leave me alone to cry myself to sleep

Misc. — pt. 3  {Sentence Starters}

  • “Bite me.”
  • “Just kiss me.”
  • “You’re NOT okay.”
  • “I’m just doing my job.”
  • “I won’t let them hurt you.”
  • “What, are you TWELVE?”
  • “There’s no shame in crying.”
  • “You need to leave. Right now.”
  • “Do you need a hug right now?”
  • “If I don’t do this, then who will?”
  • “Is that a warning? Or a THREAT?”
  • “Just punch me. It’d hurt a lot less.”
  • “Time to destroy my sleeping schedule.”   
  • “I get what you’re trying to do… but stop.”
  • “Well, karma’s just a bitch, now isn’t she?”
  • “You can’t keep hiding. You need to fight this.”
  • “Why can’t you just leave me ALONE already?”
  • “Who needs friends when you have french fries?”
  • “What if I just punch them in the face… repeatedly?”
  • “I can’t ever help myself, but I know I can help others.”
  • “This doesn’t change the fact that you still really sicken me.”
  • “I try not to make a habit of fraternizing with people like you.”
  • “Wait, you’ve never played _____? We’re fixing that right now!”
  • “Go away. Don’t come back. I don’t ever want to see you again.”
  • “I’m neither overwhelmed, or underwhelmed. I guess I’m whelmed.”
  • “Listen, stop me if I’m being too forward… but I wanna hold your hand.”
Insomnia - Part 1

Description: Camila can’t sleep. One name keeps her awake every night for months. It even did before she left Fifth Harmony. But, if before this name was a nice distraction to her insomnia, now it’s drowning her soul in a nice bath at 12 am. The young woman knows there’s only one way to soothe her pain. So she takes her phone and dials a number she learned by heart: Lauren’s.

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“We Hurt The Ones We Love” Daryl Dixon x Reader

Word Count: 2,330

Daryl Dixon x Reader

Request: Could I request an imagine with Daryl placed at the prison when he left with Merle and the reader thinks she is alone now so she hooks up with Axel, but then Daryl comes back?

Warnings: Implied sex, angst, language, fluff

A/N: I wanted to add some fluff to it, so I gave it a happy ending (even though it wasn’t requested.) So, anon who requested this- you can just skip the end if you didn’t want fluff! :)


Originally posted by lifedeathandlovefromstankonia

You should’ve known this was coming.

The minute Merle showed up again, you should have expected this. You should have been preparing yourself for what you knew was to come. Merle was undoubtedly a bad influence on Daryl, and not a great brother, either. You had really hoped that Daryl would realize this. You convinced yourself that everything was going to be fine, that Daryl wouldn’t leave you. He loves you. You’ve been more of a family member, more caring and loving to Daryl than any of his actual family members had ever been.

“I’m goin’ with him.” Daryl told you, approaching you while you washed clothes.

“I’m sorry?” You’re not sure you heard him correctly.

“He’s my brother. I have to go with ‘em.”

“Daryl…” You get up from the water, wiping the sweat off your forehead. You go to walk closer to him, but he backs away.

“Y/N, no. I’m goin’ and that’s final. Don’t try and convince me not to.”

And that was it. He left without a second thought. It hurt, it really hurt. He was the only person you truly cared about at the prison, and he had let you know several times that you were the only person he cared about, too. He used to tell you that everything he does to help the group, everything he does to survive was for you. But that all seemed like lies now. He was gone.

You had first met when you showed up at Hershel’s farm one day. You had been on your own since the beginning of the outbreak, finding ways to survive. You were giving up, and if you hadn’t stumbled across the farm that day, you would have probably died of a mixture of starvation, dehydration, and exhaustion. You had walked onto the yard and passed out. When you woke up, you were in a room strapped to a bed, being questioned by Rick.

You apparently passed his tests, because he let you stay. Everyone was weary of you at first, but once they saw how good of a hunter you were, they grew accustomed to you. They had always joked about how you gave Daryl a run for his money. That’s actually how you two started to get close in the first place- you’d go hunting for food together.

Although you two were “together” long before you came to the prison, it became official once you arrived there. There had been a lot of sexual tension between the two of you, but of course he hadn’t ever made a move. He was too shy for that. So one night, while you were both on night watch, you finally confessed your feelings for him and you two slept together. It was the first time you’d said you loved each other, and he asked you to be his girlfriend. It was a night you’d never forget.

But not that any of this matters anymore, you think. Daryl left without a second thought. He didn’t think about what you would think, how you would feel. No, he just left you to leave with a man who hadn’t ever been a good brother to him in the first place. The guy had left Daryl at home to be beaten by his father, for God’s sake.

You’re pissed, and you feel utterly and completely alone. You had “friends”, sure. The entire group were your friends and you all cared about each other.  But this was different. Your heart was breaking in a way that friends couldn’t help.

You roll out of your bed, waking up for the day. You were supposed to help Beth out with Judith today, and you were sure that you had probably overslept. You quickly changed into your normal attire, jeans, a shirt, and boots, and you walked over to the “kitchen” to grab some breakfast. It was certainly not the breakfast you would have eaten before all of this, but you’re just happy to have food.

“Hey, Beth, how’s Judith this morning?” You head into the cell after you finish your small amount of food.

“She’s in a real good mood.” Beth smiled down at the baby, who was giggling and making bubbles with her mouth.

“Good, I love when she’s like this.” You reach down to pick her up. You’ve always wanted a kid of your own, but that was absolutely never going to happen now. You wouldn’t want to.

“Are you doing okay today?” Beth asked you. She knew you were having a hard time with everything, between Daryl leaving and the threat of the governor.

“I’m getting through it. I’ll be fine. He made his choice, can’t change it.” You shrug, trying to act like it doesn’t bother you.

“He made the wrong decision.” Beth sighs. “He was doing so good here. Everything was going good for him. I don’t get why he did this.”

“You and me both, sister.’

You spend most of the day in the cell with Judith and Beth, and by the time you leave, you’re exhausted. You love the little girl to death, but she certainly does scream a lot.

You’re walking back to your cell when you see Axel walking in from outside, and you stop to wave at him. He seemed like an ok guy- you didn’t exactly like the fact that he was a prisoner here, but he was proving himself to be an alright guy. Maybe a little desperate for some attention from a woman, but an ok guy.

“Hey, Axel.” You say nicely.

“Hey there, Y/N. What are you up to?” He walks over to you with a giant smile on his face. You realize that this was probably the first conversation you’d had with him.

“Just gonna go change out of these clothes, maybe walk around outside for a bit. Get some fresh air. You’re free to join me if you’d like.” You offer, being polite.

“I think I’ll take you up on that. I’ll wait for you outside.” He says.

You quickly change out of your clothes and into new ones, and you meet him just outside the cell block entrance. The air outside is warm and it feels really nice.

“So, was that guy your boyfriend? The one who left?” Axel asks you as you’re taking a walk.

“Yeah, you could say that.” You respond.

“That’s a damn shame. Don’t know why he’d ever leave you behind. You’re beautiful.”

“Oh, uh, thanks.” You’re not sure how to respond. Is he seriously hitting on you?

“If I had a woman like you, I’d never let her out of my sights. You’re too good to let go of.”

You don’t know why you did it. You don’t know if it was because of how alone you felt, or if it was the compliments, or if you just wanted do it to get over Daryl. But you did it.

You slept with Axel.

-

“Y/N. Y/N!” You could feel someone shaking you, trying to get you to wake up.

“Go away.” You didn’t care who it was. You had a long night. After you made the huge mistake of hooking up with Axel, you went and got drunk as hell. You’d found a bottle of whiskey on a previous run and had kept it secret, only you knowing about it. You didn’t think you’d ever use it, but last night, you downed the entire bottle.

“Y/N, you need to wake up. He’s back.”

You shot your eyes open, seeing Carl standing above your bed, shaking you awake.

“Carl, whose back?” You ask. You’re surprised that you’re not more hungover.

“Daryl.” He looks excited. You shot out of bed, throwing the covers off of you. “But Merle’s with him.”

“Why?” You wanted to cry. Whether it was tears of joy or tears of happiness, you don’t know.

“I don’t know. They just got here. I think he’ll want to see you, though.”

You want to see him. Of course you want to see him- you’re in love with him. But your heart still hurts over what he did to you. You don’t know what that means for you guys- are you still together? Does he even want to see you?

“He asked about you as soon as he got back. He wanted to come wake you up, but Beth got real mad and told him to leave you alone.” Carl tells you.

“Well, thanks Carl.” You smile at him, and he takes this as his que to leave. Throwing on your shoes, you walk out of your cell. Daryl’s standing in the corner talking to Rick, but as soon as he notices you, he drops his conversation and comes running towards you.

“God, Y/N, I missed ya so much.” He brings you into a hug. You don’t hug him back, you just stand there frozen. “What’s wrong?”

“Can we talk?”

“Uh, sure.”

You take him back to your cell, and sit Daryl down on your bed. He looks at you worried, but you don’t care.

“Why did you leave?” Your voice comes out in a hushed whisper.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I thought I was doin’ the right thing.”

“Leaving me was the right thing?” Tears were forming in your eyes. “Do you know how much you hurt me? How many nights I spent crying myself to sleep? You told me how much you loved me, and then you just up and left. Daryl, you hurt me so much. I felt so alone.”

“Y/N,” Daryl whispers as you start to cry now. He pulls you into a hug, and you’re sitting there snuggled into his chest, crying, while he rubs your back. “I aint never doing anything like that again. I’m so sorry. I love ya.”

“Don’t ever leave me again. Not even if you think you’re doing the right thing.”

“I won’t. That’s a promise.” He kisses your head.

The guilt of sleeping with Axel starts to sink in. You didn’t think Daryl would ever be coming back, and you were desperate for something to distract you from your thoughts. But now Daryl is back, and you’re left feeling guilty.

“Daryl, I have to tell you something.”

“What?”

“I slept with Axel.”

You can feel his body go rigid, and he looks down at you. He slowly pushes you off of him, and he’s looking at you, his face full of hurt.

“Ya did what?”

“I was sad, you were gone, and he was there. That’s not an excuse, I know, but please know that I didn’t do it to hurt you. I didn’t think you were ever coming back and I was heartbroken.”

“Please tell me you’re lyin’. That you’re just sayin’ that to hurt me.”

“Daryl…”

“I’m gone for a few fuckin’ days and you fuck another man? Are you kiddin’?”

“It wasn’t like that-“

“Just, leave me alone.”

Daryl got up and left you sitting on the bed alone. You got up to follow him out, and you saw him storm outside. You run after him, but there’s no use. He’s already gone.

-

He hadn’t spoken to you all day. He had been MIA since this morning, so when you asked Rick where he went, Rick said he went out on a run. This upset you, but he’d be home eventually. You need him to come home.

You’re by the fences, taking patrol. It was almost dark out, and Daryl still wasn’t back. You were just about to become worried when you see his motorcycle pulling up to the fences. You breathe a sigh of relief, a weight coming off your chest.

He parks his motorcycle next to you, and he motions for you to get on. You hesitate, but eventually get on back and grab ahold of him. He drives off away from the prison, and you hold on to him tightly. Riding on the motorcycle sometimes freaked you out.

He pulls over and stops the motorcycle in front of a house. The house was relatively small and looked like it had already been ransacked through.

“What are we doing here?” you ask.

He doesn’t answer you, just grabs your hand and leads you into the house. The inside of it was pretty nice and most of the furniture was still in place. It looked like it used to be a really nice house. He takes you into the bedroom, and he sits the two of you on the bed.

“I did some thinkin’ today.” Daryl starts. “And I aint mad at you. It was dumb for me to be mad in the first place. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. We both made mistakes.”

“While I was goin’ through this house today, I found somethin’.” He pulls a shiny, diamond ring out from underneath the pillow. “And when I saw it, I thought, shit. I want to marry this girl.”

Your heart begins to race. Was this really happening?

“So, Y/N. What do you say? Wanna be my wife?”

“Yes.” You say quickly. The both of you smile, and he places the ring on your ring finger. It was a bit big, but it didn’t matter. You were married now- well, as married as you can get during the apocalypse.

“I love ya, Mrs. Dixon.” He kisses you, bringing you close to him.

“I love you, too.”

“And promise me you’ll never talk to Axel again.” He says, making you laugh.

“I promise.”

The Thing I Hate About LD CG/L

Here’s my problem, I have daddy who lives far away and he is ALWAYS busy meaning I’m alone most of the time. I don’t complain about it to him because he is busy and those things are more important than me… says my big boy side. I hate that he is gone so much and I’m just so sad and curl up to cry a lot. Little me just wants fucking attention for once in my god damn life because IM A FUCKING PRINCE WHO DESERVES A LOT OF DAMN ATTENTION AFTER HE LEAVES ME BY MYSELF FOR A DAY AND TEXTS ME WHILE IM SLEEPING HE DOESN’T RESPOND UNTIL 3 IN THE MF MORNING

It's not over PT. 3 - MacManus brothers 💔💚

@youandyourstupidrope@purpleswan@shinydixon@sarahlikeslove@leeann72@abnormal-angel@officergrimes-daddydixon@kingdixonreedus@jodiereedus22@daryldixon-addicted@starkeeper41@bigbaldheadfangirl@derpypenguin@pathetically-inlove The darkness seems never ending tonight. You wrap your coat around you tightly. You turn and see Connor facing you with a lighter. You wipe your eyes and take his hand to light your smoke. “Since when did ye start smoking?” Asked another voice, Murphy. “Since ye left me on my own, and walks out on our lives together” you say sarcastically, taking a drag. Connor smirks at Murphy, he raises his eyebrows and shrugs in defeat. “Why are you back?” You sigh in exasperation. The boys are you nervously, this tells you all you need to know. “We got work t'do lass” Connor responds. “Aye, we need to do this” Murphy says coming closer. “The priest who got killed, I should have guessed. Come back to get revenge for the priest but couldn’t come back to me before now” you smirked annoyed. You inhale and exhale frantically as you feel your anger rising. “It wasn’t like that love, we had t'keep ye out of it. Keep ye safe” Connor sighs, rubbing your shoulder, you slide away and huff. “We wanted ye safe, it killed us not being able to take ye or contact ye mo ghrà” Murphy says, his eyes look sad, remorseful. You look between them both, from one to the other. They look older, more rugged. They both still have that twinkle in their eyes, the same look they always had for you of pure love. You feel your heart swell, you shake your head. You can’t think about it. You’re not theirs anymore. You put out your cigarette and walk back into the bar. They follow you, as expected. You shake off your coat and grab a bottle from the bar. You jump up onto it, sitting crossed legged. “I need a drink” you sigh, your eyes red and puffy from crying before. The boys look you up and down, their eyes lingering. “You lost the right to look at me like that a long time ago, both of you” you warn them and point at them both. They don’t stop of course. “Pfft. You want a drink or not?” You ask, shaking the bottle in their direction. They stride over and sit either side of you on the bar stools taking their coats of and lighting up a smoke simultaneously, you scoff at this. Murphy grabs the bottle and takes a long swig. “Fucks sake Murph, slow down” Connor warns his brother. He takes the bottle and drinks. Silence is between you for ages, their looks to you obvious. Their smouldering eyes boring into you. You grab the bottle and take a long drink, it burns your throat but you don’t care. “You think you can just stroll in here and everything go back to how it was before?” You suddenly blurt out, almost in tears. “Lass please…” Connor starts to say, trying to take your hand. “Don’t shut us out mo chailin” Murphy sighs as he rubs your leg. “Don’t you dare use that on me” you’re crying now, you jump off the bar and pace the room. You have a million thoughts, you can’t process. You cover face in anger. Your heels click on the floor. “If you have to be here, fine. But I waited years for you and nothing. I cried myself to sleep for months. Because of you! It’s over! Just leave me alone, stop trying to fuck me up” You scream running at them, thumping them with your hands and arms. They catch you as you break down between them. You never stopped loving them but you couldn’t do this, things were different. You had your children now a life, it wasn’t just you anymore. You pulled away from them and went to walk out, grabbing your coat. The brothers had enough, they could see straight through you. They still loved you no matter what and they weren’t going to let you slip away again. Before you knew what was happening they were pushing you against the wall, breathing heavy looking deep into your eyes. “Ye still love us lass, we can see it in ye eyes” Connor breaths against your ear. “Don’t push us away” Murphy says, almost as if he’s begging. You have two sets of arms pinning you to the wall. Your heart pounds and you can’t get your breath. The effects they still had on you were insane. They each nudge your legs apart taking your hands above your head pinning you in place. Tears stream down your cheeks as you feel two sets of lips attach themselves to your neck. You can’t fight it, you missed them so much. “Ye taste so good lass, even better than I remember” Murphy purrs in your ear. You know this is wrong but you love them and don’t have the power to put up a fight. “Ye got no idea how much I missed having you in me arms” Connor smiled, you can see tears in his eyes. Connor was always the one who had his emotions in check but even couldn’t hide it. He wipes a tear from your cheek with his thumb, brushing it away.

Originally posted by veritaaas

Originally posted by veritaaas

Originally posted by pendingfeels

Does anyone have any experience with raising chickens?

24 hours in the Philippines later and I have a baby chick that’s imprinted on me and refuses to let me do anything with my hands but hold him or else he cries.. ;-;

He’s super adorable and all but I’m afraid that I won’t be able to sleep since he’ll be crying all night when I selfishly decide to keep my hands for myself. xp

Can anyone who’s experienced with raising chicks maybe give me some advice on how to deal with the imprinting issue? xD I just need to be able to sleep for one night without feeling guilty about leaving him all alone and scared but also not having the discomfort of holding him in my sleep and potentially crushing him. Any help would be so very much appreciated!! ;u;

"Don't go." || Jack Maynard

A/N – hey guys, hopefully this will be better than the last one 😂. Not sure why, but I seem to do better in sad imagines it’s weird 🤘🏻 hopefully this ones ok, so let me know what you think. Love you all ❤️

- E x

— Y/N’s POV —

It’s over. I can’t do it anymore. I’m leaving him.

The past 6 months he’s been so distant. More focused on YouTube. He’s barely even talked to me, it’s like I’m not there and I can’t cope with that anymore. Sitting in bed and crying myself to sleep at night because the person who is meant to love me isn’t showing that he does. I’ve had enough.

I wake up - once again completely alone as most nights he now falls asleep on the sofa - and see the time is 8:00 am, he won’t be awake.

Being as quiet as possible I grab a suitcase and start packing it with all of my things, making sure nothing is left behind.

No traces of me.

Once everything is packed, i set to writing a note.

I grab my suitcase and leave the note on the kitchen side, pinned securely under my door key. I say a mental goodbye to the man I fell for, and leave through the front door with hot tears stinging my red cheeks as I get in the taxi and head for the airport.

I’m going somewhere, just no idea where.

— Jack’s POV —

“Babe? Y/N? Babe?” I call, wandering all around the house until hit the bedroom.

‘What the hell?’ I think, then it hits me. I pushed her too far, the one thing I was afraid I was doing in the first place.

She’s gone.

I run downstairs to get the phone when a breeze hits through the window and makes a small sheet of paper rustle on the kitchen counter as I walk over to see what it says.

It’s exactly what I didn’t want it to be:

Jack,
I can’t do this any more. Us. If we can call it that.
I’ve been with you for almost five years now and you’ve never been so distant. I’ve held on for six months and I’m seeing no signs of the Jack I once knew. The Jack I love.
I want him back. I really honestly do, but I’m seeing no possible way of getting him back because you’ve been more focused on YouTube than who we are.
You are the only man I have ever loved, but recently I’m starting to think differently about your feelings towards me.
So I asked myself, 'what am I doing here?’, and the answer was - 'I don’t know.’. I’m un happy.
I’m sorry.
- Y/N
xx’

I grab my phone and ring her.

Over and over again but I get no answer. That’s it. I lost her. I faded away from her, and I had no idea how much I was hurting her in turn. It’s my fault.

I treated her badly and I didn’t see it. I was more focused in becoming big on YouTube, hitting a million. And that took control over me, and eventually thy took control over my relationship with Y/N.

I keep calling her but I get no answer, how the hell did I not see this coming?

I walk over to the counter that stands in the living room, holding framed pictures of me and her.

I pick one up, staring at how happy we used to be. How much I used to care for her when she needed it. She needed in lately and I haven’t known.

One last time, her phone goes to answer machine.

“Don’t go.”

This is for @trisscar368 for my Nini’s 600 Celebration-Gif/Pic Angstification

Just a load of angst. Sad reader, dumb Jensen, angst. 


Broken

Conventions.

God, y/n hated these things.

Of course, she was still going to attend them.

She had to.

She needed to show her support for Jensen so she went to basically every little TV appearance and convention he was scheduled to go on.

Though she hated being there.

It was full of women screaming for him, for Jared and Misha. And all the other cast members.

She usually would’ve been one of those women had it been her favourite actors, but when it was her man they were fawning over, well that just pissed her off.

It made it worse that these fans often had photo ops with him, usually hugging him tight or having him stare into their eyes.

It was weird.

She just hated it.

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Bad dreams 🌙
  • *Baby girl and Daddy sleeping together*
  • Me: *Is having a bad dream and starts to toss and turn and whimper in my sleep*
  • Me: *Wakes up panicking and scared and starts to cry*
  • Daddy: *Wakes up as soon as as he hears Baby girl crying* Oh princess, what's the matter? Daddy's here.
  • Me: *Still sobbing* Daddy...I...I had a dream that you left me...and it was all alone and scary and-
  • Daddy: *Pulling Baby girl close to him and cuddling* Oh Baby girl, Daddy isn't going anywhere, it wasn't real, I promise I'll always be right here.
  • Me: *Pulls myself closer to Daddy* Promise?
  • Daddy: Of course Princess, Daddy loves you so much, too much to leave you for even a second. Now, why don't you lie back down with Daddy and try to go back to sleep?
  • Me: *Smiling* Okie dokie Daddy, I love you lots.
  • Daddy: Daddy loves you more cutie *cuddles me like I'm a stuffie until I fall back to sleep*
  • Daddy makes everything better and I feel safest sleeping in his arms where I belong. 🌙💤⭐️💕

He left two weeks ago, I couldn’t stop crying those first two days it hurt so bad

My head hurt I cried so much my eyes were red and puffy , I couldn’t eat all I wanted was him

My best friend was all I had, she let me sleep and cry I couldn’t be alone , I didn’t want to deal with myself

I wanted to die, The pain was to much , maybe he’d regret leaving me

I started to speak about how I was feelings and why I was crying , I felt better

I gave him everything , he was my world. I don’t want to see tomorrow without him

It stills hurts because I just wanted to be good enough this time.

Today I started to put myself back together

2

A/N: Hope you like it :3

Pregnancy Blues

Y/N P.O.V~

I stared down at the test in shock; this could not be happening I’m not ready for a child let alone Ben. For about two months I have been experiencing morning sickness and cravings for food I never really liked, it all makes since now. I called up Cameron my closest friend “Hello?” his voice questioned “Hey Cameron” I sigh “Y/N what’s up?” He asked “Well you see I took a test-“ “What kind of test” he cut me off “Let me finish will you, so this test turned out positive and now I’m scared” I replied.

It’s was silent for a good thirty seconds “Don’t tell me that it’s the kind of test I think it is…” Cameron said worried. I just let out a sigh “I’m pretty you’re right…. I don’t know how I’m going to tell Ben Cameron, I’m scared”. “Christ Y/N how did you let this happen… He should take it okay ju- Shit Y/N gotta go! Bye” And then the line went dead. “You’re very helpful aren’t you Cameron” I said sarcastically throw my phone aside.

I put the test in my back pocket and walked to the kitchen to make dinner. I started cooking the cannelloni sauce when I heard the front door open and close “Babe I’m home” I heard Ben shout from the living room “In the kitchen!” I answered back while stirring the sauce “Mmmm that smelling nice, what are you making?” Ben asked wrapping his arms around my waist “Cannelloni” I said giving him a peck on the cheek. “Yum well I will be in the lounge room” he said walking off into the lounge.

After serving dinner and watching some TV I decided to tell him “Ben I have something to tell you” I nervously said. He looked at me “And that would be…” He trailed off “Uhh well you know how I’ve been sick… I found the reason behind it” I looked into his eyes “Finally! What is it?” I looked down at my stomach “Well you might not take this well…. But I’m two months pregnant” I said avoiding eye contact with him.

Silence was all I got from him until he burst out in anger “YOU’RE WHAT?!?!? No you’re not! don’t lie Y/N!” “I’M NOT LYING! Want proof well here” I said trowing the pregnancy test at him. He looked at it in shock like I did when I found out “I’m not ready for a child Y/N! I can’t even take care of myself let alone a child! It can’t be mine!” “Well news flash it’s yours and there is nothing you can do about it.” I stated “I can’t do this!” He yelled and grabbed his car keys and stormed out, leaving me sitting here crying. I walked to our room and cried myself to sleep.

That night 2am~

I was woken up by the bed dipping beside me “Y/N are you awake?” Ben asked softly “What do you want?” I mumbled “I’m so sorry Y/N this baby is going to be my everything and you know what I will sort my shit out just for this child, It needs a father and I’m going to one” I turned over to look at him “I accept your apology and I’m happy that you are willing to help me with child… I thought you were going to leave me” I said quietly. “I will NEVER leave you okay and I promise, I love you too much to leave you Y/N” I gave him a kiss “I love you too Ben to the moon and back” I cuddled into him and fell asleep once again.

{~Christian put me in a Coma~}

a vent...

Nothing could be said or done to make me love myself
When I feel like I’m alone I can’t stop these thoughts of self loathing
I’m abrasive and egotistical when it comes to being in a working environment
But when I’m alone I cry for what seems like no reason
Other than the fact I hate everything about me yet you don’t leave
I can’t bring myself to understand why…
Why you can love someone who can never love themself
I toss and I turn I can’t sleep you say its for the happy moments
But to me its just fake smiles I don’t want to bring you down
Its too often that there is darkness all around me
You don’t deserve to have these feeling this hate
Too often do I want to yell at you to leave yet here you are
Sleeping beside me thinking life is great its finally going right
But i’m in the dark trying to find those happy feelings
Its hopeless I’m tired of this but I have to live on
Don’t I? For you at least I have to fight I will

I let you use me for sex after you dumped me because i wanted to be something to you and even if it meant that two minutes after you finished you would leave and i would be left alone crying myself to sleep once again because for that small time frame while all our energy was focused one another i was able to convince myself that maybe we could be something again.
—  But i know our 2am hookups are just something you regret now and i know you wish you never even met me. But just know that you will always be loved by me, even though i want to hate you with every bone in my body. 
‘I’d do anything’ PART 2

requested by anonymous

part 1: I’d received the most awful news and somehow I had to retell it to Ashton

summary: telling Ashton that I couldn’t have kids was the hardest thing I thought I’d ever have to do, but getting through the cancer that meant I couldn’t have kids was so much worse than either of us ever could have imagined

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