Hi, I absolutely adore your AU's!! And I was wondering if you could do a McKirk one where Bones is the owner of a café and Jim is this really cute but clumsy customer who loves Bones homemade peach pie but drops and runs into things constantly because of a recent accident that left him temporarily blind on one eye and he can't get the distance right and Bones doesn't know this but finds out somehow? Pretty please?
This is so cute!
- So Bones owns Led Zeppole, which is like a small cafe which he started with his wife pre-divorce, but something he just kept on going even after they were no longer together. And it’s really just a small cafe, with some damn good coffee, fresh sandwiches and homemade pies. Chekov is his only other employee, and together they just kinda run the place.
- Uhura is one of his favorite customers. She comes in daily on her way to work, slaying it in high heels and the best outfits, always makes time for a little chat, especially when the whole divorce was still very fresh on his mind.
- Scotty and Keenser are regulars, too, often coming in for a morning coffee, a 10AM coffee, and an extra large one at 4PM. Chekov mostly already has the coffee waiting for them by the time they come in, and the three of them can get into heavy engineering discussions Bones really doesn’t want to get involved in.
- Sulu eats lunch with his daughter and husband every Wednesday and sometimes a Sunday brunch. Demora’s pretty much the only one who’s allowed to come behind the bar to make her own sandwiches together with Chekov, when it’s not too busy.
- And Spock comes in frequently too, because Chekov makes a mean veggie wrap, and on Fridays he takes a slice of Bones’ vegan chocolate cakes.
- One day he brings in a college of his, who’s so different from Spock in literally every way. He talks loud, he wildly gestures, and he’s smiling near constantly. He spills his own coffee and eats three slices of pie for lunch instead of a sandwich, which just looks odd compared to Spock’s veggie wrap and a tea.
- “Hey, can I get another peach pie to go?” this customer - Jim - asks before they go, and Bones raises an eyebrow. He’s not one to deny customers his product, but four slices of pie is just excessive. “Really?” Bones asks. “Yeah, it was good. I want a lil treat for back in the office.” And so Bones nods and gives him a slice to go in a small white box, but Jim’s pretty much dropped it to the floor before he’s out of the cafe. Bones sighs. “I’ll get you a new one.” “Nah, you’re not throwing it out, right? That’d be a waste of pie!” Jim says, picking the box up, and Bones cringes at how messed up that pie must look inside the box, but Jim carries it out nonetheless.
- He’s back a day later, chatting to Uhura because either they know each other or Jim’s that crazy social person who can start conversations with literally everybody, but then Uhura reminds him to hand in a project on time, and, yes okay, they work together. “Hey, can I get more peach pie?” Jim asks. “Sorry, I didn’t make any today,” Bones replies. “Aw what?” “You ate literally four slices yesterday, that was all I had left! I’m baking some more tomorrow.” and Jim groans loudly. “You know I could leave a bad Yelp review because of this,” Jim says, and Bones rolls his eyes. “I wouldn’t,” Jim says, “but I could.” He leaves with two sandwiches and a slice of strawberry cheesecake. “Bones,” Chekov says, leaning in closer, “do you think zat we should lecture him on calorie consumption?” “Have you seen his arms? I’m fairly sure he works out more than the two of us combined,” Bones replies. “Well aye, two times zero is still zero,” Chekov says.
- When it’s quiet, Chekov likes to sit in a corner and make his homework. Bones lets him, because he wasn’t going to deny Chekov a proper education. And when Jim comes in more often, Jim sort of pries his way behind the counter to help a customer when Chekov’s so deep into studying for his exams. Bones is speechless, but Jim’s a charming guy who’s praising every single one of Bones’ pies. Great salesman. Terrible as staff, because he misplaces the coffee cup, he has no clue how to work the cash register, and he drops the last slice of peach pie - presumably on purpose, because he later boxes it in for himself.
- “I’m sorry, Jim, but I gotta inform you on how unhealthy my peach pies are,” Bones says when Jim comes in again. It’s been a few weeks of Jim being here like every day, and it’s great, because he’s pretty, he’s talkative, he’s interested in Bones’ day, he sometimes tries to help, but he’s literally the clumsiest person ever and the worst person to be helping Bones out. “What? It has peaches, how unhealthy can it be?” Jim counters, and Bones just doesn’t know how to reply to that other than “very”. He hesitates, then adds: “I’m baking them tonight. Why don’t you stay after closing time so I can show you?” “It’s a date,” Jim smiles, grabbing his coffee and one of Chekov’s Russian Tea Cakes, and he’s out the door. “It’s not a date!” Bones calls after him.
- But it’s totally a date. When Chekov’s gone, the sign on the door reads CLOSED, and Bones is done cleaning up, it’s just the lights of the kitchen that are still on, and Jim marches through the door like he owns the place. “Hey, so we’re making peach pies?” Jim asks, and he looks far too excited for something as mundane as a pie. “Yeah, unless you keep dropping all of them,” Bones replies, taking Jim to the kitchen with him. “Rude,” Jim replies, though with a grin, and Bones hands him an apron. Jim’s quickly to throw the apron on, but then holds the two straps out to Bones. “Can you?” “Are you serious?” Bones asks, and Jim nods. 100% serious. So Bones takes a step closer, way in Jim’s personal space, arms sliding around the man’s waist to tie them up behind his back. And Jim’s just giving him the smuggest grin when Bones is so close to him. Bones lets go of him quickly, attention turned to the pies they’re making.
- Jim is shocked over how much sugar goes into the pie. But only briefly, because he’s pretty much just eating the batter after Bones has enough to bake two pies. “I’m working on a sugar free version,” Bones says, “maybe I’ll let you taste it after I’ve perfected it.” “I’m happy to taste anything you put in my mouth, Bones.” Again, Bones just stares, because there’s no way Jim just actually said that. “You’re unbelievable,” Bones says, taking the bowl with batter away from him. “What? How am I unbelievable?” “You keep dropping things or run into things-” “- I have bad depth perception! -” “You’re just the worst flirt ever.” Bones sighs, but Jim doesn’t even look offended. “Am I? Or is it working and it’s annoying you how irresistible I am?” Bones snorts, just gently tossing some flour in Jim’s direction until it’s on his shirt and his face, and Jim makes an insulted noise. “My good suit!” “There’s literally a coffee stain from this afternoon on your “good suit”, I’m concerned what your bad suits look like.” Bones replies, and Jim reaches out for the bag of flour, and Bones ends up getting a load of white powder over him. Jim laughs, of course he does, and somehow they end up forgetting about pies for a while, mostly concerned with a battle of who can get the most flour on the other. Bones wins, but then he does reach out to ruffle it out of Jim’s hair. And he does notice how one of Jim’s eyes doesn’t respond to his hand close to Jim’s face at all, not even when Bones fingers wipe some of that flour off Jim’s cheek. “Is there something with your eye?” He asks, and Jim tilts his head just away lightly. “Yeah, uh, I had an accident a while ago.” “Not surprising.” “Hey,” Jim scolds him, reaching out to run his hand through Bones’ hair to get rid of some flour, too. “I got into a bar fight and some guy hit me on the eye pretty badly. Couldn’t see anything for weeks. I’m only slowly seeing a distinction between light and darkness again.” Jim continues. “Shit,” Bones replies, “I’m sorry.” “You couldn’t have known,” Jim shrugs, his hand still in Bones’ hair, just near the back of his neck. “I guess that’s where my clumsiness comes from. I wasn’t always so terrible at carrying a piece of pie to a table.” Bones chuckles. “Yeah? You saying you never drop them on purpose?” “Well, not always,” Jim replies, smile softening as Bones leans in to kiss him. His arms slide around Bones’ neck, and he’s happy to kiss him back. “What’s sweeter?” Jim asks after he pulls away, “me, or that peach pie?” “You are the worst.” “So me, then.”