lesson from past

(These are not my actual words they have been said to me by someone who was a part of my life for a very long time.)

To the one who loves her next,

She’s the type of girl we meet when we’re too young and we mess it up then spend our lives wondering what if we had been better to her.

When she met me she was full of life but somewhere along the line within all my mistakes she forgot how to smile. Now a smile have become a rare thing for her.

She’s an introvert. She will wander off for hours and get lost in books or music and you’ll think she’s ignoring you but she is not. She’s just comfortable in her own bubble but eventually she will find herself back to you.

She isn’t easily angered. I was a part of this girl’s life for three years and there were times when I would blow my top off and yell at her for things that were not her fault yet she stood by me. In all our years together she’s only lost her temper at me once.

When she loves you, she really loves you and she will love you for a long time. Be gentle with her heart. Heaven knows this is a lesson I wish I had learnt when we were younger.

This girl wears her heart on her sleeve. She will see things that will make her sad and she tries to fix all the things wrong with the world. When she does, just let her be it’s who she is but when she comes running to you and oh she will, just hug her.

I spent years hurting her so I can tell you this: Don’t do it she doesn’t deserve that. I’ve done things to her that I am not proud of. I spent heard making her cry but she never uttered a word for me. She spent months missing me yet she never let me know it.

She is trusting, perhaps too trusting. I am begging you not to take advantage of this like I did. I wish I could do back in time and undo everything I did to her.

She will always try to put you first, remind her to put herself first sometimes.

If she tells you she loves you, you better believe she does. She will be good to you and she is faithful. It’s easy to take this for granted but don’t. Losing her will be one of the biggest loses of my life. Trust me it’s been almost four years later and I still regret it.

The guy who made all the mistakes because he was too young.



10:46 am

~Excerpts from the book I’ll never write #99

Same Old Fight


Pairing: Theo x Reader

Prompt: I don’t care, because nothing you say to me is going to change a single thing.

Summary: The same old, fighting with Theo.

Side Note: I honestly don’t know about this one, started writing and this is the end result.

Your messy relationship with Theo was like flower petals, delicate and easy to tear. You were the type of person who believed everyone deserved a second chance, you truly did foolishly believe that someone could change their spots. But when it came to Theo you just couldn’t do it anymore.

Every single rule, every lesson you learned from past experiences were all thrown out the window the moment Theo uttered the first “hello babygirl” to you. He had this irresistible charm that really left any girl flustered and wanting more.

You swore that you wouldn’t be like that, but here you were….here you were catching Theo in another lie after another, and then accepting his broken apology that it wouldn’t happen again.

Another night of endless fighting was what it came too. And the worst of thing about it, this felt like the new normal in the relationship…which was extremely dangerous territory to be in.

“What do you want me to say Y/N?” Theo asked fed up with the same routine, just like you were.

“I don’t know Theo how about the truth! Why won’t you tell me what’s going on? You sure seem to confine in Tracy a lot” you said.

He took off his leather jacket and threw it god knows where, it felt like a stand off and the question now was who was going to be quicker in delivering that final, fatal blow.

“I’ve told you nothing is going on with her. She is apart of my pack that is all” he paced a little, Theo become agitated very easily.

“So I’m just suppose to believe that when you’re out with her following Dread Doctors leads, or coming up with a plan to gain more power nothing more is happening? Because don’t stand there and patronize me, when anyone can see Tracy always has to be the first one to please you!” shouting at him for what felt like the hundredth time this week.

Theo walked over to the fridge, grabbed a bottle of water and took a sip. “She’s a Kanima babe, they like to serve a master it’s in their nature”.

Crossing your arms, “So your her master. I’m sure she loves that” rolling your eyes at the prospect. He walked over to you with a stupid cocky grin on his face, “Babygirl really?”

“Don’t give me that look, we both know that when it comes to your plans regarding anything you don’t trust me with them” taking a few steps back for some breathing room.

“That’s ridiculous! Where the hell did you come up with that?”

At this point you couldn’t really remember what started this argument. You recall being mad at him for being out so late and not informing you where he was going. Beacon Hills was a dangerous place, and you were well aware that he could take care of himself. But things happened that couldn’t be explained, or out of the blue and no-one knew who would be at the receiving end of those tragic accidents or attacks. But all this Tracy business was something that came out of nowhere, sure she rubbed you up the wrong way. However nothing in you was worried that he would cheat.

Running your fingers several times through your already messy hair, “Face it Theo you don’t tell me anything, because of how close I am to Scott and the others. Can you honestly look me in the eye and say you don’t question my allegiance”.

Both of you carried sad expressions. Trust issues and the pressure of maintaining a relationship that was most likely already doomed from the start, was taking it’s toll.

“Okay, you want me to tell you the truth…I’ll do it and this time it will be different. I know I’ve lied and left out some things, but if you want to know so badly then I’ll tell you”.

Leading you to the couch, each of you sat on opposite ends. Theo rubbed his hands together and then turned to face you. “I have a plan but it all starts with Lydia, and since she’s in Echien that’s where I need to go. She’s the only one who can tell me who the beast is”.

It all sounded ridiculous and the more you went over it in your head, the more it made you angry. “You do know your quest for power is going to get you killed”. Standing up you stared at the night sky, hoping it would provide a calming affect.

“I knew it, I knew you would disapprove!” Theo said, jumping up from his seat.

“You want me to approve of you getting yourself killed, or worse approve of you hurting another one of my friends Theo?! You seriously got to be joking”. In the reflection of the window you saw him, his chest out and his jaw tightening.

“She won’t get hurt, okay. If that’s what I have to say to make this all better then fine”

Did he really just say that to you? Turning slowly it was back to the staring showdown. “Right, because that’s something you can promise. How idiotic do you think I am?” you asked him.

“Why would I lie? If I tell you she won’t get hurt then she won’t”.

“I don’t know Theo why you would lie, maybe it’s because you actually enjoy being the Dread Doctors puppet. But I don’t care, because nothing you say to me is going to change a single thing, or make you targeting Lydia okay!” you responded.

This was the crossroad that it always came down too. You and Theo were at different ends of the scale, and this fight showed that. Stiles told you being Switzerland about the whole thing, wasn’t going to last long. Eventually a choice had to be made and it was either sticking with Theo or backing Scott.

“If you can’t handle what I have to do, then leave Y/N! There is the bloody door so go, choose Scott see if I care!”

Absolutely shocked at what he just said to you, this was the situation…this was the moment you had to permanently pick a side. No more having one foot in each camp, it was time to plant your feet on one side.

“Are you kicking me out? Or is this you way of seeing just how strong my connection with you is?”.

“Stay with me or don’t, I have bigger things to deal with then to waste my time trying to convince you to pick me” the tone he used, made this that more shocking.

He was cold, distant from his emotions.

The voice inside was telling you to be that girl, hand him another chance, choose him and have him prove you wrong. But that girl was already out of second chances, he had gotten them all.

“I’m glad to see that you’ve come full circle Theo, because I’m exhausted and I can’t do this”. Walking to the door it wasn’t the way you imagined this night to end. Especially considering all the other times it ended differently, grasping the handle, twisting it and opening the door wide.

“Babygirl, I can’t let my feelings for you affect anything…just so you know”.

“Do what you gotta do, and I’ll do the same. It really does sadden me that this is where we are. Despite everything, despite this choice I still care about you. As crazy as that is, and as far fetched as it sounds it’s the truth”.

Closing the door, the emotions hit you. Looking down at your trembling hand you couldn’t help him, you couldn’t change him. Your weakness was that you cared too much, his weakness was that he didn’t care at all.

We have a walking contradiction
In the White House.
He turns a fact into a fiction,
Law – into chaos.
He likes no one but his own ego
And makes in clear
With shitty tweets that cause a vertigo
And fear.
Quite obviously, he can’t handle
the situation.
Yet, he’ll go on with fiddle-faddle
to keep frustration
at level one had never felt.
In 30 days
Our leader made it hard as hell
To watch his face.
Uncertainty is what we must
Fight in a horror.
Let’s draw a lesson from the past
And vote tomorrow.

Made with SoundCloud

“This epic story is fueled with intense commitment and sensuousness.”

Vida was their star–the beautiful, charismatic radical from the pages of LIFE magazine–the symbol of the passionate rebellion of the sixties. Now, ten years later, the shouting is over, but Vida is still on the run. Staying in Network hideouts, traveling disguised, fearing every glance, she finds her best protection is her distrust of everyone–a lesson learned from past treacheries. And now, knowing the dangers, she finds herself warming again toward a man, an outcast ten years younger than herself.

I kind of want to read this now.

A recommendation: ask about the past life most influencing you right now

1. Basic soul nature coming in

2. What was my mother to me?

3. What was my father to me?

4. What was my childhood to me?

5. How were my friendships?

6. How was my family situation as an adult (created family, not source family)?

7. What was my profession like?

8. How did I handle my resources?

9. What was my overall impact? How was I known?

10. How did I die?

11. Basic soul nature leaving this life

12-13: Lessons learned from this past life

14-15: How this past life affects current life

With 12-13 and 14-15 put an extra card for clarification if you like


although it’s already summer here, im planning to spend part of it reviewing on my past lessons from 8th-10th grade ! Im focusing more on math and science subjects, because next year, I’ll be on a STEM program waaaAhhHh and i rly rly rly want to do good !
starting this review sesh with 8th grade bio and so far, so good ^_^

Ya can’t fuck the evil cartoon cyclops triangle. Ya just can’t. Look at him… he’s a triangle, and even if you wanted to (why) it would only end in heartbreak and possibly a liver full of wriggling cockroaches.

But you’ve probably considered that. You’ve probably realized that a triangle - even a pyramid - is unfuckable. You’ve probably humanized him into a presumably fuckable bishonen with an eyepatch. But you can’t fuck that either, and it’s not just because he’s still evil in a way that’s more “used car salesman” than “Jareth the Goblin King” and would sooner swap your knees with your elbows than mash your bits together m…. it’s also because your humanized design is disturbingly reminiscent of The Onceler, and you should already have learned your lesson about that from kinkshamers past.

Doc told me,
“There are two S’s you’ll never be,
At the same time…

Sane & Suicidal…

You see,
We humans in humanity,
Are meant to live…

We are meant to pass on our genes,
Meant to pass on
Our lessons from the past,
To the next generation…

Never the way,
No sane human,
Does such a thing,
Which is why if you try it,
We’ll house you with the,

My genetics,
Are generics,
Mixed with a lot of,
Fucked up shit,
Nobody should have it…

I have no lessons learned,
From past events,
Only one question of,
How many times
Does one have to get burned,
Before they earn,
Their own urn?

Me procreating,
Would just be me defecating,
On the next stem,
Of my family tree…

So Doc,
If this life ain’t for me,
And I’m choosing this sanely,
Sane & Suicidal can exist,
You’d rather act like it doesn’t exist,
And insist that I need,
As if Anti,
Has the Midas touch,
To get me out of this tough,
Just mighta,
Missed touching my life when I was born,
And I’m not torn,
Over this…

It is what it is,
I roll with it,
As the whiskey,
Rolls through me…

—  JihbazFubyok

Life lessons from the past coupla days:

  • I’ve learned that my baby girl needs to wear at least one piece of cereal on her face every morning during breakfast.
  • I’ve learned that carabiners make for popular birthday party goodie bag stuffing items.
  • I’ve learned that my son can’t make a serious face to save his life.
  • I’ve learned that panda-shaped shortbread cookies with Belgian chocolate ice cream is deloycious.
  • I’ve learned that my son will help out a friend during rock climbing.
  • I’ve learned that my baby girl has already outgrown her winter coat.
a little lesson from past me

I was just going through my notes earlier and saw some of my really old posts from a few years ago when I was going through a really hard time….and I couldn’t believe that I wrote those! I said all that terrible stuff about myself?!! it honestly breaks my heart to think I use to feel that way about myself. I don’t even remember feeling that but it physically hurts to read the type of stuff I said and idk why I’m saying all this, I guess to let you all know that it does get better, one way you will no longer feel the pain. your heart will get better. if anything, let my current heartbreak about my past self be an example. I have no memory of writing those things and if I could go back in time and tell my past self how wrong she is about everything I would because it honestly breaks my heart to think I use to think all those terrible things about myself. so please let this be a lesson: you are beautiful, you are worthy of happiness, you’re deserve someone to treat you right and give you everything you want and deserve but you don’t need someone else to do that for you if you don’t want to, it all starts with you because at the end of the day, your all you’ve got so as hard as it is, please start a slow process of becoming your own happiness and learning to love yourself, because as I mentioned, you’ve all you’ve got.