lazer rifle

give me superheroes who:
  • start flying around town above skyscrapers getting directions from their tech team like “there’s a fire on Robertson and Oak!” and realizing they have zero sense of direction if they can’t see street signs
  • forget about stealth being a priority and simply leaving their apartment through the window in their suit only to be identified by that kind old woman who makes brownies all the time
  • are afraid of heights
  • drink too much at a friend’s bachelorette and show up to a fight with bedhead and smudged eyeliner like ‘eh, it’s enough of a disguise, i look like a she-beast’
  • are constantly compared to their alter ego by their parents and reveal their secret just to win an argument
  • have to speak with the ADA in their town who happens to be a childhood best friend about a criminal and the ADA just throws up their hands like “are you fucking kidding me, kevin, you think a wearing the mask equivalent of a pair of sunglasses is going to conceal your identify??? We used to take baths together you idiot”
  • find the news really boring and constantly find out about emergencies second hand from coworkers or people at the grocery store two days after they happen
  • have a child who thinks their alter ego is a ‘total dork in tights’ but have no idea it’s actually their parent
  • don’t have a PhD or any higher education and therefore don’t know off hand how nuclear power/advanced weaponry/dangerous chemical compounds work and are constantly in the hospital for ‘minor chemical burns…i forgot you weren’t supposed to touch suspicious blue gunk’ or ‘accidental…lazer rifle wounds…I swear the package said they were safe, officer’
  • have several increasingly hilariously botched missions in their first few weeks on the job
  • are basically giant supergoofs who need to take a Superheroing 101 class