leaves internet

Ways Isak Valtersen is problematic:
- uses Internet Explorer ???
- leaves multiple porn sites open on his phone
- lies very poorly
- doesnt use a phonecase???? On his expensive phone???
- is constantly a cutie patootie and messes with my emotions???
Edit: After months of thought… Theres more
-snake.
-genuinely enjoys old asf and outdated memes
-prints said memes and puTS THEM ON HIS WALL
-BUYS movies online

Everytime
  • Me: Ok internet, search for me some fluff fanfics
  • Internet: Here you are
  • Me: But it's porn...
  • Internet: As you wanted
  • Me: You misunderstood me. I want fluff, not porn
  • Internet: porn.
  • Me: No. Gib fic withOUT porn
  • Internet:
  • Me:
  • Internet: porn.
  • Me: I'M LEAVING!
  • Internet:
  • Internet: pooooooorn

So my year so far is a success. I don’t care what else happens for the rest of it, the beginning was super successful. 

After Yuri On Ice ended, I realised I had friends who shared their names with the main characters, and as a result decided I needed to convince said friends to watch it despite the fact that neither of them have ever had any interest in anime in general. Uri is now almost at the end of the series but has said almost nothing, Viktor has watched two episodes and won’t shut up. So I decided to share some of what Viktor said because I for one find it hilarious (in order of when I remembered the exchanges)

  • “So Yuuri’s reaction to being told a naked, attractive foreigner who might be his idol, I think, was in the family steam bath naked, was to run to the steam bath to watch him be naked?”
  • Upon first seeing Yuri Plisetsky: “Oh my god, did you see him slink around that corner? That was so graceful! Like a cat! OR AN ASSASSIN!”
  • “Are we in Russia? We’re in Russia.”
    Later: “Is it the norm in…what the hell country are we in?”
  • “Everyone’s just yelling at Yuuri in public places.”
  • “They don’t need much to hide Viktor’s doodle, do they?”
  • “The ballerina teacher scares me. She’s too happy.”
  • About Yurio: “Ball of anger. Skating ball of anger. He’s a Skating Ball of Anger. On ice.”
  • Viktor: “So Yuri’s whole plan was to go to Japan and scream Viktor’s name? He knew he was at the Hatetsu Ninja House. Why didn’t he just go to the Hatetsu ninja house and go from there like ‘Where the fuck is Viktor?”
    Henry (Viktor’s friend): “Maybe he didn’t know where the Hatetsu ninja house is.”
    Viktor: “Then he should grab some random Japanese person and go from there like “Where the fuck is Hatetsu Ice Ninja House?!”
  • To the tune of the Carmen Sandiego theme: “Where in the world is Viktor Nikiforov?”
    And “Where in the world is Yuri Plisetsky’s parents?”
  • “This 15-year-old goes to Japan without telling anyone and the only one who cares is his skating coach.”
  • “Old man skating coach is going to have an aneurysm dealing with these…RUSSIAN PUNKS!” *Inane giggling*
  • “Hahaha, Russian punk…what a dumb nickname.”
  • “Viktor gave Yuuri the sexy music because he wants to bone him. And the 15-year-old got the other music because 15-year-olds doing sexy dancing? Ew, no.”
  • Viktor: “Why is Viktor naked?”
    Henry: “Because he’s in an onsen. You wouldn’t go to a public bath fully clothed.”
    Viktor: “…I might…”
  • Viktor: “Yuri is definitely the hangry type.”
    Me: “I dunno, I think he’s just angry.”
    Viktor: “Or maybe he was really hungry when he kicked that bathroom door.”
  • “Honestly, doesn’t he know how rude it is to interrupt someone when they’re having a bathroom cry?”
  • “Drop-kicking someone in the face is a national greeting in Russia.”
  • Viktor, about the triplets: “Oh god, what the fuck are those?”
    Me (being a hypocrite because I keep calling them gremlins): “Children.”
    Viktor: “…Ew, children. Children, ew.”
  • “Ew, people. Ew, press conference. Ew, Viktor Nikiforov.”
  • In a Batman voice (While physically shaking Henry): “WHERE IS VIKTOR NIKIFOROV? WHERE IS HE?!”
  • About Christophe, during the credits: “I have found best character.”
  • “Why is he eating victory food when he hasn’t victoried?”
  • About Georgi: “Who’s this guy standing like he’s the hottest man alive?”
    *Silence*
    “He’s probably the hottest man alive.”

Part 2 (since people requested it)

3

a little trio of sparkly witch au icons! (i just wanted to get a little art bloop out before i ride in a car for 9 hours today pfft) you’re free to use them! just give credit in the description >vo/+:+:+