legit cannot deal with this rn

anonymous asked:

Prompts for two people who are enemies irl, but friends online finding out that arguably their best friend is also their worst enemy? (Sorry for the awkward wording of this)

Hey Babe! It’s not awkward at all!

- ‘Ugh, you’ll never believe what this insufferable prick did to me today.’
‘Who’s ass do I need to kick?’
‘No ones, it’s fine, there’s just this guy/girl who is always picking on me. And today they decided that slamming my locker on my arm was a good idea.’
Person B: shit. 

- ”Why don’t you just run home and cry into your books like the nerd you are!”
“Yeah? Well at least I don’t get off on abusing people.”
Person A getting out their phone: You’ll never believe what this asshole just said to me.’
Person B’s phone chimes. they look at each other rly fucking confused

- “You know what, Fuck you!”
“Nah, maybe later. After all, I’m sure you’re all booked up for the rest of the month.”
“Shut the fuck up, you have no idea what you’re talking about.” ‘Sos, I legit cannot deal with this anymore. They’re throwing potshots and I’m seriously worried about an anxiety attack rn.’ 
*Checks their phone* “Fuck.”

- “Fucking hell, do you have any idea what effect the words you say have? Jesus, some people are just waiting for an excuse to take a long walk off a short pier”
*realizes where they’ve heard that before* “Where did you hear that? Who did you steal that from?” 
“I’m sorry, what?” 
“Where did you read that? Because you’re obviously not the one who came up with it?”
“I didn’t come up with the idea, but the phrasing is mine? I don’t understand?” 

So here are some crappy puns from your resident insomniac. I hope they help! If not let us know!