so on friday I LITERALLY ditched a family dinner and a play afterwards to go hang out with a friend instead
and I mean I was all ready to do this, was /at/ the restaurant and everything when I had a deep seeded realization that no part of me could be in this restaurant or around these people for any more time than I had already spent or else everything was going to be Very Bad Very Quickly
so, I asked mom for the car keys and I booked it to the nearest safe spot i.e. back in to the car with me.
I was sitting there trying to figure out what I was going to do and how I was going to escape/get out of this (I can’t drive) or potentially go back in there and deal with it, since it was my grandfather’s birthday and it felt very rude to ditch, even though I’ve never had a great relationship history with my grandparents.
that’s when I got a text message from a friend of mine, informing me that she wasn’t going to make the play we were headed to afterwards.
I debated telling her my situation but I just let it slide, asking her why she wasn’t going to go, and she replied with something along the lines of “i’m so close to loosing my shit right now” so I responded with the easiest thing I could think to get the message across without actually explaining what I was going through: “same”
She and I texted back and fourth a few times and she offered to come pick me up and hang out instead.
several minutes and saying goodbye to my family later, I was in the car with her and almost started crying because of how bad I felt about leaving the situation and how good i felt right then, after removing myself from it.
almost as though now that I was feeling better, I should go back and subject myself to the horrors that I was experiencing in the restaurant because surely I just wasn’t equipped to handle it right then and there, and now that I was better, I could. Or perhaps I was just faking it?
I didn’t tell this to my friend until an hour into us hanging out, and we talked briefly about how you should accept yourself for your choices, and understanding when you’re doing something you can’t handle.
I just wanted to share that little tidbit, because it’s terrible feeling guilty or bad that you can’t do something, and are somehow able to do something else almost INSTANTLY with so much ease.
The thing to remind yourself of, is that the environment, the people, and just that entire situation was /making/ you feel the way you were feeling, and you are capable of doing things that do not make you upset. if you were to go back in there the moment you felt all that relief, thinking you could handle it since you no longer feel bad, I guarantee you will be right back to feeling the way you were before you left.
it is perfectly alright to remove yourself from situations if it means you can function, and you don’t have to feel bad about it.
I’m still learning this lesson myself and I think this was the first time I was actually happier with my decision to leave than to go through with the “let’s just get it over with” scenario that I was putting myself in, do not force yourself to do things if you’re not going to have a good time.
nobody will be mad at you for leaving,
you did not need to be there in the first place,
do not feel guilty,
you look out for you.