lessons learned

Sometimes you lose people, and there’s just nothing that you can do about it. Sometimes you lose something that you love. Sometimes you’re replaced by someone else and shifted to a not-so-important place in that one confidant’s heart. Sometimes relationships change and you end up feeling a little bit lonely. Sometimes you just aren’t the right fit, you just aren’t the soul that that other person needs.
—  🖤

sometimes the best medicine is just taking a break from the world. finding a little corner of the universe and allowing yourself to sit down and just breathe. to recuperate. because the truth is, life isn’t a straight path. it’s curvy and bumpy and filled with mountains and oceans for you to cross and you can’t keep running on empty and expect yourself to thrive. eventually you will break down and need some road-side assistance and that’s okay! take a break. get some rest. make the call. hold someone’s hand. allow yourself room to heal and to better yourself. the world is yours, you have all the time you need to heal, so take some today.

1.) complaining is overrated. life will always seem mundane and dreary if all you ever do is soak up negativity like an old sponge.

2.) having an immense amount of appreciation for the world is not “taboo”. it’s mandatory. the world is a beautiful place and so often people are blind to it because they fail to open their eyes and really look.

3.) there are good people, everywhere. there is good inside of everyone. but there are also people who will be rotten to you and make you feel awful. those are the types of people you must forgive and be the kindest to. sometimes cruel people just need a little extra love and don’t know how to ask for it.

4.) we, as humans, are wired for imperfection. we are wired for bad days, flaws, and mistakes. but we are also made for loving, forgiving, and enjoying.

5.) no life is perfect. nobody has it perfect. you never know what happens behind closed doors. some people put up the most believable, tough front but in reality, they’re crumbling. make sure you’re extending a hand for those who need it, even if they don’t always ask. be observant and considerate. it could save someone’s life. for real.

6.) say thank you, often. be polite. go out of your way to be as nice as possible. smile at random people in public. pay it forward. compliment people. the smallest things can make someone day, life even.

7.) believe in yourself. you are filled with an immense amount of potential just waiting to be drawn out. do things you like. do things that make you happy. there’s never any shame in taking time for yourself. fueling yourself is mandatory and the key to survival. you cannot give away all of your life force and expect yourself to thrive still. be kind to yourself, you deserve it.

- 7 things i’ve finally come to terms with.

“Another Story” is not a romantic drama.

It is a story about self discovery, and the long road to recovering one’s own identity after years of abuse and self neglect. V’s story is one we can all learn from.

I’ve heard that there’s been a lot of V hatred, and uh… That’s not okay.

Listen, I’ll be the first to admit that at the beginning of MysMe, I really disliked V. Not hate him, per se, but… Disliked him. And after the secret stories? I only pitied him. He was characterized originally as the “brooding artist” (and thanks, but I’ve had enough of that mess) who romanticized mental illness, mental pain, until it came back to bite him in the ass.

We can’t, no, we shouldn’t deny that in some way V is to blame for Rika’s breakdown, though I don’t doubt she would have eventually lost herself to her own delusions and machinations. Where V faltered, however, is in his lack of understanding. He didn’t understand himself, he didn’t understand other people, but most importantly? He didn’t understand that true love is something one must feel for one’s own self before feeling it for another person. He appeased the shit out of Rika, and he obsessed- YES RIKA, OBSESSED- over her until she snapped, and in turn, she obsessed and wounded him until he couldn’t see himself as anything other than “Rika’s Sun.” Until he lost himself. Until he defined himself by the actions and suffering she inflicted upon him, by only his past pain and failed attempt at renewal.

In a metaphorical sense? The neglect and carelessness he inflicted upon Rika was really in the end the abuse he inflicted upon himself. That’s not to say “he deserved it.” Far from that. He never deserved it, no one deserves that. No one deserves to be dammed with the incapability of loving themselves. Least of all those who were not taught selflove from the beginning.

V learns that you cannot define yourself by the love you give others, nor by the love you wish to receive from others. You must define yourself by the love you feel for your own, personal self.

After struggling through “Another Story,” fighting for this wonderful man’s freedom, from his abuser, from his own self hatred from his own self-abuse…?

How can you not love him?

No… How can you not respect him?

It’s not always NRE

As a newly poly person, I was determined to be a good metamour and be patient with my husband’s behaviour, because all the books talk about that shiny New Relationship Energy, and I didn’t want to be the one who couldn’t handle it. And so I was patient, and patient, then less so, until I broke and things came crashing down.

Looking back, I see that managing NRE should have been my husband’s responsibility, and when I did find the courage to point out things that he did that hurt me, his response should not have been to tell me that I was being selfish and insecure, or to say that he understood but couldn’t change. Instead it should have been to listen to me and talk with me and work on treating me with more respect.

It is not ok to stop talking and blame it on NRE. It is not ok to stop considering your other partner(s) feelings and needs, and just blame it on NRE. I discounted some serious gaslighting for a long time before I realised that it was not a new relationship that was the problem. I didn’t trust my own feelings, because poly was new, and I didn’t know how I should feel. Let me tell anyone reading this- you should not be made to feel unimportant, abandoned, unheard, or unworthy.

A healthy poly relationship, brand new or well established, is one in which all partner’s needs and feelings matter and are heard and cared for.

1. Growing up doesn’t happen all at once. Being persistent in trying is half the battle won.

2. Loneliness can feel a lot like love in the middle of the night. Any text intended to be sent past 2AM can wait until the next day. If your feelings were true, they would still be valid in the morning.

3. Treat people kindly no matter what you’re going through. You will want to be remembered for being that person.

4. You don’t have to change who you are in order to fit in, but it is important to accommodate other’s differences and comfort in your presence. What you think is a small gesture may mean the world to another person.

5. Love on your family, near and far. You never know which hug may be the last.

6. Friends and family may be your support system, but only you can pick up your broken pieces. Accept that you are all that you have.

7. People change. Most times without prior notice, often with no explanation. Wish them well on their way, and move on with your life.

8. Holding onto the things not meant for you will only kill you. Letting them go will set you free.

9. Starting from the bottom does not mean that you’re losing out. It means that your journey forward can only be an uphill one.

10. Thy will be done. Some days you are going to question God’s ways, but you know that His will is ultimately what’s best.

11. It is more important to live your life looking forward than it ever is looking back.

12. You will never forget the people who were kind to you, especially when they didn’t have a reason to be. You will carry a piece of them with you wherever you go.

13. Appreciate everything that you have, even the little things. You don’t get to keep it all forever.

14. When God closes a door, He opens a window. Keep your eyes open to see the silver linings.

15. Not everybody will understand you. But those that do, never forsake them. Never leave them.

16. Sometimes you’ll need to lose yourself in order to be found, then reformed, to be much better than you ever were.

17. Block out the noise that surround you, and focus on yourself. You will move mountains, you will fight. It is you that will bring you places.

18. Peace and contentment comes from living your life from the inside out rather than the outside in. Human recognition may come as one part of the journey, but it should never be the goal.

19. Go out for that 8AM breakfast with your parents. It might be the time you got the most laughs out of the week.

20. Trust your instincts. There’s a reason why it screams louder than the voice in your head.

21. With heartbreaks, come new beginnings.

—  Lessons Learnt In 2016, @samanthalisae

Rafael Barba being unfairly seductive in every episode

  Lessons Learned (S14E08)

Don’t make yourself smaller and shrink, to fit yourself in someone’s life, who think they are too big and perfect for you. They will restrict your growth and confine you in a prison where you are chained and they are free.
—  ЯR
We’re all fools… all the time. It’s just we’re a different kind each day. We think, I’m not a fool today. I’ve learned my lesson. I was a fool yesterday but not this morning. Then tomorrow we find out that, yes, we were a fool today too. I think the only way we can grow and get on in this world is to accept the fact we’re not perfect and live accordingly.
—  Ray Bradbury, The Illustrated Man
My heart is still married to all of the things I’ve been convinced I’d forgotten.
—  Destroy it all. Deuteronomy 7. 🖤