Aries: WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO WILL IT STOP IF I SHAKE IT MAKE IT STOP WHERE IS THE MOTHER
Taurus: Keep your tears inside your eyes where they belong, you pathetic excuse for life
Gemini: Continues the one sided conversation, “so I said to Tom, I said Tomas, that’s MY fucking sandwich- wait, is it okay to cuss in front of a -what am I saying, you don’t understand words yet- anyway I said to him…”
Cancer: *is the Crying Baby*
Leo: Worry not, I will calm you with my talent for, uh, singing, “rock-a-bye baby in the -” baby: *screams louder* leo: okay well, fuck you too
Virgo: Gross pls tell me this thing didn’t poop OH MY GOD IT POOPED GET IT OFF GET IT OFF
Libra: Smiles and patiently calms the child, artfully hiding their discomfort and disgust, thinking “why the fuck do people keep making these things I hate them I hate them I fucking hate them ughh”
Scorpio: *glares* shut the fuck
Sagittarius: Tbh if you were my kid, I’d probably “forget” you in a shopping cart at the grocery store… shit, where is your mother? Don’t tell me she- HEY LADY, YEAH YOU, COME GET YOUR KID
Capricorn: Calmly sets the child down and walks away forever
Aquarius: According to some scientific studies, crying indicates that in later life, the infant will adapt qualities of…
Pisces: Me too, kid. Me too. By the way, it only gets worse from here…
Mercury in Aries: You never slow down and you want to jump to conclusions; Your mind is quick as lightning and you have a direct and energetic way of expressing yourself. Although you may be impatient, competitive, irritable and often having difficulty concentrating, you are never boring or tasteless (when people know you). You are ready to dictate your law if necessary. You express yourself in an authoritarian way, and people generally know what you are thinking. (If Mercury is in your twelfth house, you will try to conceal your opinions, but generally without success)
Mercury in Taurus: You are thoughtful, conservative and remarkably sensible. You study the facts, construct carefully an argument, and present it diplomatically. After that, it is very unlikely that you will change your mind. Having made a reasoned decision with the necessary time, you see no reason to change your opinion. You tend to be inflexible, and it’s hard to talk to you, partly because it’s not easy for you to open up new ideas.
Mercury in Gemini: You are intelligent, curious, insightful, playful and playful, expeditious and incredibly clear. Your intellectual speed and intellectual agility are extraordinary. Your mind readily embraces, and you can talk like a mill. But you can also bow to the wind. You are far too adaptable, and you can reason on anything.
Mercury in Cancer: Sensitive and understanding, you are intuitive, thoughtful and available to listen. You can communicate with compassion, and you can absorb information so easily that it seems from time to time that you are a soothsayer. You have an astounding memory. But your moods sometimes flood your discernment and you tend to take your desires for realities.
Mercury in Leo: Theatrical, full of dignity and ambitious, you think creatively, express yourself in a colorful way and you have confidence in your opinions (less so Sun in Cancer). You never lose sight of the whole situation. You are persuasive, eloquent, and your thinking process is organized. You can also be dogmatic and bragging, but unreservedly in your enthusiasm - as often happens with positions of planets in Leo, your heat controls your tendency to brag and prevail over it.
Mercury in Virgo: You are intelligent, subtle, persistent, knowledgeable, astute, analytical and purposeful. Nothing escapes you, and especially not the logical inconsistencies. Idealist who secretly deplores the discrepancy between the state in which things are and the state in which they ought to be, you may be fussy, and exercise the profession of criticism, or of attorney. But you are also a brilliant thinker and a leading talker. Be confident: you have a fine mind.
Mercury in Libra: With your rational thinking and elegant speech, you are looking for a balanced perspective and intuitively understand that the best solution is usually the simplest. Prudent, discreet and endowed with a strong aesthetic sense, you are charming, objective and diplomatic. The opinions of those you respect are of interest to you. But in the secrecy of your mind, your thoughts oscillate from one position to another, you are prey to uncertainty and you will take time to arrive at a reasoned decision.
Mercury in Scorpio: You possess a penetrating and resourceful mind, which is constantly probing the underside of the surface. You never take anything for cash, so you often suffer from suspicion and even paranoia. But you are also analytical, sagacious, able to find all kinds of information. This is an excellent position for a detective, researcher or therapist. Mas it can be dangerous because it also confers a biting spirit and tendency to use words as a weapon.
Mercury in Sagittarius: You have a research intellect and a broad breadth of mind. Reflecting on the big questions, as you love to do, inspires you and gives you greatness in your philosophy of life. You like to speak well, and you are distracting and wise. But you can also be dogmatic, hypocritical and weak when you get into the details, and direct to the point of lacking tact. Your sense of humor saves you.
Mercury in Capricorn: Methodical, realistic and organized, you are a systematic thinker. You do your homework ; You concentrate; You act as an adult. Although you may be conventional, rigid and pessimistic, you try to be impartial and cautious to draw your conclusions, even if this means that you must overcome your prejudices. Thinker applied, you are responsible enough to make sure of what you advance, and you communicate clearly and thoughtfully.
Mercury in Aquarius: Fed with ideas, you possess an inventive spirit, often brilliant. Turning to progress, human and happy when you commit to a cause, you express yourself in a unique way and you have flashes of inspiration that often bring you an excellent understanding of things. You can completely pack yourself up for a social problem or for an abstract theory. But you can also attach yourself to an idea to the point of becoming inflexible, and deny that facts - or people - hinder you.
Mercury in Pisces: Any planet in Pisces brings the triumph of feelings on the facts. You react instinctively to people and situations, often making the right decision without knowing why. You understand how people work. And you adapt easily to changing circumstances. Your mind is receptive, subtle, compassionate and imaginative, but logic is not your forte. On the other hand, you have easy access to your intuition, which is a river of impressions and instincts that flows just below your conscious thoughts.