“Where is she, Wanheda?” Indra’s angry voice and the lack of warmth from Clarke’s hand on her arm are the only thing Lexa notices slips back to consciousness. Without delay pain returns to ripping through her body. Her head is spinning - don’t throw up, don’t throw up. It is pounding again to the beat of her heart. That’s what I get for always saying the two are separate.
Her breathing, as slow and as shallow as it is, is like a knife being jabbed through her side every time the oxygen reaches her lungs. There feels as if a weight has been pressed on her shoulder, more then usual and she doesn’t know if she can carry this one. Her entire arm is stiff and immovable even though that’s the last thing she wants to do to it. Her hand feels cold and tingly, the sensations dull as if her hand is still asleep. Deep in her shoulder is burning and stabbing all at once, it is overwhelming. It doesn’t help that the sensation shoots down her arm and churns angrily in her elbow as well.
Lexa clenches her jaw and tries to focus on something, anything, other then the agony. Her body is shivering uncontrollably though she is so warm under her furs she is sweating. It’s not quite like shivering, her muscles are contracted and shaking but only slightly, shivering is much more violent then this.
“Sleeping. She has a severe head injury and needs rest.” The two women stand near the entrance of the tent stiffly. Clarke’s hands rest on her hips as she stands defiantly between Lexa and her general making herself larger. She doesn’t need to. She carries weight - not the physical kind. Clarke’s spirt is encompassing and equally intoxicating as much as Lexa had wished it wasn’t initially. She has come to accept it now, her caring for Clarke, despite how weak it makes her feel.
Her eyes still feel heavy though she doesn’t want to sleep, not really. You need to get up and back to your people. Though the sleep has not been restful, she has slept enough.
Indra steps past her “She has been resting for 2 days. You sky people are weak. Heda, has suffered worse then this and gone to battle with less recovery.” Lexa watches through hardly parted eyelids she has to will to stay open. I’ve been out for two days?! Clarke! As Heda I must be alert at all times.
“This ISN"T battle, Indra. No one needs her right now. Let her rest. You and Cain can manage without us for a little while.” Us. She sidesteps in front of the advancing general placing herself protectively between them again. Lexa gives in and allows her eyes to close, her eye lids feel like they weigh a thousand pounds. I will stay awake. My eyes can close and my ears will still work. I will stay awake. She wants to know what is going on as much as she wants to fade back to the comfort of unconsciousness but she is more curious to see how this will go for Clarke. These two’s interactions are always slightly entertaining, Indra enjoys challenging Clarke to see what she’s made of. Clarke is angry, though her eyes are closed Lexa can picture the blonde’s back stiffen, shoulder blades pinch, and her eyes turn to ice. “Do you want to know how bad she is? I’ll tell you.”
Lexa’s heart jumps to her throat. No, Clarke. Do not reveal my weakness to my general. I cannot afford that. I can’t even afford to show you. My body and mind betrayed me. “She has anisocoria.” The use of medical terminology is smart. Clarke as learned how to get a point across. Even to Indra. Lexa’s stomach drops, despite knowing that Clarke used the formal term for leverage, it sounds legitimately serious. She needs to be back to her people soon, with no signs of suffering.
“Her eyes,” Clarke holds her hands back up in the example Lexa hardly remembers receiving, but her words are much harsher and pointed sharply at the older warrior as if daring Indra to challenge her. “are dilated unevenly. One of her pupils is blown. That means swelling is putting a lot of pressure on her brain and she probably has a small aneurysm, a brain bleed. It will be ok but she needs to rest. If she doesn’t it could kill her or cause a stroke - take away some of her physical abilities, like speech or the use of one side of her body.”
Indra has stopped pressing forward. Lexa feels like her heart has stopped beating and is racing out of her chest all at once. There is an uncomfortable lump in her throat she can’t even begin to swallow. Her stomach seems to have dropped straight through her spine to the floor. “She will be ok, Indra. She just needs rest. I’ve sent word to my mother and she agrees. While she is resting it will give her arm time to heal as well.” Clarke’s voice is calmer now, almost a whisper.
Glancing in the perceived unconscious girl’s direction Indra scowls at the tube winding down from a bag of clear fluid into the back of the commanders hand. “You drugged her.”
Clarke nods simply. “I did.” Her voice is still soft but unbending, unafraid. You did what!? I must be sober minded for my people, Clarke! No matter the cost. “But the IV only has fluids and a light pain medication. No sedative. It will help her heal, Indra. A sedative would only help her rest, keep her safe.” Lexa becomes vaguely aware of the tight feeling on the back of her hand, if her limbs didn’t feel so heavy or if she trusted herself to move with out allowing her pain to vocalize she would pull it off immediately.
“Fine. But if anything happens to her.” Indra points past Clarke’s shoulder before pressing her finger firmly into Clarke’s chest pushing her backward slightly. Clarke leans into the touch unaffected by the threat. “You will wish you had died in the mountain.” She already does, Indra, because she did, die there. How do you not see that?
“If anything happens to her, for my people’s sake, I might as well have.” Everyone knows that the clans are weary of the Skikru but after they fell the mountain and have proved themselves since then they are slowly being accepted. Though there is no telling what could happen without Lexa’s support, it could mean war. The Skikru is accepted - for now. It will take learning and adapting on both sides and without Lexa there to oversee that and keep her people at bay…
“For your sake?” Where is this question coming from, Indra? It is none of your business. Her general is perceptive. Clarke was still somewhat cold toward the commander and that was to be expected but it seemed forced. She was fighting a battle within and Lexa was only causing her more distress and that made the empty space in her chest ache for the young leader. But Lexa would take whatever punishment Clarke deemed fit. She would support her - do anything she could to bring Clarke back.
“I would deserve it and much worse.” Clarke’s voice remains clear and void of emotion but the words empty Lexa’s chest instantly. How longs to be filled again. No, Clarke, you wouldn’t. You would never - could never - deserve what you have gone through - which was mostly by my hand.
Indra’s voice raises in question, becoming lighter. A quality Lexa hadn’t heard in a very long time. Her response comes more as a question than a statement of conformation. Indra is not hiding her surprise well. “You would.”
“I would.” Clarke agrees again - she can almost hear the blonde add ‘I already do’ though the words are never spoken. “Give her a few days. Then she can address the people, show face. But it will take at least a week from then for her to be up to anything more than that. Including council meetings.” Indra wants to argue she can feel it rising in the air but it is quelled quickly. “I know you don’t trust me, but I do know you respect me - at least a little bit. You don’t have to trust me. I don’t really care either way, but your Heda trusts me and that is enough.”
“Commander… I please my allegiance to you. I will be your humble servant.” It’s a good trade, Miller thinks. If he’s loyal then he’ll be safe and then he can find Clarke. Just like Bellamy did with the mountain… sneaking in from the inside.
“E quis ter os pés no chão
Tanto eu abri mão
Que hoje eu entendi
Sonho não se dá é botão de flor
O sabor de fel é de cortar”
#condicional #hermaniacos #lh #bomdia by leska.quinta http://ift.tt/1KncZWS
I want Lexa to look Clarke in the eye, tell her about her past, tell her about Costia. Tell her she never thought she could love another women again, that love was weakness until you. “since I left you on that mountain I’ve been the weakest I’ve ever been.”