le cortège



Axolotl - Chapter Three: Uvzi

Prologue - Chapter One - Chapter Two - Chapter Three - Chapter Four


Ford couldn’t sleep.

He stared up at the riveted metal ceiling of the Stan O'War II. The hard bunk underneath him was good for his back, but difficult to get comfortable on at times like these. His insomnia hadn’t bothered him like this for a very long while, but now it seemed to be making up for lost time.

He should have been vigilant. He should have paid closer attention.

Bill never slept. He never rested. He had no family to care about and nothing to distract him. Fighting him required constant, unyielding vigilance. Ford had learned that the first time he’d faced him. But it seemed that the hope of being rid of Bill permanently had made him forget. He’d slacked, ignored things, relaxed. And now his brother was paying the price.

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That’s right. The issue nobody likes to talk about.

Over the years, we have seen a dramatic increase in the price of Freddos, which no government has ever tried to tackle. They cost 25p each nowadays, with some retailers trying to flog them for up to 65p each. We can’t go on like this. We need change.

The SNP recognise this, and pledge that we will abolish the price of Freddos altogether. Each citizen will be entitled to one Freddo a day, however top-up Freddos will only be an extra 10p.

“But who will organise a solution for such a difficult issue?”

If you vote for me, bagelsaremything, I promise I will take control of resolving this crisis, and I will fix it. 

The price of Freddos affects everyone. Let’s end the suffering, together.


the signs as types of drugs
  • aries: ecstasy
  • taurus: ketamine
  • gemini: adderall
  • cancer: heroin
  • leo: cocaine
  • virgo: valium
  • libra: marijuana
  • scorpio: alcohol
  • sagittarius: lsd
  • capricorn: prozac
  • aquarius: crystal meth
  • pisces: shrooms