I think you need to just close the fucking chapter on him even if it was long enough to be a fucking novel itself. You’ve cried over this boy so many times before, when are you going to put yourself first? When are you going to realize this is not what you deserve? When you were little would you have ever wished this for yourself? Why are you putting yourself through this? You are so goddamn important and he is a fucking idiot who didn’t deserve to know you the way he did. Let him go, let him go, let him go. There is nothing more you can do.
When there are more tears than smiles, leave. When there are more fights than jokes, leave. When it hurts more than it feels good, leave. They don’t have the right to destroy you just because you love them. And loving them doesn’t mean you have to stay.