leaving thailand

Casually stating few facts

1. It’s been like 5 minutes into the Vlive when Kookie managed to mention Jimin
2. Like… he just started and it was already about Jimin
3. Jungkook is a sweetness in human form, the way he interacted with fans and the surprise and excitement over how many people are watching… oh my ♥
4. Jimin pretends he hears music when it’s probably impossible, I mean, through two closed doors and walls and…?
5. More likely Jimin was just stalking Jungkook’s Vlive
6. (That’s what boyfriends do anyway.)
7. Did you notice how Jungkook jumps every time he hears something from outside of the room? He literally waits for Jimin to come
8. Finally his wish comes true
9. JiKook gets into this feud about loud music
10. In other words Jungkook tries to have Jimin by him without making it obvious
11. Jimin half-heartedly plays along
12. Jungkook loves Lie. I love Lie too - coincidence? I think not. Anyway
13. Jimin is embarrassed and finally decides it’s the right time to storm in
14. With Tae as his wingman
15. Jungkook stares at Jimin’s chest. I feel you, Kookie
16. Jimin is so pretty
17. They FREAKING STARE AT EACH OTHER THROUGH CAMERA
18. Jungkook is frozen, astonished by Jimin’s beauty
19. Jimin looks at him
20. Jimin tilts his head and he leans closer
21. Jungkook finally looks at Jimin
22. Jimin leans even closer
23. They share a look full of obvious but unstated emotions
24. Tae needs to step in and cut them off since they probably will kiss
25. They snap out of their inner world, we can really see the shift in Jungkook’s amazed/attracted face when he looks at Tae like, whoa, I forgot where we are, lol
26. It ends, my heart ends too

Bonus question time:
You know how Jimin had this ring in that “my hand is all better” vid? It’s not the best quality, but anyway:

The same poor quality, but still:

Yeah, so, in my opinion it’s like (70%?) 80% chance it’s the same ring (Jimin had a similar one when they were leaving for Thailand, but that’s different one.) So either Jungkook wears Jimin’s ring, or they have a matching pair. (It’s just a conspiracy, what do you think?)

That would be all.

Have a beautiful JiKook day ♥

100 reasons to love Hansol
  1. because i tell you so
  2. sm doesn’t appreciate him 
  3. so you should 
  4. he’s such a talented dancer
  5. every time he posts a new dance video on instagram my heart stops for a minute 
  6. like wow such smooth moves 
  7. his hip thrusts 
  8. hahahhahahahahahha im having palpitations just thinking about them 
  9. and he likes to sing along while he’s dancing
  10. the miss you fan cam
  11. and the little bit where he flirts with ten and yuta gets jealous 
  12. his singing voice is so soft and precious and lovely 
  13. even though we only heard it once 
  14. his voice in general
  15. its so low and soothing 
  16. especially when he was speaking satoori in that one promotional video
  17. he doesn’t say much but when he does talk its always a fucking treat
  18. that one time he did a squirtle impression
  19. any of his impressions are a blessing 
  20. and the video of kun teaching him to speak chinese 
  21. he looks very good in denim 
  22. and hoodies 
  23. and green
  24. ji hansol owns the colour green
  25. he’s just a simple weeb
  26. loves anime maybe a bit too much
  27. like find someone who loves you as much as hansol loves naruto
  28. and yusol
  29. he’s a good old yusol shipper 
  30. his reaction when he found out yuta was his secret santa 
  31. his unorganized instagram that keeps me living
  32. even though he doesn’t post consistently 
  33. when he posts old things from rookie era on instagram and leaves us all wondering what the fuck it means
  34. when he went to paris
  35. and became a daily vlogger
  36. his adorable little smile 
  37. even though he covers it a lot 
  38. and when he smiles really wide and his cheeks turn into shiny apples 
  39. his cheeks in general
  40. i wana poke them
  41. and his really soft lips 
  42. like seriously he needs to introduce nct to lip balm cause they are crusty boys
  43. and his adorable cupids bow
  44. and his gorgeous big eyes 
  45. he looks really good in eyeliner
  46. his eyelashes are so long im jealous
  47. and his cute little nose 
  48. his uneven nostrils yes i pay attention to his nostrils. one of them is bigger than the other
  49. and the boy has Good brows
  50. the short brown hair era that was a blessing to us all
  51. his looonnnggg legs 
  52. his butt
  53. no but seriously 
  54. he has a cute butt
  55. he’s really really cute 
  56. and doesn’t even have to try to do aegyo he’s just naturally adorable 
  57. even tough his soul leaves his body when he’s asked to do it
  58. ‘manly man from busan’
  59. when really he’s just a shy boy who wants to be loved 
  60. and he’s low key weird 
  61. the video of him and yongju at karaoke and his inner hype man is exposed 
  62. the rest of nct said he’s the funniest along with yuta and donghyuck 
  63. how he used to interact with fans on twitter 
  64. god the twitter mentions parties were a gift 
  65. he’s high key dumb
  66. and if you don’t believe me remember that time during the smrookies shows when he was meant to take a picture with a fan
  67. and he starting trying to take pictures of the fan
  68. annddd that time he called kun, ten
  69. anddd he forgets choreo seconds after he’s learnt it
  70. annddd the promotional video with taeyong where he kept messing up the pronunciation 
  71. annddd when he did a digimon impression during the rookies shows and everyone was like ‘wtf hansol’
  72. annnddd when he was leaving the hotel in thailand with johnny but forgot something and just left johnny mid sentence and sprinted back 
  73. anyway he’s dumb trust me 
  74. how he is such a good dad to the minis
  75. especially jaemin
  76. ab bros 
  77. like seriously they are so adorable together 
  78. his dogs
  79. how much he loves his dogs 
  80. the fact that he called one of his dogs doggo
  81. and likes to dress them up 
  82. when he choked on a chili in thailand and everyone just laughed at him
  83. was trying to act all tough and it back fired 
  84. when he saved tutorials of how to draw caricatures on his phone so he could draw them on the smrookies posters 
  85. he’s actually too precious
  86. that one time he said he as going to wear a couple jacket to school that says ‘im gay’
  87. i have receipts if you don’t believe me
  88. his cute chubby pics from when he was like 12 
  89. SO MUCH MELANIN 
  90. he is a selfie king 
  91. such visuals 
  92. many peace signs 
  93. ✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️
  94. like he needs to stop with the peace signs 
  95. anyway
  96. ji hansol is a mystery 
  97. and causes a lot of pain and tears 
  98. but its all worth it 
  99. cause he deserves so much love 
  100. so please love ji hansol :)

Originally posted by ncts

Seeing their S/O after a long time - Monsta X

~Requested Scenario~

An anon requested a scenario where they’re seeing their S/O after a long time and they miss them. Hope you guys enjoy this fluffy scenario and thank you to the anon that requested it sorry i haven’t posed in a while i just wanted to focus on this lmao i’ll probsbly post more shorter scenarios before i start a long one like this again.

Love you all and stay safe <3

~J-Gull~

Shownu

Shownu isn’t that vocal so when you leave for a while to go on tour with your group i don’t think he’d be that vocal about missing you even though he missed you like crazy. He would sort of try to trick himself into thinking that he’s super busy to think about anything else and that he needs to be responsible for his group since he’s the level headed leader but it’s secretly killing him. After a couple of weeks go by he would probably be dying inside and finally whine to the members about how lonley it is without you.

Fastforwards to a couple of weeks later you’re finishing your tour and he couldn’t be happier. He doesn’t know exactly when you’ll be back home but he’s anticipating your arrival, driving the members crazy about him talking about how excited he was to finally see you. When he picks you up from the airport honestly he just runs at you and you run at him. Do yall know that hug that jackson and lydia shared from teen wold? yeah that’s what it will be like and you guys would just hold eachother for ages up until your manger is like sorry to inturupt but like we hotta go and you’re like oh shit. After that he can’t stop touching, hugging and kissing you and lets just say that you guys defo had some sexy time ngl. He makes sure to tell you all the time that he misses you and that he doesn’t want you guys to be apart that long again.

THIS IS THE HUG I WAS TALKING ABOUT I’M MELTING.

“i just can’t keep my eyes off of you, you don’t feel real”

Wonho

You were leaving the country for your sisters wedding that was to be held abroad, you would have to leave for about 3 weeks to catch up with family and to enjoy the celebration however your boyfriend was not ablt to accompany you due to his comeback and his packed schedule. Wonho put up a front in front of you, acting like he was completley okay since he’s a big boy and can take care of himself and for about 2 week he was completley okay, being kept busy by his schedule and keeping his mind of performing. You guys tried to text and call often but because of the time difference and how busy you bothwere you only talked for about 15 mins every few days.

However, when his activities began to die down and he had more free time to himself he began to miss you. He missed you, he missed how he could just go find you in your shared apartment and cuddle with you, he missed how he could drag you out with him whenever you were both bored.He just missed you. Which is why he would try to facetime you and call you as much as possible and text you all the time which sometimes would’t work because of the timezones. He would literally count down the days until you come home and then continue to ask you every day when you’ll come home just to be extra sure. Once that day comes he would deadass be kake extra early like an hour before your flight lands to make sure to greet you at the airport and take you home back into his arms. Won’t let you go for days on end and will literally back hug you everywhere you go. He might as well be your shadow cuz he ain’t letting you go.

“never leave me for that long again, got it?”

Minhyuk

Oh jeez if you thought wonho was bad then you can’t even imagine how minhyuk will be. Or maybe you can. Your group was filming a new show in a foreign country (kinda like nct life) and you were one of the members taht had to leave. You knew you had to be away for at least about 2 weeks to pre-record the 10 episodes and to do some fan stuff in that country. Unline shownu and Minhyuk he wouldn’t even try to pretend all will be dandy when you’re gone and he wouldn’t even try to kid himself, tricking himself into thinking he would be super busy to not even worry about you. The truth is… the kid is a wreck. He would mope around the dorms like a kicked puppy which would get on the guys nerves so much. As soon as cameras turn off he’s back to being sad and mopey. Will try to text you and call you even though he knows your manager has taken your phones away so you can focus on your activites. His own manager would end up taking his phoe away so that he stops waiting around for a phonecall taht ill never come.

Minhyuk would be too busy feeling sorry for himself that he wouldn’t even notice that you’re supposed to come home that day. He was filming for monsta x ray and anybody could tell that all his hyperness is fake and he’s just putting on a persona for the camera. You saw the recent episodes on your way back to Korea so you decided to pay him a visit where he films. Once he say you waving at him net to oe of the camera men he beamed with joy. On one of the breaks he ran towards you and hugged you until he break was over. After that he was so much brighter and happier and this time it was genuine. You just agve him fighting spirit and he realised from there on that you were the only person besides his famliy that could instantly lift his spirits up.

Wonho: “what’s up with you why are you suddenly so happy?”

“i’ve finally got my baby back”

Kihyun

I feel like he’d be one of the most chill about it like the both of you are idols and this stuff is bound to happen. He had to leave to Thailand for a concert which would last about a week, having two shows in two cities plus fanmeets. While he was gone of course you missed him a lot but you were just glad he was doing what he wanted to do becaus he’d always talk about performing in foreign countries. He would miss you too but being with his loyal fans made it better, being apart for 2 weeks made it bearable since the boys kept him company and you guys would text and call eachother whenever you could.

When he came back from Thailand he went to your apartment and spent the night, telling you everything that happned and you caught him up on what happened whilst he was gone as well. The two of you just spent the night in eachothers arms, catching up and talking about everything and nothing. Hemust admit, it did feel good having you this close to him once again.

“So what have you been up to whilst you were away?”

“missing you”

Hyungwon

He’d act just like kihyun. Like he knows that you’re both idols so theres nothing he can do when it comes to going away for weeks at a time and not being able to contact eachother. You had decided to leave to a spontanious trip to busan with a few of your friends and stay there for a coupe of nights. Hyungwon didn’t want to go with yiu because he thought you should have a girls trip and enjoy some time off with your friends. All was well until he had to go to sleep. As we all kno Hyungwon loves to sleep and he loves his alone time when he sleeps, which means that ha hates to be bothered. But that all changed when you slept in his bed for the first time and since then he can’t sleep without you. Ever since you left he just can’t sleep as well as he does when you’re with him, he just always wakes up he just feels unsatisfied and even more upset since he wakes up alone. After this realisation he beings to text you and bug you to hurry home quick so he can have his lovley jagi in his arms again.

You finally notify him that you’ll be home in a couple of hours, way after the sun sets ad he couldn’t be happier. He would literally get like fresh sheets and drink some camomile tea or some shit to prepare for an amazing nights rest. When you arrive home he wouldn’t even wase time with the formalities whilst standing up, he’d defo make you strip into your underwear and put on one of his shirts since he knows you love to sleep in them and then he would talk to you whilst cuddling in your bed, asking about your trip and the sleeping problems he’s had ever since you left. Lets just say yoy guys seep for basically the whole day and just spend time in eachothers embrace.

“you’ve finally showed up! let’s go, i’m ready to get my cuddle on”

Jooheon

This guy would be a mess since he absolutley adores you. You had to leave to go to japan for some cosmetice photoshoot since you were the face of a brand that was based in Japan. You had warned Jooheon like a month in advance so that he could take some time to make some plans and keep himself busy so he won’t miss you as much, it was even more important that he did this since he was inbetween comebacks so he’ll have a lot of free time. However yur boyfriend continued to shrug you off and practically freaked the fuck out when it came to the day that you had to leave. Honestly speaking he was being a bit extra sice you won’t even be gone for a full week like you’re only taking photoes but what do you expect he’s extra and he loves you. Would defo call you or facetime you imultiple times a day kinda like how Henry does it to Amber. If your busy he defo expects you to call him baclk and spend at least an hour talking to him. Basically just chaing after your love and affection until the day you come back.

A few days later you arrive back in Korea and the first thing you do is visit your boyfriend since you know he’s going crazy without you and lol yu get tackled on sight. Good luck getting this clingy puppy off of you. But honestly he’s so pure and sweet like give him a break he loves you let him cling to ou jeez. would expect you to tell him that you love him like every hour btw.

*you’re changkyun*

“See this is way better than being like 12294 miles away”

I.M

Honestly idk with this kid like he’s the most complex member of this group. He’s like super chill about it i think. Like  you’re like babe i’m leaving for like two weeks ebcause we have a scheduel in Thailand and he’s like thats cool have fun. Like he’s just chill over all of it, making sure to text you and call you for uupdates and to make sure that you’re safe and having fun, rambling about his day and updating you on his life. He basically wouldn’t show any hints that he missed you a lot. You’d be like hm thats weird cuz he’s usually clingy and all but you don’t question it cuz like hey no stress for you. This goes on until the day you go back to korea.

Now prepare for the hurricane that is your boyfriend. You don’t go see him straight away, you just go back to your apartment and wash up and try get some sleep but not before texting changkyun to tell him you’re now in Korea. But you’re awoken like a couple of hours later to some punding on the door. To be honest you were a little scared cuz it’s like 4 am but after looking through the eyehole to see your boyfriend you’re more annoyed. You open the door only to be tackled and whisked away to your bedroom and pulled into your blankets. Like the kid seriously left his dorm in his PJ’s just to come see you. He didn’t say anything other than i missed you cuddle me and smilar to Jooheon he doent let you go until way later in the evening the next day. Following you everywhere and back hugging you whenever he could, he just missed you and tried to play it off whilst you were away but in reality he was lost without you and of course it sounds way more extra and dramatic coming from his mouth.

*Looking at you up close*

“You were even more beautiful than i remember,….. ew that was so cheesy i sound like wonho hyung”

A/N : why did this deadass take me 2 weeks to write lmao but i hope you guys enjoy this more detailed scenario <3

anonymous asked:

is that my necklace erejean

[Ao3]


“Is that my necklace?”

Eren freezes. That voice has been echoing in his mind for the past year. So good, Eren. Fuck, Eren. Eren, Eren, Eren.

“Eren?”

Eren doesn’t look up yet. Stares at the bronze chain looped around his neck and the little elephant pendant anchoring it to his chest. He grasps it between his fingers before glancing up at Jean. “It might be?”

And shit, Jean is more gorgeous than he remembers. Being sober probably helps.

“Do you mind if I…” Jean gestures to the empty bench beside Eren.

Eren nods, eyes traveling along Jean’s frame as he sits. “So how’ve you been?” Jean asks.

Eren’s brows raise. He’s going with small talk? He shrugs. “Been all right. Work’s kicking my ass but I’m saving a lot so. Things aren’t bad.”

Jean nods. He peeks at Eren out of the corner of his eye and chews on his lip. “Still working for the same construction company?”

Eren opens his mouth to tell him yes, that he actually got promoted to foreman 6 months ago, but that doesn’t come out. “Why’d you leave?” Jean blinks at him. Eren’s face burns and he curses his impulsive tongue, but the question is out there already. “The morning after. I was barely awake and you were already putting your shoes on.”

Keep reading

The Fitting (Part 8)

(Jungkook questions whether or not your feelings for him are as strong as his.)

Warning: smut, angst, fellatio, masturbation, intercourse, dirty talk


Scheduling your sex life with Jungkook had made this past week easier to deal with.  You and he were able to go about your days normally, already knowing where, when, and how you would meet up next.  He still had a habit of sending you dirty texts throughout the day, but they were fewer and further between.  The sex was just as good as the first few times you were together, even if it was less spontaneous. 

The two of you had managed to hook up every day for the past week, except for the day before you were scheduled to leave for Thailand.  Jungkook had whined about not being able to see you that day.

“Kookie, it’s just one day.  I’ve got a ton of work I need to do to make sure that we are all set for the trip.  It’s my first time being the lead and I don’t want to screw anything up.”

“I understand and I want you to be successful too, but can you please stop saying ‘it’s just one day’?” Jungkook looked at you, annoyed. “According to you, we also won’t be doing anything while we’re in Thailand together.  So that makes it four days at least.”

You shrugged your shoulders and replied, “You’ll survive.”

“I’m not sure I will, noona.  Just know that if I end up on stage with a massive boner, it’s your fault for not being an accommodating girlfriend.”

Girlfriend. 

The word fell from his lips so casually but it rang a sour note in your ears.  You didn’t think of Jungkook as your boyfriend and the agreement from the beginning was that you were just taking care of each other’s mutual sexual needs.  You thought maybe you were being over-sensitive to his use of the word.  So far all your interactions had been purely sexual, there was no dating, no deep conversations, no indication that there were any emotions other than desire involved in your relationship.  You decided to not make a big deal about it. 

“Well if you do end up with a boner on stage, it will make your fans very happy.  So maybe I’m doing them a favor,” you said with a wink.

Keep reading

A summary of the hardships of the “addicted” universe

I’m writing this not only because I’m a blogger, but because I’m a fan of quality cinematography, well written works and good people. 

The queer themed web series “addicted” or “heroin” was a small budgeted web drama airing in china that hit it big and it reached such a height of popularity that the government banned it from being aired on any Chinese portals. The production crew then had to create a YouTube account where they uploaded the videos every week. Despite YouTube being blocked in mainland china, the shows popularity did not die down, in fact the international audience expanded all across Asia and the rest of the world. 

After the show was done airing, it was announced that season 2 will start filming in MAY this year. that would leave around 2 months promotion time, fair enough right? no. THEY CANCELLED THE FILMING!!

After the government banned, they promoted together just for a bit, this is a 0.05% promotion together compared to 90% counterattack stars did. Their schedules strangely never matched with each other despite just being rookie actors.

  • Top music awards:

Turns out a censorship law was placed that didnt allow them to be appear on screen together.

They had to appear on the news in Thailand without jingyu, even though he was there with them:

and when leaving and arriving in Thailand, they had to go at separate times, even though, the staff obviously books the tickets, they could have booked them together but didnt

  • The fanmeeting:

In a normal fanmeeting, the otps always stand next to each other. its the law of the BL drama promotion but ….this happened…

they stood next to each other for a minute before the manager pulled them apart.

  • The Happy Camp episode that they filmed together got cancelled:

The cast cried:

insert my crying heart

And these are only things im aware of as an outsider/international fan. Its tragic and heart breaking. the production crew is getting punished for doing an outstanding job and the actors are getting punished for their choices of script.

We can’t even expect them to fight because this is their career they will be risking. Its sad also because you know how the actors are such close friends and they cant even hug each other in this emotional moment.

We the fans cant do anything, because honestly, i feel so helpless i dont know what to do. petitions? strike? how? how to help?

The filming crew announced a few days ago that season 2 will not happen and officially been cancelled due to “budget shortages” uh no, this show hit 10 million hits in a few hours and now its above 100 million hits. Their fan meetings sold out tickets in 5minutes.

My point is I dont know how to stop feeling sad over this. I thought I could write a long article but I cant go on anymore because Im too upset.

i will continue to support xu weizhou, huang jingyu, chenwen, fengsong and chai jidan. hugs

Been trying to read fanfics on Fanfiction.net again and I wasn’t able to access the site, saying that my internet is broken or something. But when I check my connection its still fine, I can access other websites. 

and then I look up why is this happening and: 

{PART 1} Magical Thailand (M)// BamBam

Originally posted by jitonic

Pairing: BamBam x Reader

Genre: Slight Smut, Fluff

Summary//Request: You’ve been married to BamBam for almost a year, and for the past 8 months - you’ve been unable to get pregnant.

This scenario is rated M for Mature as it contains slight smut/sexual content, mentions worries of being unable to get pregnant.

{Part 1} {Part 2}

Keep reading

✨ANNOUNCEMENT✨
40% sale for 3 days ONLY - until 15th. Discount code “THAILAND”

ETSY: https://www.etsy.com/au/shop/DreamyMoons

🌙 Dreamy Moons is going on holiday mode for 17-20 days. A big sale before I leave to Thailand as you won’t be able to order for a while.
Instead you will see a whole lot more of me on YouTube vlogging my travels 💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼 plus I will be uploading on insta like 5 times a day just a warning 👽

Ig: @annietarasova

Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/au/shop/DreamyMoons

My Idol: Part Twenty Nine

My Idol
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

My Idol is a South Korean competitive reality dating game show. It currently airs on Wednesday nights on Jae-bummer’s blog. First broadcast in 2016, the show offers the opportunity for a lucky fan to go on seven blind dates with seven idols. The idol plans the date with the show throwing in specific missions to complete during the day. At the end of the initial dates, the show opens up an audience vote to decide what three idols will move on to the second date.

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 -
Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13 - Part 14 - Part 15 - Part 16 - Part 17 -
Part 18 - Part 19 - Part 20 - Part 21 - Part 22 - Part 23 - Part 24 - Part 25 -
Part 26 - Part 27 - Part 28 - Part 29 - Part 30

Keep reading

Tomb Raider: Survivor’s Crusade #2 (of 4)
Jackson Lanzing (W), Collin Kelly (W), Ashley A. Woods (A), Michael Atiyeh ©, and Hannah Fisher (Cover)
On sale Dec 20 • FC, 32 pages • $3.99 • Miniseries
Jonah Maiava has one question for Lara Croft: where the hell have you been? She ran off to Thailand alone, leaving her most loyal ally in the dark … And he’s worried about her. As she focuses on tracking down Trinity and discovering the truth about her father’s death, Lara has been isolating herself. If everyone she loves gets hurt, is it even worth having friends?
A new creative team puts a new twist on Lara Croft’s adventures!

6

I’m reaaaallly behind on posting pics of these guys. These are from last Tuesday, and I just took some new ones today that I’ll hopefully get posted before I leave for ~Thailand~ woo, BUT… y’all, I got some tiny-ass caterpillars this year. The luna cats all pupated at exactly 4 weeks even though they were still pretty small, and it looks like the promethea cats are doing the same, though about half are still eating and growing. Kind of weird, but as long as they’re healthy, I guess? Considering how much trouble I had getting caterpillars to survive or even hatch this year, I’ll take whatever I get.

Unfortunately this means most, if not all, of the luna moths will emerge while I’m gone (I should still be able to get pics though), but I’ll be back just in time for the promethea moths to start emerging. And they will be so tiny. Soooo tiny.  

first try animating something so just take it

not snakes

I was birn in hawaii and i moved from there when I was 14. I love the land, the culture, and the people and I feel like a huge part of me is missing when I’m away.

But the worst part of me that is missing is my best friend. She’s my nonromantic soul mate and despite our distance we have maintained our friendship for 17 years. Her family is my family- in Hawaii we call it Hanai. Hanai is this incredible closeness where you truly feel as though you are a family when you’re together.

This Thailand trip has been absolutely amazing and I am so fortunate to have the opportunity to come with my second family (tbh i cant believe i saved enough money lol). I am leaving this incredible place and I am quite sad it is coming to an end. Leaving Thailand will be hard, travelling will be hard, the airplanes and layovers will be hard, but the most terrible part is leaving my second family and knowing i may not see them for years.

I cant even begin to describe how much they mean to me and how much I will miss them. It hurts quite a bit.

I know I always have a place to stay in Hawaii with people who care about me, but I often don’t think short visits are enough. Ive been constantly at odds during this whole trip. They have offered me a place to live, the vet office my friend works for is looking for help so I would have a guaranteed job… but… I love my current job, even though a full time job is looking more and more distant and hopeless… and I love my snakes and my weak attempt at getting people to rethink ball python care… my biological family is also in AZ… I really do feel torn. Painfully, awfully torn between a place I deeply consider to be my home with people I love and a place I live that I am becoming more and more unhappy with. Snakes are also my life. I’m not sure what I would do without them. And my bio family plays a huge role on my life as well.

I don’t think I will ever truly put the effort into moving back, but after this trip I have a great need to revisit myself and grow by being back in Hawaii long term and if I want to do it now would be the ideal time.

But damn… what would I ever do with these snakes? these loves of my life? i feel like i would be guilty forever if i gave them up, even if moving back was best for my health.

I dunno. Ive been feeling restless in AZ as it is. I guess when I get back I will see how things evolve… maybe it’s just the travelling that’s got my head all fuzzy.