things ive noticed about the signs // harsh advice
aries: they’re just here for the fun of it. fucking hilarious, but usually in their own way, so they’re funny to just themselves and their close friends. wants to be more independent than they are. shitty drivers. dont have much of a filter. extremely adept at overcoming life’s bullshit, mainly because they do not have time for this. quick thinkers. // learn how to own up to the shitty things you do everyone is sick and tired of calling you out just apologize and be done with it
taurus: able to adapt to new environments. hard workers. good at everything they try. not always trusting of or open to new friends, but when they care about someone, steadfast doesn’t even begin to cover it. they aren’t going anywhere. // i swear to fucking christ if i catch you shit talking yourself one more time im gonna punch you in the throat(in a friendly loving way)
gemini: whether they’re an introvert or an extrovert, they know how to talk to people and make friends easily. 95% of people have a crush on them at some point solely for their magnetic personality. is a giant fucking loser but somehow pulls it off. makes good grilled cheese sandwiches. doesn’t really want to be the team leader, as they have a better view from the back, but they’re pretty good leaders. // if you make one more shitty pun im going to check you into a wall
cancer: fluid personality, often shifting quickly from sensitive to uncaring. they want to feel safe, whether this is emotionally, romantically, or financially. they love surprising people with gifts. they have a laugh that you can never forget. open about their feelings. if they love you, you will know. smarter than they’re given credit for. // for the last time, your day was not ruined because you stubbed your toe please calm down and quit crying
leo: they soak up all the attention within a 5 mile radius of wherever they happen to be standing. they want to succeed and be recognized for their achievements, but they would never think of dragging anyone down with them. positive and creative thinkers. persistent. weirdly flexible. natural leaders. when they speak, people listen, partially out of respect but also because leos are naturally likable. // QUIT YELLING AT PEOPLE WHO ARE DOING THEIR BEST!!!step in someone else’s shoes for fucking once, goddamn
virgo: contrary to popular belief, not actually that excited about school. their room is generally a mess but like, theres one part of it that always has to be clean. they like to make friends, they like to be liked, but they know when thats not an option, and they will not hesitate to cut someone off to protect themselves. if you’re a virgo with a resting bitch face, i am so sorry and i understand. me too. // WHY DO U DO THAT THING WHERE U THINK UR BETTER THAN EVERYONE???U AINT BITCH THE FUCK
libra: ambitious. sometimes seen as shallow but theres often a lot more hidden under the surface. charming when they want to be. one of the funniest people you know, but you dont realize it until they’re mad at you. also, their anger is terrifying so watch your back. if they make a mistake, please just forgive them, because chances are they’re beating themselves up about it. like a lot. make great brownies. // YOU GET PISSY ABOUT THE LITTLEST THINGS. SHUT UP
scorpio: love making other people happy. sometimes manipulative, but a lot of times by accident. spend all of their energy worrying about others, but never themselves, and then some. loyal to the last breath. weirdly good at dancing. always a little bit confused about whats going on but pretends to know whats going on so they look smarter. compassionate. they love new beginnings, clean slates, and fresh starts. // stop dancing around what you wanna say and fuckin SAY IT
sagittarius: adventurous. just because they’re quiet doesn’t mean they’re shy. bad at listening to others sometimes, but they’re doing their best, really. curious. not bothered by a lot. probably would marry a good glass of chocolate milk. tries to be optimistic in most situations, but if they start crying just let them get it out okay they need a good solid cry rn. big hearts. sometimes nosey. want to make a difference in the world and to the people around them. // i have called your name three times you piece of shit PAY ATTENTION STOP ZONING OUT THIS IS IMPORTANT
capricorn: witty and self-depricating. loyal friends but bad at texting back. they dont shit talk people often, but when they do, its because that person is really, really awful. probably a fucking weeb. if they aren’t, then they’re a furry. if they aren’t either of those, then they’re lying. down to earth(literally, they’re an earth sign). they will kick your ass at cards against humanity. accept that they are funnier than you and move on. great hair. // you’re a passive aggressive little shit and you know it
aquarius: independent. talk when they’re nervous. excellent liars, but also brutally honest. alien fuckers. EXTREMELY perceptive, often seeing things you didn’t want them to, or that you thought you had hidden well. organized. probably runs an aesthetic blog. the only people that can lie to them are themselves. hate feeling dragged down by others. // QUIT FUCKING COMPLAINING ABOUT TINY SHIT LIKE PEOPLE NOT GOING FAST ENOUGH WHEN THE LIGHT TURNS GREEN!!!!SOME PEOPLE ARENT ALWAYS HAVING A GOOD DAY OKAY
pisces: resilient. always wants to stay busy. honestly some of the sweetest people ive ever met, occasionally a bit misunderstood. obsessive. emotional, which sometimes pulls them in confusing directions. determined to get what they want. the supportive friend that just needs a hug. whatever skills they have, they’re just naturally talented. tries to be mysterious, usually ends up tripping over their own feet. // you’re some of the worst procrastinators of all time get your shit together buddy
The Signs as I’ve Known Them (I’m Aqua sun/Scorpio moon)
Aries: Fun, brash, loud and ridiculous. They wear their hearts on their sleves and they can get pissy if you tease them too much. Easy to get into an argument with and easy to move on from those arguments as well. Acts standoffish. but its easier to get them to open up about their emotions than they project.
Taurus: Sarcastic and witty, brash in the fun way and bold as well. They’re very moody but they’re dependable. The “mom” friend. Health freaks. Takes things too seriously. Laughs at people’s jokes when no one else does.
Gemini: Surface level fun, undependable friends. Good for 3 conversations. Takes everything unnecessarily seriously. They don’t stay long.
Cancer: Very kind, very approachable, and very kind. Intelligent and weird enough to be talented with art in at least one avenue. Childlike in a good way. Wants to be the mom from but is too busy being taken care of by everybody else.
Leo: Similar to Aries in that they are bold, loud, and fun, but less moody. They’re either better at hiding it or they genuinely are that optimistic and bright.
Virgo: Weird and gay. Makes things interesting, but they’re not the type that has deep conversations. And thats not a bad thing. Difficult to get close to, always seems happy.
Libra: Stable, calm, and still interesting. They live in their own little world and don’t care much for other people’s opinions, at least on the surface. They’re inclined to be the devil’s advocate and can offer interesting perspectives. Changes for other people too much.
Scorpio: Quiet and reserved even when you’re alone with them, but only because they’re too busy being weird to talk about their emotions. Sweet and thoughtful, as well as strong. Thinks more than they say and its difficult for them to let go of people, they see the best in everyone to a fault.
Sagittarius: The kind of person to get tattoos and dye their hair, yet they’re still reserved in their personality. Quiet in groups, yet never not in a group. A bit boring, but not to a fault. Talented artistically.
Capricorn: Rational, responsible, and thoughtful. Very caring. Distant, but fun. Loud and quick to laugh, they fill the gaps in conversations.
Aquarius: Fun, easy to get along with and easy to have deep conversations with. Cringe-worthy nerd levels over something. Feels distant even when they’re close. Artistic. Has eccentric tastes.
Pisces: Quiet and reserved. Dedicated to their work. Sarcastic. Looks innocent but has secretly killed a man. Responsible, caring in quiet ways. Likes their friends more than they say.