if straight girls knew of even half of how much lesbians and bisexual girls hold themselves back and restrain themselves and dilute themselves in order to appear non-threatening and non-predatory to those same straight girls
once we’ve made you aware of our orientation, we barely allow ourselves to look at you and smile at a joke you just told, in case you’d assume we’re into you, just because we smiled at you once
but guys can catcall, make inappropriate comments, talk about girls as trophies, talk about how they ‘become a real man’ only after they’ve had sex the first time, break girls down into body parts, take revealing clothing as an open invite for sexual interest, go on about how good they are in bed after receiving an initial ‘no’ as if their dick is a product that the girl just doesn’t know she wants yet and the guy didn’t sell it on his first try??? and many more things
@ straight girls, please. please. take your homophobic hypocrisy and realise that girls who like girls are not your enemy.
if we flirt with you, because not all of us have amazing gaydar and sometimes we just gotta try, and you’re not into us?
if you just say so, the most likely scenario is that we will sincerely apologise and then move to the other side of the room or in any other way leave you as well alone as we possibly can.
we are not your enemy.
and we don’t like girls just because you’re girls.
you are not body parts.
you are not a trophy.
we don’t call your outfit cute because we want to get between your legs.
you are not new territory that we want to conquer.
you are not an area on a map that we want to mark with an “x” so we can brag about how we’ve been there.
you are not a pussy that we want to defeat.
the predatory lesbian and the hyper-sexualised bisexual is a myth.
the bedchel test? originally a lesbian thing. straight women found it, and now it’s a feminist thing.
during the jewish holiday of pesach (or passover), there’s a meal called the seder. during the seder, there is an explanation of all of the foods on the seder plate. some people, but not all, put an orange on the plate. this orange is from a story. the story says that, once, a lesbian asked her rabbi if there was a space in Judaism for LGBT people. her rabbi said “there is as much space for LGBT people in Judaism as there is for an orange on the seder plate.” thats why it’s there. and to me, a Jewish lesbian, that story has so much meaning and hope. however, straight women took that story. they turned it into this: a woman asked if she could be a rabbi. she was told “there is as much room for female rabbis as there is for an orange on the seder plate.” now, instead of a lesbian thing, it’s a feminist thing.
“femme” is a lesbian term. straight women have turned it into a term that can apply to anyone.
one can be a feminist and still let lesbians have things!
I was thinking about how you never really see older bi women portrayed or talked about in any way and how bisexuality is linked to immaturity all the time, and then thought about how this fits into the inverse stereotype of lesbians as the old unwed cat lady, and how these are both part of the same misogynist narrative: a woman is bisexual when she’s young and attractive and trying to gain male attention, and she retires as a lesbian when no man wants her. It’s all an attempt to revolve w/w attraction around men, all misogyny.
Making fun of lesbians for “embodying” stereotypes that were unilaterally and unfairly imposed upon them by cishet people is lesbophobic.
Butch lesbians aren’t a stereotype. They aren’t overrepresented - in fact, they’re underrepresented. They are also constantly villainized.
Butch lesbians who are fat or hairy or trans or all three deserve all the love in this world and deserve to have loving, meaningful relationships, and they do not deserve your ire, your jeering, or your mockery.
Butch lesbians don’t have material privilege over women who aren’t butch lesbians, and claiming that they do is lesbophobic and erroneous.
Butch lesbians aren’t your oppressors or your enemies.
Butch lesbians do not have one “look” to them and they aren’t a monolith. Butch lesbians of color deserve to be supported and cherished. Fetishizing butch lesbians of color is extremely racist.
Saying that “I’m a feminist but I’m not a lesbian” is lesbophobic. It’s fine to clarify what your sexuality is, but acting like being called a lesbian is a heinous crime or insult is lesbophobic. There are feminists who are butch lesbians, and you aren’t superior to them if you shave or conform to gender or are straight. In fact, can you really call yourself a feminist if you distance yourself from marginalized women in such a way?
Butch lesbians have unique experiences and don’t all have the same connections to gender (and its performance/identification).
lesbians who are 13, 14, 15, etc. i love seeing them be so sure of themselves, knowing who they are and who they love. it’s so hard to figure that out when you’re young, especially being surrounded by so much heteronormativity and the world telling you that being a lesbian is wrong or too sexual for kids. i had so much trouble finding out who i was at that age. i’m so proud of them.
if you’re a young lesbian, don’t let anyone tell you that you’re too young to know or that being a lesbian is inherently sexual. there’s no age limit to being a lesbian.
Forcing bi women and lesbians to prove that their experiences are real, that their sexuality isn’t a phase or fake, that their love for women is genuine and important to them, is dehumanizing.
Coercing bi women and lesbians into making decisions solely centered around on how “radical” people will perceive them to be maintains the harmful politicization of their lives, which are already politicized under heteropatriarchy.
You, the biphobe or lesbophobe who does this, may think that this will lead them to examine their choices and mindsets, but all it does is discourage them from pursuing happy and healthy relationships with women, and further it makes them internalize toxic and hurtful rhetoric about themselves, each other, and their community.
Finally, using language that implies that a bi woman or a lesbian is the same as straight women or straight people is not only erroneous - it’s cruel.
Bi women in relationships with men are not “basically straight women”. Femme lesbians are not “basically straight women”. Butch lesbians (including trans butch lesbians!) are not “basically men”. Butch/femme dynamics do not “replicate heterosexuality”. Women who choose to get married to each other should not be held responsible for the violent institutional underpinnings of marriage - that is, if a w/w couple gets married, they are not making a “regressive” choice. A bi woman can prioritize women even if she is currently dating a man, and she did not “choose the easy way out” just by being herself.
Bi women and lesbians are not privileged for their sexualities.
They do not have to prove anything to anyone. Leave them alone.
(Don’t touch this post if you’re a transmisogynist, a biphobe, or a lesbophobe. Nothing in this post is up for argument or discussion).