lemon hi

God tier McElroy goofs

- can you curse a real sword?
- AMELIE, I COOK AN EGG WITH A SPOON
- I will take a hammer and FIX the baby
- beanfreak
- roachy
- I’m sprite pepsi, and I’m abstinence till I die!
- worcestersher
- what about…. one million dragons? OH NO NO NNON ONNONN NO
- ‘he took a lemon out of his bag, and started peeling it, then asked for the time’
- teleporting the soldiers to the dairy queen with the dairy queen teleporting gun
- SHRIMP. HEAVEN. NOW.
- the clownbox
- I THINK DOGS SHOULD BE ABLE TO VOTE
- Justin recording a radio break and getting everything wrong
- You know ;)
- HAVANA DAYDREAMING BY JIMMY BUFFET, WHAT THE F U C K HAPPENED TO YOU
- when Daz gets that One good shot and Griffin and Justin go fucking wild
- The entirety of Griffin not letting Justin leave in Catlateral damage

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve seen on this site for women in a new relationship with a man was talking about your period in a super casual way. I really do think it’s a great indicator of who they are.

Mine for instance, when asking me why I was getting up to pause my show and hearing my response of:

“Going to boil the cup that goes in my vagina because my period started.”

Then proceed to take it from me and did it himself so I could finish my show.

Like, media tells us to want flowers and grand romantic gestures but I want a dude who will hold a Diva Cup in his hand and sanitize it without a thought so I can watch a BBC drama.

2

AU →  Rhaenys and Aegon Waters, the delegitimized children of Rhaegar Targaryen, return to Westeros after years spent in exile.  They mean to take back their birthright, which their father and the usurper both stole from them, and prove that despite being stripped of the Targaryen name, they are still dragons.  

Ok  finally reading the book “IT” and laughing my face off at the way each Loser deals with the news that Pennywise is back. (*Spoiler alert* for a 30 yr old book i guess?)

Ben: pours lemon juice down his nose (???) and drinks a handle of whiskey

Bill: starts stuttering again, sketches out his nice normie wife

Bev: dickslaps her shitty husband with a belt, leaves with no shoes on because she DONE

Stan: kills self

Eddie: fills a fucking carryon suitcase with pills

Richie: does obnoxious goofy voices until his travel agent figures out he’s trying to fly to Maine

Mike: is a librarian who is very tired (aka, mood).

Then they all go get Chinese food?

Chapter 2 is gonna be fuckin wild.

Little Beautifuls

All the little beautiful things you notice Tom does~

• When he packs for his trips he rolls everything up instead of folding because he thinks it saves space

• If he’s eating mashed potato and peas in a meal he always mixes the peas in with the mashed potato because he can’t stand them, so he finds them easier to eat that way

• The way he wiggles his nose side to side when he’s bored

• He’ll always sort of wrap his fingers around your elbow when you’re laying against him on the couch, drawing circles with his index finger

• The way he puts gel in his hair and combs it through. You can just see the focus on his face.

• When he’s thinking about something, he always scratches the back of his ear

• The brief moment just before he wakes up properly where he puts his arm out to touch you. It’s his little ‘good morning’. He does it every day. So if you’ve gotten up early for whatever reason he’ll call and ask you where you are and if you’re okay.

• Every now and then he’ll whip out his guitar and ask you “any requests my darlin?”

• He puts lemon in his water now because “everyone does it love”

• He always keeps a teaspoon in his tea because he just loves stirring it, he says it keep his mind occupied

• When he’s just got out of the shower, with a clean tshirt and clean sweatpants on, he always leaves his hair a little bit damp and you love that so much

• Every morning, when he puts his chain on, he tells you to kiss it because it gives him luck apparently

• He gets you to keep a lint roller in your handbag because he likes to keep his jeans clean

• The way he kisses your temples when you hug him

• If you have a bath together, every now and then he asks if he can lay back on you instead of you on him.

• The little head nudge he does on your shoulder when he wants your attention

• He brings you a coffee and an apple every morning. It’s your little tradition.

• The way he closes his eyes for a second when you put your hand on the back of his neck

• On your drives together he’ll put your window up if he even sees you shiver just a little

• The little sleepy hold of his chest he does when he starts drifting to sleep on the couch

• He’s always humming little tunes in the mornings

• If you’re laying in his lap, and you’ve had a long day, he strokes your nose with his thumb, lulling you to sleep

• He sometimes twists your hair around his fingers, even doing little braids, and you find it so soothing.

• “I love you, my love.”

• He always makes sure you eat before he does, he sees that as very gentlemanly

• “Your heart is my favourite thing.”

• The big grin he gives you when you show him how you’ve done your makeup. He loves it when you’re feeling confident.

• The respect he has for your parents

• He’ll always fluff your pillow for you before you get into bed

• The way he lingers around your neck when he’s kissing it just so he can smell your perfume

• If you’re getting changed, he’ll sit on the bed, admiring you, taking you all in

• Knuckle kisses

• The knee squeezes he gives you when you’re upset, and holding your head against his chest

• Kissing your eyelids in the morning, to wake you up

• And the little wink he gives you when he closes the apartment door, every time he leaves to work for the next few months, the last little beautiful gesture you see for a while

100 Reasons To Love Choi Seungcheol
  1. dimples so deep that you could swim in them 
  2. the mole on the right side of his face that’s above his mouth and by his nose (this is really specific but it’s a cute mole okay)
  3. he only has one ear pierced. I think it’s his left ear that is his only pierced ear. 
  4. has pajamas that match his blanket
  5. the fact that he auditioned as a singer but became a rapper
  6. his predebut bushy black hair
  7. looong eyelashes, they’re so pretty and nice, why can’t I have eyelashes those good
  8. raised twelve dorks on his shoulders
  9. when he had fake tattoos and basically ruined the whole fandom
  10. his bombass eyeliner, props to the make up artist
  11. his very cute droopy eyes, this might be why a lot of people say he looks tired, they’re just a little droopy but it’s okay
  12. his big toothy grin that basically takes up half of his face and it’s really cute
  13. a triple threat man: can sing, dance, aand rap. what can’t he do
  14. he can’t wink. if you watch him, he struggles with it sometimes
  15. loves sports so much that he originally wanted to be a PE teacher
  16. offered to cut wood on OFD and screamed while he did it
  17. let his members throw all the kimchi they had into the pot and just watched on OFD
  18. is very very competitive
  19. when he played with his ear during his birthday vlive
  20. screams a lot
  21. like a lot
  22. this boy screams in any situation
  23. the vlive he did with mingyu and wonwoo was just him screaming half the time
  24. when he snuggled up into jihoon during one of their predebut episodes
  25. when he did the shoulder dance during his ‘Good Morning’ cover with Jihoon
  26. he doesn’t like rollercoasters
  27. very touchy, he can be found multiple times hugging another member or just clinging to them
  28. very cute and embarrassing dad dances
  29. his cute hip dance during their Christmas vlive
  30. when he broke the stage with his butt because soonyoung tried to put him down
  31. during the Very Nice dance when he’s doing his solo part and he gives that heavenly smile after saying his line
  32. suggest the idea of the caratland bracelets as a gift to carats
  33. his selfies
  34. he literally takes great selfies. does he even have a bad side
  35. nice butt
  36. when he was suppose to wake up early on OFD Japan but instead slept in which caused them to be late
  37. the fact that so many members go to him whenever they need to get something off of their chest
  38. looks great in dad hats (probably has a collection of them)
  39. when he tried to learn guitar from Jihoon predebut
  40. when he fell to the ground laughing during one of the Burning Karaokes because he didn’t harmonize with Seungkwan properly
  41. his parted hair
  42. when he wears flower crowns and cute lil headbands
  43. he likes mystery novels and is reading books Wonwoo recommended
  44. when he did the piggy bank with Joshua on Weekly Idol
  45. buys the members food without a thought
  46. but also made Wonwoo pay for a game of pool by escaping outside first
  47. is in love with dogs
  48. the gif of him hugging the golden retriever and it basically looks like he never wants to let go even though his hair and the dog’s fur was blowing everywhere
  49. when the small dog during backstage of a performance went under Seungcheol’s hand to be pet by him
  50. when he said ‘Achuu~~’ as a guess to the song Jihoon would sing to his s/o
  51. when he does a pouty face where his lips are pushed out a bit with his cheeks cutely puffing out
  52. he sleeps with music playing and has Jeonghan turn it off for him
  53. when Seungkwan woke him up on the first 17 project episode and he wasn’t wearing a shirt
  54. the fact that he slept with a little teddy bear by his pillow in that episode
  55. he said he sleeps with the others more than he sleeps on his own bed
  56. his top notch aegyo
  57. S.coups wants to eat a macaron~~~
  58. tried to eat a lemon and his whole face did a cringe
  59. his thiiighs
  60. really cute ears that stick out cutely
  61. a real pro at DDR
  62. have you seen the video, everyone gets shook behind him when he plays
  63. his low voice tone
  64. when he basically growls into the mic during parts of his raps
  65. when he gets so into performing that he throws his whole body into the song and jams like there’s no tomorrow
  66. his signature peace sign pose
  67. when he nonsense screamed while entering the studio
  68. his alcohol tolerance is 6 bottles of soju
  69. has a heart like a girl’s according to Jihoon
  70. when he’s doing introduction and says ‘say the name’
  71. when he gets embarrassed and basically looks like he’s dying
  72. when he did the dance to Pick Me
  73. when his hair was blonde/red/brown/basically any color and once again killed the fandom
  74. when he dropped his egg yolk and looked like it was the end of the world and that life was no longer worth living
  75. the fact that he still picked up the egg yolk and ate it
  76. during the comeback showcase performance of laughter when he burst into a big smile
  77. his eye smiles when his eyes become small and all you see are his long eyelashes
  78. on where is my friend’s hometown, when he was cutely jamming out to music in the car
  79. when the MC’s of weekly idol pronounced his name wrong and he did a brief look at his name tag before laughing really big
  80. when he kept getting the dance wrong during random play dance and he looked like a very confused doggy
  81. he can hold two matches on his eyelashes (man get you a man that has eyelashes as strong as cheol’s)
  82. when he gets cold he shivers cutely and goes to his manager
  83. the time he almost died because he almost kissed wonwoo
  84. but he didn’t mind playing the pocky game with jihoon predebut
  85. the predebut video when they did a practice room cover of Nuest’s Hello and seungcheol just struts up the camera
  86. when he yelled at jihoon to move during the Hello dance
  87. his cheeky smile when Hansol was exposing him of taking his stuff
  88. #Gyeongsang_Accent
  89. his singing voice is low and soothing
  90. a cute fan of ballads
  91. he’s always thanking carats, always telling them to be healthy and even more
  92. he cried because he couldn’t visit his grandmother because of training
  93. he wanted to be able to do more to contribute to Seventeen like Jihoon and Soonyoung so Seungcheol pushed himself more into producing
  94. when everything was getting tense on OFD Japan, Seungcheol stepped in and called a meeting to clear the tension
  95. attended P101’s final episode to watch his friends despite having just taken out his wisdom teeth and being tired
  96. on the last episode of their first OFD, he helped set up photos and decoration for the rest of the boys and even wrote a heartfelt letter to them
  97. said that when the rings were taken away during 17 project he was thinking of the other boys and how they were doing
  98. despite going through group changes he’s never once complained and continued to train, using it as a change to grow instead of as a sign of failure
  99. he carries a large amount of stress on his shoulders as the leader of the group and seriously needs to be appreciated for his hard work
  100. “Carats should be the ones more loved than we are”
southern hospitality

bitty has outgrown this place, and the people in it.

tw: homophobic language/slurs

word count: 1800

for @stitchedopen, 3rd place winner in my fic giveaway! i hope you like it!


The clinking of Jack’s fork against his plate as he sets it down is very unnerving. It’s not the only sound in the room but it’s by far the loudest, to him at least. Even louder than Suzanne’s pleasant babbling (no wonder where Bitty gets it from) and the gentle lull of music being played on a radio somewhere in another room. Probably the kitchen, where Bitty’s finishing up supper.

There’s a shuffling around the corner and Coach becomes visible as he nears the bottom of the staircase. “Jack,” he mumbles gruffly in greeting, giving him a nod and sitting at the head of the table.

“Hello, Mr. Bittle,” Jack replies, smiling a little. “How’s the season going? Still the reigning champs of Morgan County?” If there’s one thing Jack knows he can get Coach to talk about, it’s football. It might be a much different sport than hockey, Jack surmises, but the passion they share for their sports is more than enough for them to hold a conversation.

“Oh, they lost their first game of the season last week. Nevin’s got an injury and we had to switch around the lineups– you remember, Nevin, receiver, curly hair, he’s in the team picture in the living room– anyway, I’m sure it hurt their chemistry.” Coach would talk strategy with Jack for hours, if it was up to him, but Eric is coming into the dining room now. He’s got on yellow oven mitts with tiny white flowers, and he’s holding a tray with a roast and some vegetables.

“The meat’s a little dry, Lord help me, I should stick to baking,” Eric laughs, setting the tray down on the table. “But all the vegetables should be good and I’ve got some pumpkin muffins with a fantastic cream cheese frosting waiting for us in the kitchen.” Everyone starts to serve themselves. The meat’s not dry at all, but Jack keeps that to himself. Sometimes Bitty needs little things to dwell on, to keep himself busy so he’s not worrying so much about the big stuff. Jack knows that.

“So,” Suzanne starts after a minute, and Jack can tell that this is going to be a long one. He glances up at her, a signal that he’s listening. “The Gardeners are having a potluck this Friday, and they sent us an invitation.”

Bitty nearly drops his fork. “The Gardeners?” he hisses. “As in, Melissa and Kyle?”

“Those Gardeners,” Suzanne replies smugly. Jack and Coach exchange a look, humor gleaming in both of their eyes. The drama is about to unfold, they can tell. “What right do they think they’ve got, inviting us to their potluck after what happened at ours?”

Bitty turns to Jack, waving his hands as he speaks. “Two summers ago, we held a potluck here for the neighborhood, and when the Gardeners showed up, Kyle was drunk as a skunk and knocked over our entire dessert table. The whole thing! It was all ruined! And it would have been okay, but they didn’t even bring anything to the potluck in the first place, and they never apologized, and oh, it was such a mess, everyone tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal but darlin’ you should’ve seen the look on Moomaw’s face, I swear she was on the verge of a heart attack.” He shifts abruptly back toward Suzanne. “Mama, we’ve got to go.”

“Oh, I know that, of course we do. Dicky, what you’ve gotta do is bake the best pie those folks have ever tasted, let them know exactly what they were destroying when they had the nerve-”

Jack hums quietly, making a mental note. Potluck on Friday. Prepare for a spectacle.

-

Bitty’s fingers press against Jack’s neck as he helps him straighten his collar. Jack doesn’t really need the help, he supposes, but the contact is welcome, brief but full of warmth, not the kind of affection Jack usually gets when they’re with Bitty’s parents. They’ve been trying really hard, Jack can tell, and Bitty has too. But he understands why Eric sometimes has trouble being soft with Jack around Suzanne and Coach.

“Don’t you just look dashing,” Bitty says with a smile, placing his hand flat on Jack’s chest.

“Only because you picked my outfit,” Jack laughs. Bitty laughs with him, nodding in agreement. He’s got little crinkles at the edges of his eyes when he laughs, and Jack rubs his thumb over them, absent minded.

“You ready, Dicky?” Suzanne calls from the kitchen. The noises of the coffee pot stop and Jack can hear her pouring herself a cup.

“All ready!” Bits yells back. He reaches up his hand and squeezes Jack’s wrist before whirling around into the kitchen. Jack watches Bitty’s hips swing as he leaves, his jeans a little tighter than usual since he’s outgrown some of the clothes that he left here during the school year, and wonders if wore them on purpose.

-

The potluck is bustling. There are people of all ages, from the tiny toddlers playing in the Slip ‘N Slide far left in the back yard to the old ladies knitting underneath the sugar maple next to the house in a comically stereotypical manner. Jack opens Eric’s door for him not out of chivalry but out of necessity– when he emerges from the car, his arms are full of tupperware containers.

“Let me take some, bud” Jack offers, but Bitty shakes his head.

“I’ve got to bring them over myself.”

-

“This one’s cherry with a lattice crust,” Eric is explaining as he removes the lid from the nearest tupperware container. The egregious Melissa Gardener turns out to be a petite brunette with a smattering of freckles across her upturned nose. “And this one’s pumpkin, I know it’s not really the season but I had some materials left over from the muffins I made the other night and I’m sure it’ll be just delightful, I made the whipped cream myself– now, they’re all desserts. I was sure you’d need some.”

Jack stifles a laugh. The bite in Bitty’s voice is unmistakable. “Where should I set them?” Eric asks, still sweet as sugar but with a lilt that suggests this isn’t an innocent question. “This table seems a little… unsteady. I wouldn’t want them to fall, heaven forbid.”

“This table’s fine,” Melissa ensures him, smiling. “Thank you so much for the contributions.”

“It’s nothing at all.”

They burst out laughing as soon as she leaves, Bitty collapsing into Jack’s chest. Jack’s arms come around him automatically and squeeze. “Bits, that was cold.”

“Really? Here I was, thinking I was being so courteous.”

They stay in the embrace for a few more seconds before Bitty shifts away from Jack. It’s subtle, but Jack understands. He squeezes Bitty’s shoulder and then takes a step away. Bitty’s out to everyone who matters, but some people don’t know. And some still have their prejudices.

“Bits, where’s the bathroom?” Jack asks. The noise is already getting to him. He knows he’s got a while of this to go, and he’s sure he’ll be fine, but he just needs a minute to adjust. Eric points him in the right direction, then goes back to arranging the pies on the table.

“Eric!” Bitty whips around. It’s a tall guy with acne scars in a red polo shirt. Bitty looks up, his face ghostly stricken for a second, then paints a big smile on.

“Hey, Todd,” he replies as the guy moves closer. “How have you been.”

“I’ve been fine, thanks,” Todd says. Eric tugs on the bottom of his shirt and glances over at Jack, entering the house. “Who’s the guy?” Todd asks, nodding toward him.

“Jack,” Eric says. “My… my boyfriend.”

Todd smiles. He turns his gaze to Bitty. “I’ve gotta say, Eric, I’m impressed! I expected you to come home with some twinky faggot in a pink H&M scarf.”

Eric inhales sharply. “Go away,” he says quietly, looking at his shoes. “My love life is none of your business.”

“We all knew you were a homo, Bittle, I guess it’s just a little surprising that you’re still showing your face around here. Are you queers ever gonna stop shoving your agenda in our faces? Huh? Go back to Samwell, eh?” He’s inching closer now, and Eric’s cheeks are flaming red.

“Go fuck yourself,” Eric mutters, turning his back. He unstacks a tin of macadamia nut cookies from his lemon meringue, and opens it. His hands are shaking as he spreads them out artfully.

Todd ignores his response, instead reaching over Bitty and sweeping up several cookies. “Don’t mind if I do,” he says as he stuffs one in his mouth. “Mmm,” he replies, smirking. “They’re a little bit… fruity, don’t you think?”

“That’s not even funny,” Eric rolls his eyes. “Get the hell away from me.”

“And if I don’t?”

There’s a hand on the back of Bitty’s neck and he’s flinching, he’s freezing, he can’t move he can’t breathe–

“If you don’t,” Jack whispers, his voice robotic and cold. “I’ll beat the shit out of you, and you can crawl home to your mother and tell her you got your ass handed to you by a faggot. Does that sound like a good enough reason to stop?”

Todd takes a step back. “Don’t you fucking touch me,” he hisses at Jack. “You’re not from around here, are you? You don’t know who my dad is, do you?”

“Let me guess. Mayor of some town I’ve never heard of? Principal of the local high school? Do you know who my father is, noune?” Jack puffs up his shoulders. “Because I can guaran-fucking-tee that my dad is a hell of a lot worse to mess with than yours. So you might just wanna step off.”

“Whatever. I shouldn’t be talking to y’all anyway. Just in case it’s contagious, you know?” Todd smirks.

“I’m going to fucking kill you,” Jack says, still matter of fact, balling his fists and lunging toward Todd. Todd flinches, but the blow doesn’t come. Bitty’s caught the back of Jack’s t-shirt in his hand.

“Jack, honey, it’s okay. I can handle it.”

Todd laughs.

“But this– this asshole–”

“Trust me, sweetpea, I’ve got this.” Eric smiles.

“Yeah, you’re sure gonna take care of me, Bittle, what can you weigh, a hundred and ten? I bet you couldn’t even–”

Splat.

“Pity,” Eric says sweetly as the pie tin slides down Todd’s face, then down his shirt, coating him in cherry filling. “That lattice crust was gorgeous.”

“You– you–” Todd splutters, wiping cherry crud out of his eyes, but Bitty and Jack are already walking away.

“Enjoy the snacks, Melissa,” Eric calls over his shoulder as they make their way to the car. “We’re gonna head out.”