Brooklyn Nine Nine High School AU

I while ago I made headcanons of an au where the cast of Brooklyn Nine Nine are teachers at a high school, Jake is the English teacher, Amy is the math teacher, etc, which you can read here  if you want, and see the aesthetic of that au I made here. Then I started thinking, what if the cast of Brooklyn Nine Nine were STUDENTS in high school? So here’s headcanons of them as students.

• Holt is the principal. Cheddar is the school mascot. Terry is a student teacher who is working towards an art education degree and helps teach the art class and also subs for the gym teacher.

• Jake is a massive prankster. Setting cats loose in the cafeteria on Fish Stick Friday, whoopee cushions on teachers’ chairs, drawing dicks on chalkboards, those kinda things. He’s always saying inappropriate jokes during the lesoons. He’s a pain in the ass to teachers but his classmates love him, he’s the class clown. He sits in the back of the class, throws spit balls. He’s failing math and needs a tutor.

• Amy always sits at the front of the class. Always raises her hand, always gets every question right. Amy overhears Principal Holt complaining to vice principal Kevin how every single tutor in the school quit tutoring Jake Peralta. The boy is simply un-tutorable.

• Amy jumps at this chance. If she can tutor an un-tutorable delinquent, Principal Holt will surely remember her! She offers to tutor Jake, despite the fact that she’s still picking spit balls out of her hair because of him.

• Gina and Jake were best friends since kindergarten. Gina’s the most popular girl in school, but don’t be fooled, she’s not the mean-cheerleader-Regina-George type. She acts like she’s better than everyone else (and to be fair, she kinda is) but she still has a big heart. She was voted class president and got the teachers to allow drinks in class.

• Rosa and Jake met in middle school. They made a plan to flood the bathrooms to avoid taking a huge test. They’ve been friends ever since. In high school, Rosa noticed some kids picking on this nerd named Amy. Rosa put Amy under her protection. “You mess with Amy, you mess with me” and trust me, nobody wants to have a problem with Rosa. Amy does Rosa’s homework to pay her back.

• In freshman year of high school, the school hosted a Halloween school dance. Charles showed up in a cat costume. This big kid started calling Charles homophobic slurs. Jake didn’t like that, and punched him in the face. Principal Holt didn’t suspend Jake for punching a student. Nobody stood up for Charles before. Charles saw Jake as his hero and followed him around all the time. Gina convinced the school that cat outfits were the next trend so everyone would stop picking on Charles.

• Jake and Amy meet at the school library during their lunch period to study. Jake obviously brings a three-course meal with him into the library. They both get kicked out for bringing food into a library. Amy’s super pissed off. They go to the cafeteria and study there. Jake can’t focus. His friends keep talking to him and distracting him. Amy just walks away. She’s frustrated that he won’t study.

• Jake see’s Amy walking away. He runs after her and notices the back of her head. “What’s those things in your hair?” Amy turns around and glares at him. “You should know, you’re the one that does this to me, every single day.” Jake’s heart sinks. He just wanted to have fun and throw spitballs. He didn’t think that about where the spitballs were landing. He didn’t think about the consequences to his actions. “I’m sorry Amy. I won’t do it again.” Amy’s still pissed but accepts his apology. The period’s almost over, but Jake invites Amy to come to his house after school so they can study.

• Gina got caught texting during class so she got detention. Rosa’s in detention, as usual. She’s surprised to see Gina there. She knew Gina was the class president so she assumed Gina was some boring goody-two shoes. “What’re ya in for?” Rosa asked. “My math teacher tried to confiscate my phone and I told him to go shove a ruler up his ass.” Rosa starts cackling. She’s impressed. “Damn, you’re way different than I thought you were.”

• Rosa tells Gina that she’s in detention for the rest of the month for irresponsibly mixing random chemicals in chemistry class and starting a huge fire. Gina only has detention for a week. She spent that week with Rosa, talking trash about their annoying classmates. Gina convinced Rosa to make a Twitter account. After than week is up, Gina pulls the fire alarm to get back into detention with Rosa.

• “Why’d you pull the fire alarm?” “So I can see you again.” Gina and Rosa both excuse themselves to go to the bathroom. They hook up in the bathroom stall. They’re girlfriends now and they’re unstoppable. More kids at school start coming out as gay/bi/pan/etc because they saw that the most popular girl in school, Gina Linetti, isn’t afraid to be herself. That gave them the strength to come out.

• Amy arrives at Jake’s house. She looks around and sees pictures of Jake and his mom, but no dad. Jake tells Amy that his dad left him when he was young. Amy puts her hand on Jake’s shoulders. “Oh, Jake, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that.” Jake tells her that it’s fine, it happened a long time ago, he’s over it now.

• Amy spread her books and worksheets on Jake’s bed. Jake climbs on the bed and sits next to her. Amy shows Jake an equation and instructs “Show me how to solve for x” then Jake bursts into tears. “HOW CAN I FIND X WHEN I CAN’T EVEN FIND MY DAD?!?!” Amy doesn’t know what to do except pat him on the head. Jake calms down. “I’m sorry you had to see that.” Amy gives him an understanding nod.

• They try to study but Jake can’t seem to focus. He keeps getting distracted. “I’m sorry. I’m trying hard. I really am. People think I don’t try, but I do.” Amy’s heart sinks. She always thought Jake was just lazy. But he was reading the material and trying to solve the equation as hard as he could. He just couldn’t seem to pay attention. Amy has an idea. She orders Sal’s pizza. Every time Jake gets an answer correct, he gets a bite of pizza. Jake perked up. He loved pizza. He wanted his reward. It took some time but he finally got an answer correct and gobbled up his bite. “Are you proud of me?” Jake asked, his eyes widened. Amy gave him a high five. “So proud!” It made Jake so happy to finally hear that.

• Jake tries to solve another equation and the answer he gets is only a decimal point away from the correct answer. He asks Amy to still give him a bite of pizza. Amy shakes her head. “Nope. You didn’t get the correct answer. You didn’t earn this pizza.” She pushes the box out of his way. Jake grabs a slice out of the box anyways. “Hey!” Amy grabs the slice out of Jake’s hand. Jake bounces on top of Amy and tries to grab the pizza out of her hand. They both wrestle around the bed for a few seconds and start laughing. Jake’s literally ON TOP of Amy right now.

• They stop wrestling and just look into each other’s eyes. They’re both panting from all that wrestling. Jake drops the pizza out of his hand. He leans down and presses his lips against Amy’s. Amy closes her eyes and kisses him back. Jake pulls back. Amy says “That was great and all, but you’re still not getting your pizza.” Jake groans. “Damnit!” Amy laughs. They keep studying. Jake’s starting to get the hang of this. He’s getting more questions correct, which means more bites of pizza.

• There’s one question left, the short answer question. The hardest question on the worksheet. Jake asks “If I get this question correct, will I get a whole slice of pizza?” Amy has a mischievous smile. “Oh you’ll get something better than a slice of pizza.” Jake gets excited. “TWO slices of pizza?!” Amy rolls her eyes and tells him to just solve the equation.

• Jake finishes solving the problem, Amy looks over his work to see how he did. Amy glances over his paper, then suddenly knocks all the textbooks and papers off of the bed. She pushes Jake onto his back and climbs on top of him. She runs her fingers through his hair and kisses him. Jake wraps his arms around her back and kisses her back. After a minute of making out, Amy pulls away. Jake asks her, “So I got the question right?” Amy winked. “Nope.”