let go move on

Ten Things Trans Men Want You To Know

By Jason Robert Ballard

Over my life as a transgender man I have had moments I wish I could have said something to someone close to me but failed to. Until going back in time is an option, lets move forward with better understanding on things we wish we could tell our close friends and potential partners. If you’ve received this article from a friend, are they trying to tell you you’re guilty of one of these points? Potentially, or they just think it was a good read and you might enjoy it.

1. You’re guilty by association
You will receive more questions about me than I will. People who are confused or curious will typically ask a person they believe can relate to them or think share similar experiences. Talk to me about what I’m comfortable with you sharing when you field these questions. If I prefer not to be outed, you could respond with a simple, yet firm “It’s not my place to answer these questions for you, I’m sorry.” If I’m open about my transition, find out how to appropriately answer or divert harsh questions. This will make you a better ally and allow conversations to flow toward critical discussions instead of focusing on sexualizing the experience. As the topic of transgender lives emerges in mainstream media, questions often fall into one of two categories “genuine curiosity” or “superficial curiosity”. The question, “What are some reasons a transman might not have bottom surgery” is different from the question “Do you have a penis?“ Knowing whether the questioner is coming from a place of good will or being malicious may help you decide how to handle these moments.

2. “But you’ll always be _____ to me” hurts
Transition in life is inevitable. While seeing your little cousin for the first time in years and enjoying the fact that they were once in diapers, one may say “Aw, but you’ll always be little tommy to me!” and be perfectly acceptable. However, in my case I may have struggled with who I was and how I felt about myself before coming out as the authentic me. This is a time in my life of positive growth and happiness and if I’ve chosen to share it with you, telling me that you’d rather remain seeing me as someone I have taken great risks to leave behind is hurtful and damaging to our friendship. Telling me I’ll always be my birth name or birth sex in your eyes can be like telling someone who struggled with depression that you’ll always see them as ‘that pathetic emo kid’ or someone who fought with self image and weight lose that they’ll always be ‘fat’ to you. See what I’m saying? Yes, we may have a long history of knowing each other before I came out and that might be hard for you to let go of or see differently. Let me know you’re trying by not using this statement.

3. Outing me can be extremely dangerous.
As positive as some of the media and support for trans people are, there is still an overwhelming amount of hatred and ignorance. Hundreds of transgender people are murdered every single year and most of these times the killer walks due to failed/no protection laws in place for me. You may think that having a trans friend and talking about it in a public setting is fine, but if the wrong person over hears you or tells their friend who tells their friend, I could be in serious danger. It being a novelty to have a trans friend isn’t worth my life. If you want to talk about it, just don’t use my name and say you’ve ‘got a friend’.

4. My dysphoria isn’t your fault
It can be tough to be emotionally involved with someone who has a hard time with self image. You yourself may feel like you’re solely responsible for their happiness but sometimes their sadness comes from a place you simply can’t touch. It is not your fault that I have places and things about my body that I don’t like paid attention to. Talk to me and find out what is okay with me and what you can do to ease any triggering of my dysphoria, but don’t take the dysphoria personally. Some relationships, trans or cis don’t end up being ‘text book’. If I’m uncomfortable with my breasts and talk about wanting surgeries in the future, being sad about that and saying things like “But I love your boobs!” or “No don’t, I love you just the way you are” isn’t supportive. In fact, it’s proof that you’ve created an image of me in your head that doesn’t match up with who I really am and that’s not a positive basis for a relationship.

5. “It isn’t the T”
Beginning hormone replacement therapy can be a HUGE moment in my life. However, following that achievement I may lash out at you or be a jerk. If I say things like “It’s the testosterone”, you have my permission to not believe it. I am well aware of the emotional changes that I’ve decided to undertake and there are countless support systems and advice articles for dealing with extra tension and shorter tempers all over Google. My mood swings and hormonal imbalance are mine to control, not yours to tolerate. I have no right to be rude to you or push you away and blame a substance.

6. How do those egg shells feel?
Don’t get so hung up on words that the conversations never happen. You know me, if we’ve been close for any period of time you know what and how to phrase questions and statements to not be offensive. Though I may not want to be an educator all day every day to strangers at the grocery store, you’re my friend and it shows me you care when you’re excited about my transition with me. Many transgender people don’t have or lose their entire support systems when they come out so I’m lucky to have you. If you’ve been around the web a time or two you’ll notice our community gets hung up on terms and words. Don’t let this frighten you into bailing on me.

7. Don’t date me despite me
If you’re interested in dating me, make sure you’re interested because of who I am, not despite my trans status. You’re not doing me a favor by being interested in me ‘even though’ I’m trans, you’re making it seem like to you it’s something that makes me hard to handle or below you and THANK GOODNESS you’re here now to be interested in me because who else would? Rude.

8. What you say behind my back is what you really think of me
When I first come out, some people might say things like “It’s about time” or “I always knew”, some may say they had no clue and some people might not believe me due to the rise of something called “trans-trending”. Whether you think I’m doing this for attention or because my friend is doing it too isn’t for you to decide. The locals don’t get to get together and vote to approve my trans status. There is no way for you to tell what has been going on in my mind for years and what I’ve struggled with personally. There are many ways to transition and no one way is perfect or the way it has to be done. Talk to me about it, find out my story if you feel so inclined. If not, just leave it alone because it doesn’t affect your life at all.

9. My pronouns mean a lot to me
Chances are I’ve chosen a new name and have preferred gender pronouns, you using them is a big deal to me and when you do it shows me that you support me in bettering my life for myself. Which should be qualities of all friends! At the beginning, you may slip or mess up but I promise I’ll be able to tell if someone is genuinely trying or if someone is making a point to use the wrong ones.


10. Thank you
If you’ve taken the time to read or share this article with someone close to you, you’ve sought out advice on being a better Trans Ally and that to me is admirable. Wanting to educate yourself to make me and any other transgender person in your life more comfortable in this time of great community and media change is worth a big thank you. There is a lot of anger and hatred in the world and in our small community and sometimes Allys can be pushed to their limits or be afraid to use the wrong words or do the wrong thing. Every single person behind us and in support of us is valuable. Thank you for your patience, your friendship and your love.

cnn.com
Trump administration withdraws federal protections on transgender bathrooms in schools
The Trump administration on Wednesday night withdrew Obama-era guidance on transgender bathroom use in public schools.
By Ariane de Vogue, CNN Supreme Court Reporter

Well, we expected this but, now, here it comes. Trump supporters, and even some “friends” of mine, will cheer this move but let me go on the record as damning this repulsive  and backwards bullshit.

I do not believe that the majority of Americans want to treat others as second class citizens. I think it is a small percentage that want to deny people different from them human rights and dignity.

I’ll tell you something else. We will not stand for this.

Do you want to see a genuine enemy of the American people? There’s one sitting in the fucking White House right now.

Growth

And this scene is very satisfying. The hairpin could still show itself in the future or something like a karma find its way back into Su-Won or Yona’s hands. But this scene here right now is a very satisfying one symbolizing Yona’s growth and maturity. She had been holding onto that hairpin and all its memories for a long time and now it’s time to let go and also move forward. Yona readily letting go of the hairpin in exchange for any help to save her beloved family. These people - Kija, Jae ha, Shin ah, Zeno, Yoon, and Hak - are far more important than the memories of her past life, than the remnants of her past love.

anonymous asked:

Dialogue suggestion for a love confession where one person rejects the other out of fear of not being good enough?

Hope this helps!

1. “Look don’t do this, please you always promised you would-”

“Would what? Stay around forever? We both know that wouldn’t do either of us any good. It would be best if I…if I just left.”

2. “You are being entirely ridiculous, you have to understand that I don’t care-”

“Well I do…and I’m not willing to put you through that. You deserve a lot better.”

3. “I don’t want to drag you down with me anymore. Just let me go, and we can move on.”

“What if I don’t want to move on?”

“You can’t take that risk, I won’t let you.”


If anyone has any other prompts feel free to comment! :)

anonymous asked:

What about Captain Swan made the ship important to you?

damn okay well thats a big question

I think the answer to that is very layered just because of how nuanced captain swan is but I think the big thing is that they just express so much hope? Like emma and killian were so beaten down and cast away for years and years, they lived unloved and unwanted and then they found a home in each other, they found someone who truly loves them for who they are, faults and all. And I think thats a really beautiful thing to witness, we see them both learning to let go of their past and move on to the future because of each other. We see Killian become who he truly is (a hero) and we see Emma become who she truly is (a strong woman who is capable of so much love and vulnerability) and they became that because of each other and its just…….. idk its a really hopeful story to me it shows that the past doesnt define you and that no matter how knocked down you can be you theres always going to be something good at the end of the road

im really not the best with words so that probably doesnt make any sense but basically captain swan is a lot of things to me but mostly hope I guess?

Are you ever sorry?“ He asked.

"For loving you?” She smiled and shook her head. “No. There are so many things to be sorry for, but loving you isn’t one of them.”

For some reason, that answer made him even more restless.

“What are the things you’re sorry about, then?” He asked after a while.

“I’m sorry that I wasn’t quite right for you. That you weren’t quite right for me. That the timing wasn’t quite right for us. We were never lacking in love. It wasn’t ever a question of whether we loved each other enough or not, because if love could fill a whole room - ours would have needed more space. It would have burst out of the windows and banged open doors.” She stopped, and smiled such a sad smile it broke his heart all over again.

“You know I loved you so much.” He whispered.

She reached out to squeeze his hand and said, “I know, darling. I know. But even the greatest of loves cannot withstand the wars of this world. And no matter how much we loved each other, it wasn’t a war we were supposed to win.

—  we were beautiful but we weren’t quite right // Genefe Navilon

You have to realize this:

You can’t control the people you end up loving. You can’t change their past, you can’t dictate their future, and you can never know what’s truly in their mind. You have to let them go in this sense. There are certain things you have no say over and this is one of them. It’s either they love you - or they don’t. It’s either they do right by you - or they end up hurting you. But do you know what you can control? Your self security, your self-love, your belief that whatever happens, however badly they hurt you, it is never and will never be your fault. You are more than good enough, capable enough, deserving enough to be loved for you who you are, to be treated kindly, to be made special. When you love yourself, when you know your worth - this is when you are totally, completely in control.

—  let certain things go, but never let go of you // Genefe Navilon
When someone’s been gone a long time, at first you save up all the things you want to tell them. You try to keep track of everything in your head. But it’s like trying to hold on to a fistful of sand: all the little bits slip out of your hands, and then you’re just clutching air and grit.
—  Jenny Han, To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before