leave me alone i have feelings

So a post was going around my dash the other day that was like “I’m so sick of my straight friends who have shitty boyfriends but never leave them because they feel bad about leaving them all alone like lol nope Karen”

And it twigs me because when I had a shitty emotionally abusive girlfriend I didn’t leave because she had so many disorders and her life was so rough and privileged white me felt bad

Should my friends have lolnoped at me and called me Karen, or should they have understood that manipulative people are good at making you feel so guilty you do not leave because they are, uh, manipulative? And that one really good tactic is to present yourself as powerless so your victim will minimize you hurting them for you?

(also do you lolnope at Karen if she is bi too, or are you more compassionate to her then even if she is EW EW DATING A BOY)

I know you all are sick of hearing me bitch (Because I have gotten notes about it) But it makes me  feel a little better to get it out…if you want to block this stuff just block the tag opal has problems


but yeah


when you have had a whole day off and have laid here and slept because you feel like you bother everyone, everyone hates you,  and all your friends want nothing to do with you. I just…have had no energy to do anything all day, and I have been alone with my thoughts…and I just..would like to just cut and run like always..but where would that fucking leave me.


i know this is all fake and in my head…but I just…


wish i was good at this talking thing…good ad this friend thing…good at anything…


days like this i wish i could sleep and never wake up.

I no longer have the time, energy nor want to associate myself with people who make me feel like my standards are too high. Like I’m asking for too much when I say just be honest and keep it real with me or leave me the fuck alone.

10

“We know that night was 24 years of constant joy.” — Steven Moffat of the Doctor and River’s last night 

 "What a night that was.“  Indeed. The night the Doctor managed to show River Song she was loved and worth it, and pushed away all her demons and insecurities. 

TalesFromRetail: 100 Minutes: Yes, One Hundred

Today was a first for me; I discovered after work that I’d locked my keys in my car! However, I have AAA and told my co-workers to go home as I’d be perfectly safe inside the business.

I opted to leave the lights off as there was plenty of light from the shopping center outside, so I could see out without being seen myself and didn’t even feel alone as there were hordes of shoppers passing by the entire time.

The tow company had warned me it would be close to two hours before they could come unlock my car, so I settled in comfortably to browse Reddit, of course. But you and I both know that a retail worker can never get too contented, right? Dun dun DUN!

I’d been there for one hour and forty minutes past closing–yes, a full 100 minutes–when IT happened. A seemingly normal man appeared, but little did I know that inside his common-looking head lurked the brain of an idiot.

He approached our front door with the large sign stating CLOSED in giant letters right before his face. The lights were off, and the business looked empty of any staff. But what did this lummox do? Reached forward anyway to yank on the locked door. And when it failed to Open Sesame him into paradise? Why, he pulled on it for a good ten seconds, rattling it violently! Finally he stepped back in defeat, staring in disgust and disbelief, shaking his dull head at the notion of our bidness being closed 100 minutes after the closing time that we’ve had since we opened in 2003.

Meanwhile I cowered in the dark, aquiver with shock and shame, my faith in retail humanity (alas, an oxymoron!) simply shattered.

By: MrsTurtlebones

Being alone doesn’t mean sitting in a dark room
by yourself, being alone means sitting in a room
full of people yet feeling empty. All my life I’ve
craved the love I gave but somehow it always
missed me. I have a family, I have a roof over
my head and so much more and honestly I’m
so grateful for it all. But this loneliness kills me,
it breaks every dream and shatters any ounce of
hope I’ve gathered after all these years of trying.
I just want to be loved and not just by someone
who’ll leave, not from my family because I’ve let
that expectation go, not by friends who will leave
me when things get hard. I want someone to hold
my hand and tell me I’m not alone and that I will
never face the darkness that lives within me alone.
I just need someone to show me that even someone
like me can be loved, despite being a broken mess.
I swear all I want is someone to hug the broken
pieces back together, to reassure me that one day
everything will be okay and I’ll eventually be whole.
One day I won’t be this broken soul that I am.
—  Excerpt from a book I will never write #31
Jenseternity / instagram
An INTJ and therapy

INTJ: *takes out a list*

INTJ: Ok so these are my problems and the roots, this is what I think but this is what I feel and these are the whysthese are the solutions to those problems and these would be the likely outcomes and complications of those respective solutions and-

INTJ: I mean, I could be wrong. 

Quote Writing Prompts
  • 1: "Yeah uh - Yeah no, that sounds awful."
  • 2: "Please... Don't leave me here. Don't leave me alone, without you."
  • 3: "So, that went well."
  • 4: "You're awful. I love it."
  • 5: "What the hell do you think you're doing, exactly?"
  • 6: "Is that... lipstick, on your collar?"
  • 7: "Did you do this?"
  • 8: "You know what? This place feels like home."
  • 9: "Oh shit. Am I - Am I in love? That's not supposed to be happening. That's not right."
  • 10: "Who are you? Where am I? What is this? WHAT IS GOING ON?!"
  • 11: "Dear (name), First of all, I'm so sorry. I really am."
  • 12: "I can't do this anymore."
  • 13: "So what, you're just gonna leave?"
  • 14: "Did you honestly think I wouldn't figure it out?"
  • 15: "You really think you can beat me? That's cute."
  • 16: "I'm tired of you. I really am, at this point."
  • 17: "Oh, just digging myself a nice grave, you?"
  • 18: "Shhhh. This is my favorite part."
  • 19: "Hey, can I hold your boobs for a sec?"
  • 20: "I think I may have found a song that accurately describes how I feel toward you."
  • 21: "Is that necessary?"
  • 22: "I don't like it."
  • 23: "I'm getting bad vibes... We should go."
  • 24: "HA! Loser!"
  • 25: "You wear me out, kid."
  • 26: "Is this a joke? This is a joke, right? You're joking."
  • 27: "The washing machine broke, I almost lost my keys, the car got dented, and a wasp got into the house and hijacked the bedroom for four days! Four. Days."
  • 28: "You're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me."
  • 29: "You kiddin'? That's brilliant, c'mon!"
  • 30: "So what do you say to this: you, me, a nice big glass of milk, a thing of cookies?"
  • 31: "My hero."
  • 32: "That was harsh."
  • 33: "You better pipe down. I'm not laughing."
  • 34: "So you're really gonna do this, huh? And nothing I say can change your mind?"
  • 35: "So uh. I noticed you're kinda naked. Is that intentional, or... ?"
  • 36: "Why is there a dog in the living room?"
  • 37: "They mixed up our reservations. One room. One bed."
  • 38: "Oh boy. I'm on the weird side of YouTube again."
  • 39: "You, my friend, are a filthy sinner, and I approve wholeheartedly."
  • 40: "Did you mean like... this?"

For the record I fricken love Jyn Erso. So please leave me alone if you wanna hate on her because I find her character very important personally and I feel like there are a lot of pieces of her I can identify with.

People have said they don’t like Felicity’s performance, I understand and respect that opinion, but I personally disagree. We’ve seen bold, intelligent, and witty women in Star Wars already. We have Padme, Leia, and Rey who are all beautiful characters each with their own nuisances. I think Jyn is just a different type of character. She’s more muted with her emotions and for a genuine reason.

Jyn has been dealt a pretty rough deck of cards in her life. She’s been without a family since she was a child, she felt abandoned by Saw whether that was the intention or not, and she’s lost herself. Jyn continues to rebel because that’s all she has left. She doesn’t have any real direction or purpose, her rebellion is what keeps her going. She’s a deeply flawed person. Jyn is broken and has hardened herself to a point where she doesn’t show her emotions as much as others. That’s what makes her relationship with the other characters so important.

Jyn starts off self-centered and a bit arrogant and slowly transforms into someone selfless and loving because through the mission and through meeting Cassian and the others, Jyn finds purpose and family in her life. She completes what her father started and is able to move forward and become who she is meant to be. Everyone handles their grief and troubles differently and how I see it, Jyn holds it all in and has learned not to show her weakness for fear of betrayal and judgement. I can appreciate Star Wars creating this type of character because I can identify with her and I think it’s an interesting change of personality from the more spunky, outgoing ladies we’ve seen in the past. There isn’t just one type of personality for a woman character and I like that Jyn Erso is different in this way.

im so tired of fake friends..
and by fake friend I don’t mean friends that act cool to your face and then talk shit when you leave. No no no no. I mean something way worse than that.
I mean those “friends” who say they’ll always be there for you, the ones that tell you if you ever need anything you can always talk to me, but when you need them they’re nowhere to be found. The friends that make plans with you multiple times and make up some excuse for why they can’t come now or just never text you at all and you’re just stuck waiting until hours later they have some flimsy excuse as to why they never got back with you.
You know… those “friends”.

  • them: why do you have so many gay ships?
  • me: because the female characters are so poorly and/or problematically written, because there sometimes aren't any female characters at all, and because while female emotional fluency is seen as an expected norm, society has taught me to romanticize male emotional fluency as exceptional and special and rare. now pls leave me alone so that I can live in my imaginary world where men actually talk about feelings
My fake boyfriend Part 1

Summary: After receiving a very rude letter of your ex on the mail saying that he is going to get married. You see yourself not knowing what to do, you can just let it go or accept the help of your hot neighbor and pretend he is your boyfriend.

Paring: Bucky x Reader

Words: 1056.

Warnings: Angst your ex is an ass, fuffly Bucky is a cute pie.

A/n: Thanks to @drinkfantasy for being my beta. You rock.

Originally posted by sebjpeg

Bucky wakes up with someone shaking his shoulders, he groans annoyed not ready to get up yet “Leave me alone, Steve, I’m not gonna run with you today.” He hears someone laughing, he swears that is your laughter “It’s not Steve… it’s me.”

He opens his eyes, he sees your face in front of him and it feels almost like a dream having you in his bed “What are you doing here, doll?” You smile weakly at him “Sorry, Sam let me in; I just need to talk to someone.”

His hands brush your cheek; he can’t help but stare at your lips “It’s okay, I love having you here and after all you are my favorite neighbor. So tell me, what’s wrong?” He is surprised when you pull him to a tight hug and stay in his arms for a few minutes.

“This came through the mail today … I feel weird.” He takes the paper from your hands and he sees that is an wedding invitation inside of it there is a letter, he knows that something is wrong when the letter starts with a nickname that you hate.

Once he accidently called you by this nickname and you begged him to never call you by that again. He recognize your ex name on the invitation as he starts to read the letter.

 “I know that you are surprised to hear from me, especially after our brake up. Well, I am going to get married; yes, you know that you are open to the invitation, but I am not gonna keep this long.

I DON’T WANT YOU THERE, my mother made me invite you because of our family history. She thought that would be awkward with your whole family there, but I don’t care.

It’s being two years, nobody is going to care if you don’t show up, not even your family.

Nobody wants to see the sad groom’s ex-girlfriend drinking and eating her feelings. Do us both a favor and ignore that this invitation ever existed.”

Bucky never knew what happened between you and your ex, he only knew that things ended badly, really bad. “Doll, he is an asshole… how are you feeling?” You shrug, honestly you don’t know what you felling “I think I am hurt, not because he is getting married … but the letter. That hurts; the worst part is that he is right. I am single, since I move out of that city I’ve never went back and I barely talk to my family.”

Bucky gets up from his bed, leading you to the living room where he offers you a cup of coffee. You sigh feeling desperate “What should I do, Bucky?” Bucky takes a sip of the coffee, liking the bitterness of the hot beverage and thinking what he can say to give you comfort.

“Well, doll, you can be mature and rsvp a no and let this go… or you can show up there with your hot boyfriend and have the time of your life.” You smile at him “That would be great if I had a hot boyfriend.”

Bucky smiles at you, he looks like he has a brilliant idea “You might not have a boyfriend but you have something better… you have me.” You choke at your coffee; you feel your checks getting red “What?”

“Think about it, I know you better than anyone and I am very charming. I am a great dancer and I look great on a suit. I would be the perfect fake boyfriend.” This doesn’t sound a good idea, you think. “Are you sure, Bucky? We would have to catch a plane, pretend to be in love in front of my family and we would have to spend a lot of time together.”

He nods, maybe you could do this and maybe…Just maybe everything can go well “Okay, I will call my mother and buy our plane tickets.” You kiss his cheek and say good bye, mentality preparing yourself for the phone call you are about to have.

“Your crush is showing.” Bucky turns around and sees Steve standing on the door way with a stupid grin on his face “Shut up, she needs help and I wanted to help.” Steve laughs sitting by his side “Sure, tell that to yourself. “ Steve says ironically.

“Come on, man, her ex was being an ass with her and she looked so sad. “ Bucky says honestly, Steve puts his hand on Bucky’s shoulder “Well, pretty girls were always your weakness;” Bucky feels angry with this comment, he knows that in the past he was a lady’s man but now he is far from it.

As if his luck couldn’t get any worse he hears Sam’s voice “If you only want to help her, I can be her fake boyfriend. I am much nicer and handsome than you.” He looks at Sam annoyed “Calm down, man, keep the winter soldier down. She is all yours.”

“She is only my friend, it’s just pretend. We’re gonna be in the same hotel, I will hold her hand and kiss her forehead. In the wedding we are gonna dance and I’m not gonna let her drink too much.”

Steve and Sam didn’t seem to believe in him, all day they kept teasing him about how in love he was with you and how he should not kill your ex boyfriend maybe just hurt him a little or a lot “Hey, Barnes, your fake girlfriend is here to see you.”

He thanks Sam and sees you sitting on his couch “What are you doing here, doll? You are already breaking up with me?” He asks ironically, but afraid that maybe you are giving up on him already.

“I was talking to my mom. She insists that we stay at home and not in a hotel.” He is feeling relived, you relax a little when you see that he did not freak out “What is the problem? Your parents are gonna make us sleep in separate bedrooms.”

“No, they won’t, they don’t care, honey, but this is not all. My parents are paying for our plane tickets and… we are living tomorrow morning.” This time Bucky takes a deep breath, he wasn’t expecting to be your boyfriend that soon. God, what he got himself into?

part 2 

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You ask me to come over, and you tell me that nobody is home. I can’t tell which is worse: being with someone who does not love me or spending each night alone. When you touch me and I am closing my eyes, I can tell you think I am hiding the pleasure when I am doing all it takes just to not cry. You tell me about the girl you just met, and how heavy her number feels in your phone. I can’t tell which kills me more: being with someone who does not love me or spending each night alone. Your hands reach for my body, and your mouth is swallowing me whole. We are skin-on-skin, we are as close as possible, but you are nowhere near to my fucking soul. In the morning when I leave, you are sleeping, not feeling this ache I have in my bones. I can’t tell which will destroy me first: being with someone who does not love me or spending each night alone.
—  Your Name Used to Start with a D (k.p.k)
I understand now.
I understand that when I fell in love with you, there was a possibility that I could fall out of love with you.
I understand how people do it know and then actually feel relief.
I understand why falling in love with the right person is important.
What I don’t understand.
What I don’t understand is that why is it wrong to leave you for someone who I have fallen in love with unknowingly?
What I don’t understand is that why do I have to put you before me if I’m not happy with you?
What I don’t understand is that why don’t you want me to be happy?
When I tell you that I need to be alone, you say that we can work it out because you’re happy.
Why?
Why is it that now that I finally have the courage to leave people to tell me to think of how you would feel?
Why is it that they don’t think of how I feel?
Why is it that I can’t be happy with him?
He.
He makes me happy.
He makes me see the world differently.
He takes me places I’ve never been before.
He makes me feel like there is no one else for him to love but me.
He keeps me on my toes.
He fills me with warmth every time he touches me.
He loves me the way you never could.
I love him the I never could love you.
—  estherarcely 
He’s with Me

This is it! Part2 to “He has Someone Else” !! It can be read as a stand alone though. 

Plot: Harry cheated on his girlfriend, this is him dealing with her having left him for it.

Warnings: It made me sad. Also: It has a few smutty bits.

Pic isn’t mind sadly. It’s hot though.

I didn’t need to open my eyes to realize she was gone. Her absence was felt as clearly as the soft breeze coming in through the window. It doesn’t take a person’s sight to know and when their soulmate has left, all warmth leaves too. The skin feels so cold, goosebumps rise and breathing hurts. My eyes opened and squeezed shut against the bright light illuminating the bedroom, and I turned to rest on my back with a groan. I’d forgotten how annoying that could be in the morning, given how I hadn’t slept in this bed recently, but rather spent my nights on the couch instead. I also wished I weren’t naked. Not by any means because I regretted the sex Y/N and I had had the night before, but because I imagined a pajama would protect me against at least some of the cold.

My fingers hesitantly reached over to the side on which I’d seen Y/N sleep only a few hours ago when a nightmare had pulled me from my sleep at some point throughout the night, and a heavy feeling settled onto my heart when the mattress’s fabric didn’t even feel warm anymore. She must’ve been gone for a long while already.

I knew what this meant, it was the first thought coming to my head, but instead of accepting it, my brain did the natural and most human thing to do: it went to denial.

Y/N could have gone anywhere, I decided. It didn’t have to mean what I believed it did. Deep down I believed she was gone. Gone as in out of my life.
Maybe we’d run out of that tea she liked so much and always insisted on drinking in the morning or else the entire day was doomed, but when I thought about it, I couldn’t have said if that still was her habit at all. I hadn’t watched her drink that tea, or any tea, in a very long time.
I hissed at the cold feeling of the floor against my bare feet as I came to a rather tumbling stand, but I didn’t allow myself to gain my balance fully before quickly reaching down to the floor so I could reach for and pull up my boxers from last night. I’d change into new ones after a shower, I decided. Maybe Y/N would even join me once she was back?
I walked into the hall of our house from where I had a view into the kitchen and living room. Both were deserted.

“Y/N?” I called out regardlessly, fear cursing though my veins and paralyzing my body.

She could not have left. Nothing would ever bring her to do that, I knew it. Or didn’t I? Had I been wrong all this time that I believed to know for sure, that she’d always be waiting at home for me? Had my certainty been misplaced when I had believed she’d never abandon me, even though I had abandoned her?
She loved me. I’d seen it in her eyes whenever I’d allowed mine to find her’s for a moment, noticing how her gaze had followed my every movement. I’d felt in in every touch we’d shared the night before, how she’d clung onto me and kissed me as if I were the only thing that kept her breathing. Her love was ever present, like a comforting coat embracing me whenever I came home to her. It was a simple truth that promised me Y/N’s loyalty for always. But… hadn’t I broken that very same promise too? And wasn’t I still in love with her regardlessly?

My heart had still belonged to her when I’d given my body to someone else. And still, it’d be a lie to say I’d thought of her throughout the act. It hadn’t been her face that I pictured, but the one of the woman I was hovering over and when she whined my name I hadn’t compared it to the sound Y/N made when we had sex. For those few moments, it was almost as if Y/N had left my mind entirely and given it enough space for my thoughts to be clouded by the woman I was with and only her. It was her touch I craved in those moments and only her scent I wanted to cloud my head. Not Y/N’s.

Maybe Y/N had left to get us breakfast? She’d done that before on special occasions. Us finding each other again surely counted as such, right? Perhaps she’d gone to get some of those avocado and cream cheese bagels the cafe down the road sold, aware of how much I loved them. A smile pulled at the corner of my mouth and I turned to walk back into the bedroom. I’d change quickly and then go make smoothies for the both of us, I decided, wanting to contribute at least something. My fingers pushed the hangers to the side in search for the particular shirt I had in mind and frowned when I couldn’t find it anywhere. This was odd. I remembered distinctly how I’d hung the Styles shirt right next to the light blue one Y/N’d given me a few months back, but there was no trace of it. Actually there was no trace of the blue shirt either. A frown formed on my forehead and suddenly I noticed how there were shirts hung up, which I knew I usually kept folded in my drawers. It just kept getting stranger, because where had those spare hangers suddenly come from?
That’s when it finally sunk in. More of my cloths fit into the wardrobe, because hers weren’t there anymore.
My feet hastily carried me to the bathroom where my eyes scanned the two glasses, holding toothbrushes and toothpaste. Only that it was just one toothbrush and that was mine. Her light green one, for which I always teased her as it looked like it was made for a child, was no were to be seen. Next I searched the drawers and again, found that all of my products where lined up neatly and all of Y/N’s missing. By now hands shook so hard the bottle of my cologne almost dropped to the floor and I quickly sat it back down to the spot which Y/N’s body spray had originally occupied.

“Huh,” I hummed to myself.

My palms momentarily pressed to my cheeks and rubbed the skin and though sleep still clouded my head, I could think clearly. There was no denying that the realization of Y/N leaving me and with that ending our relationship, hurt. It had me feel a pain I found difficult to describe, showing itself with headaches and a heavy chest. Why, I couldn’t understand.
Y/N’s I realized, was stronger than I believed she was and much stronger than I thought she was. It wasn’t out of vanity that I didn’t doubt her love in me, it was a truth I knew better than my own name, yet it hadn’t kept her from leaving.
I’d believed us sleeping together the night before had meant that our souls had found to each other again. To me, it had felt as if I had been drifting for the past few months and finally she’d come to take my hand and lead me out of the dark. But now she was gone, just as if none of it had meant one bit to her.
How heartless, I thought, before a tiny voice at the back of my head piped in, reminding me how I had been selfish in the first place by being unfaithful.

But last night… it changed everything. We’d fallen in love all over again.

“Maybe it was just me,” I whispered to myself, “and she slept with me, knowing all along that she’d leave the next morning.”

I shook my head, wondering what hurt more, losing her by choice or losing her without getting a goodbye.

*Flashback to four months earlier*

The bar had been crowded enough for me to struggle whilst following Nick, who led me towards the counter where they sold drinks. It had been about time for us to catch up, I’d decided the day before and knowing Nick I knew he’d be up for us going out. So I’d left Y/N with a sweet kiss on the lips and met with my old friend at a bar.

“Here’s to a good friday night!” Nick yelled over the music as he handed me a shot while downing his own.

It was one of many shots I drank, followed by several cocktails and finally I was so drunk I couldn’t tell what it was that burned my throat.
My vision blurred and my body buzzed as I danced to the loud music, allowing myself to surrender to the heavy beat.
That was when I’d felt her. She pressed her hands to my chest from behind, forcing me to turn around and look at her. She was tall, taller than any girl I’d been with before, but I still loomed over her. A smile played on her red lips and I felt my stomach flutter when she pulled my hands forward to rest on her slim hips. Before I could comprehend what happened, the strange woman pressed herself against my body and we danced together. She could move well and I moaned whenever her lips pressed to my exposed neck, nipping and biting on the skin.
This was wrong, I thought, but her hands roaming my chest kept me from moving away. She was beautiful with full, plumb lips, a lovely face and hair redder than I’d ever seen it on anyone before.

“Harry?”

I turned around to face Nick, who’s facial expression looked anything but amused.

“I think we should go home. You’ve had enough.”

I shook my head and groaned when the girl moved herself against me a little rougher.

“I’m good, but you can leave if you want.”

“Harry,” Nick urged, “What about Y/N?”

Y/N. The name should have brought me back to reality immediately and awakened the love I held for her. A name, that should remind me of the face I looked at first thing in the morning and to which my life mission of making it smile every day was dedicated to. Mentioning Y/N should have woken me up. But it didn’t.

“What about her?” I asked and though Nick continued to protest it didn’t take more than me snapping at him, for him to leave.

My hands moved from the woman’s hips down to cup her bum and I laughed when she hiccuped, indicating that she wasn’t much more sober than I was. In response, she clung to my body even tighter, coming so close I could feel her breathing against my neck hotly.
I couldn’t remember how we ended up in my car, but we did and after I sent the driver away, claiming we’d be fine to drive in a bit anyway, we settled into the front seats.

“Maybe I should get us an Uber,” I suggested, “One to take the both of us home.”

“We could do that,” she hummed, smiling widely, “but I have a better idea.”

Her hand moved on my thigh, circling and squeezing it before rising higher and to my crotch. I cursed and she laughed, throwing back her head. She shifted in her seat so she had better access to my body and when I looked at her pretty features and felt her fingers move over my growing hard on, the words I’d wanted to tell her disappeared from my head. I have a girlfriend. We can’t do this.
Instead, all I could focus on was the excited buzz and the lust taking over my senses until I couldn’t think straight.
My own hand reached forward and clasped her chin, bringing her close so I could connect our mouths in a heavy kiss, making it the first kiss I shared with a different woman than Y/N in over two years. The girl was quick to comply and moved her warm and full lips with mine, licking into my mouth and battling my tongue for dominance, letting me taste alcohol and smoke she must have consumed earlier. I groaned at the unfamiliarity and she moaned loudly, her hands driving me crazy as she continued to rub over me.

“Harry,” she whined into my ear before pressing kisses to my jaw, “let me help you, yeah? Let’s fix that problem you’ve got.”

Before I could say anything, she began to undo my belt while giggling against my lips. Her eyes locked with mine momentarily and a dangerous smile danced on her face, then she pressed another wet kiss to my cheek and leaned down so she could take me into her mouth. And I let her. Gladly, even, as she made me feel good. My eyes were squeezed shut as I concentrated on the pleasure I was feeling, which was easy to do as it overtook all of my senses. When I came wetly I didn’t feel guilty one bit, but rather amazed how she swallowed it all with no protest.

“Let me,” I panted and reached down to pull her up, “I wanna reciprocate.”

I hissed when she moved to sit on my softening length, sensitive from her touch and my heart throbbed heavily in my chest. Her slender arms wrapped around my neck and she leaned in close, brushing her mouth over mine.

“No need,” she whispered against my lips before kissing them lightly, “We can do that next time.”

When I got home that night, Y/N was asleep on our couch and I found myself unable to stop staring at her. I liked how her eyelashes threw small shadows onto her cheeks and smiled at how pink her soft lips looked. She hummed faintly when I traced my fingers over her delicate features and squirmed, but didn’t awaken. In that moment, for the first time since dropping off the woman, who’s name I learned was Cici, at her apartment, I felt regret. Regret, followed by raw guilt as it only now truly sink in.

“I just cheated on you,” I whispered, looking down at my beautiful girlfriend, sleeping innocently.

Oh god. What had I done? Didn’t I love that woman laying before me more than I’d ever loved anyone in my life? Hadn’t I promised her to be with her and only her? A bling, coming from my phone brought my attention back onto my device which I held tightly in my other hand.

Tonight was fun. Call me whenever you need me to help you out again. ;) Cici xxx

*Back to present time*

My head ached and I throbbed as I declined the fifth call I’d received from Cici today. I hadn’t had a problem with taking her calls in my home before, but now that Y/N had actually been chased away by my affair, it felt wrong. This house… Cici just didn’t belong here.
I jumped up when the front door opened, hope spreading through me, only for my heart to sink quickly when it wasn’t Y/N who’d come in, but her friend. Kate. Her eyes met mine only briefly before she straightened up and raised her head high.

“I’m only here to get some of Y/N’s things out of your dirty grasp,” she spoke arrogantly.

A lump formed in my throat and made it difficult for me to talk, leaving me no other choice but to silently nod. Kate glanced at me one more time before making her way to the stairs and disappearing around the corner. I was about to reach for the door to push it close when another body pushed itself through the gap. Familiar eyes met mine and an apologetic smile was offered.

“Nick?” I asked, surprised since he and Kate weren’t familiar with each other, at least as far as I knew.

“Hey man.”

He clapped me on the shoulder before walking past me so he could follow Kate upstairs. I stayed standing by the door. What the hell had just happened?

“Nick!” I called out.

“Leave us alone, Harry!”

It was Kate who called back, her head appearing from the bedroom door. Taking two stairs at a time I reached them in seconds. Kate was now standing by our bed, roaming though Y/N’s nightstand and I watched her with confusion as I struggled to comprehend what was going on.

“Kate,” I mumbled and reached out a hand to her, “stop.”

My voice didn’t sound like my own and I frowned at its raw and broken sound. Kate’s eyes met Nick’s, who stood behind me, before settling on my face.

“Why?” she asked and put down the books she was holding.

Y/N’s books. Kate crossed her arms and raised her perfect eyebrows, looking at me with nothing but hatred in her eyes.

“Y/N isn’t coming back, Harry. She’s done with you and the poor excuse of a boyfriend you were.”

“Kate,” Nick spoke calmly, as if trying to warn her not to hit a nerve.

But it was already done and I felt cold and tense all over as her words hit me like a slap to the face.
If Kate said it, it must be true, I realized, my thoughts cursing through my head so fast it was hard to grasp them.

“She’s not?” I asked.

“No, you idiot, of course she’s not!”

Kate pushed her long and blonde locks out of her face so I had a clear view on her rolling her eyes at my desperate words. She leaned down and picked the books she’d held back up and walked past me without uttering another word. This felt like a punch to the gut, somehow humiliating as she treated me like I was far below her, unworthy of more of her attention. When I turned around to face Nick he had trouble looking at me. It was only now that I noticed how we hadn’t actually seen each other since the night at the bar and after I’d told him about my infidelity via text, he hadn’t contacted me anymore at all. Now he stood before me, his shoulder slightly slacking and his eyes looking anywhere but at me.

“It was you, wasn’t it?” I said quietly, “You’re the one who told her, right?”

Nick bit his lip and nodded. “She was always a good friend to me, you know?”

“I get it,” I interrupted him, before he could form an apology or explanation.

I really did understand him and why he’d done it. He had a better sense of what was right and wrong than me. Nick smiled gently and muttered a quiet goodbye, before stuffing the few shirts he’d collected into his bag and exiting the room as well. I’d realized a lot today. One of it was that I had been blind for a very long time. And the second was a fact which slowly began to sink in, a little more each hour I spent without Y/N. Y/N would never be coming back to me and it would tear apart my heart.

….

It had been clear to me from very early on, that Y/N and I would fall into a greater, deeper and more consuming love than either of us had ever felt before. This had brought a sense of fear with it, as well as more joy than I could’ve even begin to describe.
We’d only been seeing each other for a few months when I’d let the magical three words fall from my lips. It had happened by accident, a declaration made after Y/N had just made me laugh so hard my belly hurt. To my great relief she’d reciprocated the words with no hesitation, making me the happiest person and us the happiest couple we could have become.
Y/N was by the far the most beautiful person I’d ever met. She’d easily caught my eye when I’d first saw her and after having spoken to her for the entire evening, I’d not only learned about her kind heart and good sense of humor, but had also began to notice how her eyes crinkled cutely when she smiled or how insanely kissable her lips looked. In fact, her beauty had somehow increased the longer we’d spent time together. Soon my heart had been aching for her affection, hands had started to itch to touch her and mind had burned to know more about her.  
Time passed and we’d grown so close, soon we were called inseparable by all of our friends. I’d loved her with all of my heart back then and had been certain that she’d love me just as much. Now I was left wondering when I’d stopped wanting to lay the word to her feet and instead put my most selfish needs first.

Sex with Cici was a lot different than sex with Y/N was. Her touch was rough as she often liked holding me down whilst she took over pace and rhythm, forcing the both of us to an orgasm quickly. Cici’s lips liked to bite and nip on my skin, leaving marks wherever she could reach me and when she was done she didn’t waste any time with affectioned embraces, but got to her feet and continued with her day, leaving me laying sweaty and still panting on her bed or wherever it was we did it. It was clear to the both of us that it was her who set the tone in our ‘relationship’. And it was clear that she wanted nothing from me, but my body, just like I didn’t want anything else from her either.  
Sex with Y/N was… as corny as it may sound, us proclaiming our love to each other. Her hands held on to me tightly, but never rough and without leaving marks. She kissed my lips with such intensity, it was sometimes her lips that stole my breath, rather than the pleasure. Not that she wasn’t great in bed or that it didn’t feel good, because it certainly did. It was a kind of pleasure more intense than any I’d ever felt before, even with Cici, however with Y/N, said pleasure didn’t come first. We didn’t sleep with each other to please our needs. Y/N and I had sex so we could become as connected to each other as it was humanly possible, wanting to have each other close.
So why had I needed another woman to satisfy my needs? I couldn’t tell. And I’d often wondered what I believed I were missing shortly after having slept with Y/N.
Perhaps I’d searched for more due to how easygoing Cici was with it all. She gave me head whenever I wanted her to and didn’t complain when I stopped by at her apartment in the middle of the night, asking her for a quick shag. Of course, in return, I had to be willing to comply when she called me, ordering me over so she could have her way with me. It happened this way more often, than me asking for her. She couldn’t get enough. Cici was cold and didn’t care and over time, I feared I’d become the same.

….

My closed fist met the wooden door with such force a stinging pain cursed from my knuckles up my arm, making me hiss. I didn’t stop though and continued to knock loudly. Finally the door flung open and there she was, my beautiful Y/N.
Her hair was a mess, sticking out into every direction, but I couldn’t pay much attention to it as my eyes instantly found her sleepy and swollen ones. They widened when she recognized me and I acted quickly, pushing my foot between the door and its frame, stopping her from closing the door again. She cursed and whined, pushing furiously at the handle.

“Please,” I begged, my voice thin and faint, “hear me out.”

She didn’t speak. She didn’t even look at me, but instead turned away her head and began pushing against the wood as hard as she could. My foot ached but I couldn’t give up now.

“Y/N, baby, I-”

I was interrupted by a loud sound, a mixture between a hiss and cry that made the blood freeze in my veins. It almost sounded inhumane and was a declaration of utter frustration and pain. Finally, the beautiful eyes I had missed and longed for so badly met my gaze with a burning intensity. Y/N’s lovely lips were set into a thin line and though she didn’t try to push the door shut anymore, her hard stare was enough to make me feel unwelcome.

“How dare you come here?” she asked, her voice so tense with anger it cut into my soul, “Huh? Is this the moment I’m supposed to jump into your arms and forget what happened? Forget what you did to me?”

I swallowed hard, desperately searching for the right words. “Y/N, I understand you don’t want me here. Of course you don’t, but I beg you to hear me out still.”

“Forget it,” Y/N replied coldly, “You are the last person I could ever want to see and there is no reason for you to be here anyway!”

“There isn’t?” I asked, my voice suddenly incredibly small.

I hadn’t been stupid enough to believe she wasn’t beyond angry with me, but god had I underestimated how much her rejection would hurt. My lungs ached as breathing became difficult and my sweaty palms shook heavily. If she would have punched me it would have been more pleasant. When a humorless laugh fell from her lips, I felt as if she’d spit in my face. Y/N shook hear head, an insincere smile pulling at her mouth.

“No, there isn’t,” she said, “I am here! This means there is no room for you! There will never be a "Harry and Y/N” ever again as there is no scenario in which I’d forgive you.“

"Please.”

The pleading word fell from my mouth before I could stop it.

“Did you think I would take you back? That I would still want you?” Y/N asked, “After you fucked someone else behind my back for month! And after I didn’t even find out through you, but was told by one of your friends!”

Yes. That had been exactly what I’d hoped for. I’d known it would be difficult, if not nearly impossible, but never completely ridiculous to believe. I’d been sure, that her and I would somehow be good again. But now, looking at her, it finally sunk in how mistaken I’d been. She’d never come back. The night we’d spent with each other had meant nothing, certainly not us vowing our love to each other.
I didn’t find it in me to feel ashamed for the tears slipping from my eyes. She had every right to see me cry, see how hurt I was, too. Maybe it would give her some satisfaction to see me in pain for once as it was just what I deserved and had brought onto myself. It was only fair, wasn’t it? I’d heard her cry more times than I could count, late at night when I came home to find her curled up in our bed, her entire frame shaking. And that was only if  I came home. There had probably been many more moments where I’d made her cry, without being there to notice. Without being there to at least face her pain. A sob wrecked through me and I lowered my gaze to my feet, too ashamed to look at her any longer.

“Harry-”

“Please, Y/N,” I spoke shakily, “I need you to not hate me. That’s all I can ask. Please don’t hate me.”

She stayed silent after I uttered those words and I could feel her eyes on me, but I didn’t dare look up. I was too much of a coward.

“Please calm down,” Y/N sighed, yet not sounding annoyed,  really.

Hesitantly I looked at her and noticed how she was biting the inside of her cheek, something she always did when she was nervous.
I realized that she didn’t know how to deal with the situation either. She may have got herself a nice apartment and sorted it all out, but me appearing at her door shook her more than she liked to admit. When her orbs wandered back to find mine, I tried my best to keep her gaze, too afraid I’d never get them to look at me again if I let this bond break.
Sighing, she moved so I could enter the small space behind her and with weak legs I followed her into the living room, letting the door fall shut behind us.

“Looks nice,” I muttered.

She didn’t reply, but instead walked over to the sofa where her phone was, picked it up and began dialing.

“What are you doing?” I asked quietly, still unable to stop the tears from wetting my cheeks.

I took my time to muster her and how pretty she looked. The jumper falling from her shoulders gave her appearance a cuddly look and I, much like the first time we’d met, itched to reach out and hold her in my arms.

“I’m calling you a taxi,” she informed me quietly, “You’re too wound up to drive and you staying here certainly isn’t an option.”

My tongue felt heavy as I slowly spoke: “You won’t even listen.”

“It wouldn’t change anything if I did,” she replied, but set the phone to the side regardlessly.

She was so beautiful. And kind and loving and simply too good for me to have ruined her the way I had done. I watched her walk over and take a seat on one of the chairs by her table and noticed that it was the very same chair she used to drink her tea on when it had still stood in our kitchen. Our chair.

“Your moving men came last week to get what Nick and Kate couldn’t carry,” I muttered, even though she already knew that of course.

“They didn’t charge too much,” Y/N said emotionless, “I even got a discount when I explained that they were helping me escape an asshole of a boyfriend.”

She flinched when I moved closer to her and before either of us could properly react I was kneeling before her, grasping one of her hands in mine tightly and crying onto her skin.

“I’m begging you,” I whimpered, “my life can’t exist without you in it.”

“Harry,” Y/N winced but I didn’t give her a chance to reject me again.

“I’ll do whatever it is you want! Please, Y/N. Move to your favorite place in the world, quit my job, get us whatever pet it is you want! Even if it’s a llama or something else that’s completely ridiculous to keep in a city household. Anything, Y/N, please-”

“Delete the last four and a half months, Harry!” Y/N yelled, “Maybe I’d forgive you then!”

My body jumped back at the sudden raise in her voice and its volume. She forcefully pulled her fingers from my grasp.

“You cheated on me! You can’t even imagine what that felt like! What it still feels like everyday when I look into the mirror, when I stand there and ask myself what the hell it is that is so wrong with me you had to do this!”

“It’s not your fault, Y/N, I swear! It had nothing to do with you-”

“Sure it didn’t.”

The finality in her voice made me shut up and a new wave of pain and tears hit me as I truly saw what I’d caused. She shook her head and pushed my hands from her lap, as if too disgusted to have me touch her.

“Didn’t the night we spent together mean anything to you?”

I felt bad for not being able to keep the judgmental tone out of my voice, especially as I was probably the last person allowed to accuse her for using me for sex.
Something in her eyes widened and I knew I’d struck a nerve.

“Of course it meant something to me,” she whispered and I whimpered when she reached out to touch my cheek, just like she’d done that night. The gesture held so much comfort it caused another few tears to slip from my eyes.

“But Harry,” Y/N continued, holding my gaze with a raw kindness in her gaze, “It meant goodbye.”

Goodbye. It meant that we were done, our relationship dead and to never be revived again. All the nights we’d spent laughing together, cuddled up in bed while sharing our most sacred secrets, they were all gone. She’d never embrace me form behind while I was selecting a shirt, cuddling herself against my naked back again. Y/N would never drink her tea while I made her breakfast, again. And above all, I would never again hear her tell me she loved me.

“Goodbye,” I whispered, looking at my beautiful angel before me, “Okay.”

Without speaking any further I got to my feet and cleared my throat. She rose from her seat as well and looked at me expectantly.

“You don’t have to call a taxi,” I mumbled, “I’ll drive, it’s okay. Can I just quickly use the bathroom?”

“Sure,” she spoke and cleared her throat, pointing me to the hall to her right. “It’s the first door on the left.”

“Thanks”

With heavy feet I made my way to the small bathroom, but instantly tensed when I heard the sound of my familiar ringtone erupt from where I’d placed my jacked on the couch. Shit. I knew exactly who it was, it could only be her.
Before I could react, the ringing ended and Y/N’s small and uncertain voice spoke: “Who is it?”

Silence. My heart jumped so badly it might as well have flown from my chest. She audibly gasped when the voice on the other end of the line introduced herself. Knowing Cici she’d probably said something inappropriate like “his dick sucker” or some shit that had my stomach turn and vomit raising in my throat.

“Yes, this is his phone. He’s gone to the bathroom.”

I wanted to interrupt her so badly, finding it hard to even imagine what she must feel talking to the woman I’d had an affair with. But a part of me, a tiny selfish little part, wanted to know what she’d say. Would she send Cici out of my life? Would the reality of there being another woman, make Y/N fight for me?

“I’m Y/N,” she continued, her voice, while tense and strained, stayed very collected, “I’m his ex girlfriend.”

I leaned forward so I could glance at her form where I stood. She sat with her back tensed and her fingers shook heavily. There were tears rising in her eyes, but she blinked them away.

“He’s with me,” she said and suddenly sounded much more confident.

Maybe there still was a chance for us, the selfish part of me rejoiced, but was shut down quickly when she spoke her next words:

“Don’t worry, though. You can have Harry. He’s not mine anymore.”

Thank you for reading!! Hope you liked it. Feedback as well as requests are welcome. :) 

Rest of what I wrote can be found here:
 http://harryimaginedstories.tumblr.com/post/144920695218/masterlist

behave

A/N: Alright, so I realized I never specified this, but I don’t actually feel that comfortable writing sex scenes (in any writing). It’s not because Peter is supposed to be 15, since Tom Holland is 20 years old, but just because I’ve never written smut, so I’m not quite at that level yet. Maybe one day, followers, maybe one day…

#84: “It’s like you want to ruin men/women for me.”

#87: “They always make shower sex sound so appealing, but honestly, this is getting dangerous.”

Summary: You and Peter have been dating for 6 months and Aunt May leaves the two of you alone.

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader


“It’s like you want to ruin men for me,” you complained, laying on Peter’s bed. He turned to look at you, confused, though you could see the smallest hint of a smile on his face. He had been trying to reach up to the top shelf in his closet and his t-shirt kept riding up, exposing his torso to you. The short sleeves were rolled up, exposing more of his biceps, and you just couldn’t help your wandering eyes.

“Oh, hush,” he laughed, finally grabbing the clothes he’d wanted. Peter bounded over and sat beside you on the bed, fiddling with his phone. You watched him with a soft smile on your lips.

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