lemon hi

remember the ed edd n eddy valentines day special with the cupids that looked like sarah and jimmy making random people fall in love, and rolf squeezes lemons in his eyes so he can see them an fights them off with a mop

Klance Recs #1

Homesick at Space Camp by K0bot (PG, 54k, WIP)
Summary: Lance’s insistence on maintaining his rivalry with Keith is hurting his performance, and Shiro’s had enough. Keith and Lance are forced to talk it out, and Lance becomes certain of one thing:

He’s gonna be the best friend Keith’s ever had in his LIFE.

Naturally, he’s in for much more than he bargained for. [Fake Marriage, WIP]

time out of mind by aknightley (PG, 27k)
Summary: Keith and Lance wake up married. In the future.

He lays there a moment, processing the faint throbbing in his head, a strange bitter taste like lemons in his mouth. When he opens his eyes, the room spins wildly into a kaleidoscope of colors, so he closes them again, breathing in and out until he feels less like he might throw up. He suddenly registers a warm weight over his waist, and lifts his head to see a brown arm thrown over him. It looks startlingly familiar, but different, bigger than he remembers, more toned.

Keith turns all the way around and comes face to face with Lance sleepily blinking his own eyes open.
[Time Travel, Fake Marriage]

Heatwaves on Autopilot by WhatTheBodyGraspsNot (NC-17, 56k)
Summary: Keith and Lance unknowingly inhale an alien aphrodisiac during a simple resource retrieval mission. But unlike the common aphrodisiac, this particular one reactivates under certain unknown conditions, later leaving them craving in situations that don’t necessarily present them with many options. Keith tries to work through it, concerned with the sudden lack of control of his body, until he realizes the same thing is happening to Lance. So…great. How are they supposed to deal with this, keep it a secret, AND tend to the thousands of other responsibilities that come with defending the universe? (Together, of course.) [Heat Cycles/Sex Pollen]

Today, anew by MemeKonVLD (MemeKonYA) (R, 5.9k)
Summary: “Lance.

Lance’s eyebrows furrow in concern for a second before his whole face goes gentle and open.

“Hey buddy, everything okay?”

Keith nods. Then shakes his head, then opens his mouth to let out a noisy sob before he’s hugging the air out of Lance, grip vise tight.

Lance hugs him back. That’s one of the great things about him— he doesn’t— he doesn’t need explanations for things like this. He doesn’t make Keith jump through hoops, the way other people might— he’s just— he just knows what Keith needs in times like this. No façades, no posturing.

(Or: the one where Keith is trapped in a time loop. A time loop from hell.) [Time Loop, Temporary Character Death]

A Commutual Contract 
by SKayLanphear (R, 24k, WIP)
Summary:
 After a terrifying experience during which Lance, seemingly, dies, Keith is haunted by horrible nightmares of holding his comrade in his arms while he took his final breath. To the point where he can’t sleep unless he knows for absolute certain that Lance is alive.

And while the attention is surprising, Lance doesn’t really have a problem with Keith checking up on him. Or the fact that Keith only seems totally comforted when he can cuddle Lance close and hear his heart beat. After all, there’s nothing wrong with two bros cuddling. It doesn’t MEAN anything. Or, at least, that’s what Lance keeps telling himself. [Bed Sharing, WIP]

How To Train Your Galra by magisterpavus (NC-17, 68k, Series)
Summary: 
“Shiro, I fucked up,” Keith blurted, wringing his hands.

Shiro paused mid-punch, shooting him a quizzical look. “What? What happened?”

“I think,” Keith whispered, “I think I accidentally roofied Lance. With my dick.” [Galra!Keith, A/B/O Dynamics]

Fake It Til You Make It by nikkiRA (R, 26k)
Summary: “No, it’s not that –” Keith tries to backtrack. “We just – we –” he isn’t sure what he’s going to say, he just knows he has to say something before he and Lance are forced to have sex with some weird alien species, while also keeping the weird alien king happy enough to create an alliance with them.

But not for the first time and not for the last, Lance pulls through.

Of course, this time pulling through almost gives Keith a heart attack, because Lance slips his fingers through Keith’s so that they’re holding hands.

“What Keith here means to say,” Lance says, and although his voice is steady, he is gripping Keith’s fingers so tightly it’s painful. “Is that we can’t mate with your people, although we, um, appreciate the offer, because, well. We already are. M-mated, I mean. With, you know. Each other.” [Fake Marriage]

Nightmares by Trashness (PG, 14k)
Summary: Lance’s nightmares are getting out of control. It’s effecting his and the team’s performance, but he’s at a loss for how to fix this.

Apparently sleeping next to a warm body helps. [Bed Sharing, Mutual Pining]

Accidental Bonding by Newbiemans2015 (NR, 2.9k)
Summary: Whilst trapped on an alien planet Keith and Lance accidentally get married, and now how to deal with the consequences. [Accidental Marriage]

All things infinite by MemeKonVLD (MemeKonYA) (R, 7k)
Summary: “I didn’t know Lance was…”

“Bi?” Hunk supplied.

“Ready to jump anyone sentient and willing?” Pidge offered.

“Yeah, let’s go with bi,” Hunk says.

(Or: the one where Lance is a Bisexual Intergalactic Flirt, and Keith discovers he has feelings about this.) [Pining!Keith]

like honey by manamune (NC-17, 4.3k)
Summary: Keith wants to lose control.

Lance has always liked helping people. [BDSM]

Fireside by molsat (NC-17, 4.9k)
Summary: It’s not the compliments that make Lance’s palms sweaty, his heart thunder wildly against his ribcage, and his face swell with impossible heat: it’s the way Keith has to be such a giant dick about it. [Praise Kink]

Making the Most of the Night by saezutte (NC-17, 15k)
Summary:  Having sex with Keith in order to secure an alliance with an alien species wasn’t how Lance expected to lose his virginity, but it wasn’t the worst way for it to go.

(Until afterwards, of course, when it all goes wrong and Keith won’t speak to him. Not that Lance has any idea why. Or why it bothers him so much.)

hot singles in your area by rire (NC-17, 15k, WIP)
Summary: “So she gave you a fake number?”
“Yeah.”
“And it turned out to be the number of a sex line?”
“Yep.”
“And then you decided jerking off was the best solution for your heartbreak?”
“I guess you could put it that way.”
“… And now you’re in love with a phone sex operator.” [College AU, WIP]

Rivals-With-Benefits by lissa_molloy (NC-17, 26k, WIP)
Summary: Lance and Keith have been sneaking around for a while now, not yet to the point where they can get over their rivalry but well beyond acknowledging how attracted they are to one another. A collection of vaguely-related oneshots in a fuckbuddies AU for Klance. I’ll add tags as I go. [Friends/Rivals with Benefits]

Blueprints by UnderTheSilentStars (R, 39k, WIP)
Summary: “While soulmarks themselves were common, it was rare for someone to have anything other than the name of their other half…and Lance had a red paw print." [Soulmate AU]

so why don’t we fall by aknightley (NC-17, 4k)
Summary: Five times Lance used a pet name for Keith, and one time Keith used one for Lance.

Keith has no basis for having a relationship with someone, so he’s trying to follow Lance’s lead. 

Down the Rabbit Hole by TheQueen (PG, 41k, WIP)
Summary: It starts when he wakes up. Breathing hard and scrambling against the soft bedding and heavy comforter until he falls flat against the wood floor hard enough to take his breath away.

Time travel might not be the worst thing Lance has ever dealt with. But it sure does feel like it. [Time Travel, Canon Divergence, WIP]

30 Rules to Marriage by delictor (R, 38k, WIP)
Summary: Lance was only trying to argue with Keith, not marry him. And even if the marriage only really counted on the one planet, he couldn’t help but let it take over his every thought slowly. Especially with him constantly thinking of the 30 rules of marriage his parents had taught him as a kid and trying to apply them to him and Keith. His logic? The 30 rules could apply to even just a friendship…

Or: Lance and Keith accidentally get married and it’s not actually as bad as they thought it would be. [Accidental Marriage, WIP]

Diplomatic Difficulties by TemenCMoth (PG, 10k, WIP)
Summary: Allura sat with her head in her hands. Coran balked. Hunk was frozen, new goo concoction slowly leveling out on the floor. Shiro looked stricken, hand in a white-knuckle grip on the back of a chair. The only sound in the room was the little clack-clack of Pidge’s keyboard.

The room was filled with tension thick enough to be cut with a bayard, a silence so loud none of them noticed Rover hovering behind Keith.

They sure noticed when he started playing the Wedding March. [Accidental Marriage]

heat of your skin by sodappend (NC-17, 2k)
Summary: Keith is in heat and Lance is the last person he wants to see. So of course it’s Lance that walks through his door. [A/B/O Dynamics]

Skin by MemeKonVLD (MemeKonYA) (R, 3.2k)
Summary: He’s aware of Lance talking to him, but he’s still too asleep to try to decipher whatever it is he’s blabbering about. He only starts paying attention when one of Lance’s hands goes to the drawstring of his pajama pants.

“Whoa, what are you doing?” He asks, slapping Lance’s hand away, cheeks warm.

“You,” Lance starts, pointing at him (and Keith notices that for all he’s made fun of him for the last forever for them, he’s wearing his fingerless gloves), “are not screwing up my skin care routine, man.”

(AKA: the one where Keith and Lance switch bodies.) [Body Swap]

I’ll be your… whatever it’s called by MoonStar1220 (NC-17, 3.7k)
Summary: After a particularly rough and frightening fight with enemy Galra Lance decides he’s had enough of Keith’s behavior and vows to fix it. [Galra!Keith, A/B/O Dynamics]

Alpha-nd a way to you by opalfire (NC-17, 3k)
Summary: Lance honestly had no clue what was going on anymore.

He had scented Keith, as though he were his mate. Lance flushed. The other alpha must think he was insane by now.

“I-I’m sorry - fuck - I mean,” Lance stuttered.

Keith just stared at him, the flush on his face getting redder.

“I know we’re both alphas, shit I’m so-“Lance started.

“We’re both what now?” Keith’s eyes widened before narrowing as he stared at Lance. “Oh my god, you don’t know.”

otherwise known as Lance gets possessive and scents Keith without knowing he’s an omega till he hits heat [Omegaverse, A/B/O Dynamics]

Alive With the Glory of Love by lemoninagin (NC-17, 4.8k)
Summary: “Hurry,” Lance urges with a gasp, clutching harder at the stands with both hands poised on them for support now, palms slick with sweat, “They’re going to find us like this if we don’t hurry, oh my God.”

A deep chuckle tickles over his ear, almost rivaling the pounding of blood in them.

Let them.” [Public Sex]

8

1/?: Sherlock/Poirot similarities & parallels

anonymous asked:

once during our monthly press meetings i sat next to magnus and he halfway through he took out a lemon and started peeling it. he stopped and asked me for the time and when i told him he just said "oh" and sadly put the lemon back into his bag?? was i supposed to say something else?? i want this man to enjoy his peeled lemon please advise

Daddy’s Home

Because I need a sugar daddy AU, here ya go. This is gonna end up as a series. Enjoy!

           He rolled up in his lemon-yellow Lamborghini and rolled down the window. You gave a little wave, and he leaned over from the driver’s seat. “You ready, baby?” Bambam grinned and peered over the top of his sunglasses.

           You smiled from the curb, your Louis Vuitton bag in your hand. “Of course.” He pulled the handle of the door open and you slid into the passenger seat. Bambam’s hand automatically slipped to your thigh when you sat down. Once you were situated, he ensured you had your seatbelt on before taking off down the street. “How was your day, princess?”

           You grinned. You loved it when he used that nickname. “Well, between being too busy to think about anything other than how I was going to sneak away to spend time with you this afternoon,” you paused, putting your hand on top of his, “and my boss yelling at me, nothing else really happened. I guess you could say I had a day,” you said.

           “Baby… I really think it’s time you quit your job…” he chose his words carefully. You stared at him, trying to figure out what to say.  

           Bambam glanced away from the road long enough to catch the look on your face. “I know what you’re gonna say,” he began, “but I make more than enough for both of us, and I’d love it if you let me take care of you.”

           “Babe,” you started, but he lifted the hand that was still on your thigh.

           “I’m just saying, I want you to think about it.”

           You let out a gusty sigh, and he squeezed your thigh again, causing a smile to pull at the corners of your mouth.

           “Now, who’s ready for some shopping?” Bambam asked in a singsong voice as he pulled into the parking garage. “Will that make daddy’s princess happy?”

           You grinned and nodded at him. “Good, let’s get you in there, then.” He walked around the car and opened your door for you, his hand extending to help you out of your seat. He took you by the hand and tucked it in his, pulling you just a tad before you caught up.

           “My legs aren’t as long as yours, babe,” you said.

           Bambam turned to look behind him, laughing. “I forgot, my bad.”

           “Good evening, welcome to Chanel,” the doorman said, punctuating his sentence with a nod. You smiled at him, and Bambam turned to the closest salesperson he could find. “I need to get my princess here a watch,” he said to a tall woman with auburn hair who was impeccably dressed, passing his hand over the back of your upper arm.

           “Well, what’s her style?” she asked, looking to you.

            You grinned. “Anything that sparkles,” you said sheepishly.

            The lady—looking at her nametag, you realized her name was Paula—smiled warmly at you, then led you over to the watch case. “Then I have good news for you, we definitely have ones that sparkle.”

           You looked at Bambam, and he nodded at you. “Anything you want, baby.”

           “I really like this one,” you pointed to a watch that had a silver and black band, a black dial, and diamonds laid into the rectangular beveled edge.

           “Ah, the Premiere Mini,” she said fondly, pulling it from the case, “excellent decision.” She placed the watch in your hands and you paused, marveling at the beauty that had just been put within your reach. You grinned again, and Bambam put a hand on the small of your back. “What do you think?” he whispered.

           “I love it,” you said in a hushed voice.

           “We’ll take it,” he said to Paula, who took the watch back from you, placed it into a long, rectangular box embossed with the word CHANEL, and then placed it in a shopping bag. You beamed as she handed it to you.

           “It’s just seven,” she said to your boyfriend as he slid his gold card.

           “That’s fine,” he murmured, scratching his nose.

           “Congratulations, you’re now the owner of a beautiful Chanel piece,” Paula cooed. You shook her hand and Bambam waved, and you both exited the store.

           “Where to now, baby?” he’d said, a grin spreading across his face.

           “Louboutin?” you asked.

           He nodded, took your hand in his, and led the way to the escalator.

           Two hours later you were on your way back to the Lambo, and Bambam insisted on carrying all your shopping bags. He’d bought you an entire new outfit, complete with a new pair of heels and that beautiful watch. Bambam had bought himself a pair of flats to match yours, and had taken a photo of both your and his feet for Instagram.  He’d done it all with a huge smile on his face. “Anything for my princess,” he’d said, and passed a hand over your ass, gently and discreetly.

           As soon as he’d put the bags in the trunk, he slid into the driver’s seat and pulled you close to him, his left hand cupping the side of your face and his right hooking around the back of your neck. “Is daddy’s baby happy?” he whispered, his lips centimeters from yours.

           You nodded and licked his lower lip. He crushed his mouth to yours, the hand that was on the back of your neck moving to your hair, pressing your face to his with so much force that you thought it’d break your jaw. You let out a soft whimper and his mouth moved to your throat, switching between tiny kisses and pulling your skin into purple hickeys. Bambam released you once he reached your collarbone, breathing heavily. “I got a little carried away, sorry baby,” he said, grinning at you from the driver’s seat. You beamed back at him, taking in the tent in his pants. Home was over a half an hour away, not including traffic, and you didn’t know if you could wait that long.

           Bambam put on his seatbelt and started the engine, his eyes too focused on the road to notice you staring at him. He smiled to himself and, seemingly absentmindedly, placed his hand in its normal spot on your thigh.

           “Daddy…” you began, your voice sultry, “your princess wants to play.”

           Bambam sighed huskily. “Baby, I’m driving. Can you make it until we get home?”

           “Nope,” you purred, fingers dancing along his thigh.

           He shook his head wryly, but scooted his seat back far enough that you could slip your head between him and the steering wheel.  

           You grinned and leaned over the center console, fiddling with his zipper. “Daddy,” smokiness was pouring from you. “I’m gonna suck your dick so hard I’ll make you cry.” The response you issued from him with just a few words was overwhelmingly positive. He licked his lips and swallowed hard, his hips twitching just a tad underneath you. “Then what, baby?”

           You placed a playful kiss on his stomach through his shirt. “Then I’m gonna let you fuck me with nothing but this watch on until I can’t walk,” you purred, “and then I’m gonna get up and make you breakfast in bed,” you grinned and nipped at his stomach again. A low groan fell from Bambam’s lips, and you knew the dirty talk had turned him on enough to make him hard again.

           You unzipped his pants and he tilted his hips up enough for you to drag them down so you could access his now-erect member. Bambam shivered but kept his eyes on the road as you blew lightly on his tip. A strand of saliva slipped from your mouth and you rubbed your hand over his dick, squeezing and stroking him simultaneously.

           “Fuck, baby, that feels so good,” he groaned, glancing down at you, then back up at the road. You moaned in response. Your lips finally met the tip and you pulled his cock into your mouth without hesitation. Bambam inhaled sharply and you grinned around a mouthful of dick, positively ecstatic that you had this kind of power over him. You hollowed out your cheeks and sucked hard, finding a steady rhythm as you wrapped your hand around the part of his shaft that you couldn’t fit into your mouth. You felt the car swerve just a little to the left and heard an “oh, shit,” leave your boyfriend’s lips, then a giggly scoff. You looked up at him and giggled, then went back to bobbing your head as fast as you could manage, swirling your tongue around his tip as you came back up for air.

           Bambam moaned loudly and as the car came to a stop at the light, he pulled your face to his, his lips crushing to yours. “You make daddy feel so good, princess,” he said, and you grinned, a sexy laugh escaping you. “You’re so fucking hot,” he breathed, and you kissed his lips again before you went back to work. You pulled his cock back into your mouth, sucking as hard as you could and moving your head as fast as the position would allow. He inhaled sharply and cursed under his breath, one hand leaving the steering wheel to get the hair out of your face. He took the left turn to his condo and pulled into the driveway, breathing hard and fast as he turned off the car. “God, let me fuck your throat,” Bambam moaned.

           You nodded and he gathered your hair in both his hands while you hollowed out your cheeks and held your head still. His hips rolled into your face and you hummed low in the back of your throat, his speed increasing with every thrust. “Fuck, baby,” he breathed. Tears were rolling down your cheeks but you didn’t care, it was making you wetter by the second. He was into it too, by the way he was moaning and writhing underneath you. You closed your lips around his shaft and he stopped for a second, letting you control the speed, but not for long. “I’m so close, princess. I want you to swallow my cum,” he said, and you nodded as he thrusted faster and faster into your face.

           “Fuck, Y/N, I’m gonna come,” he breathed, and to help it along you swirled your tongue around his tip. Bambam thrusted into your face a few more times, and you felt him throw his head back in ecstasy as he exploded in your mouth. He pulled out to let you breathe, then you slipped your tongue along his shaft, letting the cum roll down the back of your throat and ultimately swallowing it. Bambam took your face in both his hands and kissed you with fervor, his hand tangling in your hair.

           “Good girl,” he said, “you’re so good for me, princess.” He stroked your hair with his other hand.

           “Let daddy take care of you now,” he said, and led you out of the car and into the house.

My masterlist is here if you guys wanna read the rest of my stuff!

OK SO DO YOU GUYS WANNA TALK ABOUT THE TIME KEITH RICHARDS WAS TELLING JIMMY FALLON ABOUT HOW WHEN HE’S NOT ON TOUR, HE LIKES TO TEND TO HIS LEMON TREE? APPARENTLY KEITH IS SO PROUD ABOUT HIS LEMONS THAT HE KEPT TELLING JIMMY ABOUT HOW THEY GROW TO BE THE SIZE OF GRAPEFRUITS. SO OF COURSE, THEY SEE EACH OTHER ABOUT A MONTH LATER AT A PARTY AND KEITH BRINGS JIMMY AN AUTOGRAPHED LEMON, SO JIMMY PROCEEDS TO HAVE THE LEMON MADE INTO SOME KIND OF LEMON PRESERVE AND GIVES IT TO KEITH WITH THE AUTOGRAPH ON IT STILL AND EVERYTHING. BUT WAIT,,,,, IT GETS BETTER!!! JIMMY SAVED A SEED FROM KEITH’S LEMON AND PLANTED IT SO JIMMY FALLON NOW HAS THE SECOND GENERATION OF KEITH HECKING RICHARDS’ LEMON TREE AND IF THAT ISN’T GREAT THEN I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS.

On September 12th, 1952, these boys (Left to right: Tommy Hyer, Freddie May, Edison May (front), and Neil Nunley (rear).) witnessed a strange object fall from the sky. The boys went home and told Mrs. May of the event, they later went with her, a few other children and 17 year old West Virginia National Guardsman Eugene Lemon to examine the object. They came upon a hill and saw a “ball of fire” a ways to their right and there was a strange mist in the area that made their eyes and noses irritated. Upon seeing two odd lights, Lemon aimed his flashlight under a large oak tree and there it was, the creature that would soon be known as the Flatwoods Monster. This Monster was said to have let out a shrill hissing sound and came at the group before quickly turning and heading toward a red light. The group quickly fled the area.

Shortly after these people came across the monster, they came down with an illness that is said to be attributed to the mist they had encountered. Several of them had irritation of their noses and swelling of the throat for several days after the encounter. Lemon suffered from convulsions and vomiting throughout the night and had issues with his throat for several weeks afterwards. A doctor that treated a few of the witnesses claimed that the symptoms were similar to those that appeared with victims of mustard gas.

time out of mind by aknightley (2/2 | 27,849 | Teen And Up)

Keith and Lance wake up married. In the future.

He lays there a moment, processing the faint throbbing in his head, a strange bitter taste like lemons in his mouth. When he opens his eyes, the room spins wildly into a kaleidoscope of colors, so he closes them again, breathing in and out until he feels less like he might throw up. He suddenly registers a warm weight over his waist, and lifts his head to see a brown arm thrown over him. It looks startlingly familiar, but different, bigger than he remembers, more toned.

Keith turns all the way around and comes face to face with Lance sleepily blinking his own eyes open.

When you can’t be bothered to do anything.