Leafy’s new video was great tbh. I love that he went for something different and actually talked about a topic instead of just bitching about a stupid video on YouTube. He definitely needs to make more like this.
“ Can you make one where calvin is making a facecam and reader sits behind the camera and he’s distracted by her. no one but close friends and family know about them and his viewers can tell something is going on “
I hope this is what you wanted, I tried my best and I hope you enjoy! <3
Sitting at my computer, I log into YouNow. I decided I would stream because I haven’t done that in a really long time and it’s pretty fucking cool to talk to fans. My eyes quickly flick up, looking over at my girlfriend (Y/n). I can never keep my eyes off her for too long, I mean, come on, she’s literally perfection.
A/N Finally some writing! Sorry if the ending is shit. I am so busy today and needed to pump this out. If you are easily triggered I dont advice reading this thanks. Enjoy
Your eyes hung low, your breath slow but consistent. The drugs were starting to take effect and you had no objections. All you wanted was for the feeling to consume you and to numb all emotion present in your sober mind.
Sat on your couch, your eyes drifted from an empty wall to a thin hallway, 2 doors lining each side. You stared deeply into the short hall, noticing how the room seemed to feel cool, and breezy. Your mind was floating away and that’s all you wanted in that moment.
Your gaze became more directed at this point, only focusing on the last door on the left of the hallway. Inside sat someone you couldn’t help but love, and resent simultaneously, the thought of him off putting your stomach. You thought of how you saw yourself, and how he saw you. You thought of how other people viewed him, and how you weren’t good enough.
Why weren’t these pills doing their job? Why were you thinking so much, but still so little? Your mind was racing but still you felt nothing.
A shiver shot down your spine.
Desperate to get away from these thoughts, you jerked your eyes away from the door having been staring for what felt like minutes, in a poor attempt at clearing your mind. But still the thought stayed, and soon you felt yourself getting angry. Though you knew you shouldnt be abusing the pills like you were, you were in need and nothing else felt like it would work, realizing how hard these thoughts were hitting, and how critically you needed to cut them off.
Focusing your attention onto the side table sitting next to you, a bottle of Demerol resting innocently on the surface, you rapped your fingers around the orange prescription bottle. The plastic felt smooth, as you pressed down on the cap and turned, popping off the top and spilling a few of the pills into your palm, not bothering to count.
You just wanted the feelings to stop.
As you tilted your head back, palm to your mouth, you looked back into the hallway at the sound of a door creaking open, and your eyes locked with a tall figure sporting jeans, a hoodie, and headphones around the neck. The sight of him sent mixed feelings down your spin. A shiver of love and a hint of spite, but you chose to ignore both, swallowing the pills and taking a drink of your tea.
The figure made his way down the hall, pausing for a moment to stare at your slouched body, a blank expression staining his face, before making his way into the kitchen and flinging open the fridge. Though his face said nothing, you could practically taste the anger boiling inside of him.
“Why don’t you just say you hate it?” you question from the living room, eyes not moving nor shifting.
The sound of your voice echoing in the small space was followed by the sound of the fridge slamming shut, and the pound of angered steps making their way into the living room.
“Seriously, [Y/N]?” shouted the figure, now only a few feet away from you, a short glass of whisky clutched in his hand, “You act like this is only hard on you!”
Your head was dazed and though you couldn’t fully process the extent of the anger in his voice you still knew it was there, his brow low and his face turning red.
“Oh! It’s hard for you now, is it, Calvin? I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. My bad!” you shot back, snapping your head away.
You did realize, and you hated it. But even though you were aware of how your addiction was affecting both you and Calvin, that wouldn’t stop your overwhelmingly low self esteem and worsening mental issues. Calvin may be feeling things second hand, but he had no way of feeling how truly awful you felt without the pills in your system.
Calvin eye narrowed before taking a rather large gulp of his drink.
“The fans are starting to notice,” he muttered lowly, whipping the back of his hand against his mouth.
Your eyes widened at the mention of the boys fanbase, “Notice what?” you asked calming trying to keep your calm and focus on the pills telling you not to feel.
The brown haired boy sat his glass on the table next to your pill bottle and sighed, “Things are different, [Y/N]. The fans may not see things in my life but they can see how its affecting me and people are starting to raise questions.”
You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. What you had assumed about Calvin was beginning to become more fact than assumption, and the truth stung like pins and needles. All you wanted was for the boy to act like he cared, to show an ounce of empathy for you, but still all he seemed to care about were his fans.
Why weren’t you good enough? Why weren’t you important enough for Calvin to care about? Why didn’t he care? Why didn’t h-
You snatched the Demerol bottle back into your hand, and slammed your hand down onto the lid, refusing to look at Calvin, for fear that the tears threatening your eyes would spill.
Struggling to pull the top off, you felt a grip around your hands that began to pull the bottle away from you. You tried your hardest to fight the force, but still found yourself coming up short, your handle on the bottle loosening.
“Let go, Calvin.” you commanded through clenched teeth, still not daring to look at the boy.
Your arms were weak, and the bottle only slipped further away from you before it was finally pulled away completly, causing Calvin to stumble as he held the Demerol away from you.
“You got your prescription filled a week ago, [Y/N]! ” Calvin spat, examine the bottle that had close to 5 pills left inside, “What is wrong with you?”
You couldn’t hold back any longer. You snapped your neck towards your lover, tears spilling down your cheeks, breath heavy, “What is wrong with me? What is wrong with me? Calvin I want to die everyday, and all I have are these fucking pills because you can’t seem to care about anything more than your YouTube bullshit!”
You paused for a moment gasping for breath through sobs. Calvin said nothing but looked at you in shock, both of you taken aback by your outburst.
You whipped your eyes messily and, lowered your brow at the boy, hell having been let free.
“You seriously have some nerve to tell me how I need to handle my problems when you aren’t even willing to show the slightest bit of care! I’m your girlfriend for fucks sake! And all you care about is YouTube, and how YouTue sees you!” you shouted choking on tears as you ranted, body beginning to shake, “You know, sometimes I wonder why you even stay. If I’m not important enough then why do you stick around?”
Calvin opened his mouth to reply but quickly shut it, looking from the floor back to you. He turned the pill bottle over in his hand, examining the label to find a short description of the pills, eyes dropping at every word he read.
“Babe, I-I didn’t know it was like that. I just-…I’m so sorry, [Y/N].” Calvin muttered, eyes locked on the bottle that seemed to be the only thing keeping you alive.
You looked away from him, and pulled your knees to your chest, looking down at the floor as your mind overfilled with thought once again.
Why was he pretending to care? Why did it take this for him to even notice there was something wrong? Why were you such a problem?
You didn’t even try to hold back the tears as they flew through your eyes and down your face, staining your cheeks. The overwhelming urge to swallow a handful of Demerol sat in your stomach, but you ignored the feeling, Calvin still holding tight onto your life support. Having broken in front of the boy you loved only left you full of dejection.
“Come here,” Calvin said slowly, stepping towards you with open arms. The boy sat his weight on the cough and pressed his body into yours, wrapping his arms around you, warming the areas he touched.
“Talk to me. Tell me what you’re feeling.” the brown eyed boy uttered, pressing his nose into your neck comfortingly.
You let out a soft sigh, whipping the back of your hand against your eyes to clear your vision, and turning your head to look at Calvin curled up next to you.
“Do you really care about me?” you mumbled, never breaking eye contact, the seriousness of this conversation becoming apparent.
“Of course I do. Why would I stay if I didn’t car-”
You cut the boy off biting on your lip nervously, “Do you care about me more than your fanbase?”
Calvin turned his head, taken aback by your question before smiling lightly as if he was assumed by your question. “[Y/N], where did you even get the idea that I cared about YouTube more than you. I adore you. I’m so sorry if I don’t spend enough time with you, I know it’s not right. But I would never care about YouTube more than you. You’re my everything.” he spewed, taking a hand and holding the side of your face in comfort.
You could feel your heart beat a bit harder as he spoke, your cheeks becoming pink. Though you had heard Calvin express himself before, it had been some time, the words he spoke now feeling fresh and true.
“I just want to be good enough. I don’t want you to feel like you’re obligated to stay,” you explained, playing with a strand of your hair as you spoke, head still spinning from the drugs, “And I’m sorry about the pills. I-I’m not good at asking for help and I just needed something to help. I know it’s been bad for you. I’m really sorry.”
“No, no, babe. Don’t be sorry. It’s okay,” Calvin urged, pulling your chin to look him in the eyes, “It’s not your fault. You were doing all you could.”
As your eyes stared into your partner’s, your heart pounded and you lost a sense of words. Though things weren’t perfect, the pieces were slowly beginning to pull back together, reminding you of how much you needed the boy who sat next to you.
How much you needed him more than the drugs.
Calvin began to lean in, your lips soon touching and though you knew the pills were in control, you kissed back needing every second of it. Your love for Calvin was alive and you couldn’t feel more grateful to be with someone so understanding.
As Calvin pulled away from the peck, he leaned his forehead onto yours, running his thumb over your lower lip, staring in a comfortable silence.
Though Calvin’s warm brown eyes had never looked more beautiful, your eyes darted to the cough cushion next to him, eyeballing the bottle you had relied on for so long.
“I’ll stop,” you deadpanned, slicing through the quiet air, “I know it’ll be hard but I will. For you and myself.”
Calvin sighed, a smile resting on his lips, “It’s okay babe. Take your time. I just need you to know I’ll be there for you. I’ll always be there.”
There. See. I hate to say I told ya so but…. He didn’t shit on her for being skinny, and he stood up for her over people wanting to ban her. Best summarised by “There are plenty of unhealthy people, and people that are very overweight on this site that no one is trying to ban [so why Eugenia]?”
He stayed out of it and briefly commented that ‘yeah, maybe she’s not super healthy, but who the fuck are you to say that and get her banned if shes not actually harming anyone’, while still adding in a touch of that good ole leafy morbid humour™
(I swear, people literally automatically assume the worst of Calvin lately without actually hearing what he has to say, like jesus christ the guy isn’t fuckin Stalin ok)
What if you and Cal took a shower together, and you would wash his hair with some strawberry shampoo despite his complaints that strawberries are lame. It’s a bit of a reach since he’s a tad bit taller than you, he would laugh and poke fun at you for not reaching his head, but he would bend down slightly to help you. He would then wash your hair and massage your scalp while he’s at it. So much soap would lather up from him massaging, and he would scoop some off your head and boop your nose leaving a small pile of bubbles on the tip of your nose. You would look down, not expecting him to do that to you, and he would laugh and his eyes would crinkle up because you look so adorable and he’s proud to call you his