lessons from the x men

Things I've Learned from X-Men: Days of Future Past

  1. I wish it wasn’t Wolverine that got to travel back in time. 
  2. As much as people may disagree with me for saying this, I don’t think that Jennifer Lawrence was the appropriate choice to play Mystique. I mean, Rebecca Romijn?
  3. Magneto was always an asshole. But a very attractive, Michael Fassbender looking asshole. mmm
  4. Beast is literally the most loyal person to Xavier ever. Nick Hoult is also adorable. 
  5. The past: a new and uncertain world. A world of endless possibilities and infinite outcomes. Countless choices define our fate: each choice, each moment - a moment in the ripple of time. Enough ripple, and you change the tide… for the future is never truly set.

  6. Everything about this movie confused me. I’m so confused.
  7. There is nothing more hilarious than seeing Michael Fassbender in a tight suit and his really odd flying position
  8. HALLE BERRY DOES NOT AGE
  9. Quicksilver is so strangely amazing. That scene in the pentagon where he slows everything down (or speeds through life) is probably my favourite scene of the movie
  10. God Peter Dinklage, you’re a bad guy in this movie but yet you’re still so awesome. Sentinals? God DAMN
  11. Is it bad that when Wolverine fixes the future, I’m so happy that Bobby ends up still with Rogue, rather than Ellen Page’s character?
  12. Who knew Professor X could be weak? James Macavoy, you’re still sexy at you’re worse though 
  13. Just because someone stumbles and loses their path, doesn’t mean they can’t be saved.
  14. Jennifer Lawrence speaking Vietnamese is the funniest thing I’ve seen yet
  15. The best way to calm someone who’s super disoriented? Tell them they’re on really bad acid

Before we learn the entire history of energy and what it meant to the Native Americans, the lecture is thankfully interrupted by a supervillain attack. Unfortunately, the supervillains are energy-themed and tie directly into the subject at hand. So Captain America’s battle becomes narrated by baby soup spokespeople who are also still teaching us about energy conservation. It’s like the worst day of five different people’s lives all happening at once, but less coherent than that sounds.

The four supervillains, who were never heard from before or again, are all dedicated to wasting energy. They’re not even worth the effort of a bad joke, and they beat the shit out of Captain America. So it’s up to those sad indoor kids we met earlier to defeat the baddies. How? By conserving energy, of course!

The children manage to cut the villains off from all sources of energy to defeat them. And when we say “defeat,” we mean they melt into puddles that die screaming for help under the ceaseless gaze of a disembodied toddler head. We are not trained therapists, but we know enough about child psychology to know these kids are fucked.

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