Peter Capaldi being an absolute cinnamon roll and thanking each individual person involved with his happy birthday video! (x)
Thank you to everybody in the world who was kind enough to think about me and send me best wishes on my birthday! Unfortunately, I can’t get around everybody, and say thank you personally because otherwise there’d be no time left to make Doctor Who, which is what we’re in the middle of doing at the moment. But in the meantime…
“The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge.” ~ Carl Jung
Flexible and tolerant, they take a pragmatic approach focused on immediate results. Theories and conceptual explanations bore them – they want to act energetically to solve the problem. Focus on the here-and-now, spontaneous, enjoy each moment that they can be active with others. Enjoy material comforts and style. Learn best through doing.
ESTP Shadow: ISTJ. Can become stubborn about their perception of the past and fixated on its relation to the present (Si). Can become critical, disgruntled with disorder, illogical, or inefficiency (Te). Rigidly following a belief system or what they personally think is important, with accompanying childish and/or selfish behaviour (Fi). Over-reading between the lines, often misinterpreting someone’s actions and seeing negative intentions where there are none (Ne).
Tolerant and flexible, quiet observers until a problem appears, then act quickly to find workable solutions. Analyze what makes things work and readily get through large amounts of data to isolate the core of practical problems. Interested in cause and effect, organize facts using logical principles, value efficiency.
ISTP Shadow: ESTJ Can become stubborn about organising things and insist on a systematic approach (Te). Prefer not to focus on the past but can be quite critical of past performances and overuse negative experiences to inform decisions (Si). Interpret situations in a naive way, inferring malice where none exists (Ne). Spend money and time on things that are unimportant and care little about the value of things (Fi).
Outgoing, friendly, and accepting. Exuberant lovers of life, people, and material comforts. Enjoy working with others to make things happen. Bring common sense and a realistic approach to their work, and make work fun. Flexible and spontaneous, adapt readily to new people and environments. Learn best by trying a new skill with other people.
ESFP Shadow: ISFJ Can become stubborn about their perception of the past and fixated on its relation to the present (Si). Can be quite critical and disgruntled about the expectations of the group to the point of rebellion and disengaging (Fe). May make statements or believe in ideas that are contradictory and illogical (Ti). Over-reading between the lines, often misinterpreting someone’s actions and seeing negative intentions where there are none (Ne).
Quiet, friendly, sensitive, and kind. Enjoy the present moment, what’s going on around them. Like to have their own space and to work within their own time frame. Loyal and committed to their values and to people who are important to them. Dislike disagreements and conflicts, do not force their opinions or values on others.
ISFP Shadow: ESFJ Stubborn about how others affect them and resist being pulled into being responsible for others feelings and choices (Fe). Prefer not to focus on the past but can be quite critical of past performances and overuse negative experiences to inform decisions (Si). Interpret situations in a naive way, inferring malice where none exists (Ne). Caught up in pointing out others’ inconsistencies, with a dogmatic tendency to adhere to one principle rather than seeing its distinctions (Ti).
Practical, realistic, matter-of-fact. Decisive, quickly move to implement decisions. Organize projects and people to get things done, focus on getting results in the most efficient way possible. Take care of routine details. Have a clear set of logical standards, systematically follow them and want others to also. Forceful in implementing their plans.
ESTJ Shadow: ISTP Can be stubborn about the models and principles they’ve adopted, categorising everything simplistically and robotically following the principles (Ti). Go on about “facts,” blocking others’ proposed actions, or get caught up in the moment and engage in impulsive behaviour (Se). Envision how something will play out and ignore signs that it won’t work out, foreseeing disaster or nothing at all (Ni). Convinced others don’t like, appreciate, or need them, and over-accommodate others needs (Fe)
Quiet, serious, earn success by thoroughness and dependability. Practical, matter-of-fact, realistic, and responsible. Decide logically what should be done and work toward it steadily, regardless of distractions. Take pleasure in making everything orderly and organized – their work, their home, their life. Value traditions and loyalty.
ISTJ Shadow: ESTP Stubborn about going on impulse and insist that they have an accurate read of the situation (Se). Prefer not to articulate operating principles and can get stuck in models and frameworks they have learned or adapted (Ti). Over-address others’ concerns and feel disappointment over a false sense of closeness (Fe). Make dire predictions with certainty and mistake deep symbolism as a guidepost for life (Ni).
Warmhearted, conscientious, and cooperative. Want harmony in their environment, work with determination to establish it. Like to work with others to complete tasks accurately and on time. Loyal, follow through even in small matters. Notice what others need in their day-by-day lives and try to provide it. Want to be appreciated for who they are and for what they contribute.
ESFJ Shadow: ISFP Be stubborn about values as they crusade for a particular cause, turning off people instead of mobilising them (Fi). Go on about “facts,” blocking others’ proposed actions, or get caught up in the moment and engage in impulsive behaviour (Se). Envision how something will play out and ignore signs that it won’t work out, foreseeing disaster or nothing at all (Ni). analyse, lash out if others criticise their logic with emotional arguments, and make subjective arguments (Te).
Quiet, friendly, responsible, and conscientious. Committed and steady in meeting their obligations. Thorough, painstaking, and accurate. Loyal, considerate, notice and remember specifics about people who are important to them, concerned with how others feel. Strive to create an orderly and harmonious environment at work and at home.
ISFJ Shadow: ESFP Stubborn about going on impulse and insist that they have an accurate read of the situation (Se). Dwell on conflicts in beliefs, being critical, and locking into their desires by bulldozing others (Fi). Spend unnecessary time establishing order, planning, and misguide themselves and others in the process (Te). Make dire predictions with certainty and mistake deep symbolism as a guidepost for life (Ni)
Frank, decisive, assume leadership readily. Quickly see illogical and inefficient procedures and policies, develop and implement comprehensive systems to solve organizational problems. Enjoy long-term planning and goal setting. Usually well informed, well read, enjoy expanding their knowledge and passing it on to others. Forceful in presenting their ideas.
ENTJ Shadow: INTP Can be stubborn about the models and principles they’ve adopted, categorising everything simplistically and robotically following the principles (Ti). Oblivious to unspoken potentials and get off track with inferences and interconnections (Ne). Cling to what they are used to; repeat themselves in ritualistic fashion (Si). Convinced others don’t like, appreciate, or need them, and over-accommodate others’ needs (Fe).
Have original minds and great drive for implementing their ideas and achieving their goals. Quickly see patterns in external events and develop long-range explanatory perspectives. When committed, organize a job and carry it through. Skeptical and independent, have high standards of competence and performance – for themselves and others.
INTJ Shadow: ENTP Be stubborn about responding to emerging information and locking on to a hidden meaning (Ne). Prefer not to articulate operating principles and can get stuck in models and frameworks they have learned or adapted (Ti). Over-address others’ concerns and feel disappointment over a false sense of closeness (Fe). Get stuck in impressions of how things were and resist change; waste time reviewing the impact of the past (Si).
Quick, ingenious, stimulating, alert, and outspoken. Resourceful in solving new and challenging problems. Adept at generating conceptual possibilities and then analyzing them strategically. Good at reading other people. Bored by routine, will seldom do the same thing the same way, apt to turn to one new interest after another.
ENTP Shadow: INTJ Be stubborn about perceptions of how the future will be, and lock onto a vision that won’t happen (Ni). Can become critical, disgruntled with disorder, illogic, or inefficiency (Te). Rigidly following a belief system or what they personally think is important, with accompanying childish and/or selfish behaviour (Fi). Excessively seek physical stimulation or following the urge to do nothing; zero in on isolated details, acting impulsively on them (Se).
Seek to develop logical explanations for everything that interests them. Theoretical and abstract, interested more in ideas than in social interaction. Quiet, contained, flexible, and adaptable. Have unusual ability to focus in depth to solve problems in their area of interest. Skeptical, sometimes critical, always analytical.
INTP Shadow: ENTJ Can become stubborn about organising things and insist on a systematic approach (Te). Indulge negative thoughts of how events will unfold (Ni). Dwell on the perceived “realities” of a situation; act highly impulsively (Se). Spend money and time on things that are unimportant and care little about the value of things (Fi).
Warm, empathetic, responsive, and responsible. Highly attuned to the emotions, needs, and motivations of others. Find potential in everyone, want to help others fulfill their potential. May act as catalysts for individual and group growth. Loyal, responsive to praise and criticism. Sociable, facilitate others in a group, and provide inspiring leadership.
ENFJ Shadow: INFP Be stubborn about values as they crusade for a particular cause, turning off people instead of mobilising them (Fi). Oblivious to unspoken potentials and get off track with inferences and interconnections (Ne). Cling to what they are used to; repeat themselves in ritualistic fashion (Si). analyse, lash out if others criticise their logic with emotional arguments, and make subjective arguments (Te).
Seek meaning and connection in ideas, relationships, and material possessions. Want to understand what motivates people and are insightful about others. Conscientious and committed to their firm values. Develop a clear vision about how best to serve the common good. Organized and decisive in implementing their vision.
INFJ Shadow: ENFP Be stubborn about responding to emerging information and locking on to a hidden meaning (Ne). Dwell on conflicts in beliefs, being critical, and locking into their desires by bulldozing others (Fi). Spend unnecessary time establishing order, planning, and misguide themselves and others in the process (Te). Get stuck in impressions of how things were and resist change; waste time reviewing the impact of the past (Si)
Warmly enthusiastic and imaginative. See life as full of possibilities. Make connections between events and information very quickly, and confidently proceed based on the patterns they see. Want a lot of affirmation from others, and readily give appreciation and support. Spontaneous and flexible, often rely on their ability to improvise and their verbal fluency.
ENFP Shadow: INFJ Be stubborn about perceptions of how the future will be, and lock onto a vision that won’t happen (Ni). Can be quite critical and disgruntled about the expectations of the group to the point of rebellion and disengaging (Fe). May make statements or believe in ideas that are contradictory and illogical (Ti). Excessively seek physical stimulation or following the urge to do nothing; zero in on isolated details, acting impulsively on them (Se)
Idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them. Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick to see possibilities, can be catalysts for implementing ideas. Seek to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened.
INFP Shadow: ENFJ Stubborn about how others affect them and resist being pulled into being responsible for others feelings and choices (Fe). Indulge negative thoughts of how events will unfold (Ni). Dwell on the perceived “realities” of a situation; act highly impulsively (Se). Caught up in pointing out others’ inconsistencies, with a dogmatic tendency to adhere to one principle rather than seeing its distinctions (Ti).
For its length, this is a good little documentary.
It does represent both sides, albeit more heavily on the anticaptivity side BUT - similar Seaworld’s reluctance (and ultimate refusal) to participate in Blackfish - the guy who made this was given a serious run-around re: actually speaking with anyone of authority at the park. So.
This is really nothing new for anyone in our circles, but a good piece to show people unfamiliar with this information. Mainly because it’s not Blackfish so they don’t immediately have to deal with the chorus of howling Seaworld fanatics.
“With that magnitude and scale of destruction, it can only be caused by a prince of hell,” Jace said, his voice loud in the war room.
The other shadowhunters nodded and murmured in agreement and Magnus’ eyes flickered to Alec who stood a couple of meters away from Jace and was staring intently at the news report on Mauna Kea’s eruption and the unending rain of soot, ash and fire, that was slowly turning Hawaii into a wasteland. He stood tall with his arms crossed behind his back, the very picture of the perfect soldier. The only thing that gave away his agitation: his furrowed brow and the way he shifted, almost imperceptibly from one foot to the other.
“The question then is, which prince of hell is it,” Lindsay, the dark-haired, glasses-wearing shadowhunter that always shifted just out of the way every time he showed up at the institute said. Her eyes met his and had everyone else turning to look at Magnus. “Which one of them would you say it is?”
Magnus shook his head. “None of them.”
“What,” Jace asked and finally looked up at Magnus.
Magnus shrugged. “If a prince of hell was walking on earth, the death toll will be way more than the fifty-seven people that the reports say have died. Why expend so much energy if the kill would end up being so low? Especially if they go through this much to flaunt their power?”
“And what would you know about the princes of hell warlock,” he heard one of the shadowhunters sneer.
Alec’s head snapped up. Before Magnus could reach out to calm him, a voice spoke up.
“Clearly more than you. A prince of hell indeed. Stupid nephilim.”
Magnus spun around. That voice. He knew that voice. Hoped to everything that was good and pure that he would never have to hear it again. Clearly the heavens paid no mind to the children of Lilith because sitting right on a chair at the corner of the room was a slender man, dressed in a deep blue, almost black tailored suit. Shoes that were so polished, Magnus was sure he would have been able to see his reflection in them. He’d replaced his preferred diamond cufflinks with ones of black opal, a blue garnet tiepin kept his tie in place. His hair was combed back, and kept in place by the barbed wire crown he wore. Cat eyes eerily similar to his when he dropped his glamour stared back at him and Asmodeus’ lips curved into a mocking smile.
Hogwarts. One of the most magical places you had ever been to. Despite your great love for it, you actually hadn’t thought you’d be back so soon, yet here you were.
Teaching had never crossed your mind while you were a student here, funny how your life can chance with just one simple decision.
Sometimes, when you come back to a place you once knew as a child, everything looks smaller and not quite like you remembered it. Hogwarts didn’t. It hadn’t changed one bit for you, still the same amazing home that made everyone feel welcome the moment you stepped inside.
“Miss Blackwood.” The voice made you shudder, old memories slowly surfacing from deep within. The one person you had never managed to get along with and of course he had to be the first to meet you.
You turn around with the best fake smile you can manage to put on, “Severus.”
He looks pissed of your use of his first name but you had sworn yourself not to let yourself become intimidated by him again. He wasn’t your teacher anymore and you had no reason to be scared.
“If you’d follow me, Dumbledore…ask me to show you your new room.” By the sound of it and the disdain on his face he had most likely been forced to 'welcome’ you back. Something, both of you had rather avoided. The school year hadn’t started yet which probably meant he was one of the few teachers already here.
Snape makes his way through the long and empty corridors, quietly and quickly, like only he could. A talent that had gotten you into a lot of trouble more times than you could count.
He doesn’t stop or wait for you to catch up and you have to curry to keep up with him. The echo of your footsteps is the only sound that’s audible. When you walk by the quidditch field, you stop for a moment and look outside. It was a bright sunny day, no cloud in sight. Would be a perfect day for a match, you had always loved this game.
Snape clears his throat somewhere in front of you, so you tear away your eyes with a sigh and continue to follow him.
He opens the door to a small but really nice looking room. The kind where you’re woken up by sunlight hitting your face in the morning and you can’t help but feel good about it. It was entirely different than your dorm room but felt like home nonetheless.
“Thanks, Sev.” You smirk and step into your new room. Before you can push the door in his face, he gets his foot in between.
“You should learn to address your superiors with more respect, unless you want to end up getting spanked like a child."
He probably hadn’t intended for it to sound so suggestive and hot but the way he said it made all kinds of dirty thoughts run through your head. Bend over his knees, his hand coming down on your ass and…no, no, no, no. No freaking way you were thinking that!
"Thanks I’ll remember it, in case I come across one of my 'superiors’.”
You quickly slam the door shut and bury your head in the pillow of the bed.
the same reason i watched “profit and lace”: my spouse and i are completionist weirdos. this episode’s bad? WELL too bad, skip and watch guides, i’m going to watch it anyway because i crave fiction-induced discomfort
Warning(s): sub!kihyun (i tried br0), elements of bdsm, lingerie, degradation
Summary: In which Kihyun teases you by wearing pretty red lace panties.
Gold and green robes glitter as they cascade down the grand staircase, rippling silk over the sleek, cool marble. Kihyun scratches his nose, squinting as the seamstress eyes him with a contemplative look, the long measuring tape hung over her shoulders.
“Pray tell, your highness, have your limbs always been this short?”
He flushes a bright red, splutters and garbled words spilling from his lips, “I-I am n-not short!”
“Ah, but of course, sire. Forgive me for my audacity.”
Ike - the blunt yet good-natured leader of the Greil
I have mentioned many times how much I love this guy and I wanted
to try and portray his multiple characteristics (including his more
obscure/subtle ones) into this here character study to celebrate his inclusion
Bucky sat in the same worn chair for three days, not moving unless it was to use the bathroom but even then he made sure he was back within a minute or so. He had studied the room surrounding him, noticing the black and grey scuff marks on the bottom of the doorway or how the paint chipped faintly where the wall touched the ceiling.
Three whole days of hoping, wishing and praying that the rhythmic beeps of the machines would continue, signaling that life was still sitting in front of him. His breath hitched every time the dull beep of the heart monitor would slow for a moment, his eyes scanning across the computerized screen as if it held the cure for death.
“You should go rest, you need to get some food in you. I’ll stay here with her if it’ll make you feel any better.” Steve says from the doorway, his eyes softening at the sight of his best friend in such utter turmoil. Bucky shakes his head, not taking his eyes off the girl in front of him. “It wasn’t your fault, Buck.”
The shaggy haired man doesn’t answer that either, but continues to watch the slow rise of your chest with every breath you took. Internally, Bucky’s at a war with himself, so much so that he can’t focus on anything but that and your safety.
Bucky didn’t know who you were, or at least he didn’t remember. All he knew was that you had been caught in the crossfire between HYDRA and the Avengers and for some reason his first instinct was to take you out of that situation. He didn’t know if you were a HYDRA agent or just a random civilian in the wrong place at the wrong time but none of that mattered because in that moment he felt a sense of familiarity when he saw your face.
Bucky tried hard, so hard to protect you. He would have succeeded too if it hadn’t been for a HYDRA agent shooting at the beams that hung above him, forcing the heavy wood to fall and collapse on the two. Bucky had been unharmed besides a few scrapes and bruises but you weren’t as lucky. The doctors weren’t even sure how you were alive right now with the extent of internal damage you endured.
“Do you remember her? Did you know her?” Steve asks, sitting in the chair opposite to the other super soldier, placing his backpack on the floor. Bucky shrugs, shaking his head slightly as he rattles his brain for that exact answer. “You wouldn’t just save a random person for no reason, at least not like that. You saved her Buck, you held the beams up from crushing her. She isn’t some stranger, you know her. Maybe you don’t remember, but you do know her. I can tell.”
Bucky swallows hard, looking at your limp form on the bed. You have some bad bruises across your small frame, a busted lip and a large gash across your forehead decorate your face. Your left arm and leg are wrapped into tight casts, hoisted up to keep the swelling down from the multiple breaks in your bones. If Bucky hadn’t put his hand across you, your ribs would have been crushed within an instant. Thinking back to it, Bucky didn’t even have to think twice about moving his arm, almost as if it were second nature.
The slight curve of your face, the sharp point of your nose and the elongated arch of your eyebrow were all familiar to Bucky, he just didn’t know how. He knew you were important, he didn’t know why but he definitely knew you were someone he thought of as high up.
“I did some digging.” Steve begins, looking at Bucky to make sure he should continue his sentence. Digging into his backpack, Steve rustles through some papers before pulling out a manilla folder, encased in dark twine.
Bucky peers over, cocking an eyebrow at Captain America. “What’s that?” His voice is gruff but he doesn’t expect anything less as he hadn’t spoken a single word in three days except for when he would call for the nurse if he got nervous about your lack of breathing.
“Just look it over, maybe this will spark some memory.” Steve sighs, handing the folder over to Bucky. The brunet takes it and unties the corse twine from around the folder. When he finally tears off the rest of the twine, he flips the folder open to reveal an info page.
Your pictures on the top left, your long (Y/H/C) flowing down your shoulders in waves. The picture looks to be that of a student i.d image, staged and youthful. Your name is splayed across the right column in italicized letters, Y/N Y/L/N.
Bucky reads on, learning your birthday, home address and even the schools you attended from preschool to college. You were smart, smarter than Bucky thought was possible, with a 4.95 GPA and holding the title of Valedictorian for high school and college graduation.
Flipping the page, Bucky notices the famous HYDRA seal next to your fathers name, a high ranking officer who died in result of the ‘Super Soldier Program’. He almost recognized your fathers name before his eyes widened in horror and he slammed the folder shut.
Steve flinches and goes to console Bucky before seeing the look of guilt and anger on his features. Bucky remembered everything as if it were just yesterday, memories he either had forced from him or he himself decided needed to be gone came flooding back with no intent on stopping.
“Get her out of here! Protect her at all costs, do you understand me?!” Your father rasped, gripping Bucky’s shirt in his fists while pointing at you behind the enhanced soldiers shoulder. Bucky nodded, placing his human hand on your lower back before shuffling you behind him as he made his was to the exit.
You watched in horror as your father was thrown to the ground by one of the rogue super soldiers that had been given the same serum as Bucky. “Dad! Let me fucking go!” You screamed, trying to claw your way out from behind Bucky to go and help your only living family member.
Bucky held tight grip of you, using his metal arm to knock any threat away from you. His mind was set on saving you, the one person he kept his eyes on his entire time in HYDRA’s captivity.
You had enticed him with your frequent visits to the base, being the only person to offer the man a smile and a wave, even once getting so bold as to brush his hair from his face before your father had seen. Bucky was a person and you felt he should be treated as one, not as a test subject. You were against everything HYDRA stood for but that didn’t mean you could just leave your father, he was your only family and you weren’t going to lose him as well.
Before you knew it, Bucky had you shacked up in a highly guarded room, his eyes bouncing around the almost cell looking room, searching for any danger. “Bucky,” You started, stopping to take a deep breath which caught his attention. You were the only person to ever call him Bucky, though he wasn’t truly sure as to why. “Thank you.”
With that, you collapsed into him, crying into his chest at the thought of losing your family. He had let you cry, he wasn’t sure why he hadn’t pushed you away but something inside of him locked on you and only you.
After a while, the guards had all left HYDRA in search of any survivors. You were fast asleep, your head tucked into Bucky’s chest as you dreamt peacefully, eyes still puffy from crying.
He doesn’t know why he did this and he’s not sure why he didn’t take you, but Bucky slipped out from under you, locked all the windows and doors around you and slipped out into the dark of night to finally escape his tormentors. With every step he took he felt guilt pang through his chest, knowing that you would wake up in the morning with nobody.
“I left her.” Bucky croaks, his bottom lip trembling. “I loved her and I was supposed to protect her, I thought i was. She deserves someone who can be with her always, so I left her without saying goodbye.”
Wiping his eyes hurriedly, Bucky inhales deeply to shake the emotions that are crawling up his throat. Too wound up in his own emotions, Bucky failed to realize the sudden decrease in the machine noise until he heard a loud screech and nurses began piling into the room, pushing the two men out.
Buck fought tooth and nail to stay inside, panic sweeping through him as he saw the nurses calling out orders and yelling for doctors. The last thing he saw before he got pushed out was a woman rubbing two paddles together, her face solum and upset.
Steve looked at his best friend with caution, trying to read the situation. “She’ll be okay.” He says weakly, knowing very well that the odds are not on your side after the accident.
“I’m losing her!” Bucky hears through the heavy door, his hands shaking by his sides.
I was part of an anti-fascist movement when I was 16-19. Being very active in that, I can tell you that many “anti-fascists” are motivated by the same kind of… I don’t even know how to describe it other than tribalism? They need a small herd to belong to and well-defined enemies, and they love violence. This can be confirmed by seeing how many of these “anti-fascists” went on to become football hooligans.
Anyways, I was the peaceful kind of guy, and I tried my best to go with soft options for undermining fascists in our city. We would learn their names, addresses, social patterns. We would try to talk to them, to their families, to their co-workers, we would try to be outside when we knew they were to prevent them from beating up innocents, we would try shaming them, anything we could think of.
But in the end, none of that worked. What worked was when some guys out of our group just systematically found them and punched them in the face. They didn’t knock their lights out, but they did knock them to the ground. Every single time these guys came home from a night out, people would be waiting and just beating them up.
It was ridiculous how quickly they stopped harassing innocents. Within a year, the ringleader even had a job. Ten years later and we have a much stronger fascist movement now than then, but these particular guys are not active neo-nazis, even though they could easily be. So we have to assume that they don’t want to be neo-nazis anymore.
That whole experience made me (reluctantly) change my mind about non-violence. I don’t understand how it worked, because I don’t have the mental capacity to empathize with any of this, but it did work.
One belief that interferes with our happiness is the misconception that we cannot learn to be happy. The truth is that we can learn skills and train our minds to feel happier. The tools you need are your breath and your attention. The mindset that you need is the willingness to learn.
If you recognize that you can learn to have a happier mind, you stop blaming your emotions on others or your circumstances. You begin training your mind and practicing skills to improve your moods.
You begin to learn from your emotions themselves. To learn from your emotions, practice noticing your emotions. When you feel yourself in the grip of an emotion, breathe compassionately and curiously into the emotion to see what it is teaching you. As you explore your emotions, you train your mind. As you use compassion, you learn skills to address suffering in yourself and others.
Further train your mind by noticing the emotions in the people around you. To notice other people’s emotions, look at their faces, listen to what they are saying, and imagine what they are feeling. If you think they are feeling bad, practice compassion. If you figure out something that you can do to help, you can offer your help. As you help, pay attention to your feelings. See how you feel when you are being compassionate, or generous. That kind of activity trains your mind to generate positive feelings.
The down side of being able to train your mind, is that if you do not intentionally train your mind, your mind will still train on its own. A mind always trains for something, you might as well train yours for happiness.
In China, various forms of address are used in different circumstances. Choosing the appropriate and correct form shows your wit and respect to others. Generally, for Chinese people it should be in accord with convention and please also be aware of personal favor of the people being addressed.
Here are some tips about how to address STRANGERS.
Woman in general
Meaning in English: little girl
Pinyin: xiǎo mèi mèi
Chinese characters: 小妹妹
NB. xiǎo mèi mèi can be girls aged 1-18.
Meaning in English: beautiful woman
Pinyin: měi nǚ
Chinese characters: 美女
NB. Even if the woman is not beautiful, you can still call her měi nǚ.
Meaning in English: younger sister
Pinyin: mèi zi
Chinese characters: 妹子
NB. mèi zi is a female friend who is younger than you. Do not call a stranger mèi zi.
Meaning in English: miss
Pinyin: xiǎo jiě
Chinese characters: 小姐
NB. Do not use xiǎo jiě alone, because it is a specific form of address for a prostitute. Always put the surname before xiǎo jiě (for example, Liu xiǎo jiě=Miss Liu).
Meaning in English: madame
Pinyin: nǚ shì
Chinese characters: 女士
NB. It is used to address a married woman or a woman whose marital status you do not know. But it is used more often in written language.
How to address a woman who’s older than you?
Meaning in English: big sister
Pinyin: dà jiě
Chinese characters: 大姐
NB. dà jiě is a woman a little older than you.
Meaning in English: aunt
Pinyin: ā yí
Chinese characters: 阿姨
NB. ā yí has two meanings: 1) aunt (a woman who’s at your parents’ age); 2) a sanitation worker who cleans your home. Usually the Chinese like to use a younger form of address than the woman deserves. Do not call a woman ā yí if you think dà jiě can be used.
Meaning in English: female boss
Pinyin: lǎo bǎn niáng
Chinese characters: 老板娘
NB. Any woman who owns a business, small or big, can be addressed as lǎo bǎn niáng.
Man in general
Meaning in English: boy
Pinyin: xiǎo dì dì
Chinese characters: 小弟弟
NB. xiǎo dì dì can be boys aged 1-18.
Meaning in English: handsome young man
Pinyin: shuài gē
Chinese characters: 帅哥
Meaning in English: mister
Pinyin: xiān sheng
Chinese characters: 先生
NB. This is a very safe form of address.
Meaning in English: elder brother
Pinyin: dà gē
Chinese characters: 大哥
NB. dà gē is a man a little older than you.
Meaning in English: uncle
Pinyin: dà shū
Chinese characters: 大叔
NB. dà shū is a man at your parents’ age. If you think a man is young enough to deserve dà gē, don’t use dà shū.
Meaning in English: (a worker)
Pinyin: shī fu
Chinese characters: 师傅
NB. Shī fu is a man (sometimes a woman) who does manual labor, a door keeper, a security guard, a delivery worker, a cook, etc. There isn’t a proper equivalent in English. It also means master (as in kung fu master) or teacher.
Meaning in English: boss
Pinyin: lǎo bǎn
Chinese characters: 老板
NB. lǎo bǎn is a man who owns a business, small or big. In case you do not know whether the boss is a man or woman, you can use lǎo bǎn to address the person.
People in general
Meaning in English: service staff
Pinyin: fú wù yuán
Chinese characters: 服务员
NB. fú wù yuán can be a bar tender, a waiter, or waitress at a restaurant.
Meaning in English: friend
Pinyin: péng yǒu
Chinese characters: 朋友
NB. péng yǒu is not necessarily a friend. In fact, you don’t call your friend péng yǒu. You can address a stranger as péng yǒu if you want to be friendly.
Meaning in English: (student)
Pinyin: tóng xué
Chinese characters: 同学
NB. tóng xué is a pupil or student.
Meaning in English: kid
Pinyin: xiǎo péng yǒu
Chinese characters: 小朋友
NB. xiǎo péng yǒu is a pre-school child.
If you can’t come up with a form of address when you want to talk with a stranger, use nǐ hǎo (hello).
Okay this will be long, but I have a lot to say about this book….
Let’s all take a moment.
Take a deep breath.
4 counts in. Hold it it. 4 counts out.
Mayte Garcia is probably one of the most polarizing figures in the P universe.
We knew she was his first wife. Mother of his kids. They shared several tragedies. She was on a reality show. Things happened.
Not a ton of info about their time together other than what was heard on the grapevine…and OH what a grapevine it has been.
So informed by said grapevine, I came to this book full of side eye, salt, and envy if I can be completely honest here. Lump on the features in People magazine, I came with WHY?! Reading that absolutely tuned my stomach and I felt horrible for wanting to know such personal things.
But then I realized, I was reading this in People magazine, which isn’t the most credible source for information as they tend to be sensational most of time.
Also, if I want to speak about this book with any credibility, I have to read it.
And so I did.
Can I tell you that I had to eat every single judgmental thought I’ve ever had about her?
Can I tell you that she addresses pretty much every “why” question I had regarding her?
Can I tell you about the amount of self-awareness this woman has and perhaps even had during her time with Prince?
Can I tell you how surprised I was about how well written this book is? About how good of a story teller she is? About how my respect for her just as a woman skyrocketed?
Can I tell you how ashamed I was for being surprised about how well written this book is? About how good of a story teller she is? About how my respect for her just as a woman only skyrocketed after having read this?
Can I tell you that even at the sweetest moments with her and P, I did not have an IOTA of envy and was excited and happy that they were so in love?
Can I tell you how important context is when considering what people do and why they do it?
This book is about Mayte Garcia.
It’s about HER life and when Prince enters it, it’s still about HER life. When he exits…still about HER life.
I feel like I grew as a person by reading this, learning not to judge, and to look at myself and really consider the reasons why I react or get upset about things regarding P, or really just in general. I learned to address those thingsso I can be free to just absorb and appreciate other people’s life experience without placing my own projections onto it.
Not gonna lie, this is a VERY difficult book to read, especially leading up to the anniversary, not because of what’s in it (the info about Prince and his habits isn’t new if you’ve read Dance, Music, Sex, Romance by Per Nilsen or Possessed by Alex Hahn) but because of the emotionally raw place it comes from.
Everyone will stand in front of a huge mirror when it comes to this book. What you see in it will be very revealing of who you are as a person.
If you’re coming to it with an anti-mayte agenda and a point to prove, you will find evidence here that will corroborate what you think about her…because that is what you will want to find…and that is all that you will see.
If you’re coming with a set idea that Prince is a wonderful, loving, sexy and giving musical genius, you may be in for a disruptive experience that will humanize him in more ways you’re ready for (ESPECIALLY if you haven’t read the aforementioned books).
If you come with a general curiosity about him with no context about him otherwise, you will find it to be a depiction of a flawed genius…and maybe a few other not so nice judgements without having the context of his upbringing.
If you come with a critical, but open minded place of love4oneanother and really lean into this, really dig in and challenge yourself, your perceptions, your prejudices, your bias, you will find this book to be an incredibly DIFFICULT, but humbling and cathartic experience.
I thoroughly enjoyed this deeply resonating and evocative journey. I came with a critical, but open minded mindset, had to reset my own feelings every few pages…then found that I didn’t have to anymore as I progressed through the book. I emerged with HUGE amounts of respect for Mayte, and yes Prince was humanized even more in a MAJOR way through her lens, even given that much the info here isn’t new if you’ve been around.
It’s interesting in that he is in this book for sure, but this book is not about him at all. You still only get a glimpse of who he was. I found I still very much loved and wanted to protect the complex and human man that was depicted here (as much as you can a stranger). He is still a wonderful, loving, sexy, giving musical genius. Even at the most difficult points when he seemed to be only one of those things (lol), he was still transparent, pure of intent, and INCREDIBLY consistent in the way he dealt with really everything. He’s still my Professor…now more than ever…and in more ways than I ever thought he could be…
Whatever your perception of this book is, in reading it, you will be challenged deeply on the reasons why you are fam and you will have to face that truth in a VERY direct way. It will take some time to process and you should let this marinate for a minute while you do. Don’t be afraid of what might come up as you work it out. Let it wash over you and really do some self inventory…if you do this right, it can really be an amazingly healing ride. That was my experience and I hope you are able to free yourself so you can learn, grow, and heal from this journey as well.
Writer’s Block and You: On Causes and How to Write On
If I were going to rank the writing-related
questions from least to greatest, “how do I beat writer’s block?” probably falls
quite high on the list, if not at number one. When I worked as a small
publisher’s community manager, this question would show up at least twice a
week- on forums, discussion posts, and Q&As with other published
The responses were varied and usually stale
in quality: the same “take a walk, listen to fresh music, write something
else”- and that’s not to say that these things can’t stop
Writer’s Block, because they can for some people. But it’s often occurred to me that, for
a question that gets asked so much, there are very few solid answers as to how
you actually stop Writer’s Block. There is nothing more frustrating when you are
applying all of the fixes and they just
don’t work. Que the spiral of despair as you stare down that ever-blinking
But if Writer’s Block is an ailment, we
shouldn’t be searching for the cure; we should find the cause. The same logic applies if you spike a fever; cause might say you have cold, but WebMD
will convince you that you’re probably dying of gangrene.
So, let’s talk about a few distinct
types of Writer’s Block and what they do to the writing process.*
*(to me, personally. Full disclaimer here,
because the most important thing to understand about Writer’s Block is how,
just like writing habits, its causes are very unique to the author.)
Usually right before or at the
beginning of every novel. Symptoms include procrastination, excessive research,
and lots of deleted opening paragraphs.
a really great quote by Gene Wolfe, which goes, “You never learn how to write a
novel … you only learn to write the novel you’re on.” This was said to Neil
Gaiman (yeah, that Gaiman), who finally
felt he had this novel thing down after writing American Gods.
I’m now three novels into my writing
career, with two more on my plate for this year. Each one of them starts with
the sensation of groping around a pitch-black room with only my rough outline and a
half functional flashlight. There are things in this room that I want (and
probably better batteries for my flashlight), but I need to get my bearings
first. It usually takes me about 15,000 words to do this, and it’s easy to mistake this sensation for a “lack of inspiration.” I encourage you to bury the concept of inspiration somewhere deep for now.
Inspiration isn’t magical fully-fleshed out concepts; inspiration is what we do
when we find those fresh batteries and get a clearer picture of our space.
“Press forward to those 15,000,” I remind myself. It always pays off and I
always manage to find those batteries eventually, even if it takes a few tries.
Middle of Despair:
Named so for its location, as
the middle of books are notorious for being mind-numbingly hard to write.
Symptoms will include plotting ending scenes you have not yet written, social
media browsing, and crippling self-doubt. Welcome to the void of the writing process. You got this.
Not everyone has problems writing their
novel’s middle, but it’s often noted as a rough part of first drafts and
rewrites. We tend to come into stories with a general idea of the plot’s cause
and effect: the beginning and middle, in more novel-related terms. It’s easy to
get caught up in the sogginess of a middle and fall into a great deal of mood
swing-y sadness. Writing must not be for you if you can’t even get through a
simple section of the book.
But journeys aren’t about the destination,
yes? And as Jeff VanderMeer says, when the reader enjoys an ending, they’re
really saying they enjoyed the payoff to the well-structured middle of a novel.
This quote helped me re-frame what middles were; the meat and potatoes of the
story. Substance that keeps your reader around for the finale, rather than a
sequence of events so you can get to the ending. Whenever I find myself trapped
in the middle, I have to ask myself “how does this benefit the ending?” If it
doesn’t, I cut and rework (even in a first draft, which something I would
normally warn against). Listening to your gut about what isn’t working, and
locating the strength in your middle,
is usually one of the easiest ways to avoid its slog.
Symptoms include starting new projects despite a lack of time, inelegant
sobbing, and the return of that crippling self-doubt.
You might think, once you have finished
your first draft, you would be free of the Writer’s Block and its troubling
patterns. Revision and rewriting should be easy now that you’ve finished the
Ah, the innocence.
Some of the worst roadblocks I have
encountered in writing show up in the process of fixing the first draft; the
scenes to reframe, plotlines to tighten, characters to build upon. Revision is
harder than hell, since so many issues can show up during revisions that you don’t expect. The
point of editing books is digging deeper; you must unearth the layers beneath
the top soil that is your first draft, and you will find things you don’t like,
things you must throw away and rework into oblivion. There will be scenes that
you adore and no longer apply to your current vision. Your story will never
again be the project you started, and it will never be perfect, and you get to
accept that in all its artistic ugliness.
I recently finished my editing on my first
novel and am currently working on edits for the second. The act of pushing
through your revision roadblocks- whatever they may be, is a matter of
willpower, and moreover, about confidence. It requires trusting in your own
abilities, recognizing your limits, and practicing
over and over. It’s about being open to
failure and critique, and learning from both for the future. These are all hard to stomach, and probably the reason most people don’t like editing. But
revision separates the novice from the novelist, and humbling yourself to it is
the best way forward. After all, we are often much stronger writers than we
What’s your experience with Writer’s Block? Where do you get it during the writing process and how have you learned to address it?
Avatar: the Last Airbender and the Journey from Pain to Acceptance, Part Three: Zuko
Aang, Katara, and Zuko each have deep traumatic wounds, and each over the course of the show learn to address and relate to their pain in different ways. Each faces different types of pain, and each struggles with different manifestations of trauma, but they each come to terms with their pain and their relationship to it over the course of the series. Their journeys of pain and self discovery parallel each other as well as contrast with each other to demonstrate the myriad ways people face their trauma, and that there is no one kind of pain. In this section I will talk about Zuko, his familial abuse, and his personal fears of his own inadequacy.
Zuko hints a couple of times throughout the series that Ozai was not always the cruel, domineering parent that we see in the show. He calls his young childhood a time when his family was actually happy. Although we know from Ursa’s memories that the family was never happy, it points to a time before Ozai picked Azula as his favorite child, when Ozai valued both his children, and when Zuko felt safe. This makes Zuko’s story, much like Aang and Katara’s, the story of the loss of this sense of safety, and the coming to terms with it.
Zuko loses his sense of safety by stages. First his father picks his sister as his favorite and stops valuing Zuko, emotionally abusing him and allowing his sister to bully him with impunity. Then, on a terrible night, in which Azula taunts Zuko with thr prospect of his murder at the hands of his father, on the orders of his grandfather, his mother disappears without explanation. Then, at last, when he is thirteen, his father scars and banishes him, sending him to hunt the world for the Avatar. Each of these leaves a new wound, and each deepens and furthers his sense of insecurity.
Zuko’s happy young childhood as Ozai’s valued child, and his subsequent “fall from grace” leaves him with the dangerous idea that Zuko could, if he just did enough, earn his way back into his father’s favor, and be safe and valued again. The audience is shown this over and over again in Zuko’s repeated insistence that his father loves him and wants him home. He is simply not good enough. This is what becomes Zuko’s persistent central fear, that he is not good enough. He is not a good enough son, prince, leader, nephew, boyfriend, or teacher.
Much like Katara’s assumption of the role of mother and the entailed responsibilities, Zuko’s feelings of inadequacy perversely give him a sense of control. If he is to blame for his banishment, for his disfavor, he can become good enough and achieve security again. This also compels Zuko to take up his father’s narrative of his life, and his father’s worldview. He was wrong when he defended the soldiers. He was wrong in childhood for not being a prodigy. He was wrong, not Ozai, because if Ozai is the one in the wrong, Zuko can’t learn to be right and earn his way back to safety.
Zuko does not give up this distorted picture of his own culpability and his father’s rightness until he gets what he has been seeking, his father’s esteem. He returns home to the Fire Nation, the valued son of Ozai and finds no security. The miracle that allowed him to return home isn’t so miraculous, and his sister holds over his head the fact that she’s the one who performed it anyway. Then, he is confronted with incontrovertible wrongness on what his father wants and values, when Ozai latches onto the prospect of committing genocide with relish. Like Katara in The Southern Raiders, Zuko is left with the choice between maintaining his sense of security, keeping silent and remaining with his father, or leaving to train the Avatar and helping to overthrow his father. He of course chooses the latter. And in admitting that his father was wrong and he was right about this, he is able to realize and acknowledge that his father is wrong about him as well.
Zuko’s sense of inadequacy ripples outward from its source, and it isn’t only Zuko’s perception of his father that is affected. Likewise it doesn’t dissipate harmlessly when he comes to acknowledge that his father is wrong, and it is not his own inadequacy that caused his mistreatment. There are three other relationships in the show in which Zuko’s fears about his inadequacy feature prominently. The first is his relationship with his girlfriend, Mai. After Zuko sides with his sister in Ba Sing Se, Mai and Zuko reunite and strike up a romance. By the time they return home, they are firmly a couple. However, Zuko’s insecurities almost put an end to their relationship on their trip to Ember Island. His sense of inadequacy fuels a deep seeded jealousy, that leads him to react with fear and anger when Mai talks to another boy. Zuko throws the boy across the room and into a vase for his “transgression”. Zuko’s downright paranoid fear that Mai will leave him if she talks to another boy, if she becomes aware of what she is missing perhaps, nearly does cause Mai to leave him. Her refusal to put up with his actions force him to put aside his feelings of inadequacy with her and not to act on them, to acknowledge that just because he is afraid and stressed, and having difficulties doesn’t mean he gets to act on his fear and pain without examining how it affects others.
When Zuko goes to his uncle before Sozin’s comet, he is filled with fear for how his uncle will welcome him. He betrayed his uncle and left him in prison. He went against his uncle’s teachings and moral code, and proved himself inadequate. However, Iroh welcomes him with open arms and love. To Iroh, Zuko is not inadequate or unworthy. His inherent Zukoness is enough, and he is simply happy that his nephew is doing better and found his way back to him.
Zuko’s feelings of inadequacy also shape his interactions with the gaang after he joins them. He seeks to become worthy and earn their esteem individually, regaining his firebending to teach Aang, taking Sokka to rescue his father… And taking Katara on a quest to avenge her mother’s murder. He decides to ignore Aang and Sokka’s warnings and the teachings of his uncle to give Katara something she wants to get her to like him, to be Worthy. In the end, Katara is the one who has to make the hard moral choice not to take revenge. He fails to stand up to his own anxiety, showing that just because he has begun the road to acceptance and coming to terms with who he is, he is not there yet.
In fact, this understanding, that just because Zuko has made progress doesn’t mean he is “all better”, that his childhood doesn’t affect him or that his fears have gone away, features heavily in the comics. Likewise Aang and Katara, as well as the rest of the characters from the show deal with the continuing affects of their pain and their efforts to come to terms with it. The fear doesn’t go away for any of them. Recovery and acceptance in the Avatar world, much like our own, are frustratingly cyclical, and there is no easy endpoint that comes from self-knowledge. At the end of the show, each character has come a long way from where they started, but they each still have a long way to go.
A part of me had always been drawn to the spiritual
mysteries of the universe, and it was because of it that I wondered now whether
there was a higher power at work ensuring that my encounters with John Watson
Mine was a strange personality, after all, caught between
moments of abstinence
and periods of boundless indulgence; and although I would not dare to diminish
him by comparing my cravings for him to the dependency to my drugs, it hadn’t
escaped me that I hungered for him desperately.