I think you need to just close the fucking chapter on him even if it was long enough to be a fucking novel itself. You’ve cried over this boy so many times before, when are you going to put yourself first? When are you going to realize this is not what you deserve? When you were little would you have ever wished this for yourself? Why are you putting yourself through this? You are so goddamn important and he is a fucking idiot who didn’t deserve to know you the way he did. Let him go, let him go, let him go. There is nothing more you can do.
I want you to remember me curled up, listening to the sound of your heartbeat and tracing maps across your skin. Remember me laughing at your jokes, even the stupid ones. Remember me in hysterics for absolutely no reason and in tears because one time you made me so sad neither of us thought I’d recover. Remember me brave, that time you held my hand and I thought I was going to die; remember me scared and gentle and delicate and breakable - only for you though, only for you.
Remember me happy, and all the ridiculous ways I tried to get your attention. Remember the way I was too stubborn to talk to you and how absolutely insane it drove the both of us. Remember all the firsts and how they were so delightful we went back for seconds and thirds and fourths. Remember the songs you couldn’t stop listening to and the childish dreams you allowed yourself about the future. If it’s any consolation I allowed myself to have them too.
If it comes to it I don’t want you to remember the ending.
Remember the beginning. Remember the first time you knew.
Meditation Techniques to Help You Visualize Letting Go
Aside from tuning into your breath or your heartbeat, below are some techniques to help you enhance or to discover a meditation practice.
As you close your eyes, imagine your thoughts becoming the descriptions below. Visualize yourself completing the actions described. Allow your troubles to disappear with each mindful manifestation. When you use visuals during meditation, the mind paints a more vivid picture of your decision to let go of the troubles. It helps connect, deep in your core, the intention to find a peace of mind.
You’re not what they want anymore. I’m so sorry. They’ve moved on. Please save yourself the time and pain and do the same, please. I’m so sorry you feel like this, but the sooner you let go, the sooner you’ll feel whole again.