Bucky, I totally get the no hugging thing. Getting hugged makes me want to punch the hugger (most of the time; it's complicated; fucking sensory processing issues). People seem to figure out pretty fast that you don't do hugs. How would you recommend telegraphing an aversion to hugs, extended handshakes, arm pats, back pats, etc. to those around you, especially those who don't know you that well, for someone small, female, and (apparently) cute?
have you ever tried to pet a cat that didnt want to be petted? you have your hand directly over their spine, and as you lower it they just turn into a liquid and slide away, and you wind up petting the floor where they were. learn from the cats.
to begin with, stand just outside easy arm’s reach with new people. it will make you seem a bit standoffish but will also make it take an awkward amount of effort to pat your shoulder or grab your arm. you can compensate for the physical distance by being actively engaged in the conversation, which i rarely bother with. in social situations, find things to hold: a drink of some kind, your phone or wallet in the other hand, which means you dont have any hands free for hugs or handshakes. make the ‘sorry, cant, my hands are full’ shrug and smile when necessary. (or, if you are me, stare people dead in the eyes and scowl. that’s pretty effective.) wear layers; distance the touch from your skin. with handshakes, having a limp grip is your enemy; instead, do a simple firm clasp and then release. usually people will get a ‘handshake over’ vibe easily after a you loosen, but if you’re limp-gripped the whole time, there’s no end signal. and most people will get it–girls especially–if you just tell them youre not a big toucher. if youre down to give a white lie or two, say you’re getting over a cold and dont want to spread germs.
when someone goes for a hug, close your body language; shoulders drawn up and head tilted down, hands close in towards center mass and elbows out, widening and sharpening your profile. this is the ‘im solid and pointy, dont grab me’ shape. add in widened eyes and a bit of a lean backwards and most people will get the idea that you do not want to be grabbed. feel free to say ‘sorry, not a hugger,’ if necessary, and possibly offer an alternative that you’re more comfortable with. people usually respond well to humorously-delivered overly-serious options like, ‘can we exchange Dignified Buisnessman Nods instead?’ or ‘the high-five of the emotionally stunted?’ this is a clint technique, and he rocks it when hes not feeling like being handsy with people. i just stick with my usual scowl and glare. as long as you make it clear that you dont dislike them, and arent trying to snub them, people tend to roll with alternative options.
if theyre not okay with it or dont get the hint, find other people to hang out with.
An example of the roles Intuition and Synchronicity play in my witchy life:
A long but strange personal story
As you may recall, I’ve been on a personal and spiritual journey. The last several months have been intense. The more in tuned to my journey’s purpose I’ve become the more intense the synchronistic events have gotten and the sharper my intuition grows. For the last 20 years I’ve felt a pull to service careers and I’ve happily answered. That’s what Light Workers do, right? I thought I’d reached the pentacle of my service when I got involved as a trauma therapist. After years of this I began to experience very personal damage from it and finally decided, as an empath, maybe I was better suited in a different career.
It was difficult to accept the call to become a teacher at first as it meant changing my concepts of self identity. Who was I if I wasn’t trauma therapist? So I asked the Universe, my spirit guides and anyone listening who loved me, to send me signs that I was on the right path if teaching truly was the path for me. And the signs came.
So I took the steps to become a teacher. I have the necessary college education and plenty of teaching experience all I needed, technically, was permission from my state government to take my certification tests. So I applied. Then I didn’t hear back from them. I got worried. I asked the Universe for signs and got clear symbols suggesting teaching was certainly my path. So I let go of the worry and focused on my connection with world through meditation, mindfulness and manifesting positive energy. I felt that I would continue my work as a Light Worker through teaching.
I’d been exploring the idea of Self Love as a life goal for humanity and how I related to it. In a conversation with my mom (the clairevoyant) I expressed how leaving trauma therapy was an act of self love because as an empath, I felt like I was being eaten alive by the hundreds of traumas I’d counseled and that if I truly loved myself, I’d pick a healthier profession to continue my Light Work. In the moment I said it to her, she was literally knocked back two steps with a flash of vision as I said,
“do you think I’m on the right path?”
“yes. I see a rainbow and your grandmother looking excited as if you’ve just hit the nail on the head.”
Just then, a huge monarch butterfly appeared in front of us and fluttered around us and we both giggled with the certainty of knowing. Just like how the crowd claps and cheers when someone wins the showcase showdown on the Price Is Right. All I had to do was sit back and wait. But guys, when you’re plugged into the Universe, and your intuition is turned up, you see it coming in the most astonishing of ways :)
The day after my mother’s vision I was standing on my back porch watching the clouds and just practicing being mindful and fully present in the moment. A big monarch butterfly flew around my head for a very long time. Then another monarch did the same thing. Then another, and another and another until I was standing in the center of a butterfly vortex! I asked out loud, “What does this mean?” And within the next 5 minutes, every animal messenger I’d encountered in the previous week or two, came directly to me.
The dragon fly (symbolizing transformation via self exploration,
The Bumble bee (Joy, teamwork and growth)
The Tom Cat with funny ear (Cats deal in wisdom across the veil)
The spider (Manifestation, creativity)
The ants from the mystery colony (Community and industriousness)
The bluejay (Clarity in vision, patience)
Soooo many butterflies (Change, joy and the spirits of the dead)
Next I was playfully attacked by my familiar! She NEVER does this. She politely asks me to play, never demands it. But this time she was like I’d never seen her, as if she was completely excited about something and was unable to contain her enthusiasm. I couldn’t deny something was going on. I began to get a little worried. Was something huge about to happen? Was it good or bad?
I walked cautiously to the mailbox and knew before I got there that the letter I’d been waiting for was inside. But would it be good news or bad? I reached inside but didn’t look at it until I was inside. My familiar sat patiently in front of me as I gave myself a pep talk about failure and other life path options. She bit the corner of the envelop as if to say “Look here!” The postmark date was an Angel number and I new I’d get good news.
In Numerology it’s 1-11-1. I read the letter and YES! I was granted permission to take my certification tests. What is special is that I was granted permission to teach Social Studies, a subject that will allow me to inspire kids into social activism and bring about change in this critical time. I feel like the Universe is telling me my Light Work is going to have greater impact on molding Consciousness Change Makers.
I know this because when I read it, I asked my familiar out loud,
“So I get to influence young minds?” and she walked over to the wall where I’d stuck 4 dozen post-it notes containing the pros and cons of teaching and pulled one off the wall. It read
“Pro: I’d get to teach kids about building a compassionate future world”
And that’s the story of how I was hired by the Universe to do a job.
Since you mentioned that Sansa is mostly like Ned in terms of personality, which i agree 100%, how do you think Ned and Sansa's relationship was like?
Ooh, interesting question. Well, at least on the surface, I think Sansa was one of his children Ned felt like he had to worry about the least. Robb would get a lot of attention as Ned’s heir, of course, and it’s also Ned’s job to train Bran and eventually Rickon as Northern lords ready to take over the running of Winterfell as a just-in-case policy, as Ned himself - also a younger son - was forced to do after his older brother’s death. (Which we see with Bran being required to attend that beheading way back when, for example.) Arya is the wild child, getting extra attention both because of her resemblance to Lyanna and in the general sense that ‘the squeaky wheel gets the grease.’ And Jon is obviously a separate issue and gigantic can of worms all on his own.
So where does that leave Sansa? She’s a good girl, she’s pretty and smart and well-behaved, and she wants to be the thing she’s supposed to be: a lady. And because she’s a girl, her education is already the provenance of her mother, not her father; it’s Catelyn’s job to make sure Sansa knows what she needs to know about manners and graces and running a household and so on, not Ned’s - for one thing, he wouldn’t know where to start. And we see the effects of this on the current narrative, where Sansa is more likely to refer to her mother than her father as a role model - “I must be strong, like my lady mother” and etc. So I can see where some people might get the idea that these two had a relatively more distant relationship than Ned and his other kids.
But…am I going to stop there? Haha, of course not. Because like I said, Ned and Sansa also seem to have the most similar personalities of all the Starks. Here’s a GoT quote from one of the Bran sections to think about:
He [Ned] had a grim cast to his grey eyes this day, and he seemed not at all the man who would sit before the fire in the evening and talk softly of the age of heroes and the children of the forest.
This is interesting for a couple reasons. One is that we have Bran commenting on Ned’s apparent ability to slip in and out of different personalities depending on the role requiring of him - an ability that Sansa will soon need to develop. Another is that it gives us definite evidence that Ned, for all his supposedly grim and gloomy personality, also had an affection for songs and stories that even extending to telling them. And the other Stark with the most noted love of stories is, of course, Sansa. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if part of Sansa’s love for storytelling comes at least in part from memories of her father sharing these tales with her and her siblings.
Here’s another GoT Bran quote:
He had taken off Father’s face, Bran thought, and donned the face of Lord Stark of Winterfell.
Once again, this is Ned showing his ability to compartmentalize different parts of his personality in order to get the job done - the exact same ability that Sansa will come to develop (somewhat to excess) later in her life. She didn’t learn this trick from Catelyn; Cat was smart and tough and savvy but emotionally far healthier and less repressed than her husband, and never showed much evidence of Ned’s (probably trauma-acquired) neat trick of packing up his emotions and putting them away till later. Sansa develops this same trick mainly as a result of her own trauma, of course - but with the help, I would argue, of her father’s behavior to base it on. It’s honestly pretty impressive that despite everything she’s been through and all the intense repression and denial of feelings she’s been forced into, Sansa still hasn’t gone crazy - and part of that might be because she had a positive role model like Ned to show her that you can compartmentalize without losing yourself in the process. Sansa has always been very observant, and whether she realized it or not, I think she watched her father very closely and unconsciously picked up on a lot of his subtle coping mechanisms as a child.
As far as Ned himself, I don’t know that he ever fully realized how similar Sansa was to him - given her youth and gender, there weren’t a lot of chances for her to show it off, you know? But I would bet that Ned had at least a few moments of looking at his daughter and getting that dizzying sense of looking at his younger self - her stubborn insistence that Joffrey is her ‘one true love,’ for example, isn’t that far off from Ned’s own blind devotion to Robert and refusal to see his friend’s flaws when he was a young man.
It’s always harder for a parent to deal with the children that are most like them rather than the children least like them, and in my opinion that contributed somewhat to Ned’s difficulty in making Sansa understand him at that time (though honestly every adult in her life did a terrible job of explaining things to Sansa, he was far from alone). It’s rarely pleasant to have your own flaws reflected back at you from your offspring, and it’s pretty understandable that Ned struggled to get through to Sansa in that instance, considering how much he was still struggling to get past his own idealized version of Robert. So there was certainly room for conflict between the two of them as a result of their similarities, and if Ned had lived and Sansa had had a normal teenagerhood I’m sure this would have developed further, as it usually does in pretty much all families with a teenager.
But in the end? Ned was devoted to Sansa, just like he was to all his children, and Sansa adored Ned. It was a loving and healthy father-daughter relationship - and, like all the Stark relationships, pretty remarkable, given the extent of the dysfunction we’ve seen in the families of the other noble Houses. (Yikes, I’m going to tear up just writing this. You are missed, Ned.)
Sidenote: I drew from another online article when writing this, which is where I took my two book quotes from, but I have unfortunately misplaced the link; if I manage to find it again, I will add it here, and if not, apologies for the lack of citation.
Hi, I’m Marie. I’m a philosophy major and I love reading and writing. I also like to draw and paint, try to keep plants alive, and steal my mom’s fluffy sweaters. I would steal anyone’s fluffy sweaters really, if they let me. I identify as bisexual and I know it’s got nothing to do with anything but I love cats and dogs equally. I am a capricorn, INFP, and I like taking free online personality tests. I used to have panic attacks but not anymore, since over a year I think.
If you speak Swedish or Danish, please teach me stuff because I’m trying to learn your languages. Phrases or words from other languages are also welcome though. I would love to get to know people from whenever, wherever, if we’re meant to be together, I’ll be there and you’ll be near. Anyway, I’d love to hear from anyone, through snail mail, email, or whatever you prefer.
I could scream about this scene for hours, it is so important. Because here we are, again, having Cat put the emphasis on how much bigger Supergirl is than Kara, than her, than a story. (That, should it be written, Cat will definitely be breaking, make no mistake.)
Cat Grant sees the value in Supergirl as a person, Supergirl as a hero, Supergirl as an ideal. She sees what Supergirl can do for the city, how she can inspire by just existing, and how much she can do in action.
And the thought that Kara would choose anything else? That she would opt for normality over heroism? It angers Cat.
Cat wants to do good things. She’s selfish and spoiled and has terrible tunnel vision, but she wants to do good things. She wants to help Supergirl do good things. Truth, Justice, and the American Way, after all, are things she fights for, or at least fought for at one time. And I think she got a little stuck. That she got complacent in ways that she doesn’t like to acknowledge (like how she regrets not pushing Leslie, how she’s disappointed in herself that she rewarded Leslie’s bad behavior).
Supergirl is a reminder of who Cat wants to be, of how she used to want to help the city (she is a journalist, first and foremost) and getting to ride Supergirl’s cape-tails is the most active I think she’s felt in a long time.
And I think her anger toward Kara/Supergirl about this is incredibly compelling, and something I really want to see explored down the line. Because Cat has no idea the burden Kara carries in being Supergirl, in how crucial it is for her to have a day job and friends and solace herself.
I want to see Cat’s idealism regrow at the same time Kara discovers and makes her limits, like keeping her family around her as she did tonight. I want to see Cat push and push because promoting and spurring Supergirl on is all she can do to feel useful anymore, to see her grow increasingly frustrated with how she fought to get off of the gossip column only to publish tabloid news at CatCo. now. I want to see Supergirl push back because Cat’s inspiration is necessary but pure drive is dangerous and counterproductive.
Can we get a little bit of appreciation for blaze?
Flame cat? Sure thing!
I think one of my favorite aspects about Blaze is that while she is the equivalent of Sonic in the Sol dimension she is still unique. While I love that Sonic is a positive hog, and he has an easy time making friends wherever he goes, I am still really glad that we have a character like Blaze who does not have an easy time making friends.
It is great that in Sonic Rush the lesson that Blaze learnt was friendship. Trust and opening up to others is definitely not an easy thing, especially when you (in this case, Blaze) have been bullied growing up, but if you can give people a chance you just might make a true friend who will always be there for you and help you see the best in yourself.
Hello! I’m a 16 year old nb person, and im trying to find a penpal! honestly I’ve been interested in this sort of stuff for ages, just haven’t ever found a place that does it for free!
I’m a high school student who excels in foreign language (French) and I’m currently self-teaching myself Korean! I also love biology and art. I have an interest in photography as well! When I get older, i really want to get a falconers liscence and move to France, where i wish to teach art or zoology.
I have a lot of pets! I have six snakes, a bird, and three cats. My dad has been thinking about getting sugar gliders too. If someone is interested, I’d happily send some pictures!
Outside of school and animals, I’m a pagan and have been a practicing witch for five years. I’d love to talk about beliefs with someone! While i am…not the best with debates or heavy discussions (i always try to win,, whoops), I’d really love it if I could find someone who’s willing to hear me rant and rave about anything. I hope this is enough info! ;;
Preferences: Please don’t contact me if your name is Chad, if you’re going to fight with me over anything, or if you’re not lgbt+. I’d like to only be connected with someone lgbt+ who isn’t named chad, as it’d be the best fit for me imo