legalize festival

anonymous asked:

Lol at that 'Vagina Art is transphobic' post. OP should feel in paradise in Japan where they literally carry huge penises around to celebrate it, but if a woman celebrates her vulva it's deemed immorally and gets you into legal trouble. Just google Megumi Igarashi. These peoples ignorance towards female reality is just annoying, because they think they are progressice unlike old conservatives.

I remember that. She made a vagina statue and got arrested. But sure penis festivals, technically legal forms of prostitution, and objectifying portrayals of women everywhere are fine! 

CONTROVERSY AT THE GRINDSTONE! SKIN SUIT SCANDAL!

Despite the nature and questionable legality of the Grindstone it has become one of the premier event line ups for up and coming fighters to skirt the legal gladiatoral combat fan-festival in the Arena and go toe to toe against each other to test their skill for Gold, Glory, and Questionable hook-ups. Despite all this the Grindstone Staff claim to uphold the rules regardless of who breaks them. But what happens when one of their champions makes it through the entire event, only to later be unmasked as having cheated the entire time?

Recent reporters have uncovered a sinister truth: That recent Grindstone winner Quiet Riot a Hellsgard pugilist was, in fact, 6 Lalafell in a Hellsgard suit. The winning Pugilist descamated each opponent with ruthless efficiency and quickly rose to the top of the ladder. One intrepid reporter managed to get a hold of the leader of this acrobatic, lalafellian outfit to get a quote.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I, nor my troupe, have ever entered the Grindstone championship. I don’t care what you heard. We ain’t Quiet Riot. We do gymnastics!”

However, the limp Hellsgard flesh suit one investigator found in the troupe’s wagon would raise some concern. When pushed, the Lalafell troupe leader refused to comment on the suit. Could a Lalafell team of 6 easily call into question the judgement of the Grindstone staff? We approached Warren Castille, Arbiter of the Grindstone and former Champion, about the possibility that such a contestant could escape the notice of the Grindstone Staff.

Q: “How well trained are your judges at noticing such things? Do you think 6 Lalafell in a Hellsgard suit would come off as something obvious? Wouldn’t that constitute a violation of the Grindstone Rules?”

A: “Six lalafell did what? Absolutely not. Never heard of him.”

We checked records taken by obsessive compulsive Scholar and Slime breeder Frofro Yofro if there had ever been a Grindstone champion by that name. Sadly, many of his records from the reported time that Quiet Riot actually competed in the Grindstone were destroyed when his Slimes broke loose and devastated both his house and the dodo ranch next door. However there are many who do report seeing the odd Hellsgard in other competitions, having competed in the multiple tournaments of questionable legality across Eorzea.

One Hellsgard female even reports as having dated Quiet Riot briefly between bouts.

“He was sweet, really. But I always thought it was odd. He never ate in front of me, and his voice always came off as too soft for a Roe of his size. He was also oddly good with gil and despite how sweet he was there was always this sinister feeling whenever he was around. I couldn’t quite explain it. But the things he could do with his hands…”

Written by an anonymous freelance correspondant. 

Submitted by @doctorozerov