leonato

LEONATO: Indeed, she looks younger than she did, by the loss of a beard.
DON PEDRO: Nay, a’ rubs herself with civet: can you smell her out by that?
CLAUDIO: That’s as much as to say, the sweet youth’s in love.
DON PEDRO: The greatest note of it is her melancholy.
CLAUDIO: And when was she wont to wash her face?
DON PEDRO: Yea, or to paint herself? for the which, I hear what they say of her.

benedick is butch but after finding out beatrice is in love with her she shaved her body hair and put on perfume and makeup ;________; babe….
If Much Ado About Nothing took place in a preschool classroom:
  • Beatrice and Benedick don’t know how to be friends. They tried yelling at each other, hitting, and biting. Those attempts were unsuccessful. 
  • Claudio, Hero, and Don Pedro decide to help them out… but their ideas are… questionable. 
  • Their very important list of ideas includes: 1. Convince them they are already friends 2. Draw pictures where they are friends 3. Masks
  • Leonato is that parent who is somehow both like ehhh let kids be kids and YOOO LET’S MEDDLE IN THIS
  • Don Jon is that kid who waits until the teacher isn’t looking, hits another kid, and screams when they hit back just to get them in trouble
Much Ado About Nothing Characters as @dril tweets

Beatrice: This Whole Thing Smacks of Gender, ‘I holler as I overturn my uncle’s barbeque grill and turn the 4th of July into the 4th of Shit

 Benedick: it has recently occurred to me that I am constantly being clowned on. The people I trust most have apparently been clowning on me for years.

 Claudio: I will tell you this right now: I’m from hell. Im highly fucked up. Ive been known to say rude things and watch the carnage unfold brutally

 Hero: “horny” has killed more people than all the volcanos on earth combined

 Leonato: I have never condoned “rumpus”

 Don Pedro: Ah!! ah! Once again, the flap-jawed trolls have deliberately misinterpreted my constant attempts to get a girl friend on here as “ Sexual “

 Don John:  every now and then I like to treat myself to a bit of “Lying under oath”

 Dogberry: how come a baby born with a foot in its brain is considered a “Miracle Baby” but when I get my dick stuck in a drawer im just some asshole

 Verges: big bird was obviously just a man in a suit. But the other ones were too small to contain men. So what the fuck

 Borachio: “jail isnt real,” I assure myself as I close my eyes and ram the hallmark gift shop with my shitty bronco

 Friar Francis: Blocked. Blocked. Blocked. You are all blocked. None of you are free of sin

anonymous asked:

*curtsies* Dear Duke, I'm new to Shakespeare and currently reading Much Ado About Nothing. There's one thing that bugs me- how can Hero still marry Claudio even after what he did? Is it because this is a comedy? Would that make sense when one thinks about the time when the play was written? Sorry for my English. It's my second language. Ps. I love you blog so much and have learnt quite a lot from it! Thank you!

*Curtsies* So, I think what you have to remind yourself of is that first of all, Claudio’s an idiot. He feels everything very intensely and he’s not terribly rational and he’s been batted around like a shuttlecock between the much more powerful characters of Benedick, Leonato, Don Pedro, and Don John. He’s extremely impressionable. Yes, he loves Hero, but he’s also incredibly naive and doesn’t stop to think that he’s being misled when Don John tells him he’s being cheated on (notably, neither do any of the rest of them). He genuinely believes that Hero is cheating on him the night before their wedding. Is it really so shocking that he would leave her at the altar? People today do stuff like that and we don’t find it completely alarming. The way he goes about it is especially cruel but it’s because he’s hurt, he’s completely overwhelmed, and so he does what he’s been doing all along: which is exactly what the Dons tell him. They’re every bit as much to blame because Claudio’s extremely susceptible to suggestion, and they know this. I’m not apologizing for him, I’m just trying to help you understand.

But to the second thing: Yes. Part of it is the time period. Faithless was literally the worst thing a woman could be. The Elizabethans placed a ridiculously high price on chastity, to the point where Elizabeth herself was elevated almost to the status of a deity because she remained ‘pure’ all her life. Ridiculous by today’s standards, but Shakespeare was writing in and around the 1590s and early 1600s. A woman sleeping with anyone other than her husband meant social disgrace. Look at Leonato’s reaction–it’s even worse than Claudio’s and Hero is his own damn daughter. 

All that being said, resist the urge to treat Much Ado or any of the other ‘comedies’ like today’s rom-coms. Shakespeare wrote deep, dark shit and the comedies are not an exception to that. Half the time what distinguishes a comedy from a tragedy is just whether people die or get married at the end. It’s okay that this bothers you. I’ve seen audiences in tears over the wedding scene, and rightfully so. It’s fucked up. What makes it a comedy is that the characters are able to get over it and forgive each other, instead of holding epic grudges and the whole play ending in a bloodbath. 

MODERN TWIST:

Beatrice (Much Ado About Nothing, William Shakespeare).

LEONATO:
Well, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband.
BEATRICE: 
Not till God make men of some other metal than
earth. Would it not grieve a woman to be
overmastered with a pierce of valiant dust? to make
an account of her life to a clod of wayward marl?
No, uncle, I’ll none: Adam’s sons are my brethren;
and, truly, I hold it a sin to match in my kindred.