truth then it made no fucking difference what they looked like. I never asked Clara to stay, she just never left. We’re not even together, I’ve told her. And yeah, she is the opposite of you. But it doesn’t count for shit. When she comes through the front door, Betty, I imagine it’s you. When I wake up next to her in the morning, there’s always a split second my sleep fogged fucked up brain thinks it’s you.” He reached out to her across the table, grasping for her hand and holding it tightly between his. She let out a sob but quickly bit her lip to not let out anymore, clenching her eyes shut.
“And when I’m ins-, when I’m inside her, or anyone for that fucking matter, there is only one face that I see. There’s only one face I ever fucking see Betty.” He’s crying now, letting the tears fall freely down his face. But he feels lighter already, a massive weight he has been carrying for years has been lifted from his shoulders. He got up from his chair and manoeuvred around the table, falling to his knees in front of her he took her face in his hands. His touch in gentle but she can feel the heat radiating from him.
“I’m colder now, Betty. I’m an asshole. Nobody has ever meant shit to me. Nobody except you. And I told you to leave because you deserved-, fuck, no you still deserve better than what I can give you.”

Betty is not bothering to stop her sobbing anymore, letting it all bubble to the surface. Jughead wipes her tears as they fall but he can’t keep up with them.

“But even so, Betty. I’ve got a mighty big void in my soul and it screams your name. I can’t live like that anymore. If I wanna live and love again, and if I ever want to get the hell out of that town, that piece of me that you took with you when you left? I gotta get that back, Betts.”
Jughead kisses the tears from her face and then brings her hands to his mouth and placed soft kisses over the scars that adorn the inside of her palm. She can feel his lips move against her skin as he speaks.
“I’m sorry, Betts. The last thing I wanted to do was make you cry, ever. I told you I’m an asshole.”

Betty pulled her hands free from his grasp, only to cup them around his face.
“Jughead Jones, you are not an asshole. Those girls don’t define you, that gang doesn’t define you. Riverdale doesn’t define you.”

Jughead let out a sigh, this god damn woman will be the death of him.
“It will if I don’t get out, Betty.”

She shrug her shoulders at him, she’s still cupping his face.
“So get out.”

He huffs in frustration and pulls his face from her hands. He rises away from her, and as Betty’s hands fall into her lap she realizes how much worse she feels when she isn’t touching him. She watched as he pace the room, his hand coming up to rub his face.

“I can’t, Betty. That place had got me in some kind of choke hold. It’s like -” He stopped pacing for a moment and faced Betty. “-It’s like I’m waiting for something.”

“Waiting for what, Jug?” Betty has a feeling she already knows the answer.

“For you, Betty. It’s like my brain is ready to leave but my heart? It’s fucking 16 years old and stuck there waiting for someone who’s never coming back to me. I can’t leave and go somewhere I can’t find you. I know places in Riverdale, I know them with you. And if I leave I lose that and I lose you and god, I’m sorry but apparently I’m pathetic and still not ready for that yet, Betts.”

He’s crying again, did he even stop? This was the most he had spoken in years. His voice didn’t even sound his own. He slumped back in the chair opposite Betty and let his head fall between his arms on the table. He was defeated, the room was so eerily silent he couldn’t even bring himself to look at Betty. But that could also be to do with how much his heart ached in his chest just to touch her again.

Betty wasn’t sure what to say. Her fingers literally pulsed to reach out and comfort Jughead, to run through his hair gently and tell him it’s okay. She fought against her nails wanting to dig into her palm, her trusty defence mechanism. She had understood every single word he had said, and she thought to herself that had made it worse. She wished she could tell him to leave, that she could lie and say it’s done, it’s all one sided and he needs to let go. She wanted to give him that closure he so desperately needed.

But no, she would be selfish instead. Betty cleared her throat, her voice still came strained.


No response.

“Jughead, please just listen to me okay?”

He managed to shrug and arm in her direction, as if to say I’m listening.

“When I first met Jack, I clung to him wholeheartedly. I hadn’t dated, I hadn’t even slept with anyone since you. 5 years, Jug. And then this boy with the jet black hair and plaid shirts showed up out of nowhere and some stupid part of me decided that was close enough. God, I’m so stupid.”

Jughead raised his head at that, wanting to tell her she is in no way stupid but she cut him off with her hand again, like earlier.

“No, Jug, let me get it out, please. Before I back down.” She took a deep breath before continuing, playing with a loose hem on her shorts so she doesn’t have to look him in the eye. He nods.

“It’s like my subconscious knew I was never going to let you go, so it decided to settle for the next best thing. And yes Jack, he is lovely and amazing and deserves the best. He loves me, Jug, he really does. But see, that makes no difference because he’s not you. Fuck, do you know how uplifting it feels to say that out loud?”

Jughead still doesn’t speak, partly because he’s dumbfounded at what she’s saying and also because he’s slightly terrified to cut her off. Betty blinked and looked to the roof, biting her lip. She’ll look anywhere but directly at him.

“I’m pathetic too, Jug. You don’t exist in my world here. Why do you think I go home often? Fuck my Dad. It’s the only place I can feel you. And I know I avoid you, but Pops? That bedroom in my Dads house? You’re stained into those walls Jughead. And taking Jack there this time, it felt so wrong. So, so wrong that I ended up making up some story and we slept in Pollys room. How fucked is that? -” She let out a light laugh at the thought “- ‘Sorry boyfriend, can’t sleep in here, too many memories. Not ones of childhood like you would think, just ones of a different dark haired boy sneaking in the window and sleeping in my bed and trying not to wake my parents while we, you know.’ Jesus Jug we were 16, how can this be so real. Teenage love doesn’t last, that’s what they say, so what the fuck is this?”

She’s looking at him now, waiting for an answer. He licks his lips.

“I don’t know much. But one thing I do know? Is that I’m never gonna love anyone else in the world like I love you, Betty Cooper.”

Her breath is stuck somewhere in her throat; there it was. Those words that had echoed around in her head in his voice for so long, they were out loud, in the open. Now it was her turn.

She stood from her chair and walked over to Jughead. She took his hands from his lap and put them on her waist as she lifted a leg over his lap so she could straddle him. His mouth was slightly ajar as he looked up at her with so much love in his eyes she could drown in it. She once again cupped her hands around his face and pulled his towards hers. She placed her lips ever so slightly on his, the polar opposite of their earlier kiss. She bumped her forehead against his, leaning into him. She could feel his breath on her face, it was erratic.

“Jughead Jones, that piece of you, the one that I took with me?” She placed another light kiss on his mouth. As she spoke he could feel her lips moving lightly against his, her hands playing with the hair at the base of his neck.
“Im sorry, but I can’t let you have it back. It’s mine.”

A primal sort of growl erupts from Jugheads throat as he pushed his mouth hard against hers. His hands are now pressed into the small of her back, his fingers grasping at the light cotton tank top. Betty is pulling at his hair, running her hands all the way through it like she had been dying to do all this time. She realizes he’s not wearing the beanie and made a metal note to ask later, as she couldn’t think of anything worse right now than not being attached to Jugheads lips. It was as though he could hear her thoughts, and at that moment he pulled away from Betty. She let out a little huff of disappointment, but she didn’t need to as he made straight for Betty’s neck. He traced one hand up the side of her body, over the rise in her chest, to her jaw. He wanted full access to the soft skin, so he grasped her chin in one hand and tilted it up until he had full range.

He peppered kisses along her jaw, down her neck and across her collar bone. He would stop every few and suckle at her soft skin, not enough to leave a mark, much to his disdain. All he wanted to do was mark her as his own. He left another trail of kisses as he made his way back to her mouth. Every time she let out a moan, he would press his free hand even more into her back, trying to make sure their bodies were as close as they possibly could be. He wanted to be molded to her. Betty was grinding in his lap, aching to consume him. It drove Jughead near mad. She could feel his eagerness against her, making her want him even more.

Jughead wrapped both his hands so tightly around Betty’s waist he figured he may mark her after all. He hoisted her up on to the table so quickly Betty barely had time to notice. Then he was there again, reaching forward to ravish her, laying her back against the hardwood. Jughead was grabbing at her face, Betty wrapping her legs around his waist. He pulled at her top, asking permission to take it off. She reached down herself and yanked it off, making quick work of Jugheads t shirt while she was there.

He had stopped kissing her for moment, but only to take in her bare chest. (Betty must remember later to thank herself for not wearing a bra). He lowered a hand to one of her breasts, running his fingers so lightly over a nipple she could only just feel it. He pinched it between his fingers then, and Betty let out a moan at the surprise feeling. Before she knew it, he had his tongue darting out over the peak and he lightly blew over it. The sensation drove Betty crazy. She arched her back up to him, she wanted to feel him at her centre.

Betty shook her hips into him, trying to hint that she didn’t want anymore layers between them. Jughead understood. He undid his belt in record speed, pushing his black jeans down his legs and ripping them from his ankles. He looked down at Betty then, laying on the table. He was certain she had never looked this beautiful, ever. She was glowing, full of lust. Lust for him. He smiled at her, she just shook her hips at him again. He laughed;

“Betty Cooper, you will be the death of me.” He winked at her then, smirking as he placed his hands on the waistband of her shorts.
“You sure this is okay?”

She appreciated the fact that he was being a gentleman, and thinking of the consequences that Betty pushed to the back of her mind. God damnit she needed him, and soon.
“Please, Juggie. I need you.”

That was enough for him. He pulled her shorts off slowly, taking the time to pull them to her feet and discard them on the floor. She was just in her panties now. She wiggled her brow at him, and invitation to remove the only remaining fabric from her body. He paused just for a moment, and Betty decided she would just take them off herself. It would be a damn shot quicker. But just as she moved her hands to do so, Jugheads shot out and held them down. He shakes his head at her, tutting his tongue. He lowers his head to the waistband of her panties, and takes it between his teeth.

Betty swore she was about to implode from that action alone.

She was naked now, lying on her dining table. About to be consumed by the boy she had loved since she was 16, who had loved her just as fierce. Betty fought back the tears, she couldn’t cry right now. God forbid she ruin the mood.

But Jughead is having similar thoughts, taking a mental snapshot of Betty as she is right now. Exposed. Vulnerable. His. He leans down to her and places kisses all over her face, concentrating on her mouth. He lingers there, wanting to feel her breath hitch as he strokes a finger along her opening.

“Jug, oh!”

He spreads her with his other fingers now, letting the main two work their magic. He gently strokes her up and down, rotating his thumb on her clit ever so lightly. He places more kisses along her jaw, feeling himself tighten beneath the cotton boxers he’s still wearing. Betty is letting out light moans, her eyes are closed and her back is arched ever so slightly. It’s not enough for Jughead.

He takes her by surprise as he enters her with a single finger, evident enough in the high pitched scream that falls from her lips.

“Fuck, Juggie. Yes! More, please.”

He’s a sucker for good manners, after all. He’s using two fingers now, curling them both slightly inward in order to hit that spot that’s just right. He works his fingers in and out, all the while still working on her clit with his thumb. He’s alternating between fast movements and slow, and he can’t quite tell which works Betty up the most. All he knows is he could never get enough of her moaning his name in pleasure, or of her digging her fingernails down his back.

“Oh my god, I’m close, Jugg- Oh!”

Jughead shows his movements down painfully, grabbing Betty’s chin with his free hand.

“What’s my name, Betty?” Her eyes are wide and bright as they look into his, they both know she loves this game.


“And who do you belong too?” He knows he’s holding her chin too hard, but she doesn’t seem to mind. She just licks her lips before answering quietly.


“Who?” He pulls his fingers nearly out of her, and she’s already missing them.

“You! Jughead, I’m yours. Please, I need you.” She’s pleading now, desperate to have some part of him inside her. She grabs at his face to hold it so she can look him in the eye.

“I love you, Jughead Jones.”

Jughead is overcome in that moment, those words pushing him over the edge. He had ached to hear them. He’s not sure how he managed to get his boxers off so quickly but somehow they are at his feet and he is entering Betty. Both of them let out matching moans, revelling in how it feels to be connected like this again. And as Jughead thrusts into her, he’s lost in how good she feels wrapped around him. Finally, it feels right again. And the face flashing behind his eyes matches the one he’s with and it feels like coming home.

With both of them being older and slightly more experienced than their teenage rendezvous’, and both slightly overwhelmed, it doesn’t take long for them both to reach their highs.

And as she lay there, him laying over on her on this table, she traced shapes over the light sheen of sweat on Jugheads back. Betty was overwhelmed with all the love she could now let herself feel for this boy. How did they end up here? After all this time.

“Jug, will you stay?”

He looked up at her, his hair sticking to his forehead with sweat. He couldn’t believe he was here. With the sweetest smile you’ve ever seen plastered on a boys face he placed a light kiss on the end of her nose.

“Anything for you.”

How To Live (Romans 12:9-21)


A tarnished word associated with hatred, hypocrisy, violence, conflict and strife. In my walk of faith there has always been struggle with understanding what it was to be a Christian. We as imperfect, flawed humans fail on the daily. But I have come to the conclusion that a Christian is marked not by what they do but what CHRIST HAS DONE and their faith in HIS finished work.

// Romans 12:9-10 // Let love be GENUINE (real, sacrificial, long-suffering, enduring, powerful, understanding, forgiving) Abhor what is evil, holdfast to what is good (Christ is the ONLY good one) Love one another with brotherly/sisterly affection. (Let your life be DEFINED by love for everyone for God has loved you first) OUTDO one another in showing HONOR. (Go that extra mile for others, not for your own gain).


The Spirit of God raised Christ from the dead and now resides in your heart if you believe. His spirit is the reassurance of your salvation. Eternity is secure in Him in life or death. That sounds absolutely insane; believe it. This is the great news we MUST share.

// Romans 12:11 // Do NOT be slothful (lazy) in zeal (passion for God’s kingdom here on earth) be FERVENT in The Spirit (walking in His promises, being aware of His presence and power) SERVE The Lord (in your thoughts, words, actions, when people are watching and when they aren’t)


A word that seems to be used in many various aspects of our lives that we desire to improve. “I hope it gets better, I hope I get paid more, I hope my grades improve, I hope my relationships improve.” We all need hope for the future and the greatest of all hopes is found in Christ. Our citizenship is in Heaven.

// Romans 12:12-13 // REJOICE (have joy) in Hope (of The Gospel and the saving grace of Christ) be PATIENT in tribulation (knowing that God has the victory) be CONSTANT in prayer (communication with God is vital- We can’t do life alone) Contribute (in time, effort, money, prayer) to the needs of the saints (anyone who follows Christ) Seek to show hospitality- for the sake of the gospel (buy them clothes, make them, let them stay in your house)


A lavishing of gifts - it can be physical, emotional or spiritual. We all have the ability to bless (to build up) or curse (to destroy). Choose to BLESS.

// Romans 12:14-16 // Bless those who persecute you (for the sake of Christ) Do NOT curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice. Weep with those who weep. Live in harmony (peace, reconciliation) with one another. Do NOT be haughty, associate with the lowly (the lost, the broken, the poor, the needy, the misunderstood, the sorrowful ones, the marginalized)


as you have been forgiven. People will wrong you, and you will do wrong against people. So forgive freely for Christ has forgiven You. He did no wrong but on that cross He chose to bare our sin and shame. “It is finished” He said. He died but He rose to redeem us all. What a Savior!!!

// Romans 12:17-21 //

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him, if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

I pray that the Gospel will be ever more evident every single day. May The grace of Jesus Christ and the love of God rest upon you as you continue to fight in the faith. 

Much love in Christ, 


Oh my god. Oh my god. She’s not just an obsessive stalker anymore. Oh my g-


Grace is not God forgiving us even though we sin. Grace is when God is a source of wholeness which makes up for my failings. My failings hurt me and others and even the planet. God’s grace to us is that our brokenness is not the final word. My selfishness is not the end-all. Instead it’s that God makes beautiful things out of even my own shit. Grace is not about God creating humans as flawed beings and then acting all hurt when we inevitably fail and then stepping in like a hero to save the day, as if to say, “It’s ok, I’ll be a good guy and forgive you.” It’s God saying, “I love you too much to let your sin define you and be the final word. I am a God who makes all things new.”
—  Nadia Bolz-Weber, “Pastrix”