learn the address


Peter Capaldi being an absolute cinnamon roll and thanking each individual person involved with his happy birthday video! (x)

Thank you to everybody in the world who was kind enough to think about me and send me best wishes on my birthday! Unfortunately,  I can’t get around everybody, and say thank you personally because otherwise there’d be no time left to make Doctor Who, which is what we’re in the middle of doing at the moment. But in the meantime…

MBTI Types’ Shadow

“The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge.” ~ Carl Jung


Flexible and tolerant, they take a pragmatic approach focused on immediate results. Theories and conceptual explanations bore them – they want to act energetically to solve the problem. Focus on the here-and-now, spontaneous, enjoy each moment that they can be active with others. Enjoy material comforts and style. Learn best through doing.

  • ESTP  Shadow: ISTJ.
    Can become stubborn about their perception of the past and fixated on its relation to the present (Si). Can become critical, disgruntled with disorder, illogical, or inefficiency (Te). Rigidly following a belief system or what they personally think is important, with accompanying childish and/or selfish behaviour (Fi). Over-reading between the lines, often misinterpreting someone’s actions and seeing negative intentions where there are none (Ne).


Tolerant and flexible, quiet observers until a problem appears, then act quickly to find workable solutions. Analyze what makes things work and readily get through large amounts of data to isolate the core of practical problems. Interested in cause and effect, organize facts using logical principles, value efficiency.

  • ISTP Shadow: ESTJ
    Can become stubborn about organising things and insist on a systematic approach (Te). Prefer not to focus on the past but can be quite critical of past performances and overuse negative experiences to inform decisions (Si). Interpret situations in a naive way, inferring malice where none exists (Ne). Spend money and time on things that are unimportant and care little about the value of things (Fi).


Outgoing, friendly, and accepting. Exuberant lovers of life, people, and material comforts. Enjoy working with others to make things happen. Bring common sense and a realistic approach to their work, and make work fun. Flexible and spontaneous, adapt readily to new people and environments. Learn best by trying a new skill with other people.

  • ESFP Shadow: ISFJ
    Can become stubborn about their perception of the past and fixated on its relation to the present (Si). Can be quite critical and disgruntled about the expectations of the group to the point of rebellion and disengaging (Fe). May make statements or believe in ideas that are contradictory and illogical (Ti). Over-reading between the lines, often misinterpreting someone’s actions and seeing negative intentions where there are none (Ne).


Quiet, friendly, sensitive, and kind. Enjoy the present moment, what’s going on around them. Like to have their own space and to work within their own time frame. Loyal and committed to their values and to people who are important to them. Dislike disagreements and conflicts, do not force their opinions or values on others.

  • ISFP Shadow: ESFJ
    Stubborn about how others affect them and resist being pulled into being responsible for others feelings and choices (Fe). Prefer not to focus on the past but can be quite critical of past performances and overuse negative experiences to inform decisions (Si). Interpret situations in a naive way, inferring malice where none exists (Ne). Caught up in pointing out others’ inconsistencies, with a dogmatic tendency to adhere to one principle rather than seeing its distinctions (Ti).


Practical, realistic, matter-of-fact. Decisive, quickly move to implement decisions. Organize projects and people to get things done, focus on getting results in the most efficient way possible. Take care of routine details. Have a clear set of logical standards, systematically follow them and want others to also. Forceful in implementing their plans.

  • ESTJ Shadow: ISTP
    Can be stubborn about the models and principles they’ve adopted, categorising everything simplistically and robotically following the principles (Ti). Go on about “facts,” blocking others’ proposed actions, or get caught up in the moment and engage in impulsive behaviour (Se). Envision how something will play out and ignore signs that it won’t work out, foreseeing disaster or nothing at all (Ni). Convinced others don’t like, appreciate, or need them, and over-accommodate others needs (Fe)


Quiet, serious, earn success by thoroughness and dependability. Practical, matter-of-fact, realistic, and responsible. Decide logically what should be done and work toward it steadily, regardless of distractions. Take pleasure in making everything orderly and organized – their work, their home, their life. Value traditions and loyalty.

  • ISTJ Shadow: ESTP
    Stubborn about going on impulse and insist that they have an accurate read of the situation (Se). Prefer not to articulate operating principles and can get stuck in models and frameworks they have learned or adapted (Ti). Over-address others’ concerns and feel disappointment over a false sense of closeness (Fe). Make dire predictions with certainty and mistake deep symbolism as a guidepost for life (Ni).


Warmhearted, conscientious, and cooperative. Want harmony in their environment, work with determination to establish it. Like to work with others to complete tasks accurately and on time. Loyal, follow through even in small matters. Notice what others need in their day-by-day lives and try to provide it. Want to be appreciated for who they are and for what they contribute.

  • ESFJ Shadow: ISFP
    Be stubborn about values as they crusade for a particular cause, turning off people instead of mobilising them (Fi). Go on about “facts,” blocking others’ proposed actions, or get caught up in the moment and engage in impulsive behaviour (Se). Envision how something will play out and ignore signs that it won’t work out, foreseeing disaster or nothing at all (Ni). analyse, lash out if others criticise their logic with emotional arguments, and make subjective arguments (Te).


Quiet, friendly, responsible, and conscientious. Committed and steady in meeting their obligations. Thorough, painstaking, and accurate. Loyal, considerate, notice and remember specifics about people who are important to them, concerned with how others feel. Strive to create an orderly and harmonious environment at work and at home.

  • ISFJ Shadow: ESFP
    Stubborn about going on impulse and insist that they have an accurate read of the situation (Se). Dwell on conflicts in beliefs, being critical, and locking into their desires by bulldozing others (Fi). Spend unnecessary time establishing order, planning, and misguide themselves and others in the process (Te). Make dire predictions with certainty and mistake deep symbolism as a guidepost for life (Ni)


Frank, decisive, assume leadership readily. Quickly see illogical and inefficient procedures and policies, develop and implement comprehensive systems to solve organizational problems. Enjoy long-term planning and goal setting. Usually well informed, well read, enjoy expanding their knowledge and passing it on to others. Forceful in presenting their ideas.

  • ENTJ Shadow: INTP
    Can be stubborn about the models and principles they’ve adopted, categorising everything simplistically and robotically following the principles (Ti). Oblivious to unspoken potentials and get off track with inferences and interconnections (Ne). Cling to what they are used to; repeat themselves in ritualistic fashion (Si). Convinced others don’t like, appreciate, or need them, and over-accommodate others’ needs (Fe).


Have original minds and great drive for implementing their ideas and achieving their goals. Quickly see patterns in external events and develop long-range explanatory perspectives. When committed, organize a job and carry it through. Skeptical and independent, have high standards of competence and performance – for themselves and others.

  • INTJ Shadow: ENTP
    Be stubborn about responding to emerging information and locking on to a hidden meaning (Ne). Prefer not to articulate operating principles and can get stuck in models and frameworks they have learned or adapted (Ti). Over-address others’ concerns and feel disappointment over a false sense of closeness (Fe). Get stuck in impressions of how things were and resist change; waste time reviewing the impact of the past (Si).


Quick, ingenious, stimulating, alert, and outspoken. Resourceful in solving new and challenging problems. Adept at generating conceptual possibilities and then analyzing them strategically. Good at reading other people. Bored by routine, will seldom do the same thing the same way, apt to turn to one new interest after another.

  • ENTP Shadow: INTJ
    Be stubborn about perceptions of how the future will be, and lock onto a vision that won’t happen (Ni). Can become critical, disgruntled with disorder, illogic, or inefficiency (Te). Rigidly following a belief system or what they personally think is important, with accompanying childish and/or selfish behaviour (Fi). Excessively seek physical stimulation or following the urge to do nothing; zero in on isolated details, acting impulsively on them (Se).


Seek to develop logical explanations for everything that interests them. Theoretical and abstract, interested more in ideas than in social interaction. Quiet, contained, flexible, and adaptable. Have unusual ability to focus in depth to solve problems in their area of interest. Skeptical, sometimes critical, always analytical.

  • INTP Shadow: ENTJ
    Can become stubborn about organising things and insist on a systematic approach (Te). Indulge negative thoughts of how events will unfold (Ni). Dwell on the perceived “realities” of a situation; act highly impulsively (Se). Spend money and time on things that are unimportant and care little about the value of things (Fi).


Warm, empathetic, responsive, and responsible. Highly attuned to the emotions, needs, and motivations of others. Find potential in everyone, want to help others fulfill their potential. May act as catalysts for individual and group growth. Loyal, responsive to praise and criticism. Sociable, facilitate others in a group, and provide inspiring leadership.

  • ENFJ Shadow: INFP
    Be stubborn about values as they crusade for a particular cause, turning off people instead of mobilising them (Fi). Oblivious to unspoken potentials and get off track with inferences and interconnections (Ne). Cling to what they are used to; repeat themselves in ritualistic fashion (Si). analyse, lash out if others criticise their logic with emotional arguments, and make subjective arguments (Te).


Seek meaning and connection in ideas, relationships, and material possessions. Want to understand what motivates people and are insightful about others. Conscientious and committed to their firm values. Develop a clear vision about how best to serve the common good. Organized and decisive in implementing their vision.

  • INFJ Shadow: ENFP
    Be stubborn about responding to emerging information and locking on to a hidden meaning (Ne). Dwell on conflicts in beliefs, being critical, and locking into their desires by bulldozing others (Fi). Spend unnecessary time establishing order, planning, and misguide themselves and others in the process (Te). Get stuck in impressions of how things were and resist change; waste time reviewing the impact of the past (Si)


Warmly enthusiastic and imaginative. See life as full of possibilities. Make connections between events and information very quickly, and confidently proceed based on the patterns they see. Want a lot of affirmation from others, and readily give appreciation and support. Spontaneous and flexible, often rely on their ability to improvise and their verbal fluency.

  • ENFP Shadow: INFJ
    Be stubborn about perceptions of how the future will be, and lock onto a vision that won’t happen (Ni). Can be quite critical and disgruntled about the expectations of the group to the point of rebellion and disengaging (Fe). May make statements or believe in ideas that are contradictory and illogical (Ti). Excessively seek physical stimulation or following the urge to do nothing; zero in on isolated details, acting impulsively on them (Se)


Idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them. Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick to see possibilities, can be catalysts for implementing ideas. Seek to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened.

  • INFP Shadow: ENFJ
    Stubborn about how others affect them and resist being pulled into being responsible for others feelings and choices (Fe). Indulge negative thoughts of how events will unfold (Ni). Dwell on the perceived “realities” of a situation; act highly impulsively (Se). Caught up in pointing out others’ inconsistencies, with a dogmatic tendency to adhere to one principle rather than seeing its distinctions (Ti).
Back To Hogwarts

pairing: Severus x Reader

fandom: harry potter

prompt: ‘arguing but being secretly turned on by it’                                              

warnings: a bit suggestive stuff maybe but no actual smut or anything

@nekodemon73 @kumpmk

Hogwarts. One of the most magical places you had ever been to. Despite your great love for it, you actually hadn’t thought you’d be back so soon, yet here you were. 

Teaching had never crossed your mind while you were a student here, funny how your life can chance with just one simple decision. 

Sometimes, when you come back to a place you once knew as a child, everything looks smaller and not quite like you remembered it. Hogwarts didn’t. It hadn’t changed one bit for you, still the same amazing home that made everyone feel welcome the moment you stepped inside. 

“Miss Blackwood.” The voice made you shudder, old memories slowly surfacing from deep within. The one person you had never managed to get along with and of course he had to be the first to meet you. 

You turn around with the best fake smile you can manage to put on, “Severus.” 

He looks pissed of your use of his first name but you had sworn yourself not to let yourself become intimidated by him again. He wasn’t your teacher anymore and you had no reason to be scared. 

“If you’d follow me, Dumbledore…ask me to show you your new room.”
By the sound of it and the disdain on his face he had most likely been forced to 'welcome’ you back. Something, both of you had rather avoided. The school year hadn’t started yet which probably meant he was one of the few teachers already here.

Snape makes his way through the long and empty corridors, quietly and quickly, like only he could. A talent that had gotten you into a lot of trouble more times than you could count. 

He doesn’t stop or wait for you to catch up and you have to curry to keep up with him. The echo of your footsteps is the only sound that’s audible.  
When you walk by the quidditch field, you stop for a moment and look outside. It was a bright sunny day, no cloud in sight. Would be a perfect day for a match, you had always loved this game. 

Snape clears his throat somewhere in front of you, so you tear away your eyes with a sigh and continue to follow him. 

“We’re here.”  

He opens the door to a small but really nice looking room. The kind where you’re woken up by sunlight hitting your face in the morning and you can’t help but feel good about it. It was entirely different than your dorm room but felt like home nonetheless. 

“Thanks, Sev.” You smirk and step into your new room. Before you can push the door in his face, he gets his foot in between. 

“You should learn to address your superiors with more respect, unless you want to end up getting spanked like a child." 

He probably hadn’t intended for it to sound so suggestive and hot but the way he said it made all kinds of dirty thoughts run through your head. Bend over his knees, his hand coming down on your ass and…no, no, no, no. No freaking way you were thinking that! 

"Thanks I’ll remember it, in case I come across one of my 'superiors’.”  

You quickly slam the door shut and bury your head in the pillow of the bed.

I was part of an anti-fascist movement when I was 16-19. Being very active in that, I can tell you that many “anti-fascists” are motivated by the same kind of… I don’t even know how to describe it other than tribalism? They need a small herd to belong to and well-defined enemies, and they love violence. This can be confirmed by seeing how many of these “anti-fascists” went on to become football hooligans.

Anyways, I was the peaceful kind of guy, and I tried my best to go with soft options for undermining fascists in our city. We would learn their names, addresses, social patterns. We would try to talk to them, to their families, to their co-workers, we would try to be outside when we knew they were to prevent them from beating up innocents, we would try shaming them, anything we could think of.

But in the end, none of that worked. What worked was when some guys out of our group just systematically found them and punched them in the face. They didn’t knock their lights out, but they did knock them to the ground. Every single time these guys came home from a night out, people would be waiting and just beating them up.

It was ridiculous how quickly they stopped harassing innocents. Within a year, the ringleader even had a job. Ten years later and we have a much stronger fascist movement now than then, but these particular guys are not active neo-nazis, even though they could easily be. So we have to assume that they don’t want to be neo-nazis anymore.

That whole experience made me (reluctantly) change my mind about non-violence. I don’t understand how it worked, because I don’t have the mental capacity to empathize with any of this, but it did work.
Review : The Most Beautiful My Time With Prince

Okay this will be long, but I have a lot to say about this book….

Let’s all take a moment.

Take a deep breath.

4 counts in. Hold it it. 4 counts out.

You good?


Mayte Garcia is probably one of the most polarizing figures in the P universe. 

We knew she was his first wife. Mother of his kids. They shared several tragedies. She was on a reality show. Things happened.

Not a ton of info about their time together other than what was heard on the grapevine…and OH what a grapevine it has been.

So informed by said grapevine, I came to this book full of side eye, salt, and envy if I can be completely honest here. Lump on the features in People magazine, I came with WHY?! Reading that absolutely tuned my stomach and I felt horrible for wanting to know such personal things.

But then I realized, I was reading this in People magazine, which isn’t the most credible source for information as they tend to be sensational most of time.

So I said to myself, I’ve read dozens upon dozens of Prince books and articles from former band mates, scholars, super fans, journalists, groupies, ex-girlfriends…why not read one by his first wife.

Also, if I want to speak about this book with any credibility, I have to read it.

And so I did.

Can I tell you that I had to eat every single judgmental thought I’ve ever had about her?

Can I tell you that she addresses pretty much every “why” question I had regarding her?

Can I tell you about the amount of self-awareness this woman has and perhaps even had during her time with Prince?

Can I tell you how surprised I was about how well written this book is? About how good of a story teller she is? About how my respect for her just as a woman skyrocketed?

Can I tell you how ashamed I was for being surprised about how well written this book is? About how good of a story teller she is? About how my respect for her just as a woman only skyrocketed after having read this?

Can I tell you that even at the sweetest moments with her and P, I did not have an IOTA of envy and was excited and happy that they were so in love? 

Can I tell you how important context is when considering what people do and why they do it? 

This book is about Mayte Garcia.

It’s about HER life and when Prince enters it, it’s still about HER life. When he exits…still about HER life. 

I feel like I grew as a person by reading this, learning not to judge, and to look at myself and really consider the reasons why I react or get upset about things regarding P, or really just in general. I learned to address those things so I can be free to just absorb and appreciate other people’s life experience without placing my own projections onto it.

Not gonna lie, this is a VERY difficult book to read, especially leading up to the anniversary, not because of what’s in it (the info about Prince and his habits isn’t new if you’ve read Dance, Music, Sex, Romance by Per Nilsen or Possessed by Alex Hahn) but because of the emotionally raw place it comes from.

Everyone will stand in front of a huge mirror when it comes to this book. What you see in it will be very revealing of who you are as a person.  

If you’re coming to it with an anti-mayte agenda and a point to prove, you will find evidence here that will corroborate what you think about her…because that is what you will want to find…and that is all that you will see.

If you’re coming with a set idea that Prince is a wonderful, loving, sexy and giving musical genius, you may be in for a disruptive experience that will humanize him in more ways you’re ready for (ESPECIALLY if you haven’t read the aforementioned books).

If you come with a general curiosity about him with no context about him otherwise, you will find it to be a depiction of a flawed genius…and maybe a few other not so nice judgements without having the context of his upbringing.  

If you come with a critical, but open minded place of love4oneanother and really lean into this, really dig in and challenge yourself, your perceptions, your prejudices, your bias, you will find this book to be an incredibly DIFFICULT, but humbling and cathartic experience.

I thoroughly enjoyed this deeply resonating and evocative journey. I came with a critical, but open minded mindset, had to reset my own feelings every few pages…then found that I didn’t have to anymore as I progressed through the book. I emerged with HUGE amounts of respect for Mayte, and yes Prince was humanized even more in a MAJOR way through her lens, even given that much the info here isn’t new if you’ve been around. 

It’s interesting in that he is in this book for sure, but this book is not about him at all. You still only get a glimpse of who he was. I found I still very much loved and wanted to protect the complex and human man that was depicted here (as much as you can a stranger). He is still a wonderful, loving, sexy, giving musical genius. Even at the most difficult points when he seemed to be only one of those things (lol), he was still transparent, pure of intent, and INCREDIBLY consistent in the way he dealt with really everything. He’s still my Professor…now more than ever…and in more ways than I ever thought he could be…

Whatever your perception of this book is, in reading it, you will be challenged deeply on the reasons why you are fam and you will have to face that truth in a VERY direct way. It will take some time to process and you should let this marinate for a minute while you do. Don’t be afraid of what might come up as you work it out. Let it wash over you and really do some self inventory…if you do this right, it can really be an amazingly healing ride. That was my experience and I hope you are able to free yourself so you can learn, grow, and heal from this journey as well.

Amazon 13.99-27.58

I guess I kinda wanted to apologize for all the drama going on (don’t ask me what it’s about; if you’re following you’ll know).

I have to admit I know little to nothing about CGL/DDLG… So it def wasn’t my place to speak out in favor of it considering I know nothing about it period. I’m not a kinky person. I grew up in a sheltered household and I’ve been sex repulsed most of my life so I never really got into the communities and I know little to nothing about these “kinks”.

I should have at the very least listened to what that person had to say rather than brushing them off because I didn’t want to deal with it; I had just gotten off a shift at work and it was busy and customers pissed me off so I wasn’t in a good mood to begin with (which isn’t an excuse obviously). They even offered to show me sources as to why CGL/DDLG is linked to pedophilia, but I refused because I didn’t want to hear it.

I was wrong, and I apologize. Sincerely. As a CSA survivor myself, and after doing some research throughout the day, I can 100% see now why CGL/DDLG can make people (especially CSA survivors) EXTREMELY uncomfortable. Moving forward I will make it a new rule in the server that CGL/DDLG mentions can be spoken about, but the kink itself/talking about their kink will not be allowed anymore.

And about the whole Traumatizedofficial thing: I just wanted to say that your post was linked a few times in the discord (I forgot who started it), and I should have shut down the conversations right away when they began to insult you and spread misinformation/unsourced stuff about you. Whether or not people agree with what you have to say, they shouldn’t result in name calling and going to your blog to harass you, and as the admin of that server I should have shut it down as soon as I knew it was happening, which I also apologize for not doing. I 100% do not encourage people, ever, to go to somebody’s blog and harass them, and I apologize on their behalf for the nasty messages they have sent you.

So, I apologize for being super rude to that one person I spoke to earlier/got into an argument with, and banned because I just “didn’t want to deal with him”. I should have at least heard you out because I know your intentions were good and I shut you down anyway.

I apologize to Traumatizedofficial for allowing the discussions about him going too far in my server, which I should have shut down as soon as insults were being thrown/the discussion turned into a witch hunt.

And I also apologize to those who I hurt by saying the things I said. I really do. I would never, EVER defend pedophiles, and I would never defend incest or anything of the sort. I would never defend MAPs or Pedophiles. And again, moving forward, I will do my best to get rid of the CGL/DDLG discussions taking part in my server (they rarely happen anymore; all of the people who spoke about it a lot left or were kicked out a while ago).

I don’t expect forgiveness or anything of the sort, but I didn’t want to sit back and pretend nothing was happening. This is the only thing I’m going to talk about (publicly) on the situation; if you want to talk to me further about this (and I’m not talking about asking me “oh what happened”. I’m talking about people who know what’s going on and want more clarification from me) please send me an ask off anon or privately message me. I’ll do my best to reply.

Again, I’m really, really sorry. I deserve to be called out like this, and I am not saying what I did was right. I was 100% in the wrong and I am facing the consequences, and that’s okay. 

- Krissi

How to address strangers in putonghua

In China, various forms of address are used in different circumstances. Choosing the appropriate and correct form shows your wit and respect to others. Generally, for Chinese people it should be in accord with convention and please also be aware of personal favor of the people being addressed.

Here are some tips about how to address STRANGERS

Woman in general

Meaning in English: little girl

Pinyin: xiǎo mèi mèi

Chinese characters: 小妹妹

NB. xiǎo mèi mèi can be girls aged 1-18.

Meaning in English: beautiful woman

Pinyin: měi nǚ

Chinese characters: 美女

NB. Even if the woman is not beautiful, you can still call her měi nǚ.

Meaning in English: younger sister

Pinyin: mèi zi

Chinese characters: 妹子

NB. mèi zi is a female friend who is younger than you. Do not call a stranger mèi zi.

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Meaning in English: miss

Pinyin: xiǎo jiě

Chinese characters: 小姐

NB. Do not use xiǎo jiě alone, because it is a specific form of address for a prostitute. Always put the surname before xiǎo jiě (for example, Liu xiǎo jiě=Miss Liu). 

Meaning in English: madame

Pinyin: nǚ shì

Chinese characters: 女士

NB. It is used to address a married woman or a woman whose marital status you do not know. But it is used more often in written language.

How to address a woman who’s older than you? 

Meaning in English: big sister

Pinyin: dà jiě

Chinese characters: 大姐

NB. dà jiě is a woman a little older than you.

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Meaning in English: aunt

Pinyin: ā yí

Chinese characters: 阿姨

NB. ā yí has two meanings: 1) aunt (a woman who’s at your parents’ age); 2) a sanitation worker who cleans your home. Usually the Chinese like to use a younger form of address than the woman deserves. Do not call a woman ā yí if you think dà jiě can be used.

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Meaning in English: female boss

Pinyin: lǎo bǎn niáng

Chinese characters: 老板娘

NB. Any woman who owns a business, small or big, can be addressed as lǎo bǎn niáng.

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Man in general

Meaning in English: boy

Pinyin: xiǎo dì dì

Chinese characters: 小弟弟

NB. xiǎo dì dì can be boys aged 1-18.

Meaning in English: handsome young man

Pinyin: shuài gē

Chinese characters: 帅哥

Meaning in English: mister

Pinyin: xiān sheng

Chinese characters: 先生

NB. This is a very safe form of address. 

Meaning in English: elder brother

Pinyin: dà gē

Chinese characters: 大哥

NB. dà gē is a man a little older than you. 

Meaning in English: uncle

Pinyin: dà shū

Chinese characters: 大叔

NB. dà shū is a man at your parents’ age. If you think a man is young enough to deserve dà gē, don’t use dà shū.

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Meaning in English: (a worker)

Pinyin: shī fu

Chinese characters: 师傅

NB. Shī fu is a man (sometimes a woman) who does manual labor, a door keeper, a security guard, a delivery worker, a cook, etc. There isn’t a proper equivalent in English. It also means master (as in kung fu master) or teacher.

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 Meaning in English: boss

Pinyin: lǎo bǎn

Chinese characters: 老板

NB. lǎo bǎn is a man who owns a business, small or big. In case you do not know whether the boss is a man or woman, you can use lǎo bǎn to address the person.

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People in general

Meaning in English: service staff

Pinyin: fú wù yuán

Chinese characters: 服务员

NB. fú wù yuán can be a bar tender, a waiter, or waitress at a restaurant.

Meaning in English: friend

Pinyin: péng yǒu

Chinese characters: 朋友

NB. péng yǒu is not necessarily a friend. In fact, you don’t call your friend péng yǒu. You can address a stranger as péng yǒu if you want to be friendly.

Meaning in English: (student)

Pinyin: tóng xué

Chinese characters: 同学

NB. tóng xué is a pupil or student. 

Meaning in English: kid

Pinyin: xiǎo péng yǒu

Chinese characters: 小朋友

NB. xiǎo péng yǒu is a pre-school child.

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If you can’t come up with a form of address when you want to talk with a stranger, use nǐ hǎo (hello).


Instinct (B.Barnes)

Bucky Barnes


Warnings: angst (possibly a part two if you guys want), swearing

A/N - italicized sections are flashbacks! xo

Part Two!

Bucky sat in the same worn chair for three days, not moving unless it was to use the bathroom but even then he made sure he was back within a minute or so. He had studied the room surrounding him, noticing the black and grey scuff marks on the bottom of the doorway or how the paint chipped faintly where the wall touched the ceiling. 

Three whole days of hoping, wishing and praying that the rhythmic beeps of the machines would continue, signaling that life was still sitting in front of him. His breath hitched every time the dull beep of the heart monitor would slow for a moment, his eyes scanning across the computerized screen as if it held the cure for death.

“You should go rest, you need to get some food in you. I’ll stay here with her if it’ll make you feel any better.” Steve says from the doorway, his eyes softening at the sight of his best friend in such utter turmoil. Bucky shakes his head, not taking his eyes off the girl in front of him. “It wasn’t your fault, Buck.”

The shaggy haired man doesn’t answer that either, but continues to watch the slow rise of your chest with every breath you took. Internally, Bucky’s at a war with himself, so much so that he can’t focus on anything but that and your safety. 

Bucky didn’t know who you were, or at least he didn’t remember. All he knew was that you had been caught in the crossfire between HYDRA and the Avengers and for some reason his first instinct was to take you out of that situation. He didn’t know if you were a HYDRA agent or just a random civilian in the wrong place at the wrong time but none of that mattered because in that moment he felt a sense of familiarity when he saw your face.

Bucky tried hard, so hard to protect you. He would have succeeded too if it hadn’t been for a HYDRA agent shooting at the beams that hung above him, forcing the heavy wood to fall and collapse on the two. Bucky had been unharmed besides a few scrapes and bruises but you weren’t as lucky. The doctors weren’t even sure how you were alive right now with the extent of internal damage you endured. 

“Do you remember her? Did you know her?” Steve asks, sitting in the chair opposite to the other super soldier, placing his backpack on the floor. Bucky shrugs, shaking his head slightly as he rattles his brain for that exact answer. “You wouldn’t just save a random person for no reason, at least not like that. You saved her Buck, you held the beams up from crushing her. She isn’t some stranger, you know her. Maybe you don’t remember, but you do know her. I can tell.”

Bucky swallows hard, looking at your limp form on the bed. You have some bad bruises across your small frame, a busted lip and a large gash across your forehead decorate your face. Your left arm and leg are wrapped into tight casts, hoisted up to keep the swelling down from the multiple breaks in your bones. If Bucky hadn’t put his hand across you, your ribs would have been crushed within an instant. Thinking back to it, Bucky didn’t even have to think twice about moving his arm, almost as if it were second nature.

The slight curve of your face, the sharp point of your nose and the elongated arch of your eyebrow were all familiar to Bucky, he just didn’t know how. He knew you were important, he didn’t know why but he definitely knew you were someone he thought of as high up. 

“I did some digging.” Steve begins, looking at Bucky to make sure he should continue his sentence. Digging into his backpack, Steve rustles through some papers before pulling out a manilla folder, encased in dark twine.

Bucky peers over, cocking an eyebrow at Captain America. “What’s that?” His voice is gruff but he doesn’t expect anything less as he hadn’t spoken a single word in three days except for when he would call for the nurse if he got nervous about your lack of breathing.

“Just look it over, maybe this will spark some memory.” Steve sighs, handing the folder over to Bucky. The brunet takes it and unties the corse twine from around the folder. When he finally tears off the rest of the twine, he flips the folder open to reveal an info page.

Your pictures on the top left, your long (Y/H/C) flowing down your shoulders in waves. The picture looks to be that of a student i.d image, staged and youthful. Your name is splayed across the right column in italicized letters, Y/N Y/L/N.

Bucky reads on, learning your birthday, home address and even the schools you attended from preschool to college. You were smart, smarter than Bucky thought was possible, with a 4.95 GPA and holding the title of Valedictorian for high school and college graduation. 

Flipping the page, Bucky notices the famous HYDRA seal next to your fathers name, a high ranking officer who died in result of the ‘Super Soldier Program’. He almost recognized your fathers name before his eyes widened in horror and he slammed the folder shut. 

Steve flinches and goes to console Bucky before seeing the look of guilt and anger on his features. Bucky remembered everything as if it were just yesterday, memories he either had forced from him or he himself decided needed to be gone came flooding back with no intent on stopping.

“Get her out of here! Protect her at all costs, do you understand me?!” Your father rasped, gripping Bucky’s shirt in his fists while pointing at you behind the enhanced soldiers shoulder. Bucky nodded, placing his human hand on your lower back before shuffling you behind him as he made his was to the exit. 

You watched in horror as your father was thrown to the ground by one of the rogue super soldiers that had been given the same serum as Bucky. “Dad! Let me fucking go!” You screamed, trying to claw your way out from behind Bucky to go and help your only living family member. 

Bucky held tight grip of you, using his metal arm to knock any threat away from you. His mind was set on saving you, the one person he kept his eyes on his entire time in HYDRA’s captivity. 

You had enticed him with your frequent visits to the base, being the only person to offer the man a smile and a wave, even once getting so bold as to brush his hair from his face before your father had seen. Bucky was a person and you felt he should be treated as one, not as a test subject. You were against everything HYDRA stood for but that didn’t mean you could just leave your father, he was your only family and you weren’t going to lose him as well.

Before you knew it, Bucky had you shacked up in a highly guarded room, his eyes bouncing around the almost cell looking room, searching for any danger. “Bucky,” You started, stopping to take a deep breath which caught his attention. You were the only person to ever call him Bucky, though he wasn’t truly sure as to why. “Thank you.”

With that, you collapsed into him, crying into his chest at the thought of losing your family. He had let you cry, he wasn’t sure why he hadn’t pushed you away but something inside of him locked on you and only you. 

After a while, the guards had all left HYDRA in search of any survivors. You were fast asleep, your head tucked into Bucky’s chest as you dreamt peacefully, eyes still puffy from crying. 

He doesn’t know why he did this and he’s not sure why he didn’t take you, but Bucky slipped out from under you, locked all the windows and doors around you and slipped out into the dark of night to finally escape his tormentors. With every step he took he felt guilt pang through his chest, knowing that you would wake up in the morning with nobody.

“I left her.” Bucky croaks, his bottom lip trembling. “I loved her and I was supposed to protect her, I thought i was. She deserves someone who can be with her always, so I left her without saying goodbye.”

Wiping his eyes hurriedly, Bucky inhales deeply to shake the emotions that are crawling up his throat. Too wound up in his own emotions, Bucky failed to realize the sudden decrease in the machine noise until he heard a loud screech and nurses began piling into the room, pushing the two men out. 

Buck fought tooth and nail to stay inside, panic sweeping through him as he saw the nurses calling out orders and yelling for doctors. The last thing he saw before he got pushed out was a woman rubbing two paddles together, her face solum and upset. 

Steve looked at his best friend with caution, trying to read the situation. “She’ll be okay.” He says weakly, knowing very well that the odds are not on your side after the accident. 

“I’m losing her!” Bucky hears through the heavy door, his hands shaking by his sides.

Heith AUs cause I was thinking about these in math class:

• Keith just got a job at a local activity center (think YMCA) as a life guard got the indoor pool, on his first official shift he’s sitting in his chair when he notices a young child swim class start. Hunks the instructor of the class and he is memorized by how this giant guy is so gentle with these little kids.

• High school & sports stuff: Keith’s a rising star football player and Hunk helps in the med tent for community hours. During one game Keith gets badly tackled and can’t walk (a possible concussion to boot), Hunk bridal caries the half conked out Keith back to the med tent. Crazy in tent stuff occurs, and once Keith is more focused he is thankful for his kinda cute medical helper and Hunk never realized how cute the star player was till he was close.

• Hunk works at a hardware store, during this one specific shift this one customer keeps coming in and buying random parts. It’s about the 7th time he’s rung this one customer through, curiosity got the best of him and he asked what the customer is building. Turns out the customer has no idea what he’s doing and it just so happen Hunk is a very handy guy. After exchanging names with the mysterious Keith and learning where is address is, Hunk heads out (after his shift) to help Keith with his mechanical mess. 

 • Hunk leaps at the one in a life time chance to help Keith study when he asks for his help, little does Hunk know it took about 6 days of prep time for Keith to actually ask Hunk for help. This is due to the (not so) small crush he has on the on campus genius. 

 • Hunk is the captain of an ship under the Altea Empire. While out at sea, he and his crew find a man who survived a shipwreck. He doesn’t remember who he was before that much, and the bit he does remember he doesn’t talk about. The only thing Hunk knows is that his name is Keith, he wears a bright red sailors jacket and he is extremely handy with a sword.

 • Hunks a prince and Keith is his assigned body guard. That’s the gist of it.

 • More high school stuff: Hunk is in the schools theater club and works as the main tech director for the club. Keith decides to join the club and amazingly lands the main role. One issue however: He is terrible at memorizing lines and is nervous to have such a big role for his first year. With the help of Hunk he pulls through, fully memorizing his lines and slowly getting over his stage fright, with he knowledge that Hunk is watching him from the booth. Keith comes face first with the “stage love syndrome”, unable to tell if  the feelings are genuine or false. 

If someone asks about these I might go into further detail but, eh, whatever

Martial Arts delusion and how it hurts women.

“I want to be able to protect myself.”  From the hundreds of fellow martial artists I’ve talked with about why they train, this phrase sticks out at the top of the list. Over the years, I’ve become less and less convinced that martial arts actually does relate to “self protection” goals.  There are ways in which almost everyone who does martial arts may be “safer.”  (Exercise is healthy, improving balance and learning to fall safely will protect against common accidents…).   Some people, like law-enforcement officers or people who live or work in really bad neighborhoods, may have specific risks that martial arts can help them address. For the rest of us…it’s a great hobby.  It’s nice to feel like a badass.  It’s good for bonding with people.  Discipline, strength, confidence…it’s a hobby (or lifestyle, or obsession) worth pursuing. I can’t recommend it highly enough.  Many martial artists train for those reasons, for sport, or just because it’s fun.  Wonderful reasons.

But the “self-protection” delusion is a problem.  I would like to see that delusion sliced open and its guts strewn in the dirt: in martial artists, in school marketing, and in the general population.  I would like to see women’s self-defense training that addresses the real risks taught more widely, and see things that are not women’s self-defense marketed accurately “women-only martial arts class” rather than “women’s self-defense” for instance.   

It’s a big problem. Specifically, it’s a huge problem for women, whose risk profile is entirely different from men’s.  Women are led to believe and trust that by studying martial arts they will be safer from the risks they face, and that is at best a very small partial truth and at worst outright wrong.

When men come to martial arts to learn how to fight off an attacker, it’s an active shooter, a violent mugger, a carjacker, or a drunk in a bar.  Risks that (other than the aforementioned LE officers and people in sketchy neighborhoods) they are beyond unlikely to face. For most people those are some of the least likely actual risks in their lives.  Giving up fried food, taking a defensive-driving class, and updating an eyeglass prescription would eliminate more risk from most people’s lives than decades of martial arts training.

So the harm to men from martial arts training is that they get a great hobby with a lot of benefits, for reasons that are mistaken.  That’s even sometimes acknowledged among us, that we have to be crazy to do this stuff when it’s almost certain never to be needed. 

When women, however, come with the purpose of learning self-protection, it’s sexual assault and abuse that they’re worried about.  “I want to learn to protect myself” means “I want to feel safe from rape.”   That’s where the delusion becomes a problem.  A big problem.  

Martial arts training is a hammer, which makes every “protection” problem a nail.   Everyone has heard “the vast majority of sexual assaults are committed by someone the woman is acquainted with.”   But when women sign up for a martial arts program, what they’re getting is stranger-attack skills.  In the real world, women’s acquaintances are not hiding in the bushes or in deserted parking lots to leap out and subdue their friends.   Spending just a little time thinking about the on-the-mat skills taught in almost every martial arts school anywhere, and comparing with the scenarios encountered routinely by 1:4 women in their teens and twenties shows the obvious.  That isn’t training for the risks those women will encounter.

Assault by friends, boyfriends, husbands, co-workers, teachers, bosses, and relatives, the monumental majority of assaults inflicted on women, start with emotional manipulation.  Controlling behavior.  Envelope-pushing behavior. Boundary erosion.  Manipulation.  Creation of ambiguity.  Drugging of drinks. Encouraging of more alcohol or drug use than a woman intends.  Undermining confidence and self-worth.  A vast array of behaviors that can make an assault into a loathsome morass, a situation where punching and kicking are worthless. Different skills are needed.  

Kayla Harrison is an example of exactly that.  She was already a gifted Judoka when she was assaulted.  If anyone could defend herself with martial arts, probably even as a small child, it would have been Kayla Harrison.  If martial arts skills are supposed to apply to acquaintance rape, and she couldn’t apply them, then people with no athletic skill walking in to a random school a couple of days a week surely can’t.  But that wasn’t the problem.  Kayla’s skills were not the problem.  Many women martial artists are raped every year in spite of their belts, training, and ability to put a foot directly through a man’s abdomen.   Martial arts skills are the wrong tool for that situation.  Totally and completely wrong.

Knowing what skills are needed starts with risk analysis.  Risk analysis is something woefully deficient in most martial arts training. Most martial arts instructors enjoy various combinations of: punching, kicking, grappling, throws, chokes, locks…they enjoy sparring, rolling, using various weapons, they enjoy winning.  This is what those folks are great at, they love it, and they teach it. Looking beyond that takes a lot of effort.  The easier thing for people who have a subject they love is to believe that it can solve all problems.  The hammer.

When it comes to studying, martial arts instructors might enjoy looking at old scrolls, or watching video of other martial artists, reading books about martial arts. When they research “modern attacks” they watch video of inmate interviews describing stranger attacks and how victims are chosen.  They watch security video of knifings and shootings.  Unless they’re the guy who wrote “The Gift of Fear,” (Gavin DeBecker…good stuff…read that) they rarely study the “Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report” or study women’s risk profiles from other sources.

Studying martial arts the usual ways means reinforcing teaching martial arts the usual ways, and the delusion that martial arts can protect from “attacks.”  Regardless of the reality.   Delusion is like that.

But some martial artists are women.  And women are a great target demographic.  And sometimes, the need for “something else” breaks through the comfortable idea that if you are just good enough at punching and kicking, then all situations can be handled.

Enter “Ladies’ Self-Defense.”  Almost every martial arts school sometimes offers a women’s self-defense class.   Sometimes it’s even taught by women students or instructors.  And that’s where things get complicated.  Those classes are almost always intended just to bring in new students.  They serve a good purpose: an easy on-ramp to martial arts training.   We know that women often find it hard to walk in the door to martial arts, and such a ramp is a big help.  

But it also reinforces the delusion.

Advertised as “women’s self-defense,” the classes generally just teach a women-only version of whatever the school usually teaches.  Maybe a pink-washed version.  Maybe with “make this a slap instead of a punch,” or a hair-pull tossed in.  But really, it’s just the same stuff.  No different in addressing real risk for women than for men.  Nothing “women’s” about the self-defense except that no men are in the class.

Sometimes there are classes in real women’s self-defense though.  That does exist.  Almost exclusively taught by women, and mostly not teaching any physical techniques at all.  Once in a while it even comes from a martial arts school.  Women who train sometimes go out of their way to learn women’s risks, to learn and develop curricula to address those risks.  Books and classes are out there.  But from the perspective of a woman with no background, there’s no distinction between a pink-washed regular martial arts class and a serious women’s self-defense program.

Women coming in off the streets with no expertise, and just a vague idea  “I want to be safer” encounter confident martial artists who think that their hammer can address any nail (pun fully intended).  Those women can spend years and thousands of dollars learning skills that don’t address their real risks. They may love their art, they may become Kayla Harrison, they may never regret walking in the door of their school…but they’re not learning what they came to learn.

The troublesome part of this is that many women who train in a martial art know all of this.  We have been saying this for a long time.   We care about women’s risks and the very alarming occurrences of those risks. (Comparing men who are unlikely to ever be attacked in any way with women who have a 25% chance of violent attack in their lifetime is stark).  We study, we read, we learn in other contexts.  In my case, I learned about women’s self-defense through a comprehensive sexuality education curriculum when I was 13, and again in my twenties when I became certified to teach that curriculum.  I learned more in training to become a Crisis Response Advocate for sexual assault and domestic abuse survivors.  I learned by reading real research and talking with real survivors (many of whom are fellow martial artists).  I know many other women martial artists and instructors who have sought out that information and those skills.  We learn that specialty, and we sound like broken records talking about the need to teach real women’s self-defense.

But schools still mostly don’t teach those skills.  The delusion of “martial arts makes you safer” persists.  One reason is that it is vaguely true that martial arts makes you safer.  The “learning-to-fall-safely,” the “longer-life-through-exercise.”  The reduction of already-infinitesimal risk of stranger attacks that apply to men and women.  Those things are real.  Not that important, not that useful, but real.

Also, it’s easy for the (mostly male) senior people who run schools and styles to pass off their female students’ concerns with an occasional seminar.  That feels like enough for a concern that doesn’t seem real to them.  They have no personal stake.  They’ve never guarded their drink like Fort Knox.  They’ve never known a dozen friends who have been pressured into sex by people they trusted and thought “that could have been me.” Never faced losing a job or a home if they didn’t sleep with someone.  Risks for other people are easy to pass off.

Martial arts Instructors feel like warrior protectors, who think that if they are with a woman she is safe.  Which is the diametric opposite of the real risk analysis which says that a woman is safer walking alone than with a male acquaintance (don’t take that as advice).  Those men can believe in their punching-and-kicking hammer, wholeheartedly, as a panacea, point at the “women’s self-defense” class (that isn’t women’s self-defense) and be annoyed by the insistent nattering of the women students or junior Instructors who say otherwise.  Badgered to think uncomfortable thoughts when they could stay on solid comfortable ground instead.

There are other reasons. Economic reasons.  It doesn’t pay for most martial arts schools to let students think too hard about real risk analysis.  Some places teach an art that is beautiful and has nothing to do with self-defense, and the school doesn’t pretend it does.  I’m guessing that a Zen Archery teacher presented with a prospective student who said “I want to learn to protect myself” would point the prospect in another direction.  But in schools purporting to teach modern defense…either the instructors don’t know what the real risks are, or they just don’t want to think too hard about it.  They want to cling to the idea that “martial arts makes you safer” and take the money. They probably even believe it and are just bad at math.

I prefer the Macy’s approach. Sending a prospective student elsewhere if what they need isn’t in the house.  Honesty and integrity and cutting through delusion.  If a woman comes looking for risk-reduction, and a martial arts school doesn’t offer real women’s self-defense, then sending the prospect to a class at a Crisis Response organization, or even another martial arts school (if there is one teaching those actual skills nearby) is a way to get more students, a better reputation, and loyalty from their own women students.  Doing otherwise is a breakdown in integrity, a crack in the facade that can run deep.

There are worse reasons. Some schools are run by men who have no business running anything.  Men who see the women in their school as their personal dating pool, or worse.  Men like Kayla Harrison’s early teacher.  A far-too-common thing in an industry full of alpha-males and narcissists.  Those men have zero interest in teaching women to protect themselves from the emotional manipulation they use.  The mindsets of those men could be a book all its own. We don’t like to talk about that, but Kayla Harrison’s situation isn’t as uncommon as it should be.

The most innocuous reason for this delusion is that schools teach certain skills, the people running them may not get into heavy discussions about the whys and wherefores with their students. Many schools are fun, happy places where deep discussion isn’t a thing.   It’s just “caveat emptor.”  People need to do some research before they sign up to spend a lot of time and money on a hobby, to make sure it’s a hobby that will serve their actual needs.

But what is the harm?  People train in a martial art, maybe get a black-belt even.  Enjoy themselves.  Make friends.  Feel like a badass.  Look cool.  They exercise.  They get discipline, and self-control, and endurance.  Martial arts is an outstanding, awesome hobby that I personally think everyone on earth should try.  It’s been a major life-changing thing for me.  If an acquaintance says “I’m thinking about martial arts” they get from me “YES, you should do it! You’ll love it!”  So where is the harm?   This article is about the harm.  

If you try to buy a car, and you get a giant cake shaped like a car, you might love the heck out of that cake…but it’s not what you paid for.  If you then try to drive somewhere in an emergency, you’re screwed.  (Please substitute a better analogy in your head).   

If a woman, (or the parents of a girl) walk into a school and say “I’d like to learn to protect myself” or “I’d like to make sure that my daughter can defend herself,” and everyone involved knows that they mean “I want (for her) to be safe from rape” and the school takes thousands of their dollars over the years without teaching them easily-acquired skills that will make them appreciably safer from that risk…that’s a harm.  

Even if the women become badass black-belts.  Even if they love training.  Even if they wouldn’t trade that time in for anything else.  They still didn’t get what they paid for, and in the 1:4 chance that they encounter a situation they’re not prepared for, they are screwed.  That is the harm.  That’s a failure of unconscionable proportions.

But there are more insidious harms as well.  Some of those women and girls are exposed to those narcissist teachers who exploit them.  Many of them will go about their lives and suffer acquaintance-rape.  When that happens, my experience has been that it’s been worse for women martial artists than for other women in some ways. The difference between “I couldn’t protect myself” and “I should have been able to protect myself and I failed” is crushing.  

One benefit of martial arts can be a feeling of almost super-hero-like ability to handle whatever is thrown at you.  It’s a positive, and a negative.  It reinforces the idea that martial arts is a hammer and every kind of problem is a nail.  Because we train, we can do anything.  Confidence helps us solve problems, but not all problems can be solved that way.

People who train to punch and kick on mats in an air-conditioned and well-lit school don’t suddenly have skills that make them safe walking blindly down a mountain in the middle of the night, or the ability to whip a perfect merengue, or to perform an appendectomy, or to spot the red flags that often signal a controlling relationship that can lead to sexual assault and abuse.  Specialized skills require specialized training.  

Martial artists like us really want to believe, as our instructors do, that the skills we’ve acquired through years of blood, sweat, and tears will serve us in many ways.  They do.  But they don’t substitute for other training.   And when women (or girls) who have learned to beat the tar out of an opponent on a mat feel that they are safe from rape, and then it happens, that is crushing.  It immediately undermines belief in themselves painstakingly built on a foundation of martial arts training.  They suddenly go from walking through the world as a black-belt to feeling like a victim and a failure.   This is not the fault of the woman, it is the delusion perpetuated by martial arts school culture and an abject failure to teach them the tools they need to protect themselves from easily-predictable and common attacks they are likely to encounter.  

Putting aside the men and women law enforcement officers and the people who live or work in dangerous neighborhoods; men who train in martial arts are studying because it’s a hobby, not because it’s a sensible use of resources to make them safer.  Men mostly don’t need martial arts.  Women have a high risk profile.  We can expect that 1:4 will be raped, and mostly that will happen when they are in their late teens or early twenties.  Women need appropriate training and the knowledge and skills to be taught are readily available. Martial arts schools routinely fail to serve the demographic that needs them most and schools lead women to believe that they are getting what they need to protect themselves.

All of this for a delusion.  The path with integrity is this: First and foremost, Instructors need to recognize that women’s self-defense is a specialized skill set, and not one that comes from being a black-belt in any normal martial art.  It’s not shameful for men who teach martial arts to acknowledge that they need to learn new skills or outsource some training for the good of their school.

Those skills can benefit all students.  Emotional manipulation happens in many contexts, to men and to women.  Male students would benefit from learning women’s self-defense tools.  It would make them better partners, instructors, and human beings.  

Regular training needs translation.  Don’t assume that just because regular techniques can be interpreted to apply in different situations that students will be able to do that on the fly in an emergency.  Training needs to be interpreted on the mat, in safe environment, before it’s needed in the real world.

Marketing needs to have integrity.  Women’s classes are not “women’s self-defense” unless they actually are teaching skills specific to women’s risks.  Classes can still be easy ways to get women into training without misrepresentation.

The cost of integrity is getting out of the comfort zone, stepping into uncomfortable territory, and cutting through ego-driven delusion.  In theory, that’s what martial arts is about.  Fixing this longstanding culture delusion would be a huge change, and a huge opportunity to cut through delusion, do the right thing and demonstrate the value martial arts actually brings to our lives.


ISTJ Before & During Relationship

Before a Relationship

While ISTJs are generally well respected by their peers for their integrity and accomplishments in school or career, they tend to form intimate relationships relatively later in life. They are not particularly attuned to people’s feelings and may have difficulty venturing into relationships. In addition, they tend to only pursue relationships when it is on their internal list of things to do. When this occurs, they may consciously make an effort to meet potential mates.

During a Relationship

Because they value security and the fulfillment of their duties, they will make certain that they fulfill their role as partner. Once ISTJs decide to commit to a relationship, they will stick with it until the end. As a result, they make dedicated, faithful partners. On the other hand, if they have not made a commitment, they will view the relationship as a practical, structured involvement.

They like things to be done the proper way, and have little patience for unconventional approaches. They like to be recognized for their hard work and dedication.

ISTJs express their feelings through their actions. Because they are not naturally in tune with other’s feelings, they may sometimes not realize how their words or actions affect their partners. Likewise, they may inappropriately try to comfort their partners using logic instead of love or support. However, they see it as their duty to maintain a healthy relationship and they will put forth the effort to learn how to address their partner’s feelings once they realize the need.

In a disagreement, the ISTJ’s initial reaction is to convince the other person that the former is right. This is because ISTJs believe that the root cause of the disagreement is due to the other person not having the facts, prompting them to explain the facts. Whether or not the ISTJ is correct, this tendency sometimes prevents the other person from explaining their opinion. In addition, the other person may feel like their viewpoint is not respected. This can be especially troubling if the other person is communicating an emotional need that the ISTJ misinterprets as a logical matter. In these regards, ISTJs can inadvertently turn the argument into a win-lose situation, in which the other person agrees just to end the argument. They can address their potential weaknesses by learning to see things from their partner’s viewpoint and by appreciating the limitations of defining correctness based solely on facts.

anonymous asked:

So, umm you learn 9 languages at the same time? Are you a child prodigy or just like langs because that many langs at the same time guarantee no proficiency any time soon... No offense :$

I wasn’t originally going to respond to this, but it made me think of a few things that I feel necessary to bring up.

First, that list is outdated, those are merely ones I was dabbling in at the point of time the list was written. Secondly, I have already reached a high level of proficiency with Spanish and French (while not perfect, I can communicate in the language effectively). German is also proficient, but to a much lesser degree. Currently, I am only actively learning Arabic and Chinese, one of which is through a classroom and one by self study - and learning 2 languages is reasonable for someone with experience in learning languages.

Now that I’ve addressed your question, I wanted to discuss a couple things that kind of bothered me.

Firstly, the idea that learning a language is entirely about the goal of gaining proficiency. I don’t think you have to want to become fluent to learn a language - even though it may be ideal. It is PERFECTLY acceptable to just want to learn the alphabet or maybe a few words about a certain subject, or even to just get the basics of a language. For example, I have an interest in Russian, so I will spend some time here and there working on the alphabet and maybe a few vocabulary words, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I want to spend extensive time in order to become fluent.

Secondly, why is a speed race? I know everyone talks about how to become fluent fast (even though we unanimously agree that it can’t be done in 3 months), but doesn’t mean there is ANY shame in letting it be a slow process. If you want to learn a language over 10 years, that’s fine. That is your choice.

Language learning is a journey that is unique for every individual. It is the way we process and understand the world around us, and I am very against the idea of telling someone that they are doing it wrong when it works for them.

You’ve punctured my solitude, I told you. It had been a useful solitude, constructed, as it was, around a recent sobriety, long walks to and from the Y through the sordid, bougainvillea-strewn back streets of Hollywood, evening drives up and down Mulholland to kill the long nights, and, of course, maniacal bouts of writing, learning to address no one. But the time for its puncturing had come. I feel I can give you everything without giving myself away, I whispered in your basement bed. If one does one’s solitude right, this is the prize.
—  Maggie Nelson, The Argonauts
My other Star Wars: TFA OT3 headcanons
  • Jessika Pava being utterly enraptured when she learns there’s a force-sensitive person on the Resistance base, and that Poe kind of, sort of knows her through Finn. 
  • Jess having no chill at ALL and having the heart eyes on full display when she actually meets Rey in person.
  • Rey not understanding what heart eyes are, but Jess is looking at her like Finn looked at her, so that must mean Jess is a friend, right?
  • Kaydel Ko Connix having to listen to Jess wax poetic about Rey while said woman is off to try and find Luke Skywalker.
  • Rey returning to the base with Master Skywalker in tow, and very not okay, and Jess asking her BB-14 droid to follow Rey around because Rey is only talking to droids and Finn at the moment.
  • Rey fixing BB-14′s gyrometer, and BB-14 and BB-8 spreading the word about Rey to the rest of the base droids.
  • Jess turning off the hero worship for five damned minutes to sit down and ask Rey what’s wrong, to learn that Rey’s mother was a Sith lord in training. 
  • Jess distracting Rey by taking her up flying to help her clear her head.
  • Rey having problems settling in with the rest of the base, because she’s lived along for so long that she has very little grasp of social etiquette or cues.
  • Kaydel loving her friend, but realizing subtlety is obviously not Jess’ strong suit, and going to Rey to offer some private time to talk about whatever Rey’s not sure about.
  • This leads to afternoons learning table manners, how to address others properly based on their cultures, and teaching her what body language means outside of Jakku.
  • Jess being all “fight me!” if someone so much at looks at one of Rey’s idiosyncrasies funny.
  • Kaydel realizing that Rey only has a very, very rudimentary education, and offers to start tutoring her.
  • Rey having a small line of astromech droids following her around the base like little ducklings. Kaydel can always tell when Rey is near from the binary chirping of “Friend-Rey! Friend-Rey!” 
  • Jess introducing Rey to music, because music is an all caps THING on her homeworld. 
  • Rey promptly cries, and Kaydel wants to slap Jess over the head. You don’t give someone some of the saddest music in the galaxy to listen to for their first exposure, no matter how pretty it is.
  • Jess finding something much happier for the second round, and it leads to her teaching Rey how to dance.
  • Jess watching Kaydel quizzing Rey on the planetary government bodies on Coruscant and Corellia and panicking at the warm sensation developing in her gut, because she knows what that means. 
  • Kaydel watching Jess gently guiding Rey through a series of steps to a popular dance from Anthan Prime, and panicking because no, she cannot be developing feelings towards her oldest friend on base and a Jedi padawan.
  • Rey is an oblivious space puppy.
  • Master Skywalker and General Organa are not.
  • They’re not supposed too, they’re far too dignified and there’s a war going on, but they find it very amusing.
  • Jess and Kaydel having a very awkward girl’s night, because there are FEELINGS now, and they can’t let the other one know that.
  • Rey becoming a not-so-oblivious space puppy, because the astromech droids see just about everything, and they certainly TELL her everything.
  • Rey leaving them both rations and water bottles because she’s still a dumb space puppy and doesn’t know how else to properly express affection.
  • Kaydel and Jess figuring out Rey knows and has now been assuming the three of them are “involved” through the same blasted astromechs who tipped Rey off in the first place. And that’s just not fair, they could have been teaching Rey the finer points of a relationship for weeks now. Like how to kiss. And how to do other things.
  • Jess and Kaydel taking Rey off base for a brief leave and then following through on teaching Rey the finer points of a relationship.
  • Jess and Kaydel running into Master Skywalker after they return from leave and blushing up to the roots of their hair when he gives them a look, because of course he knows. OF COURSE. 

anonymous asked:

emily!!i don't know if this is a weird ask,but i've read boo and i'm generally v dissatisfied so maybe that's why i still struggle to like piper mclean, cause most of her best arcs happen in the book i dislike??i read your mbti and i UNDERSTAND why she's like this, and i don't skew her characters in a bad way in fics. i want to like her, how do i get over this, lmao

how do you get over this. um, i’ll tell you how i did, i guess?

embrace that she’s immature. embrace that she’s a brat. she’s selfish, she’s whiny, she’s clueless. people will tell you it’s wrong to say that—some people will even tell you it’s #problematic but trust me, it’s not. people tend to attack when they see people “hating” on characters.

but here’s the thing: piper has flaws. ugly flaws. flaws that make her unlikable to some people. acknowledging that doesn’t mean you have to hate her, it doesn’t make it character hate—it’s just pointing out that the character was crafted and literally written to have these specific flaws.

and then recognize that it’s really refreshing to have a three-dimensional young girl of a character with these flaws. most teenage girl protagonists are literally perfect, except for the fact that they’re ~~clumsy~~ or ~~shy~~. i’m not saying that you can’t write a great female character who is clumsy and shy, i’m just saying that it usually becomes an issue, particularly in YA, because there is literally no substance to the rest of the character, and then these “flaws” are coincidentally dropped when they become inconvenient: “ohh, she might be shy and awkward, but she’ll be able to flawlessly seduce two beautiful men who will contest for her heart” “she has bad people skills and looks awkward all the time, but don’t underestimate her ability to become the leader of the entire country”. this trope can be handled well, but that’s not typical. katniss is a great example of how to write this trope well, bella swan, tris prior, and clary fray are great examples of how to write this trope really badly.

but piper. piper’s flaws aren’t endearing. they’re not cutesy. they’re a real issue. and her character arc is literally about realizing that these flaws need to be addressed, and learning how to address them. that’s fucking revolutionary—a young girl character who goes, “my behavior is wrong, i need to learn how to fix it” is fucking…. that’s like…..IM AMAZED.

not to mention that piper is an exact subversion of one of the worst tropes in all fiction—the one where the girl isn’t ~~classically beautiful~~ except that she’s white and conventionally attractive and everyone is drooling over her all the time. piper is cherokee, she braids her hair traditionally and wears feathers in it. she’s proud of her culture. she doesn’t conform to euro-centric beauty standards. her skin is brown. and, her arc is the literal exact opposite—rather than discovering how to unlock her ~~~natural feminine beauty~~~, piper starts off the series being beautiful, and she knows it. she’s well aware that she’s stunning. and she makes a conscious, deliberate decision not to embrace that, because she doesn’t care. in the beginning, it comes because the attention makes her feel uncomfortable, so she tries to hide. but by the end of TLH, she’s not hiding anymore, she just genuinely doesn’t care. she goes, “fuck your beauty standards, i’m wearing cherokee braids and a ratty hello kitty shirt, because GUESS WHAT, my face and my body is not the most important thing about me and nothing you say can make me care about it. i know i’m beautiful, but i’m also worth way more than my face, and you’ll never fucking take that away from me.”

holy shit. i love her.

Anon hate is a very cruel and problematic issue that we’ve seen in the community- especially the past few days. So, after running a poll and getting second opinions, Kara and I decided to post this guide. Under the cut you will learn how to track IP addresses that come onto your page, and shows you approximately who sent you the hate message. With that information, we will also teach you how to block that IP. All it requires is two different sites, and a little bit of your time. If you are an rph or just someone who found this useful, please like or reblog!

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Now that I think about that part of my education, I often wondered what benefit my teachers thought I’d get from learning how to address a baroness or how to dance a late 18th century regency ball quadrille.

As it turns out, as I sit here writing a period style romance novel, quite a lot.