leslie university

lushatrocity  asked:

I love your Halloween series!! How about getting lost in a corn maze (deliberately or not - cue brow waggle lol)?

A|N: I have no idea why my first thought whenever says ‘corn maze’ is that parks and recreation episode where they lose lil’ sebastian in one but… here we are, I guess! 

_____________

Look, as the deputy director of the Parks and Recreation department, Bellamy is not opposed to getting his hands dirty from time to time, okay? He’s the one-man task force behind the Arkadia River cleanup initiative, for one, and he’s also pretty much the only person who makes it a point to spray ammonia all over the various parks trash cans regularly to keep the raccoons out. It’s troublesome, sure, but it’s hard to mind when it’s all for the good of the community.

Still, he’ll admit: it’s difficult to think of the greater good of it all when he’s been stuck in this corn maze for the past two hours.

“The next time Kane insists we test-run every single one of the Harvest Festival’s attractions,” he pants, swatting at the stray stalk of corn threatening to snap right into half, “I’m going to stick him in this corn maze and let the Karpoi have him.”

Clarke, thankfully, seems to be handling this with a lot more grace than he is. “Karpoi?” she asks, confusion knitting at her brow. “As in, the grain spirits that look like fat babies?”

“Yeah,” he manages, pausing to take a swig from his bottle. “They’re known to be pretty vicious assholes, though. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m really pissed at Kane.”

“I figured,” she says, wry. “I mean, if you’re looking at more reasons to get mad at him, he did send you out here with the one person who was essentially trying to cut your department and budget just two months ago.”

Keep reading

axis mundi

I’m in too much of an Inspiration Slump to write anything ‘proper’ but I saw the @timepetalsprompts prompt: any fic in which Jack Harkness is the main character + college/student AU and somehow I thought back to pocket universes, my college + social media cracky AU which some of you seemed to love and just went ‘why not’? :)

So here it is: it is technically a follow up of pocket universes and contains allusions but can be read on its own!

Summary: Rumour has it that Rose and John are to face a major life-changing event. 

AO3

Jack Harkness to What is Mickey Short For Research Project 2k17: so

Jack Harkness: what IS mickey short for

John Noble: that is the question

Rose Tyler: it’s an acronym

Rose Tyler: M.I.C.K.E.Y.

Rose Tyler: agents of

Rose Tyler: Multiple Incident Causing Knights of Erroneous Youth

Jack Harkness: TYLER THIS IS POETRY <3

John Noble: hands off the blonde, harkness, no hearts allowed.

John Noble: also can i be iron man

Rose Tyler: only if i get to be captain america

John Noble: deal <3

Donna Noble: michael

Jack Harkness: michael what

Jack Harkness: there’s no such a character in MCU

Donna Noble: michael smith, that’s what it says in the register

Jack Harkness: woman, you’re spewing nonsense

Donna Noble: mickey’s NAME, you dumb shit

Jack Harkness: …….is obviously Machiavelli

Martha Jones: Well… can’t argue with that.

Mickey Smith: oi, whose side are you on?


Mickey Smith to Women Come and Go Talking of Michelangelo: fucks sake guys, can you drop it already

Mickey Smith: first rickey, now this

Jack Harkness: depends.

Jack Harkness: how’s david 2.0 going? any chance he’s gonna look like me?

Mickey Smith: i don’t get it jack

Mickey Smith: you didn’t tease john for taking an art class about fricken renaissance sculptors to impress rose

Mickey Smith: but you’re still having a Go™ at my name

Jack Harkness: john did WHAT

Jack Harkness changed the group name to We Want a Naked Rose Sculpture by Monday, Johnangelo da Nobili

John Noble changed the group name to Piss Off, Harkness

Jack Harkness changed the group name to Not a Fucking Chance, Phidias

Jack Harkness: oi mickey how do you do the tm thing

Mickey Smith: Find™ Out™ Yourself™ Asshat™

Jack Harkness: aw come oonnn micks you know i love you <3

Mickey Smith: yeah, i know <3

Martha Jones: … This conversation just keeps getting creepier and creepier.

Jack Harkness: what, running out of fairy dust already, martha? too mature to have fun??

Jack Harkness changed the group name to Neverlandand Martha is Not Invited

Martha Jones: Ha, ha. Exquisitely funny, Jack. You just outdid yourself here.

Donna Noble: you wait till you see john’s oil painting assignment

Donna Noble: until then you haven’t seen funny in your life, i swear


Rose Tyler to John Noble: you did what :D

John Noble: Rose have mercy on me

John Noble: i was young and stupid

Rose Tyler: that was like six months ago :D

Rose Tyler: john :D :D :D

Rose Tyler: have you done the watercolours? have you done the clay course?? abstract painting?

John Noble: why am i even with you

Rose Tyler: wait HAVE YOU MADE THOSE AWFUL POTS WITH ROSES MY MUM HAS from a Mysterious Admirer ???

John Noble: shut up

Rose Tyler: ohhmygoddd i’m wheezing

Rose Tyler: this is golden

John Noble: i hate you

Rose Tyler: GOLDEN


Rose Tyler to John Noble: for real though Doctor

Rose Tyler: it’s absurdly sweet <3

John Noble: i don’t want to be sweet, Rose

John Noble: i’d much prefer manly, dashing and little bit foxy

Rose Tyler: you’re the sweetest cupcake around xx

John Noble:


John Noble to My Rifle My Pony and Me and Yes, Mickey’s the Pony: jack how did you find your flat?

Jack Harkness: i hooked up with lynds from biotechnology, her uncle was renting

Jack Harkness: why

John Noble: nvm, just wondering.

Mickey Smith: i moved in to my gran’s old flat

Jack Harkness: michelle smith, answering the questions never asked since 1989

Mickey Smith: i wasn’t even born in 1989 jack

Jack Harkness: mickey. did i ASK


Donna Noble to Jack Harkness: WHAT IS HAPPENING

Jack Harkness: the answers to this question are multiple, donna

Jack Harkness: good old earth’s probably turning

Jack Harkness: mickey continues being a rather lovable universal error

Jack Harkness: martha’s nobel prize for memorizing every single word in latin is waiting for her patiently in the distant future

Jack Harkness: possibilites are endless

Donna Noble: NO

Donna Noble: i’m in the hospital to pick up Martha

Donna Noble: and rose is in the lab with prof smith and theyre whispering

Donna Noble: and rose is saying she’s freaking out because it was supposed to be on friday and it all makes sense i fucking knew ITTT

Jack Harkness: knew what

Donna Noble: and sarah jane said that there are possibilities

Donna Noble: and rOSe SAID THAT SHE’s BEEN SICK ALL THE TKME LATELY

Donna Noble: OH MY GOD WHY AM I TELLING YOU THIS I should NOT BE TELLING YOU THIS

Jack Harkness: telling me what

Donna Noble: promise not to tell anyone! Fuckin swear, Jack!!

Jack Harkness: tell WHAT

Donna Noble: Rose is pregnant.

Read 5:45

Donna Noble: Harkness are you there

Donna Noble: HARKNESS

Jack Harkness: i’m fine i’m fine imfine

Jack Harkness: it’s just im not ready for this and

Jack Harkness: NO IM NOT FINE

Jack Harkness: oh my god donna i am too young

Jack Harkness: how will i handle all the responsibility?

Donna Noble: IT’s NOT EVEN YOUR BABY YOU IDIOT

Jack Harkness: ITS STILL FAMILY, DONNA. A MAN HAS TO TAKE CARE OF THE FAMILY

Donna Noble: STOP YELLING

Jack Harkness: YOU STOP YELLING FIRST

Donna Noble: I CAN’T

Donna Noble: I’M GONNA BE A BLOODY AUNT


Jack Harkness to We’re Expecting: ight kids

Mickey Smith: expecting what

Jack Harkness: the last fucking judgement, mickey

Jack Harkness: what do you THINK

Donna Noble: alright harkness stop it there’s no time for that

Donna Noble: to the point: rose is pregnant with john

Martha Jones: What?!

Mickey Smith: whoooaaah for real?

Donna Noble: she doesn’t know i know

Donna Noble: and i don’t know if john knows

Donna Noble: but i figured y’all have to know

Donna Noble: because those two idiots will not manage by themselves if we don’t support them

Jack Harkness: amen to that

Jack Harkness: and hereby i self-proclaim myself The Godfather

Mickey Smith: you would make such a shit Don, jack

Jack Harkness: shut up fredo

Martha Jones: Wait, but… is this confirmed? Are you 100% sure?

Donna Noble: yeah, i overheard Rose telling SJ

Martha Jones: Oh dear. But this is groundbreaking news. Does John have any idea? What about Rose? How will she manage to finish Uni with a baby?

Jack Harkness: and that

Jack Harkness: is where we enter

Jack Harkness changed the group name to Ultimate Babysitters™

Mickey Smith: damn you worked out the ™

Jack Harkness: mickey

Jack Harkness: Shut Up™

Donna Noble: i feel old.


John Noble to Rose Tyler: donna’s been giving me the weirdest look all day

John Noble: you think she’s onto something?

Rose Tyler: shit, maybe

Rose Tyler: but who knows with donna

Rose Tyler: it might as well be ‘how dare you be my brother’ or smth like that

John Noble: ehh, true

John Noble: still, this seemed different

Rose Tyler: different how?

John Noble: like she was worried about me?

Rose Tyler: what, donna? come off it

John Noble: idk

John Noble: for real though. and sort of like pity was there too

Rose Tyler: well that’s more like it

Rose Tyler: you can be quite pitiful, Dr Play-Doh

John Noble: now that i think of it

John Noble: she probs pitied me because she knew what an AWFUL girlfriend i have

Rose Tyler: more like, she pitied you because my mother thinks you’re in love with her

Rose Tyler: cos you anonymously gave her fucking POTS

John Noble: WITH LITTLE ROSES ON

John Noble: it’s not like i sculpted little jackies all over them!!

Rose Tyler: you have no idea, cupcake

Rose Tyler: how insanely lucky you are that you didn’t


Martha Jones to Rose Tyler: Hi, Rose, how are you feeling?

Rose Tyler: uh, fine, i guess, loads of work

Rose Tyler: and you, Martha? everything alright?

Martha Jones: Yes, yes, everything fine.

Martha Jones: Listen, Rose, I just wanted you to know, if you needed something, I’m always there to help.

Rose Tyler: uh, thanks Martha, this goes both ways obviously

Martha Jones: :)


Rose Tyler to Jack Harkness: Jack

Jack Harkness: rose?

Rose Tyler: god why does it always sound like freaking titanic

Jack Harkness: my heart will, my heart will go onnnnNNN

Rose Tyler: anyway

Rose Tyler: jack, are you setting martha up for something?

Jack Harkness: who, me??? whatever gave you the idea, rosie??

Jack Harkness: i’m the joan of arc of this group

Rose Tyler: troublesome and haunted, you mean

Jack Harkness: innocent and enlightened by the heavens

Rose Tyler: i thought joan was john’s nickname though?

Jack Harkness: i’m flexible

Rose Tyler: i never doubted THAT

Jack Harkness: ily, rosie

Rose Tyler: i kno :-)

Rose Tyler: just don’t tell john, i don’t want him to beaten up in a honorary fight over my virtue

Jack Harkness: your faith in your boyfriend’s strength is astounding

Rose Tyler: i know

Rose Tyler: and jack?

Jack Harkness: yes, o sweet marion?

Rose Tyler: leave martha alone

Rose Tyler: or i’ll snap your neck

Rose Tyler: got it?

Jack Harkness: aye aye captain


Rose Tyler to John Noble: okay you know what, Doctor

John Noble: yeah?

Rose Tyler: i did some investigating and you might be right. they’re onto something, not just donna

Rose Tyler: jack and martha too. but i feel like it’s all circling back to donna.

John Noble: copper’s hunch?

Rose Tyler: permission to follow up, sarge? ;)

John Noble: Rose

Rose Tyler: yeah?

John Noble: let’s skive off english 

Rose Tyler: fine by me xx


Jack Harkness to We Are Family!: okay, stage one of investigation showed that rose is exhibiting symptoms of unprompted aggression

Jack Harkness: conclusion

Jack Harkness: #pregnant

Martha Jones: As much as I hate to admit it, I have to agree. Rose has been very pale lately and late to class three times since Monday. In the light of the events, it’s… well, it’s very very probable that she is, in fact, pregnant.

Jack Harkness: martha don’t you ever grow tired of typing those essays

Jack Harkness: consider o woman this: “rose looks pale and oversleeps, i think she’s up the duff”

Jack Harkness: the message is the same

Martha Jones: One day, Jack Harkness, you will realise that it is, in fact, not.

Jack Harkness: sure whatever

Donna Noble: okay i have to ask though

Donna Noble: jack for the love of god was that an e.e. cummings reference

Jack Harkness: was what a what

Donna Noble: well that’s one way of answering the question

Donna Noble: nvm

Mickey Smith: so we’re agreed that john knocked up rose?

Martha Jones: Well …

Martha Jones: Guess we are.


Jack Harkness to We’re Making John Propose 2k17: i know the history of this group is long and turbulent

Jack Harkness: but right now it seems like the only Right Thing™ to do which is why

Jack Harkness: hell yeah we are!!

Mickey Smith: and yet again

Mickey Smith: why am i in this group


Jack Harkness to Don Jack’s Consiglieri: john my man

Jack Harkness: ricardo and i have been wondering

John Noble: you and who

Mickey Smith: guess that’d be me

Mickey Smith: well at least this one sounds cool

Jack Harkness: it rly doesn’t, micks

Jack Harkness: anyway we were thinking

Jack Harkness: what good friends we are

Jack Harkness: and how we’ll always support each other no matter what

Jack Harkness: one big family, really

Jack Harkness: isn’t that right, ricky-o?

Mickey Smith: yeah

John Noble: if we’re family can i simply disown you with immediate effect

Jack Harkness: and that’s just it because

Jack Harkness: even if you did

Jack Harkness: i’d be there for you, john.

Mickey Smith: oh my god jack

John Noble: jack

John Noble: please shut up


Jack Harkness to Famiglia Noble: so i ordered a couple of books on parenting on amazon

Jack Harkness: the first chapter is about acceptance of responsibility

Jack Harkness: and i’m McFreakin’ losing it

Jack Harkness: i’m not ready to accept the responsibility, guys

Martha Jones: Jack, do you honestly still think they would let you be responsible for this child under any circumstances ever?

Jack Harkness: yes?

Donna Noble: deluded

Donna Noble: (bless)


John Noble to Donna Noble: donna i need your advice on something

Donna Noble: oh Lord

Donna Noble: i’ve been preparing myself for this and yet i am n o t  ready

Donna Noble: jack’s been right with the acceptance and responsibility

Donna Noble: it’s simply not there yet

John Noble: what?

Donna Noble: never mind

Donna Noble: go on, alien boi

Donna Noble: spill, the big sis is here

John Noble: donna you’re seriously creeping me out

Donna Noble: oh shut it and just tell me

John Noble: right, so this is a secret so please don’t tell anyone yet, okay?

Donna Noble: mhmmm

John Noble: i won the scholarship, donna. the absolutely unattainable ridiculous one with the internship at NASA

Donna Noble: WHAT

John Noble: yeah

John Noble: and they’re willing to pay for the accommodation and all

John Noble: they said my thesis was “outstanding, perhaps ground-breaking”

John Noble: i don’t know, Rose took care of the reply because i get illiterate when excited

Donna Noble: oh my God, John, that is … that is amazing

John Noble: yeah but that’s not it yet

John Noble: cause i can technically bring someone with me

John Noble: so Rose applied for this Uni nearby as an exchange student at Diplomacy but she hasn’t got the results yet even though she’s supposed to and she’s worried sick

John Noble: and just, she’s been so supportive and selfless and excited for me.

John Noble: and when i said i don’t want to go without her, she said of course she’s going with me and that someone has to take care of my bionic heart and regulate the caffeine dosage

John Noble: but i know she’s been fine with graduating from our uni and i know she doesn’t want to leave her mum and she’s so sad right now even if she pretends she’s not

John Noble: and i don’t know, maybe i’m supposed to let her go and go to the US alone

John Noble: like maybe she’d be happier here, i mean i’ll be stuck in such a lot of classes most of the time, and she’s got… like family here and friends and a life 

John Noble: and there it’d be just me, which is a Loser who likes stars and is shit at socialising

John Noble: and it’s just, i can’t help but think

John Noble: maybe it’s time for me not to be selfish

Donna Noble:

John Noble: i know it’s a lot but i’ve been struggling with this for a week and i’m just so torn, donna, i don’t know what to do

Donna Noble: oh my GOD john you absolute pillock

Donna Noble: why didn’t you tell me sooner?

Donna Noble: of course you don’t leave her here

Donna Noble: she loves you. and you love her too

John Noble: but that’s just the point

Donna Noble: she’s NOT gonna be happier here if you leave her, john. end of the question.

John Noble: but donna

Donna Noble: shut up and listen

Donna Noble: we’ll do everything in our might to make sure rose gets the place in that American uni so no worries about that

Donna Noble: hell, we’ll draft a petition and have fricken harriet jones sign it

Donna Noble: but like we haven’t spent the last four years trying to make you get together for you now to get heartbroken over stupid nasa

John Noble: you sure?

Donna Noble: yes, i am sure, john

Donna Noble: and we have a MUCH direr problem right now, lemme tell you

John Noble: what? what problem

Donna Noble: well

Donna Noble: i may or may not have mistakenly told everyone

Donna Noble: and by everyone i mean jack martha and mickey

Donna Noble: that rose is pregnant

John Noble: YOU WHAT

Donna Noble: i’m sorry!

Donna Noble: please don’t freak out…?

John Noble: DONNA OH MY GOD

John Noble: what IF SHE IS

Donna Noble: WHAT


Rose Tyler to Donna Noble: explain to me donna

Rose Tyler: why the bloody hell john’s just come running to me

Rose Tyler: saying that he is not going to ‘screw this up, rose, i’m really not’

Rose Tyler: and declaring he’s ditching NASA for the sake of our unborn baby (!)

Rose Tyler: and it’s loving and stable childhood (!!) among people who love it (!!!)

Rose Tyler: a baby, which might i add, DOESN’T EXIST

Rose Tyler: AS I AM NOT PREGNANT

Donna Noble: um

Donna Noble: at least you know he’s a keeper, yeah?

Rose Tyler: DONNA

Donna Noble: fine, fine. 

Donna Noble: rose, i’m sorry.  it’s all my fault. i heard your conversation with SJ and just sort of … assumed.

Rose Tyler:

Rose Tyler: is that why jack’s been carrying my stuff all week?

Donna Noble: aye, might be

Rose Tyler: any chance he keeps doing it without thinking i’m pregnant?


Rose Tyler to Defenders of the Earth: guys John and I have to make a public announcement

Jack Harkness: aw here it comes

Jack Harkness: buckle up pumpkins, the big day is here

Rose Tyler: right. so.

Rose Tyler: we are NOT pregnant :D

Jack Harkness: ashdhjd WHAT

Rose Tyler: in case of any further confusion please turn to Donna Noble! aka the root cause of all assumptions!

Donna Noble: yeah

Martha Jones: …Oh thank God.

Martha Jones: I mean, no offence, but that poor child would have been scarred forever.

John Noble: watch it, martha, we’d be AMAZING parents

Jack Harkness: BUT

Jack Harkness: but i read TWO manuals for handling babies! i did a quiz on being able to accept my responsibility and i passed it, i freaking PASSED it

Jack Harkness: please don’t take that away from me

John Noble: jack in all honesty

John Noble: you go and have as many children as you want to with your acceptance of responsibility

John Noble: we give you a blessing

The origin of 555

Okay y'all wanna hear a story?
So one day in a chill Friday night I’m on the courtship squad server on vc with tays milk and so it’s pretty silent and then my brother asks if he can use my computer so I say
“No I’m using it right now”
So he starts getting mad but I ignore it. He’s like this all the time.
Soon he starts going crazy, and tays milk is giggling at him.
He even cries like woah duder
And says “IM GOING TO KILL YOU”
THIS BOY IS 6 YEARS OLD
Then oh THEN
He says “I I I WANNA WANNA WANNA PLAY PLAY PLAY THE THE THE COMPUTER COMPUTER FOR FIVE FIVE FIVE MINUTES MINUTES MINUTES”
And that’s how 555 became courtship squads signature number

  • Matt Stone: Trey? Are you STILL binge-watching "Steven Universe?" Jeez, first "Adventure Time," then "Gravity Falls," now this.
  • Trey Parker: ...Our dumb cartoon is getting a story arc.
  • Matt Stone: What? No, Trey, we can't—
  • Trey Parker: THIS IS HOW CARTOONS WORK NOW, MATT. THE WHOLE SEASON WILL TELL ONE CONTINUOUS STORY. MINOR CHARACTERS WILL ACTUALLY DEVELOP. AN INSIGNIFICANT JOKE WILL TURN OUT TO BE THE KEY TO EVERYTHING THE WHOLE TIME. You thought that the fans freaked out for "You're Getting Old?" This is gonna blow THAT right out of the water.