leaping dog

Today, I fucked up... by not putting the toilet seat down

My dog loves nothing more than sitting on the toilet seat when I’m taking the shower. The other day though I was having some stomach problems and the world was coming out of my ass. As I sat on the commode almost in tears praying for it to be over, I can hear my dog scratching to get in. I lean over to crack the door not only to let him in, but to let some of the nasty smell out.

When I’m finish I reach for toilet paper and find there ain’t none. With a tear in my eye I stand on up, feeling at least 10lbs lighter, and penguin walk across the room to grab some. Next thing I hear is my dumb dog leaping into the toilet and falling down the bowl.

Everything goes slow motion. My Beagle cross is covered in my feces, he’s freaking out ‘cause he done gone wet and stinks. He leaps outta the commode and hightails it outta the room and runs to my sister’s bedroom across the hall.

Now y'all seen dogs when they get wet right? They be shaking and rubbing themselves all on the carpet and up the wall. I hear my sisters hollering and screaming 'cause my dog is spreading my muck all over their sheets, shaking it on their clothes and none of them wanna touch him 'cause he’s filthy. They can only sit back and watch in horror as he ruins everything and tries to leap up at them. You see, my dog is a big old marshmallow and loves to jump up on people.

I’m standing in the bathroom with my junk still out, still needing to wipe, and all the while thinking it might be worth locking the door and climbing out the window to freedom instead of facing my sisters wraths.

TL;DR Beagle cross leaped into the toilet, got covered in my diarrhea, smeared it all around the house, my six sisters gave me hell.

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Overtoun Bridge is located in West Dunbartonshire, Scotland; it is known for the bizarre phenomenon of dogs leaping to their deaths from it. The bridge has also been the scene for human tragedy. In October of 1994, Kevin Moy threw his two-week-old son to his death from the bridge. The reason? He believed his son to be an incarnation of Satan. Kevin then threw himself off the bridge but survived.

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As a nation in the grip of Quaid Fever, you’re no doubt aware of A Dog’s Purpose – an upcoming film about a lovable canine quantum-leaping into various dog bodies. And since dogs can only reincarnate as other dogs, the apparent “purpose” is an inescapable torment cycle of servitude for their human masters … a batshit philosophy seemingly practiced by the filmmakers themselves.

For those unaware, the hard-to-watch production footage shows a scared German Shepherd unwilling to dive into rushing water in order to shoot a “heroic” river rescue scene, only to be shoved in and ultimately pulled under the current. Accepting that the dog survived, and that the footage is out of context and edited, it’s still more than safe to say that this dog “appreciation” movie won the People’s Choice for Most Ironic Dick Opus.

As expected, the backlash was swift, and this story about an immortal dog voiced by Josh Gad won’t be a box office powder keg after all … thanks to the moral outrage of a public seemingly unaware that this shit happens all the goddamn time.

Why The ‘A Dog’s Purpose’ Video Is Just The Beginning

Me: *Is allergic to dogs*

Me: *lives in an apartment where I can’t have dogs*

Me: *doesn’t have the resources to take care of a pet*

Me: *lives with a “non dog person”*

Me: *sees a picture of a dog on the internet*

Me: I will adopt this precious creature, feed her the finest cuts of meat, train her with patience and gentle encouragement and see that she wants for nothing, she will possess the strength of a tiger but be gentle as a lamb, but if I am ever accosted on the road by brigands my precious dog will leap upon them and tear out their coward throats. 

TIFU By not putting the toilet seat down [NSFW]

My dog loves nothing more than sitting on the toilet seat when I’m taking the shower. The other day though I was having some stomach problems and the world was coming out of my ass. As I sat on the commode almost in tears praying for it to be over, I can hear my dog scratching to get in. I lean over to crack the door not only to let him in, but to let some of the nasty smell out.

When I’m finish I reach for toilet paper and find there ain’t none. With a tear in my eye I stand on up, feeling at least 10lbs lighter, and penguin walk across the room to grab some. Next thing I hear is my dumb dog leaping into the toilet and falling down the bowl. Everything goes slow motion. My Beagle cross is covered in my feces, he’s freaking out ‘cause he done gone wet and stinks. He leaps outta the commode and hightails it outta the room and runs to my sister’s bedroom across the hall.

Now y'all seen dogs when they get wet right? They be shaking and rubbing themselves all on the carpet and up the wall. I hear my sisters hollering and screaming 'cause my dog is spreading my muck all over their sheets, shaking it on their clothes and none of them wanna touch him 'cause he’s filthy. They can only sit back and watch in horror as he ruins everything and tries to leap up at them. You see, my dog is a big old marshmallow and loves to jump up on people.

I’m standing in the bathroom with my junk still out, still needing to wipe, and all the while thinking it might be worth locking the door and climbing out the window to freedom instead of facing my sisters wraths.

TL;DR Beagle cross leaped into the toilet, got covered in my diarrhea, smeared it all around the house, my six sisters gave me hell.

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Leaping labs.

soldier boy, tripping over himself to win my praise

by  thissupposedcrime

Read it here

Yuri cannot crater down the path Victor blazed, happily forsaking Russia and his career for an international love affair. Neither will Kazakhstan’s favorite son.

Or Yuri and Otabek from 2016-2026 and the competitions, weddings, and longing that define them.

Summer, 2018:
“You’re a dog person,” Yuri discovers, his proclamation stealing everything beautiful from the world. The dog leaps at him, tongue slobbering all over his face as they crash to the floor.

“I told you at the Grand Prix. I send you pictures on that app,” Otabek’s voice sounds faint, and Yuri can’t tell if merciful death is coming behind the cloud of fur or if Otabek had the gall to walk away from him while his stupid dog crushes Yuri’s internal organs

“How?” Yuri screeches, meaning an accusatory ‘How could you betray me like this? You were my savior. I adored you.’

Otabek ignores his subtext with ease.

Words: 30707, Chapter: 5/10 , Language: English

Fandom:  Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)  

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Characters: Otabek Altin, Yuri Plisetsky, Mila Babicheva, Viktor Nikiforov, Katsuki Yuuri, Lilia Baranovskaya

Relationship(s): Otabek Altin/Yuri PlisetskyKatsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov

2012 Stag’s Leap Wine Cellars “Artemis” Cabernet Sauvignon

Feeling a little coy with this bottle of Stag’s Leap Artemis. Black currants, black cherries, blackberries, eucalyptus, leather, and a dusting of pepper on the nose. Similar on the palate with raspberries and a hint of green pepper. Tannins are present and sturdy but not aggressive. 

3/5 bones

$$$$

Cabernet Sauvignon

Napa Valley, California, USA

Request: Competition

Request: Would you do a one shot where Dean has major competition with the dog the reader has had since before she started to hunt? A nonspecific mutt that the badass reader has a soft spot for despite her badass Hunter boyfriend… Please? You’re such an amazing person I love you tons!

Word Count: 850

Aw, thank you so much! I love you, too<33 I hope you like it!

“Forrest, heel!” You call sharply into the dark woodland. There’s a short rough bark and a big, black shape comes bounding out of the treeline. Dean will never get used to the way the dog leaps onto you and, despite its huge size, you stay upright as it licks the living shit out of your face.

“Easy, boy,” You grin, ruffling his fur. The dog drops back onto all fours, padding along behind you as the three – four, including the dog – of you trample back through the forest and towards your cars. Dean walks beside you, and is attempting to get closer – maybe to brush his arm against yours – when a warm, furry mass worms in between you, successfully separating you and extinguishing Dean’s attempt at basic PDA.

“Friggin’ cockblock.” Dean mutters at the dog as you reach down and absentmindedly scratch its head. It merely looks up at him, however, eyes seeming to be laughing at his plight. He glares at it, before glancing at you, smiling as the dog nuzzles its nose into the palm of your hand.

You’ve had the dog since before you began hunting – he’s been your solid companion through thick and thin. You’d only met Dean, however, a couple of years ago. It was actually because of Forrest that you’d met – he’d just escaped Hell and had, naturally, been nervous around dogs after his hellhound experience. You’d managed to get him adjusted, and the four of you run around together – you’ve taken to calling the group the ‘Scooby Squad’.

You and Dean began dating just a few months ago, and since then, Dean has had some serious conversation with your pup in order to gain your affections. He still sticks steadfastly to his ‘no dogs in the car’ rule, but neither of you mind – you’ve taken to racing and rallying down any road big and quiet enough, which has resulted in more almost-crashes than you’ve had hot meals.

When you reach the cars, Dean pauses, before tossing the Impala’s keys to Sam.

“I’m gonna ride with Y/N. Meet you there?” He says quietly, so you don’t hear. Sam nods, and Dean jogs ahead to catch up with you. He wraps an arm around your waist, pulling your into him.

“Hey there, you.” You smile, reaching up to kiss his lips briefly. He smiles, opening the car door for you. You let the dog in first, however, and it bounds into the shotgun seat. Dean just looks at it, and it looks back defiantly.

“Go on, you,” You gesture to the back seat. Forrest whines, but does as you say. You climb in and Dean gets into the shotgun seat beside you. As has become habit, you crank up the radio and two of you belt out the lyrics to one of your favourite songs, dancing along as you drive through the darkness.  

As the song comes to an end, Dean undoes his seatbelt and shuffles in closer to you. An arm circles your waist and you grin, leaning into him as he presses a light kiss to your shoulder.

“You tryin’ to distract me?”

“Me? Nah.” He grins, moving up your neck. You find yourself squirming, batting him away.

“Do you want me to crash?”

“I won’t let you crash.” He promises, reaching under your shirt and splaying his hand over your lower back.

“Right, sure.” You giggle, “We’ll be back at the motel in five minutes. Can’t you wait?”

“No.” He says simply, and goes back to kissing your neck. However, after a moment, a huge, warm weight lands in Dean’s lap. The breath is knocked out of him as Forrest begins clambering over – he’s too big for the front seat when both you and Dean are in there – and trying to lick at your face.

“Get off, you bloody mutt!” You laugh as Dean is forced to let go, “Jeez, Forrest, you jealous or something?” The dog whines in response as if it can understand you and you sigh, rubbing the dog’s back cheerfully, “Go on, bugger off.”

Dean frowns at you, “Why do you keep him around?”

“I’ve told you, he’s family.” You’ve taken down thousands of monsters and demons and everything in between, you’ve survived impossible situations and come back from the dead purely because you wanted to, but you’ve got a huge soft spot for your pet. Dean has never understood it, and resents vying for your affections with a dog, “He’s all I have of my old life – you have Sam, I have Forrest.”

“I s’pose.” Dean nods, and you reach out for his hand as you pull into the motel car park.

“How about,” You suggest, “I see if Sam wants to hang out with Forrest for the night, and you and I can-“

“Done and done.” He grins, not even bothering to climb out of the car before dragging you close to him and hauling you out of the car. You laugh as the dog follows, but Sam intercepts him before he can interrupt Dean’s route.

There’s no way in hell he’s competing for you tonight.

Enough | ~2,909 words | SFW | For entertainment purposes only.

“CHESTER!!! CHESTER FREAKING SEE!!!” she yelled from outside before swinging her hip to shut the car door. She could barely feel her arms with all the bags she was carrying. Where is he? she pondered to herself while guiding a paper bag full of vegetables across the concrete with her foot. She kept calling out her boyfriend’s name as she got closer and closer to the front door, but to no avail. He must be in the shower, she thought, as she turned the knob to discover it was still unlocked.

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