leo is dumb

the signs as things my friends have said

Aries: “That’s what you get for making out with my dad”

Taurus: “I included that in my diss rap I wrote about her”

Gemini: “First of all I called you an imperialist before I called you a bitch”

Cancer: “I’m just trying to astral project into a bed so I can get some sleep”

Leo: “My pecs need the nipple for definition”

Virgo: “The TV gods told me I needed to consume”

Libra: “Poisoning is feminism”

Scorpio: “I could deal with syphilis if they were hot enough”

Sagittarius: “Your ass may be thicc with two c’s but the Earth is thicc with seven seas”

Capricorn: “Can you tell everyone you know that I’m a good time”

Aquarius: “I came out of the womb yelling ‘Pinot Grigio’”

Pisces: “What is the point? To roast and be roasted until we are nothing but ash?”

signs as stupid things i’ve said

capricorn: “I love it like the colour of sand”

sagittarius: “I’ve never been this hyped about my nose before”

aquarius: “Is it animation or amination?”

pisces: “You know when you cry cause you lie down?”

aries: “Wow that’s cool as fuck bro. I got a fucking glowy tail.”

taurus: “I should name my child Jamiroquai”

gemini: “You sound like an asthmatic fly.”

cancer: “I can hear myself chewing through your arm”

leo: “It looked like it had dog cleavage”

virgo: “I feel like rocks are underrated”

libra: “It was only cute when I was little cause I look like an idiot”

scorpio: “I need more crack for my foot”

!!! BONUS ROUND !!!

>>> “Hold my head I’m going limp”

The Signs in a Dumb Teen Movie

Aries: the jock who makes always has his letterman jacket on and bullying the nerd

Taurus: the one who reads all the time and eats lunch in the library that everyone goes to for advice

Gemini: the one who throws the huge parties and his friends with everyone but secretly hates them all

Cancer: the shy poor girl that the popular dude ends up falling in love with

Leo: the girl who’s always doing her makeup in the mirror and has a cheerleading outfit on

Virgo: the girl secretly in love with the popular dude but is his best friend and never tells him

Libra: the popular rich dude that everyone wants

Scorpio: the outcast who everyone thinks is secretly hot

Sagittarius: the class clown who does dumb things and is always drunk

Capricorn: the really smart one who does the popular kids homework

Aquarius: the super rich one who everyone thinks is a dumb rich girl but really has more to her

Pisces: the one the outcast is in love with and she’s in love with him bit they are too shy to say so

Klance Birthday Headcanons

I don’t wanna study and I found this amazing artwork post by @marvelpumpkin so I’m making headcanons before dreamworks make lance a leo or something dumb he’s a gemini you all know it

  • lance and keith’s birthdays are on the same day but because they’ve lost track of time in space and with zarkon doing his evil no one has payed attention to what day it is
  • hunk and shiro are the first to realise their shared special day bc they’re both preparing for a birthday gift
    • of course hunk is preparing lance and shiro is doing keith
    • they go to TheSpaceMall for it in disguises (hunk barely resists going to Vrepit Sals to say hi)
    • they only realise that they’re not buying for the same person after shiro buys a boomerang knife and hunk buys a quantum powered water pistol
  • shiro and hunk get the rest of the group in on it and they decide to throw a themed birthday party
  • they divide the rest area of the castle in two and decorate each side for each of the boys; keith’s is red with MCR blasting out the speakers and mariokart whilst lance’s is blue playing carly rae jepsen and a zarkon pinata 
  • (neither of them discover it all being set up because allura implied keith was stronger than lanceand now they have to prove each other wrong)
  • at the centre of the room is a huge, custom made cake by hunk
  • one side of the cake is decorated for lance and right down the middle it changes to be decorated for keith
  • they are both completely different flavours that should not mix
  • coran closes the room for ‘jigger glout’ reasons to hide it
  • the next morning, on the boys’ birthdays, hunk tells lance he should go annoy keith by pointing out that he’s older than keith
  • and of course the above mentioned artwork happens
  • lance is horrified and orders keith be born on a different day, which no one understands but it’s clear lance is angry
  • keith is just confused because outside a cupcake and a candle with shiro his birthday has never been a big thing for him
  • lance demands birthday recompense and asks keith for a gift-keith does the same and they quite literally butt heads
  • but when lance sees the party that’s been organised he’s even more shook-HOW DARE BLACK PARADE BESMIRCH CALL ME MAYBE
  • but once he’s done being a drama queen the two of them have a good time, keith being the one to eventually break the pinata with his knife and lance kicking no one’s ass at mariokart because as much as he likes winning he likes seeing his friends happy more
  • lance and keith both turn out to love the cake, both flavours, which confuses hunk because he was certain lance would hate a carrot cake
    • keith eats carrot cake no one is happy and they all silently judge the way shiro has raised him.
    • pidge does admit that matt also likes carrot cake so shiro might have just been a horrible influence
  • a food fight occurs when allura trips lance into the remaining cake and keith gets revenge for “the birthday boy”
  • shiro makes them share gifts because there are so few until lance cuts himself on keith’s knife and keith almost detonates the entire ship with the water pistol’s firing mechanism
  • eventually lance and keith sit around talking about past birthdays on the sofas they’ve had whilst everyone else does their own thing
  • keith doesn’t have much to say but it’s not a problem-he loves listening
  • the two of them talk until the wee hours of the morning and don’t realise they’re asleep until they wake up covered in a blanket from hunk
  • the resulting fuss and complaining they make isn’t entirely genuine
  • it was the best birthday either of them have
the signs: good & bad traits
  • Aries Good: Energetic, Willful, Adventurous. You don't have to be around them for long until you're inspired by their optimism and unbelievable passion. Someone you can always look to for leadership, guidance or authority.
  • Aries Bad: Irresponsible, Temperamental, Restless. Because of their independence, they're notorious for acting solely for their own personal advantage. If they don't get their way, their mood can switch seamlessly and within seconds they'll adopt the behavior of a spoiled child.
  • Taurus Good: Reliable, Benevolent, Thoughtful. Will give you an undoubted sense of stability in your life and is someone you won't think twice about before spilling your heart out to. Their advice and companionship is practically priceless.
  • Taurus Bad: Possessive, Hardheaded, Greedy. Their stubborn nature can spiral into intense laziness. When they're unwilling to do something, they'll procrastinate and try wish it away which only begins a streak of negligence and apathy.
  • Gemini Good: Lively, Ingenious, Adaptable. Incredibly fun to be around, they're the life of the party and can always offer a way for you to forget about your problems. Their approachability is precious and you don't have to be best friends before you talk about absolutely anything.
  • Gemini Bad: Scheming, Aloof, Superficial. Will remember everything and use it against you. You might not know it but they're always observing how you treat them and won't hesitate to turn you against others using their wit & silver-tongue.
  • Cancer Good: Trustworthy, Considerate, Flexible. Are real nurturers. If you have a mutual appreciation with a Cancer, you can be sure that they'll do anything to protect you for as long as they can. Seriously someone everyone needs in their life.
  • Cancer Bad: Clingy, Contradictory, Self-Sympathizing. Can never make up their mind about what they want. This makes them unpredictable therefore their negative traits can reach extremes at any moment.
  • Leo Good: Bold, Zealous, Loyal. Are always striving to better their situation and themselves. Have an almost contagious ambition for what they want and love, this, combined with their thirst for life is simply heartwarming.
  • Leo Bad: Unreasonable, Pretentious, Overbearing. Do not like being challenged at all. If you overstep what they consider your boundaries, they'll immediately become demanding and show you the egotistic side you do not want to see.
  • Virgo Good: Precise, Constructive, Balanced. Somebody you can always rely on to fix you up. They're analytical and down to earth so their ability to set goals and give advice are legendary. Give them the reins in any situation and you can trust that nothing will be overlooked.
  • Virgo Bad: Meddling, Fussy, Over-Analyzing. Their eye for detail is often their greatest weakness as they are stressed over the smallest inconsistencies. Their obsessive nature can result in them sticking their opinion in where it's not wanted & over-thinking things that mean nothing which can be destructive for their self-esteem.
  • Libra Good: Gracious, Peacekeeping, Charismatic. The ultimate diplomat, will sacrifice a lot to keep the people they love happy. Their creativity combined with their outgoing personality gives for one of the most intriguing people you'll ever meet.
  • Libra Bad: Indecisive, Controlling, Passive-Aggressive. Their thirst for validation through others makes them a serial people pleaser, so much so that it's easy to find yourself questioning their motives. They find it hard to say no and will often express their unwillingness to do something through passive-aggression and sarcasm.
  • Scorpio Good: Resourceful, Compassionate, Passionate. Ultimately aspire to make a difference in the world, they're actions might be questionable but rest assured that their intentions are all about the greater good. Justice is important to them and they will use their capability & intelligence to improve their society & community.
  • Scorpio Bad: Power-Hungry, Skeptical, Obsessive. Their good intentions are sometimes diluted by their want for control. Feeling vulnerable if they're not the puppet masters, they'll obsess over schemes and try manipulate a situation to put themselves on top.
  • Sagittarius Good: Outgoing, Straightforward, Spontaneous. Constantly exploring their surroundings and revealing the beauty in otherwise insignificant things. Their curious nature and inflexible enthusiasm will always remind you to stop and smell the roses.
  • Sagittarius Bad: Impulsive, Unfiltered, Impatient. Often known for being too blunt or brash. They really don't beat around the bush as they see no point in being vague. Prone to becoming emotionally unreachable at times and will then disregard anyone's feelings about a situation. Sometimes, they will speak up and hurt feelings just to make things interesting.
  • Capricorn Good: Self-Motivated, Faithful, Levelheaded. Very stable people, their behavior is consistent and they're morally responsible. Their ability to thoroughly plan things in advance and make sure everything occurs routinely can bring about beautiful results. The kind to know what's best for you more than you do.
  • Capricorn Bad: Pessimistic, Withdrawn, Despotic. Known for holding structure too highly. They're afraid of changes and spontaneous actions, which can sometimes suck the fun out of things. They're not afraid to rise to dictatorial status just to keep things in order and can be extremely overbearing when they deem it necessary.
  • Aquarius Good: Inventive, Strong-Willed, Persuasive. Can't help but be creative, progressive thinkers. They can find a million ways to improve something and won't hold back when given an outlet to express their unending originality. Once you get past the seemingly cold exterior, they instantly become sociable & charming.
  • Aquarius Bad: Distant, Stubborn, Rebellious. Can't stand to be told what to do, even if it's clearly whats best for them, they will detest just because they can. Their hardheaded ways will eventually lead them down the wrong path and they will destroy themselves solely for the sake of having their own way.
  • Pisces Good: Lovable, Idealistic, Sympathetic. Their biggest strengths lie in their emotions. They feel so deeply and purely that they could make even the coldest person open up to them. Has a habit of getting lost in dreams & fantasy, making them creative and an ambitious visionary.
  • Pisces Bad: Self-Destructive, Fickle, Unrealistic. Can spend so much time dreaming that they forget the restrictions of reality. This harsh awakening can easily depress them & make them uninspired and impossible to motivate. Also ,empathy, their strongest ability is also their biggest weakness as they are often sensitive and can sacrifice too much for the sake of people who don't matter.

I don’t think I really understood the misunderstanding Fitz and Aida convo so I’ve tried to write down what I think each side meant / thought was going on to get my head around it. 

Fitz: How could she even look me in the eye? She won’t stand the sight of me at all. How could she stomach it? The memory of seeing me shoot that woman. 

What Fitz means: I’m freaking out because Jemma’s seen the monstrous things I’ve done. How could she possibly love me after this? Her opinion carries incredible weight with me (because I love her). 

What Aida hears: He’s freaking out because he thinks he’s a monster. Jemma is an example here (one he’s focusing on because trauma) of the reaction he’ll expect from his friends and of his own inability to forgive himself. 

Aida: You know the reason that I wanted to get closer to you in the first place was to try to understand what you two felt for each other. You and Jemma. And I finally do. 

What Fitz hears: You and Jemma had something really special. 

What Aida means: I know you’re sad about your relationship ending but it’s okay because it led me to find humanity (which makes happy because you love me). You may be feeling some kind of loss right now but it was ultimately worth it. 

Fitz: Yeah. What we ‘felt’. Past tense. Cause my future with Jemma is dead. Killed that too. 

What Fitz means: Our relationship is over because she’ll never be able to forgive me because I’m a monster. This devastates me. 

What Aida hears: Our relationship is over and I feel I accidentally ended it in a very brutal way, which I regret. My feelings for her are past tense. 

Aida: It’s okay, it’s okay. 

What Fitz hears: I’m comforting you and letting you know I understand that you still love Jemma. 

What Aida means: You’re feeling sad right now but don’t worry you’ll be happy again one day (with me and the life we will build together). 

Fitz: There isn’t room in my heart for two people. You were everything to me. 

What Fitz means: I know I loved you in the Framework but we’re back in reality now and here I only love Jemma. 

What Aida hears: I loved you in the Framework and now that we’re back my love for you pushed away my love for Jemma. I ultimately love only you, but I’m struggling with the way things ended and having it happen in my brain so suddenly. 

Aida: I know. But as devoted to you as I was in the Framework, I understand you better now. How deeply you love. 

What Fitz hears: It’s okay that you love Jemma despite what happened in the Framework because I understand what love is now and know how strong it can be. 

What Aida means: Now that I’m a real girl now I know how much you love me! And how much I love you! We’re going to be okay. 

Fitz: You do understand me don’t you?

What Fitz says: You understand I only love Jemma now?

What Aida hears: You understand that I love you in this reality too? You understand what love is?

Aida: Yes Leopold now I do. It’s sad but beautiful, like a pain that feels good. If that makes sense. 

What Fitz hears: I understand that you love Jemma and whilst I’m sad about it, it was better to have loved and lost etc. 

What Aida means: Yes it’s a big complex emotion and whilst it’s occurred in a difficult way for us it’s ultimately amazing. 

Fitz: Yeah. You understand that my love will never fade. 

What Fitz says: You understand my love for Jemma is eternal and you cannot change that. 

What Aida hears: You understand I love you forever and want to spend my life with you. 

Aida: No, I know, poor thing. You’re a romantic. And there’s only room in your heart- 

What Fitz hears: Welp it’s a difficult situation but I get that because of how strongly you love that you will only ever love Jemma. 

What Aida means: It’s difficult for you but I’m the only person you love and Jemma’s just going to have to suck it up. 

Fitz: For her. 

The penny drops. 

Aida: What???