Don’t say I didn’t eat experimental potato chips for you. A quick rundown:
WAVY WEST COAST TRUFFLE FRIES: What is wrong with you, west coast people? These taste like a sad man wearing a Hawaiian shirt in a San Diego Brewpub in 1997, eating potatoes alone at the bar and wondering where he went wrong.
KETTLE COOKED GREEKTOWN GYRO: You know how the gif-jif debate lingers? There are at least six times as many ways to pronounce “gyro,” and these taste like the one that’s pronounced “yay ROO”
NEW YORK REUBEN: I’m not certain this is an authentic New York Reuben. It tastes more like the sort of Reuben who would sleep with his father’s housekeeper (his father’s sloppy seconds, incidentally) then sell his brother Joseph into slavery in Egypt and sing an Andrew Lloyd Webber-penned country song about it. For some reason this bag weighs like half a pound, too. Did they make too many of these and now have to dump them off?
SOUTHERN BISCUITS AND GRAVY: I’m pretty sure this is payback for centuries of systematic oppression of black folks. How big a donation to the southern poverty law center do I need to make to get this taste out of my mouth?