lesson in leaving

No one comes into your life without teaching you some sort of lesson. Every time someone leaves you I want you to try to figure out what you’ve learned from your experience with them. I think by doing that you make it easier for yourself to move on because you realise that the hurt you’re feeling right now isn’t all for nothing and that one day you’ll be glad it happened.
—  always try to learn from your heartbreaks.

you really can’t trust Straights with knowing your sexuality cause the moment you mention you’re gay or bi or pan fucking Heterosexual Jimothy is interrogating you about your entire sexual history like he’s digging for wank bank fodder 

The problem with drinking? You have a thirst you can’t quench, one you can’t satisfy no matter how much you take down. It’ll numb you kid, but only for a little bit. Just enough to trick yourself into thinking you’re not in pain, so that you can sleep just for a night.
—  Shade
There are toxic relationships that will burn you like poison. You have to leave. It’ll be hard, but kid, you’ll feel freer than you’ve ever felt before. People like that will leave a mark, but it’s better to take a dip and learn your lesson than to soak and waste your life away with them.
—  c.j. // I learned my lesson

there will be people who use you. they are good at getting close so you care about them. when they see your scars, they’ll flash their own. you will feel kin to them. you know what it is to struggle with things.

and at first you think: they’ll help me if i help them.

but it doesn’t happen. you love them deeply so you always pick up the phone. it doesn’t matter that you have a test the next day or that you’re going through things of your own. you support them.

they are good at pretend. they will play like they are your friend, so you endlessly give to them. after a while you realize: it really doesn’t matter what’s happening in your life, some more pressing emergency is always happening to them. it is a hard thing to recognize, because you don’t want people to hurt like you do. 

i have a friend who never asks me if i’’m okay. she only ever texts me to tell me she wants to die, but never goes to therapy or does any of the things i tell her to do to help herself. once when i came back from my grandfather’s funeral she demanded to know why i’d been gone, and when i explained, she said that without me, she’d almost passed out of this world. i had to lay down on the floor; nothing made sense anymore. i want her to get better. i want to help.

but there are people out there who will use you. who don’t care about getting better, they care about you giving up your time, your effort, your everything. until you are drained of it. i don’t mean those who give back, who will gladly do anything for you, who you know you can trust. who you don’t mind giving up the test for, because you know they’d do the same in a similar spot.

i mean those who don’t know you. who pretend that they care about you but are using your empathy as a sore spot. who take more than they need. who demand your attention all of the time but don’t care if you bleed.

Leave places more beautiful than you found them. Leave cities with fond memories. Leave the past where it belongs, and only take the lessons you learned with you. Leave the dead to rest; don’t carry the weight of their ghosts. Leave those who hurt you behind; anger is just a sign that you still care. Leave memories in photographs and journals and songs. Leave people stronger than you found them; leave them better off for having met you.
—  EMJ // Instructions for Leaving Things Behind
12 things 2015 taught me

january: it’s okay to cut off people from your life. don’t feel guilty about how they’re feeling; you’re the most important person and your wellbeing matters more than anyone’s.

february: be open to new opportunities and say yes to things that you once might’ve said no to. these opportunities might bring the best memories you’ve had up to date. 

march: you can’t please everyone. not everyone needs to agree with you and even like you. speak up and demand respect. you deserve it. 

april: grudges make your heart ache and drain your energy. forgive and let go. there’s no other way to life. move on. 

may: don’t overthink every single thing. no, that text response doesn’t have to be 40 words long. no, you’re not going to end up on the streets because of a failed test. stop feeling so much.

june: comparing yourself to others will only lead to negative actions. appreciate and embrace what you have. no one is perfect and perfectionism is boring. 

july: laughter heals. smile and keep your head up. you will be okay. 

august: experience is not glamorous and it will often hurt. make sure you’re ready to face consequences before you make impulsive decisions. 

september: seeking for help does not make you weak in any way. if anything, it makes you stronger than you were before. 

october: music will hold your hand when no one else will. listen to it as loud as you want wherever you want- who cares if other people can hear it. 

november: skinny does not mean pretty. skinny does not mean everyone’s going to like you. skinny does not mean anything you think it means. fuck beauty standards. 

december: mistakes happen. don’t beat yourself up for them. it’s not the end of the world and something that might seem monumental at one point will not matter in a year’s time. 

If someone leaves, let them.
Don’t put up a fight.
Don’t make promises of change.
Let them go.

If you leave, expect nothing from them.
Don’t hope they’ll ask you to stay.
Don’t wait for them to change.
Keep walking.

We’re supposed to include a lesson on problem solving in our maths teaching every week. I was not conscious of this fact until I’d already done my programming, and was wondering how the hell I was going to fit this in to my lessons this week. Apparently, Past Ceiridwen had been given this information and programmed problem solving with fractions for Wednesday of this week, and managed to forget about it in the chaos of the last couple of weeks. I love it when Past Ceiridwen has my back like that.