Besides the odd post here and there I’ve somewhat disappeared online these past few months. There’s plenty of reasons why, but to put it simple: I needed some time off. I needed to get away from being constantly online, struggling with my art, trying to be noticed and on top of it all I couldn’t find a job and started to feel useless and brought myself down constantly. I’ve also taken a step back and been scared to socialize, trying to overcome that bit by bit.
I do want to make one thing clear, while I may have not been very active, I have still been checking out my friends accounts and I’m well aware of the events and important things that have happened in your lives. Just because you haven’t heard from me me doesn’t mean I don’t care. I know it’s the same the other way around as well, the older we get the more busy our lives become.
So what have I learned during my time away?
I’ve learned that I need to balance my life a lot more. I used to spend most of my free time either endlessly scrolling on tumblr or impossibly trying to catch up on youtube subscriptions. I couldn’t keep up with all of it, so I’ve halved about everything I’ve been following, leaving me with more free time to focus on other important things. I’ve been working on a simple schedule and respecting it and it’s doing wonders.
I’ve learned to enjoy the outside more. Walking our dog has helped me a lot, I take much longer walks with her now than I have before and it’s a great way to both empty the worries in my mind and fill them with positive thoughts. It’s also good for my health.
I’ve learned that it’s not always important to be important. I put too much pressure on myself both art wise and in real life. I’ve always felt like a very average person on all accounts and this constantly brough me down. Maybe I’ll never be that great an artist, maybe I’ll never be that important to some people & maybe I’ll never be the best. I’m starting to realize that’s ok. I should do things on my own pace and not compare myself with other people constantly. I’ve been trying to hard to be someone I’m not and I’ve lost sight of the real me along the way.
I’ve also learned that there are some things you can’t change and that’s also ok.
So with that all said, what’s currently happening in my life?
After a full year of looking, I have finally found myself a simple job, not as a graphic designer, but at least I have an income. This is extra important because this upcoming monday me and my girlfriend are getting the keys to our very own apartment. You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to finally get my own place, it’s way overdue.
I’m taking this as a fresh start so once we’re all settled in I plan on being more active again, show up on Skype some more and catch up with friends again. I won’t be having internet there earlier than the 23rd and I do plan on slowly trying to find a good balance of being active online, so keep that in mind.
As a quick reminder, I quit my job at (unnamed toystore) a few years ago to study graphic design and proudly got my degree for it.
2014 did not bring me a job as a graphic designer. Instead I desperately looked for any kind of job and ended up having to work at Lidl, which were without a doubt the worst and most depressing months of my entire life. Then I got the chance to work for my old employer again, different store however, and gladly took that offer. I really enjoy where I am right now and I have the best co workers and boss I can imagine. So in a funny way I am sort of back to where I was a few years ago, only much happier. I still enjoy graphic design and have done a few freelance jobs this year and I think that’s where I’d like it to stay at.
I also moved in with my girlfriend and I love having a place to call our own. Things are going great and it changed me in several ways. I used to be a night owl but now I’m up every day at 7am. I think that’s a welcome change after 12 years of staying up way too late. I start my day walking the dog and end up doing much more in a day than I ever used to. I’ve become half a decent cook and more organised as well. Because of this my time online has also drastically decreased, which I consider a good thing. I used to be online constantly and going through all my sites, it all felt more like a chore than anything. I still have to work on my balance because perhaps I spend too little time online now, seeing how I haven’t turned Skype on in months… whoops! That’ll be one of my goals for 2015!
It also goes without saying that 2014 has not been my art year, which is fine. I’ve come to realisation that for quite a while I’ve been drawing with the goal to get more attention, followers and become popular. I focussed too much on wanting to get likes, reblogs and such. Those are not the right reasons obviously, I should just draw because I like to, which is something I’ll be doing in 2015.
Overal, I’m a very different person than I was a year ago. There are some things that make me sad and wish could be different, perhaps 2015 will bring those changes. Either way, I like the current path I’m on and I feel much less lost than I did a year ago. I’ll be posting a new list soon and hope to do better this year!
I wish you all an amazing 2015 and look forward to all the exciting things it may bring!