My mother taught me
the distinct smell before the rain,
the promise of cleansing.
Didn’t anyone warn you
I’m what natural disasters
are named after?
I am a river,
good luck controlling me
good luck slowing me down.
There isn’t an ounce of age
to my soul.
..see the problem with miscommunication and the lack of understanding is that the reputation of your character is at risk. When two parties leave with two different understandings, that’s when problems can occur. The best thing to do is always end every heated discussion with an agreed conclusion or resolution… Another lesson learned.
To Jimmy Novak, Claire was the world and all the stars in the sky. To Castiel, Dean is the world and all the stars that comprise the Universe.
Reconciling the two…is impossible. It’s impossible because Castiel, regardless of appearance or mannerism or voice, is not, nor will he ever be, Jimmy Novak.
Castiel sets off on this journey to right wrongs, to repay a debt to man who gave up his life in God’s name in order to help save the world. The problem lies in the fact that Claire doesn’t want to be saved. She doesn’t want to be saved because Castiel cannot turn back time and bring her father back. Claire learned how to survive, even if she had to cut and bleed and kill to make it from one day to the next. She gave up prayingfor salvation a long time ago. Her lack of faith dragged her down into the deep dark spaces that could never filled inside of her - the spaces where love and family used to be, the spaces where an angel’s grace filled her, only to leave her bereft. Claire stopped believing.
And then there is Dean. The one guy that Castiel has reconstructed the entirety of his existence around. The one guy that Castiel has rebelled for, bled for, died for, become God for. Everything, all of it, in the name of saving Dean Winchester. In Purgatory, Castiel made a choice - leave Dean behind because it was the only way to say him. And Dean learned how to survive - cutting and bleeding and destroying and opening up that pit inside of himself that tastes like hellfire and carrying on because prayer was his only saving grace. Every word he spoke to Cas in the distance between them was his salvation, even if Castiel failed to answer his call. It was faith that drove Dean to reunite with Cas, to escape from Purgatory. Dean never stopped believing.
Castiel sees Claire and Dean as his greatest failures because he couldn’t keep the promises that he made.Castiel promised Jimmy to take care of his family, and he failed. Cas promised Dean that he would come whenever he called, and he failed. What Castiel has yet to learn is that changing the past is impossible. There are no do-overs. Cas can’t take back abandoning Claire and Amelia, he can’t take back his rebellion, he can’t take back his betrayal, he can’t take back the destruction wrought under the guise of a false god, he can’t take back leaving Dean in Purgatory, he can’t take back leaving Dean at all. Castiel has yet to learn that every single one of the wrongs that he has attempted to right has led to more chaos.
Castiel doesn’t realize that the only thing he can truly do is to continue to live and to have faith.
These words from Claire’s mouth were a devastating reminder of Castiel’s perceived failures. But he must realize that changing the past isn’t an option - that becoming the visage of Claire’s father isn’t enough. He has to learn to build a new foundation with Claire as himself, as a friend, as Cas. He has to learn to love, to support, to guide, and be present for the sake of a human who has nothing. He can become the faith that she lost.
And then we come back to Dean. The one guy.
Back in Purgatory, Dean still had his faith in Castiel because it’s what kept him alive. Now, Dean is hapless - lost and alone amongst the wreckage of his own soul, fallen to his knees and broken apart in pools of blood and sorrow. Dean asked one last thing of Cas before he fell once again. One last favor - to kill him to save him from becoming a monster.
Castiel can’t keep that promise either. But he can make a new one - to save Dean Winchester in the way he needs to be saved the most.
To truly love - to form the deep impenetrable bond of devotion and mutual trust from a foundation of friendship and understanding - this is Castiel’s path. The reintroduction of Claire opened the door to Cas learning to truly love as a human in relationships based on human ideals where faith is something that is tangible beneath his finger tips.
Castiel, as an angel, has been given the gift of humanity. Cas has been given the opportunity to become the faith that is lost in the two people he could never truly save.
Castiel can become Claire’s faith in herself and gift her with the opportunity for a better life.
Cas can become Dean’s faith - his light through his own darkness - and gift him with salvation born from true love.
Failures of the past can only be used to learn from. Castiel has two lives to save, and their futures are shining with his immutable light.
1. Try every food you’re offered, at least once. It won’t kill you.
2. Never pass up the chance to spend time with people. You’ll be around as long as you live; your friends and family will not.
3. Be okay with yourself. If you don’t think that’s possible, find a way.
4. Find your passion, however long it takes. Don’t stop chasing it.
5. Learn how to work with all types of people – those you cannot stand, those you’ve never met, those to whom you are closest. All of these take patience, and all of these are necessary.
6. Suck it up and do what needs to be done.
7. If you’re in a rut, get out. Never forget that you have a choice.
8. Try to love everyone. You will not succeed. Try anyway.
9. Allow yourself to complain, but do not make a habit of it. It’s crucial to release your pent-up frustration, but if you never stop talking about your problems you will never be able to get past them.
10. There’s no such thing as awkwardness.
11. Look at the stars as often as possible, and bask in the beauty of the multitudes above you. Don’t let the world tell you there is not enough time.
12. There’s a difference between love and loneliness. It will take ages of mistaking loneliness for love for you to learn that they are not the same, but do not let yourself believe that love does not exist. Be patient.
13. If you’re in a crowded room and you feel the walls close in on you, look around you. Watch someone for a moment and you will see that they are just humans, they are just you.
14. Listen to people.
15. Listen harder. Understand.
16. Don’t be afraid of the strength of your emotions. Feeling deeply hurts, but feeling nothing is infinitely worse.
17. You will spend your whole life redefining your beliefs. Stay flexible.
18. Allow the world to be what you need it to be. It only exists the way you see it – make it as big or as small as you want. Travel everywhere you can, talk to people outside of your comfort zone, open your eyes and never, ever shut them. The universe in infinite, baby, and you are a part of it for only so long. Absorb every moment.
I love until things are broken. I fight until hands are bloodied. I work until I faint. I am stubborn and I am unstoppable. These are the raw parts of myself that I have grown to accept. My desires are fact; what I want, I demand. I am learning to love myself.
Let us strip the “they-of-all-people” argument down to its very basics: gentiles telling Jews that we killed six million of your people and that as a result it is you, not us, who have lessons to learn; that it is you, not us, who need to clean up your act. It is an argument of atrocious, spiteful insanity. Do not accept it; turn it back on those who offer it. For it is us, not you, who should know better.
2. Grocery shopping is more expensive than you’d think.
3. You spend years wishing your parents would get off your back, but you’ll realize they were the only ones who ever had your back to begin with.
4. Drama will follow you everywhere you go, but it’s your decision to let it bother you or not.
5. People change, including you.
6. Not everyone keeps the promises they make.
7. The one who said forever will walk out of your life. You can live without them.
8. Sometimes you’ll miss the feeling more than the person.
9. Forgiveness isn’t easy, but it’s necessary.
10. It’s okay to be selfish. If something is not growing you, stop watering it and cut off the branches.
11. When he calls you drunk after 3 months, it’s okay to ignore him and delete the voicemail; you are not obligated to hear his voice just because you two have history.
12. When a person acts like they don’t care, believe that they don’t because if they do, you’ll never have to question it.
13. If something feels wrong, it probably is; trust your gut.
14. You deserve more than what he never gave; don’t sell yourself short of anything but the best.
15. People come and go; some are rest stops, some are destinations.
16. Apologizing for things you shouldn’t be sorry for can become a habit, and eventually it’ll swallow you whole; just don’t.
17. Sleep is a temporary escape from reality; it’s okay to take advantage of that sometimes.
18. Growing up doesn’t mean you can’t have fun-shaped Mac & Cheese; it just means you have to buy it yourself. It costs the same as boring Mac & Cheese, so indulge yourself once in a while. That goes for everything else, too.
19. Life is too short for watered-down coffee and boys who make you feel less than you are.