ldr struggles

The scariest thing about distance is you don’t know if they’ll miss you or forget about you.
—  Nicholas Sparks

The biggest struggle of being in an LDR is that you’re going around and you see and hear people of things that remind you of them. Like, you see someone that looks like your significant other and it hurts because no matter how much you want it to be them, it’s not them. Sometimes you’ll see something and wish they were there to experience it with you, having an awesome day you can brag about together. There are days when you just want them right there next to you. Just to feel the affection, to get a hug, a kiss on the cheek, on the lip even just leaning up against their arm. Sometimes you’re crying so hard and no one can comfort you like you want them to because no one else can comfort you except for that person that is miles and miles away from you. All you can do is text and have phone calls, don’t get me wrong it’s great, but I am counting down the days until I can see you. Like really see you, not just a visit that lasts for just a short time, actually be with you and spend the rest of my life with you. Not sitting in the corner of the room crying over songs and things that remind you of them. Loathing all the couples that are so happy together and being disappointed by the ones that do not understand how lucky they are to be with someone but abuse that pleasure and pure honesty a relationship should have. Call me a dreamer sure, but you know I’m right.

I hate the feeling when you have to say goodbye to someone you want to spend every minute with.
It's you

My answer is “it’s you” if you ask me who I want to fall asleep next to. Wake up next to. Want to have by my side in the sad times. It’s you I want to have by my side in the bad and the beautiful moments.

It’s you. You’re the one that I want to smile because of my stupid jokes. It’s you that I want to spend my time with.

It’s you that I miss every single minute of the day.

It’s you.

It takes a lot of courage to love someone who is so far away from you. Not everyone is willing to try.

I hate how people throw your relationship back in your face. “You’re only long distance” “you’re only dating”. You’re only a lot of things - at least that’s what people say.

Know what I say? Screw them.

25/07/2018: Goodbyes are hard

Life after having him home for 8 days then having to say goodbye again, is dull and sad and I’m having major withdrawals. I just want him home with me always. This whole visiting then saying goodbye thing is depressing and I don’t want to do it anymore. I want to start our life together already!!

I had the most amazing week with him here. I never thought it was possible to fall even more inlove with him than I already was but I swear I did. He exceeds my expectations of love and commitment and effort every single time without fail. Having him home again, and for such an extended amount of time this time (well more than usual) gave me a taste of what our lives will be like when we finally get to end the distance and live together for good. I loved every minute of it. We were inseparable and we just had so much fun together it’s insane. Our relationship is better than its ever been before, and I know I say it all the time but god damn I am so inlove with him. He’s so romantic and lovely and sweet to me all the time. There were so many nights where we’d both be asleep together and I’d wake up to him softly kissing my cheek, or pulling me closer into him and whispering how much he loves me and how he can’t wait to make me his wife one day, and all that cute stuff. We spoke so much about our future and how he so badly wants to propose to me and live together and buy me cute puppies and start a life with me. He makes me feel so excited for life, I feel so loved and so secure and so hopeful. This is what I’ve waited for my whole life. This is why I wait for him and go through all the struggles there is due to distance, because in the end, its seriously going to be so fricken worth it.

Goodbyes are hard, they always are. I mean, I literally sobbed and cried the whole drive to the airport to drop him off and then all the way home by myself. It’s heartbreaking knowing after you say goodbye you won’t get to touch them or kiss them or be with them for months at a time. It’s the most gut wrenching feeling. But I know that one day we won’t have to say goodbye anymore, one day we won’t have to experience that feeling, one day we’ll get to finally live the life we’ve always dreamed of together. As much as it sucks for now, I know it’s not forever. We just need to be patient. In the end, I’m just lucky to have someone so special in my life, I’m lucky to have someone that makes saying goodbye so hard.

The upside is that I’ll finally get to go visit him for the first time over where he’s based, in just 23 days! We may only get to see each other once every couple months or so, but at least it gives us something to look forward to. He’s not currently on course at the moment because he finished his first set of IET’s last month, so now he has more availability and we can see each other more (well until his next course starts at least, which we’re pretty sure is in October). I just have to make the most of this time, take any opportunity there is to see each other, and just stay positive. Life is good. As upset I am to be apart from him, at least he’s in my life. He makes me smile and feel loved every single day without fail, and that’s something to be grateful for. 

Some photos from our last night together. I look like a mess from crying (I was drunk too lmao ignore me) but how dreamy is he 😍😊♥️

I want to be okay with the fact that you’re not here. I want to continue living my life everyday with a smile on my face because at least I have you, even if there are oceans between us. But the truth is I am not okay with this distance. I am not okay with being away from you. Everyday is a struggle and everyday it does not get easier. I love you, I love you so much and I will wait, I will wait as long as I have to, to be by your side…but being away from you, it’s slowly killing me. I’m tired, I’m tired of going to bed at night without you by my side.