I think what bothers me so much about the “feminists are ugly” or “feminists are hairy” or “feminists are lesbian” stereotypes is–
So fucking what?
Some of us ARE ugly. Some of us ARE hairy. Some of us ARE lesbians. And it shouldn’t fucking invalidate anything we’re fucking saying to you.
But you know, if you believed that, if you actually believed that our sexual usefulness to men is irrelevant to the conversation about our basic human rights, you wouldn’t be a fucking misogynist, would you?
In fact, and this might surprise you, lesbians (and women in general) are individual people with individual preferences in their partner(s). You can find out more about that here, in our comic Lesbians 101.
Of course, butch/femme couples do indeed exist, but the prevalence of people saying they only see them in-person I chalk up to:
1. Heteronormativity. It’s easy to pick out people who look like “couples” when the default is two cis opposite-sex people. In point of fact, it’s ridiculous how many of my straight, femme women friends are mistaken for lesbians simply because they choose to be around butch or MOC women friends (who sometimes happen to be straight, too!). They aren’t a couple, but people automatically assume it must be so based on outdated and ridiculous couple stereotypes. There must be a polar dynamic in order for a relationship to form, and if two opposites are together, well, golly, they’re certainly fucking!
And related to that is:
2. Femme Invisibility.That’s a term used mostly in the lesbian community that basically means femme lesbians are overlooked as “real lesbians” or go unnoticed as queer altogether, both by heterosexual people and queer people. I’ve experienced it myself, it’s very real and very silly.
And on that token, I’ve also experienced what I like to call:
3. Double-Femme-Invisbility. Basically, people don’t fucking notice two femme lesbians. Those two women in skirts and heels sitting at Starbucks? “Friends out for coffee, definitely not a couple!” Those long-haired girls with pink nails browsing the make-up aisle together? “Friends picking out makeup for each other, definitely not lesbians!” Those two older women walking through a wooded ravine with their fashionable scarves? “It’s nice that grandma has a friend! Absolutely never lesbians.” Two ladies sitting in a pediatricians’ office, kids running rampant? “Too bad those women’s husbands couldn’t make it to the doctor visit! Surely they aren’t lesbians!”
First-hand, when I’ve dated more feminine women: Men still hit on us. If we said “We’re actually a couple. Dating. Lesbians!”? Men would argue with us about the validity of that since we both looked “so girly.” People at stores and restaurants would regularly ask if we were “sisters” and if we said no, they would remark on how nice it was to see such close friends. In a lesser way, this one applies to butch/butch couples as well. While people might more readily assume they’re queer in some way, they rarely assume two MOC women are a couple. Stereotypes definitely factor in to confirmation bias and it sucks.
Am I saying there are no butch/femme couples? No, of course not. Just that they’re not the ONLY lesbian couples out there. I know plenty of butch/femme lesbian couples, some people’s entire social circles are made up of such couples. But, then again, some people’s entire social circles are made up of only white, heterosexual cis couples, so don’t always believe that correlation implies causation.
There are many wonderful ‘samesies’ lesbian couples out there, just as there are unique people with unique preferences.
So, expand your mind a bit, look beyond your stereotyping and come to accept that there’s more to life than your weird and wacky confirmation bias.
We only have a few issues to take with us to the convention, but we want to make sure everyone who wants Lesbians 101 can get their hands on a physical copy, no matter what! We have no idea what sort of demand to expect, so don’t fret if Etsy quantities are low — just let us know or wait a sec and we’ll add more. Just be sure to get your order in within the next 30 days or you’ll just have to wait for the next print run!
Okay folks so I’ve been obsessed with Carmilla and I feel like writing about the things I learned from watching all episodes in one sitting.
Being an innocent brainiac that I am, I suck at *drumroll please* flirting. Yes. I suck at that big time. Like I just freeze over when there is an attractive lady talking to me. Or if my crush text me something flirty, I will reply with the weirdest and stupidest things ever. Here is an example:
*texting a lesbian friend who I have feeligs for* me : “I dont know I am just sad right now” her : “aww dont be sad. Here 😘” me : “thanks for kissing my foot”
yes I replied with that. Thanks for kissing my foot! Like what is wrong with you Claris?!
Anyway, for all those awkward lesbians out there who doesnt know how to flirt, I listed the techniques by Carmilla. I promise I will follow these too. Im freaking 24 yo like cmon, I have to get on my game. Anyway, here it goes:
Flirting 101 by Carmilla
1. When she (person you like) is talking, especially if it is something she is very enthusiatic about, stare right into her eyes. Give her full attention. And smile a little, like show your best sexy smile.
2. Be mysterious enough that she will want to know you even more. Like you are a puzzle that she is dying to solve.
3. Touch her hair. Not in a freaky way. Back off if she resist that means she is either straight or not interested.
4. Wear something nice when you two are together. I remember when Carmilla wears that sexy corset haha. Anyway, depends on your and her taste on clothes. Whatever she finds sexy and that you are comfortable wearing then go for it.
5. Talk in a seductive, bit low and slow voice. It also gives off the mysterious vibes and it is definitely sexy.
6. Show her you care but not too much. It is like you care and will protect her but not suffocate her. Cause if she is straight then you might just scare her away. If she is one of us, well, same thing might happen.
7. When she starts to open up to you and show that she also care for you, then go for it! Kiss her! If she doesnt resist, kiss her again. Then waiti until she is the one who will initiate the kiss.
There you go creampuffs. I hope I can have the chance to work with these tips. Haha!:) and remember, to just be honest with your feelings. :)
One of our community members wanted us to spread the word on Stevie Boebi’s Channel! Feel free to keep dropping your specific queer sex ed asks in our inbox but also feel free to check out and share resources!
So, this is my response to arielleishamming’s recent comments about the response to her video GFTV about trans men. While I think the overall message in this video is a good one and a point that needs to be made, I’m also pretty taken a back by her reactions to trans men voicing their opinions in response to this video. As an ally it is your job to listen and to empathize, not to tell the people you’re supporting how to feel.
I used trudandy’s comments on the matter as an example of how some trans guys feel about this situation, but how do you feel?
Don’t ever use the words “admit” or “confess” when discussing an LGBTQ+ person coming out. They have guilty & shameful connotations that suggest being queer is a crime and that it’s inherently something to be avoided.