legally-blonde

Musicals As Theatre Kids

Wicked: the one who can sing but can’t act for the life of them. they’re obsessed with classic musicals like The King and I and The Sound of Music and would sell their soul to play Maria. gets those small parts with scattered solos and is the light of everyone’s life.

Hamilton: the one who’s really eccentric, always yelling and singing at the top of their lungs, and is brave enough to argue with the director. everyone hates them and loves them 50/50 and they somehow get a big part in every show.

Heathers: the one who acts like an emo/alternative kid outside of rehearsal but inside becomes a dedicated broadway-worthy star, and is really, really good. perfect voice, perfect acting. listens to p!atd on iTunes and cast recordings on Spotify. gets all the leads.

Dear Evan Hansen: the one who is the most amazing actor and will probably win a tony someday, but is just a meh singer. never talks to anyone but their best friend, who is definitely Heathers. gets a supporting role usually.

Falsettos: gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. whether a girl or a boy, really gay and really dedicated. overdoes it sometimes but is a sweet little marshmallow backstage. best friends with Wicked. always gets the villain, somehow.

Legally Blonde: never listens to the director and acts out all the time, doesn’t really take shows seriously but loves them all the same. the director hates them even though they can kind of act. they can’t sing, though. seriously can’t sing. they have a huge ego and know it. get small parts that they make the best of.

In The Heights: lives far away and never really talks to anyone. very smol. super quiet and is always being yelled at by the director for it, poor thing. always works on homework at break and lip–synchs to everybody else singing showtunes. Wicked and Falsettos take pity on them and take them in. no one really knows how they act but they can sing really well and get smallish parts.

Be More Chill: very laid–back and friendly once you get to know them, though they appear pretty brooding. tells everyone they’re straight whilst being a questioning bisexual crushing on Falsettos. same level of acting and singing, which is basically getting there but needs some work. gets supporting roles and occasionally leads.

The Book of Mormon: has no chill at all. famously yelled “FUCK YOU YOU PIECE OF SHIT” at the director once. can sort of act but can’t connect with other actors to create realistic scenes. they’re belting is some good shit. surprisingly nice to the few friends they have. the director hates them and admires them at the same time and they usually get a lead or supporting role.

Waitress: so nice. so. nice. kind of hates themself though, which is depressing because they’re perfect in every single way and deserve the world honestly. Falsettos and Dear Evan Hansen both have a crush on them. really talented and outgoing and a great dancer. honestly their only flaw is their self–doubt, and they would probably perform even better with more confidence. usually gets a lead.

EDIT: for those of you wondering I’m definitely Dear Evan Hansen. aside from the “winning a tony” part. I wish.

i love Legally Blonde so much. all of the women are so supportive of each other im??

  • when Elle was supposed to get engaged, none of the girls were jealous, they were genuinely happy for her n helped her get ready for the big dinner
  • when her bf broke up with her they were supportive
  • when Elle says she wants to go to harvard the counselor lady is like but ur major is fashion, do u have any backup plan? n elle is like nope im going to harvard n the lady is like okay then here’s what u gotta do.
  • her friends didnt get why she wanted to go to law school but supported her anyway, and helped her study
  • when she got 179 on her exam (more than her goal), they treated her like a queen

and that’s only in the first 18 minutes of the movie

  • What she says: I'm fine
  • What she means: In Legally Blonde, Elle only gets accepted because she's hot and sent a video, but she had a 4.0 and got a 179 (out of 180) on her LSATS. Sure, her major was in Fashion Merchandising but that's a business major, and the fake school she was at was supposed to be UCLA so she had a business degree from a major college, probably went to a great high school, had a 4.0, and a 179 on the LSATS and at that point she would have been automatically accepted so why did they make it sound like she was such a bad risk? She even had leadership experience as president of a major chapter of what is apparently a huge sorority, since Delta Nus are shown as everything from cheerleaders to senators. Harvard should have been desperate to take her. She should have been able to get in if she turned in a cocktail napkin with her name written on it. So why make up the bullshit excuse of "multiculturalism" to justify letting in an extremely qualified and highly driven candidate just for laughs? Elle Woods deserved to go to Harvard and she earned that place with academic excellence and not by being hot.
elle woods is autistic
  • singleminded and incredibly dedicated to whatever it is she’s focused on at the time (gets into and then goes to law school to get back warner, even though it breaks with everything she’s done in her life up until that point)
  • incredibly knowledgeable about her chosen point of interest (”it’s impossible to use half-loop top stitching on low-viscosity rayon”)
  • relies on routine and an established set of coping mechanisms (manicures; tries to schedule social events to maintain some sort of consistency) 
  • struggles with social cues (for instance, the way she delivers her introduction when she first arrives at school, the way she interacts with warner)
  • is incredibly smart (got a 179 on the LSATs) but struggles in school — has difficulty keeping track of her assignments (first day in stromwell’s class), has difficulty answering questions on the spot in class (”do they always do that? put you on the spot like that?”)
  • struggles with codeswitching in different environments (with her friends in LA, in the classroom, with the other harvard students, in court, etc)
    • when she does try to institute a change like this, she does it overly dramatically; she over-plays it — see: the outfit she wears for her first day of classes 
    • that line also — ”i totally look the part!” — that idea that what she wears, says, and does are largely performative (maybe also she’s trying to pass?)
    • uses overly formal or informal language; language inappropriate to the context (”and i am fully amenable to that discussion” when warner is breaking up with her; the ‘valley girl’ language she uses at harvard)
  • has difficulty identifying sarcasm and mocking (the costume party)
  • is set up in the narrative as out of place in her social environment 
  • the narrative about elle ultimately winning the case because she uses her existing skills, knowledge base, and passion rather than What She Learned In Law School ™ is also, like, a really strong neurodiversity narrative   
  • i love her and i only care about autistic characters, so she must be autistic

Listen, just because I can’t hit that note doesn’t mean I won’t try

okay but elle woods though
  • had a 4.0 as an undergrad
  • got a 179 on her LSATs when a 180 is a perfect score
  • got into HARVARD LAW SCHOOL which is one of the most prestigious law schools in the country
  • after she’s humiliated by several professors and peers alike instead of quitting elle makes up her mind that she is going to kick law school’s ass
  • refused to reveal a secret told to her in confidence even though it would have advanced her career 
  • is an amazing friend who not only helps her friend get her dog back from her deadbeat ex, but she also helps her friend meet a new man 
  • instead of competing with her ex’s new girl friend the two of them eventually become best friends and ditch the jerk together
  • even after following her ex to harvard in an attempt to win him back, elle realizes that he’s a jerk and she’s so much better than him
  • turns down said jerk when he comes crawling back
  • wins her first trial using not only ingenious deductive reasoning and her knowledge of fashion and proves that she is not a helpless “dumb blonde”
  • elle woods though

I know the ‘I Want’ songs are a massive trope but can we talk about the ‘Not What I Pictured’ songs? 

  • Breathe from In the Heights
  • Legally Blonde from Legally Blonde
  • You Gotta Die Sometime from Falsettos
  • Words Fail from Dear Evan Hansen
  • She Used To Be Mine from Waitress
  • The World Was Wide Enough from Hamilton
  • One Song Glory from Rent
  • Empty Chairs At Empty Tables from Les Misérables
  • Obviously plenty more please add to this list

Repeat after me: Professional recordings of musicals are the key to the revival of musical theatre within popular culture