leo & satan

So I saw a thing that said Leo would like cooking because he wouldn’t even need a stove or anything he could just use his fire, so of course I had to.

the signs IMO

aries: can’t fuckin chill for one goddamn second. everythin is a fight to u. stop yelling im 2 metres away from you. maybe i should be 200000 metres away from you BYE. u need to get ur ass kicked. egoistic bastards. they’re not even that egoistic in reality they’re just big fuckin babies but they gotta put on this dumbass mask so nobody can hurt their stupid fragile feelings. suck a fuck arians

taurus: fuckin sloths. ur not as cool as u think u are. stop acting so fuckin chill when i kno ur dyin on the inside. also fuckin leave the house once a while alright. ever heard of vitamin d? didnt think so. bitch. chocolate ice cream is their religion

gemini: DEAR FUCKIN LORD FORBID WE HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS. DEAR FUCKIN LORD FORBID I TALK TO U . fuckin blabbing all the fuckin time. 24/7 non stop. can’t chill for 2 secs eve n if it depended on their life. ur like an eastern european old lady at christmas dear god help me. they also leave the house only when the wifi is down. they go to the palce they kno has free wifi. leave me the hell alone two face d bitches

cancer: fuckin cry babies. always the victim and always has a reason to cry. gets offended because the leaves fall from the trees in autumn. tells at least 20 lies a day. manipulates and cries their way through life. probably through sex too. sissy ass little bitches thinkin they the shit. guess what. ur not. fuckin satan in disguise. no t the cool kind of satan tho. 

leo: do u think about anytihng else other than clothes and being in the spotlight? didnt think so . get off social media and get a grip. this isnt fuckin kim kardashian reality tv show. dumbasses. favorite hobby is throwing shade at ppl they kno through statuses on facebook. doesn’t have a life outside of social media unless they get hammered. put s on glitter to go to the store. has 20+ crushes at the same time and gets heartbroken about each and every one. my god. disgusting

virgo: MY FUCiNG GOD. grown up babies. u is not always right. there’s filth in this world too. get over it. and dont bring the vacuum cleaner to the party pls thanx. nobody is interested in shakespeares gay ass poems either. fuck off vorgis. lubes their dick and ass with hand sanitizer

libra: BITCH YOU’RE NOT EVEN REAL. HAVE U EVER HEARD OF STATING UR OPINION WITHOUT GIVING A SHIT. real life words i’ve heard come from a libra “have you tried charming them” BUH BYE. fake ass bitches

scorpio: calm down satan princess/ this isnt hell. and its also healthy to let go of grudges. please dont kill me because i dont like cats. also stop staring at people like they killed your family in front of your eyes. fuckin freaks 

sagittarius: def not as cool as you think you are. def not the party animal u say u are. stop bein a fuck up and a little bitch and settle down for ONE FUCKIN THING IN YOUR LIFE. also u not as philosophical as u think, no real facts just fancy vocabulary. likes big words cuz they think it makes them smart. it doesnt. suck my dick sag fags

capricorn: dear fucking lord. all of u stay the FUCK AWAY FROM ME. always ready to fuk u up without even listening to u first. think they kno what u saying before u even say it. they have a funny way of twisting ur words. shows the convos with u to all of their friends. pretentious little fucks. theyre gonna gauge ur eyes out for asking if they r ok when they’re sad. then they gonna flip out cuz ur “never there for them” or “don’t pay attention to them” and then they gonna go like nothing ever happened a while later. fuck u honestly. fuck u in the ass capricorns. fuckin spawns of satan

aquarius: def not emotionless. definitely too fuckin sissy to show their tru emotions. will wear a dress made out of plastic flowers and shit just to show their “UNIQUE INTELLECTUAL REBEL SIDE”. fuck off aquas . fuck off. their world crashes down when their intellectuality and opinions are being questioned . fuck off alright u and ur dumbass lana del ray aesthetics. they prolly run a hipster blog too. ew. definitely has a poster of a sexy alien in their room

pisces: D R A M A QUEENS. attention whores, m y god have you ever heard of privacy????????????????????????? THE WHOLE WORLD DOESNT HAVE TO KNO ALL OF UR PERSONAL SHIT. if they got a problem with you theyre gonna drag you to a crowd of ppl and start their shit there. god forbid they talk to you alone about it. they all just wanna be super duper artistic but all they do is fuckin zone out and day dream about some gay shit prolly. i dont know. dont wanna go into their heads. i love and respect myself too much to wanna see whats goin on in a pisces head.  they all post pics of their collar bones and their “90′s pastel grunge torn up jeans” on social media. no matter what happens they are always the victim, and everybody hurts them. fuck off and grow a pair and tell it how it is aight. sick and tired of ur bullshit

Why no one likes ur sign
  • Aries: u scream too much
  • Taurus: u eat everyone's food and never share
  • Gemini: you are literally human satan
  • Cancer: u suck too much dick
  • Leo: u can't pass a mirror without looking in it for 5 years contemplating how beautiful you are
  • Virgo: ur boring
  • Libra: u still watch Disney channel
  • Scorpio: u hit a child that one time bc they looked at your wrong
  • Sagittarius: u stare @ tits a lot
  • Capricorn: ur too emo
  • Aquarius: u prefer aliens over human company
  • Pisces: u think ur a fish
The signs hearing the Devil is in town
  • Aries: dAddyyy!!!!
  • Taurus: *douses self in holy water and begins to do the nae nae while holding a cross* THE ULTIMATE FUCKBOY IS HERE??? IM READY
  • Gemini: HOLY SHIT. I MEAN--UNHOLY SHIT. *laughs and bursts into flames* aw fuck
  • Cancer: *lights candle* its pumpkin spice do u think he'll like it?
  • Leo: mmmmmmm yeah today's actually not a good day for me...maybe he can like come back on tuesday or something? i have a 4 o'clock with dracula and that boy REALLY knows how to suck the life outta things so i might be kinda pooped and stuff :/
  • Virgo: right on time. MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA *coughs* oh jeez im parched
  • Libra: ooooh he finna blaze it and it aint even 4/20 yet tsk tsk tsk
  • Scorpio: dat boi can dondemn me to an eternal damnation any day ;))) what's his kik? *changes relationship status on fb to "i <3 666"*
  • Sagittarius: *makes spoof twitter account called 'Seten' and cackles to self before getting scared and deleting it*
  • Capricorn: gr8 timing m8. im broke af...*pulls soul out from the deepest crevices of their body* how much can i get for this thing?
  • Aquarius: OOOH netflix and chillin with ma fave villain
  • Pisces: the only thing that's hellish here is ur outfit like gurl i know u like lucy or whatever this chick's name is but pentagrams are SOOOO 90's. like 1690's.

(The toaster in the lair has been sending the Turtles demonic messages on crispy, golden bread.)

Leo: Donnie, is the toaster still possessed?
Donnie: We still have trouble with it, on and off, yes.
Toaster: (erupts in flames) SATAN LIVES!!!!!
Leo: And why, exactly, are we keeping it?
Donnie: (sipping coffee) Well, Leo, you know, when all is said and done, it makes good toast.

Based on THIS post. Thanks @firebirdscratches ;)

Non-Typical Facts on The Signs
  • Aries: Aries is basically all of tumblr. Theyre dorks who get offended easily, and their spirit animals might as well be SuperWhoLocks. Some of them exercise, but its usually to blow off steam without hurting people around them.
  • Taurus: The stigma around their eating habits and "always being hungry" is not exactly true. While they like eating - as per mostly everyone - they are more materialistic than they are the Cookie Monster. Sorry to burst the bubble there.
  • Gemini: They arent Satan. They will never be Satan. They are just the only air sign that is intune with their emotions, but overly so. They are masters of communication, and in turn, also masters of manipulation.
  • Cancer: Supportive, if you are on their good side. Theyre often manipulative, and close minded. While they are gullible, and able to be influenced, its only if ypure the first one to feed information there. Family oriented, and believes in their family than anyone else.
  • Leo: They are also very supportive. They aren't as manipulative as Cancer, but has the ability to be. Leo is a performer.
  • Virgo: Much like Gemini, they are masters of communication. While they may be depicted as socially awkward, it may be because they don't like you. They aren't keen on new people, and analyze their feelings rather than feeling them. They seperate and organize things, whether it be their own emotions, or papers.
  • Libra: Ruled by the planet of beauty. They are beautiful and easy to trust. They are also materialistic, but they hope others see them a certain way, rather than wanting it for the general feeling. Understands others more than themselves.
  • Scorpio: They are ALSO not Satan. Yes,you heard me. Not Satan. They are interested in the occult and other mysterious things, addictive, and addicted. They are also very sexually oriented.
  • Sagittarius: Arent always assholes, and often, arent trying to be. They are brutally honest, and its one of their biggest morals. Lying to them is murder.
  • Capricorn: Actually IS Satan. Yes, here is your Satan. Lucifer, right here. We have found him. Take this information how you wish.
  • Aquarius: Not only weird hippies who are interested in aliens, but they are true rebels at heart. They want to remake the world in their image, and believe it would be a better place - which is where the God Complex stigma stems.
  • Pisces: They arent fish. They arent all sweet. They can be manipulative, and often are. They use their natural "sweet" approach as a way to be a dick. Sorry.
Cuan emocionales son:

(usen su luna pls) 

Aries :  99 % porqué s e a p a s i o n a n, muy fácil 

Tauro : 30% aunque parecen 60% y todo lo que hacen/dicen termina dejándolos en un 80% 

Géminis : 75% pero nunca sabrás que pedo con ellos, ocultan lo que sienten siempre. 

Cáncer : 666% Satan:) 

Leo : Puede ser  100% o -1 No hay termino medio. 

Virgo : 10% pero pretenden como 97% manipulandiinggg time e-é 

Libra : 100% (en serio) 

Escorpio : 80% Pero interiormente, onda su cuerpo es un remolino de emociones y sensaciones y por fuera están como: ‘’oc’’

Sagitario :40% 

Capricornio :   .. -666 % Satan x2 

Acuario :   -420% 

Piscis :  12345678% nothing new