less real

fantasygeek  asked:

I finished 5x5, I'm so sad Mickey found out about the cheating. He was so hurt. 😭 I was really glad he didn't just take it like Mandy might have, though beating that guy was probably unnecessary. It kinda makes me wonder though, do you think Mickey ever had strong feelings for anyone else? Ian had Kash, kinda. But the whole relationship thing is new to Mickey, right? I'm half plotting a fic where he meets a guy in Mexico before finding his way back to Ian. I think it would be good for him.

ARGH! 

He has literally no idea what to do! He can’t blame Ian because he’s only doing it because he’s ill, but it doesn’t make what happened less real or stop the truth from hurting him. He can’t confront Ian until he comes home and even then what is he going to do? Mickey was truly at a loss in that moment so he calls his brothers and does his best to let off steam (getting the idea to fuck up the new coffee shop to remind himself he’s still a Milkovich dammit, and can still be untouchable if he wants to be). But the next day when it comes down to it, nothing has changed. He’s still hurt, he still has to confront Ian and now he has to take Ian to the hospital because he KNOWS that isn’t him and now finally agrees that something is wrong. Just… UGH!

 Sorry about that, that’s not what you wanted. On to your question.

I 110% believe that Ian is the first and only relationship Mickey has ever had and the only one he’s interested in having. I think this man loves so hard and so thorough that absolutely no one would be able to compare and I don’t think Mickey would ever be able to drag someone along through a relationship, because he knows it would always be second best and would be unfair to the other person. I genuinely think relationships are completely ruined for him at this point (as tragic as it is to say) because before Ian, he didn’t really see the value of them. He didn’t even realize how much he wanted exclusivity until Ned came around and even then “relationship” was probably a strong word for what he was looking for. Before Ian I think Mickey was going to be satisfied getting his rocks off however he needed to and would focus on doing what he has to do to care for his family, forever hiding his sexuality and pretending to enjoy life as a bachelor because I don’t think romance or love was ever a priority for him.

He MIGHT could get involved with someone as a friends with benefits sorta deal and might go through the motions of a relationship if something more developed for the other guy, but like I said it’d really only be second rate to Ian and would be unfair to the person and I think Mickey would likely end that before things got too deep.

I would LOVE for Mickey to be able to move on, but I don’t think he’s capable tbh.


<3 <3

8

those cheeky shits

4

Nico was in border patrol, but it was just so he could  be surprised.

Can you believe this could be the first time Nico can celebrate his birthday with people that like him since his mother died? :))

what is BPD?

 Even though I have a blog about BPD, a lot of people have a lot of doubts about it (about the symptoms, terms, etc). So here is a post about BPD and, please, if you are neurotypical don’t comment “wow I have it” just because you read my post.

  • Borderline Personality Disorder is diagnosed when there is a persistent pattern of unstable interpersonal relationships, mood and self-image, as well as distinct impulsive behaviour, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. These difficulties are indicated by five (or more) of the following:
  1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

  2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

  3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

  4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g. spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). This does not include suicidal or self-harming behaviour.

  5. recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour.

  6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood - intense feelings that can last from a few hours to a few days.

  7. chronic feelings of emptiness.

  8. inappropriate intense anger or difficulty controlling anger.

  9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideas or severe dissociative symptoms.

What is FP? 

FP means, for someone who has BPD, favorite person. It is a term that refers to the person you most idealize, usually it is someone you have romantic feelings for, but it can be a friend, fictional character, someone in your family, etc. Not everyone who has BPD has a FP, but it is something common. Having a FP is not something beautiful and shouldn’t be romantized, your mood starts depending on that person, on the way they talk to you, you have a lot of mental breakdowns when they’re gone and it’s something that puts you in risk, because you’re willing to do basically anything for that person.

What is “split”?

Splitting is the action of feeling extremely angry at someone who you usually idealize, for example, your fp (but it doesn’t have to be necessarily your fp). Someone who suffers from BPD usually has black and white thinking or feeling, loving or hating someone, doing something all the time or not at all, basically no harlf term. When someone splits, it means that they were from a extreme to another about their feelings to someone. It can happen for big and important reasons, when someone actually does a serious mistake or it can happen when someone does a “small” mistake and we react extremely, due to BPD hypersensitivity.

What is dissociation?

That’s what Wikipedia says: “In psychology, dissociation is any of a wide array of experiences from mild detachment from immediate surroundings to more severe detachment from physical and emotional experience. The major characteristic of all dissociative phenomena involves a detachment from reality, rather than a loss of reality as in psychosis.”. Dissociation is the match of despersonalization (“Depersonalization can consist of a detachment within the self regarding one’s mind or body, or being a detached observer of oneself. Subjects feel they have changed and that the world has become vague, dreamlike, less real, or lacking in significance. It can be a disturbing experience. Chronic depersonalization refers to depersonalization-derealization disorder, which is classified by the DSM-5 as a dissociative disorder.”) and derealization (“Derealization is an alteration in the perception or experience of the external world so that it seems unreal. Other symptoms include feeling as though one’s environment is lacking in spontaneity, emotional colouring, and depth. It is a dissociative symptom of many conditions.”). Basically, it is feeling like YOU are not real + the WORLD is not real. Okay, I’m not sure about what I’m going to say now, please someone correct me if I’m wrong, but I think that there a lot of dissociative disorders, but in BPD people usually suffer just from dissociative symptoms.

Self-Harm?

Self-harm is when you intentionally hurt yourself. Okay, but why? Some people self-harm to relief the pain, a lot of people with BPD also relate they self-harm to feel real during dissociative episodes or to feel something when the emptiness sensations are acting out. For some people, self-harm is when you hurt your body tissue, for example, cutting or scratching yourself, but, personally, in my opinion, thre are different ways or expressing self-harm before it becomes something extreme, for example, starving yourself, triggering yourself, doing something you don’t want to just because you “deserve it”, etc.

“People with BPD are always abusive.”

That’s absolutely not true. A lot of websites make articles about BPD and, because of a lack of information, they mention we are abusive and things like that. The truth is that no one is automatically abusive JUST because their mental illnesses. Abuse is something related to someone’s behavior, regardless if they’re mentally ill or not. “Okay, so why a lot of people say BPD makes someone abusive?” Maybe it’s because PDs are not a very discussed topic and people are always afraid of the unkown, so it’s better if they just judge us. Also, maybe because people with BPD are often seen as “attention seekers”, which is not something bad, in my opinion, because everyone should receive enough attention, since they’re not using bad mechanisms to get it.

About some other symptoms

Mood swings happen when someone goes to an emotion to another. For someone who has BPD, it happens a lot of times during the day. For example, if you got a friend and they have BPD they can talk about suicide and how hopeless they feel and a few hours or minutes later they can talk about future plans and how excited they are about things. It impacts our affective instability too, so sometimes we get lost thinking if we like someone or not. We can easily “get tired” of someone and then becoming totally dependent on them after some time. Our instability also impacts our sense of self, sometimes it makes us question even if we are real (going back to the dissociation aspect). That’s why is so hard for us to do things like choosing a career, because today I can feel like becoming an actress and then tomorrow I want to be a doctor. Our decisions and moods are constantly changing.Our fear of abandonment controls our lives, we can do things that we don’t even want to just to have someone by our sides. Also, some people with BPD can get too clingy or too distant to someone they love, clingy to avoid the abandonment and distant because of a “leave them before they leave me” thought. That’s why our relationships are very unstable.Compulsion and impulsivity is a form of expressing our confused feelings, like if we need something to rely on. We can drink too much, eat too much, waste too much money, etc. It can happens for a lot of reasons, for example, to fill the feelings of emptiness or to avoid a breakdown, specially when someone leaves.

Quiet and explosive borderlines

Explosive borderline is someone who is the “classical” borderline. They will act out, they may yell at people, they may get involved in fights and etc. Someone who is a quiet borderline will act in, holding their pain agaisnt themselves, for example, with the self-harm. They may not usually yell at people or get involved in fights, but, instead, they will do terrible things with themselves. There is not a “worse or better type of borderline”, they’re just different types. We all suffer a lot.

Sorry if my grammar wasn’t very correct. English is not my native language. I hope it was a helpful post for some help here on tumblr.
Stay strong, borderline community!

Guess who I drew!! Again!! Because I love her!!!!!

i saw her and my heart crawled up my throat. like her eyes were the only stars on a clear night. but how do i tell her that the world is less real around her. everything stopped in the palm of her hands. like she could reform me from seawater. like she could revenge me all the nights i spent wanting.

يوماً بعد يوم، ستدرك أن عدد أصدقاءك
.لا يعنيك بحجم ما تعنيه حقيقة صداقتهم

As you grow older you realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones.

who wouldn’t want to drink there

Your potential attraction to other genders doesn’t make your attraction to women any less pure or real. You’re not “half gay” or Gay Lite, you’re not “basically straight” and it’s not “just a phase”. No you will not “end up with a man” and it’s not just you seeking attention. You’re bi and you’re enough no matter what other people might try to tell you.

I have a real problem with the phrase “Mad Scientist”, it’s just too broad a term. I mean sure, mad science has advanced since its conception in the 1600s, and maybe back then you could have been a mad scientist, although even then the term would have been mad natural philosopher, but these days the mad sciences are pretty specialized, are you a mad physicist? a mad chemist? a mad botonist? a mad taxonomist? a mad entomologist? Every field of mad science has made important contributions to our mad understanding of the universe, but they’re entirely different fields of study and lumping their practitioners into one big mad group just feels reductive and unhelpful because there are mad teenagers out there trying to figure out what to do with their lives and they could be the next generation of mad undergrad and mad grad students, but if we scare them off by presenting mad science as this unapproachable mad monolith then future mad research will be poorer for it :\