college au, stozier version

reasons richie tozier is the Worst Roommate Ever, a list by stanley uris

  • richie spends the entirety of moving day laying on his bed, complaining to stan about how sore his arms are from lifting, so come the first day of school, richie still has not finished unpacking
  • in fact, richie does not finish unpacking EVER. there’s like six boxes tucked into the corner of the room, behind richie’s desk, that contain mystery items. richie digs increasingly inexplicable things out of them every once in a while 
  • richie smokes like a chimney. not just cigarettes, weed too
  • richie does not do laundry as often as he should, leaving baskets and piles of dirty band tees and hawaiian shirts on the floor
  • all of richie’s clothes reek of skunky smoke 
  • richie has abhorrent vision and every fucking morning gets up and goes to the bathroom without putting his glasses on
  • richie trips over his own dirty clothes and forgotten notebooks EVERY MORNING
  • richie owns like ten lava lamps that he always forgets to turn off when he leaves the room
  • richie forgets to lock their door like ALL the time
  • richie forgets to take his adderall
  • richie sells his adderall to kids on their floor instead of taking it
  • richie doesn’t study, like ever
  • richie gets straight As despite his terrible schoolwork habits and stan hates him for it
  • richie maintains a strict diet of ramen noodles and cherry pepsi
  • richie does not have many friends, so he drinks alone in his dorm room like every weekend despite stan threatening to tell the RA about his stash of boone’s farm
  • richie looks pathetic when he drinks by himself so stan is forced to join in
  • drunk richie has no concept of personal space
  • drunk richie crawls into stan’s bed and tries to cuddle
  • drunk richie’s morning breath is fucking rank
  • richie walks around without clothes on ALL THE TIME, insisting his skinny ass is “that of a greek god”
  • richie’s skinny ass is actually kind of cute
  • richie buys a skateboard and insists on him and stan starting a skate club and gets mad when stan buys a pair of rollerblades instead
  • richie races stan to class and falls off his stupid skateboard like three times
  • richie skins his knee and stan is forced to clean it for him, on his knees in front of richie in the boys’ bathroom
  • richie wears his newly ripped jeans for like a week straight, without washing the blood stains out of them
  • richie invites stan home with him for christmas and laughs when stan bitchily replies “i’m a jew”
  • richie’s parents are loving and get stan a christmas gift and feed him lots of homecooked food and richie just watches fondly as stan panics at the attention
  • richie kisses stan on new years, drinking champagne alone in their dorm
  • richie counts down excited, stan shushing his yelling
  • he gets to one and lauches himself across the space between them to slot his mouth against stan’s
  • richie tastes like champagne and gum and starlight
  • richie sleeps in stan’s bed that night and hogs all the covers
  • richie comes home to their room one night when stan is frantically studying for finals, late into second semester, and tells him he found an apartment for next year
  • richie holds up a printed-off craigslist ad for a one bedroom apartment downtown, with a big picture window and a tiny bathroom
  • richie raises his eyebrows and asks stan to live with him next year
  • richie looks scared and excited and expecting
  • richie tozier is the worst roommate ever and stan wouldn’t want to live with anyone else
The signs:

Aries: Something about you makes my blood boil in a unique, uncomfortable way, you are full of mystery. You have black holes for eyes, remarkably, that are too intense for most people to look into. You have no control over your greatness, you were born this way. Notice it and blossom. Not a single person on earth can blossom like you can. Not a single person can blossom like you will. You have great and empowering words to say in this life, make sure to say all of them without fear. You are not afraid. Be great.

Taurus: You are so lovely, the embodiment of nature, the embodiment of all the naturality in life created by the one and only, engulfing creator. I remember losing you and all nature that surrounded me seemed to shrivel and die. My heart ached when I heard the crunch under my feet of every dead leaf I walked upon. It brought me so much pain, i felt like death. I lost my vision and a bright white light came over me, fading into a soft glow and all I could see was your face. If I was dying, this was my glimpse of heaven, it made me want to die. I would rather die with your image in my mind than not have you in such a short, sometimes seemingly meaningless life such as this one. Perhaps you were just too lovely to be with someone like me, perhaps too lovely to be in my filthy grasp. You are my glimpse of heaven. How I long to be able to tell you that. How I long to be able to sing to you and whisper you the sweet words I never did. I am so sorry.

Gemini: I feel so naked when I’m with you. You strip me of my walls, you strip me of my guarded defenses, leaving me completely and utterly vulnerable. You shatter any mental boundaries I possess. You open my mind to the awareness of a mind. You show me to simply have a mind, such a power house is astonishing. You leave me breathless with your aura and creative, rhythmic way of speaking to everyone. You introduce open mindedness like no other, freedom like no other, a genius. With you, losing my mind and falling into madness is okay, almost a necessity. In life there simply seems to never be enough time. You show me how to embrace the lack of time we all have, you show me that death is the inevitable and that its not as important as we make it. The important thing is to experience life fully, entirely, with every part of our being. To be thankful of the rare oddity, the rare adventure we have all been gifted with called life, to dance with the music of life. I swear I’m out of my mind and that’s a wonderfully beautiful thing. Thank you for teaching me that.

Cancer: I would make love to you in the sweetest, most enticing way because I deeply believe you deserve to be made love to like no other. I hope you remain soft, I hope you have the strength to. I say this even though I know you will. You have always remained selfless, you have always remained kind, somehow. I do not understand how someone can turn such pain into beauty. Your creations are just as beautiful as you are, that is so admirable. You shock people with such generosity, you are completely, utterly and naturally divine to the point you are unhealthly wanted by every pair of eyes, even the blind. I swear its like the blind regain their sight in your presence. People notice you in a crowd, don’t doubt that. People especially notice you when you think you are not being noticed. You are the most beautiful conscious being and that will never change. You have angel lips as sweet as honey, your voice is melodic. I have always ached and dreamed for you to love me. Please one day love someone like me. Your being is so lovely that I can’t help myself from hopelessly weeping. You are a walking art piece, a priceless masterpiece. I lost everything the first time I looked in your eyes. I lost everything.

Leo: Remember that people want to be like you, just as much as you want to be like them. You can be admirable of others, you absolutely can be, but live your life knowing without a doubt that you are the best there is. Countless people admire you and want to be just like you. Effortlessly you shine brighter than the sun itself and when you smile, every pair of knees weaken, instinctively and inescapably bowing down to the ingenius design you are. Your mind and appearance radiate exuberance. I pray you can fathom just how special and gifted you are because you yourself are the unfathomable. You are inspiration and ambition, the abstract dreams I have at night that inspire my creativity, that lead me to create the never before seen. You are surrealistic art, our God’s most treasured and individualistic specimen. You are not only that but also the sun that lights the entire sky, you are the sun beams that sink into and warm my skin when I stand in such brilliant light. You are the light that keeps me from opening my eyes, preventing blindness but how I foolishly dont mind and long to go blind by such greatness.

Virgo: You remind me of sleep but you also remind me of night terrors. I feel like I don’t know who you are, slightly fearing you. Seemingly the most difficult puzzle to put together. I wonder and ponder if you are the worlds never ending puzzle, if I will ever figure you out, i have never been able to entirely comprehend your depth and mystery. You are almost frightening, shockingly and startlingly enchanting. You are hypnotic and maneuver with magic. I do not know the depth of your mind and apart of me never wants to. I enjoy the enigma you are, forever intriguing and intelligent. Ask me personal, peculiar questions and I will unintentionally and completely open up to you, instinctively trusting you. Your questions are always intense yet tender, your mind must be filled to the brim with intellect and perplexing art. Your mind is a masterpiece and your soul is ethereal. Extremely delicate and light in a way that seems too perfect for this world. I hope you can live with and fall in love with your sly mind. I am in love. May you always be yourself, may you feel everything you are meant to feel in this life and may you surface from the darkness.

Libra: You are the bittersweet lonliness that the sad and dreamy ones feel midday, swirling like the wind, leaving long, lovely hair to flow, swirlingly and gracfully making your way through clothes, sending goosebumps down backs, leaving a lasting, cold and drowzy sensation. You’re the words in a book that readers grow tiresome of until finally falling asleep, leaving them with their adventurous dreams connected to the adventurous story they just took in. I see you in every free, soaring bird. I feel you in every unique and precious song that lively birds compose. You are melody, rhythm, sound, the grand orchestra. You are poetry, expression, a famous sonnet. You walk with fearlessness, you live with each lovers name you’ve ever loved written and embedded on your flashy skin. You are autheticly rare and always ready to entirely open yourself up, to let the flowers you encompass within bloom for all to see , appreciate and mesmerize. My god, do people mesmerize you.

Scorpio: I’m so lustful of you, lustful out of complete, biting love. I’ve never fallen so deeply and madly in love with a soul, It is insanity. You are full of demons that I face from loving you everyday and I can’t imagine what it’s like to be you and live with them, deep inside, haunting and strange. I have been face to face with insanity, letting your wickedness and sin make its way within me. It all makes me more infatuated. No matter how hard I try to find your core, your raw center, I can never seem to dig deep enough, I can never seem to withstand the screams, painful howls and blackness that your inner monsters let out and intensely sophocate me with when I try. When I give up, it’s like you see my vulnerability and you see it as me being submissive, knowing this is when you can strip me naked and consume me entirely, this is when you know and are proud of the secrets you keep from me, this is when you know you own me because I will fail to figure you out, i will fail to get anything from you yet continuously crawl back for something, for anything I can get from you. You have me in a trance that I can’t snap out of, you need the control because it brings you security and deep, sinful satisfaction. You experience a sense of peace in knowing that you can cause me to feel pain so that you won’t feel so alone and lost in your own. I want to make love to you and feel the pain I experience from being in love with you. I am incapable of leaving you alone, regardless of the sorrow i experience. I will never let you feel alone. I will feel this pain with you, right by your side, my ride or die. You are not alone. Maybe this isn’t love, maybe it is just madness but I’ve always been mad.. but not as mad as you.

Sagittarius: You are the book of everything, a book holding all the knowledge in existence. You are the infinity sign, you are lively, always hungry for life and full of wisdom. Youre the feeling you get on a hot summer day, laying in the center of a sweetly scented meadow, taking in every bit of the sun, not being able to suppress a tight smile. Feeling at complete peace, no worries or a feeling of weight on your back, feeling free and open in the mind. I want to be alone with you and hear you speak about all the things that go on in your head. I imagine you have a billion things to say, or maybe nothing to say, it doesn’t matter. All you have to do is exist and you are performing one of the most incredible things possible. People forget that simply being alive is utterly mindblowing in itself. You give inspiring advice and shock people with your spunk and inner lightening. I appreciate your uniqueness and ability to be open to every side of a spectrum. You are the instant, refreshing feeling you get from diving into a cool pool on a hot day, your my child hood memories, you are the embodiment of an entirely fulfilled life. Your soul has lived a thousand different lives, you will exist for eternity. You are existence itself. Live free and die free, make your inevitable mark on this world. It belongs to you.

Capricorn: no one’s ever ready for what you’ve got to offer to this world, you can do so much with so little and have an achingly powerful mind and aura. You don’t have to do anything to shock and mesmerize mankind, just be yourself. You change the world with your ambitious actions, you change people simply with your way of presenting yourself. You are intelligence, skillful and have the ability to accept time, accept that everything takes time. That’s something a lot of people can’t do. You can do so many things others can’t, but you are not flashy. You are low-key while remaing self assured. Maybe you experience a lot of self doubt, but im telling you right now, you shouldnt. Your jokes and attitude are like a fun house, utterly amusing and dirty, sometimes scary. You are full of original ideas that you can easily bring to life. I hope you know how much you actually benefit and effect our species. You have immense purpose, see that you are the greatest and anything you want can be obtained. I hope you know how attractive and special you are. Absolutely outstanding.

Aquarius: life is a lonesome experience, you understand that more than anyone. You carry the weight of humanity itself with you everywhere you go on your back. To fit in seems like a maze that is unsolvable. Your aquarius minds are unending, no limitations, you are mad men. Not only ingenius but geniuses yourselves. You obtain something no one else can obtain and this can never be taken away from you. Nobody quite understands what makes you different, you dont even understand it yourself but you feel it deep within your bones. “I do not belong here, I do not belong anywhere and I don’t want to belong anywhere.” So hard to comprehend or understand, you are utterly perplexing but so fucking beautiful. I can’t fully convey in words how astoundingly beautiful each and every one of you are. Let someone take a look into your eyes and theyll travel through space, adventuring and absorbing the sight of multiple universes. Let someone take a long look at your face and watch them get lost in mesmerization. Magnetic, mystifying, heartless, mythical beings. A world such as this one does not deserve you or your revolutionary touch. You are the lone, last star of each ending night, still shining brightly as the sun begins to rise. Glowing alone to express your individuality, glowing as brightly as you can until the sun puts you out but you are always going to be there again when the sun goes down and you are always going to be the last one shining when it rises again.

Pisces: you are hands that are made to create art, you are the creases in the hands of an infant. You are the start of life, the start of plant life, the start of a human life, the start of an animals life. You are the smoke from my cigarettes, dispersing through out the air. I hear you everywhere I go, echoing in the back of my head as a guide to being a better person. You make me want to be a better person. You are the sweet cherries around my sweet ice cream, you’re the soft, enchanting scented lotion I spread on my skin. You are the goosebumps left after a lovers sensitive touch. You are the feathers that fill my softest of pillows. You are the sweetest of piano music ever played. I love you. I miss you. You will be with me.

EXO Variety Masterlist







My Period Journey

I got my period completely unexpectedly. I hadn’t even been told a thing about it and was absolutely convinced something was wrong with me when I saw blood in my panties. I had to go, crying and scared, to my teacher. I had to sit, embarrassed and bloody, in the office and wait for my stepmom.

I was 9

The blood was thick, heavy, and I felt like I was going to throw up. My stomach rejected food, the part of my body I wasn’t even fully aware of yet was now always sticky and wet and gross and I was told it was completely and totally natural. No one told me it was okay to be afraid. No one prepared me.

“It’ll be over in a few days,” they said.

“It won’t come back until next month,” they said.

I was 10

Sleep started to elude me almost completely, and then I’d get so tired that my father had to literally drag me into a standing position so I’d start to become conscious. My stepmom didn’t explain that if my pad got full I could change it. She yelled at me because pads are expensive. I ruined almost all of my underwear because I didn’t want her to yell at me again. My dad refused to acknowledge it had happened at all. He has four daughters.

I was 11

A sharp pain gripped my side and I could barely breathe. I didn’t feel good. I begged to stay home from school. I was crying and clutching my side. Something wasn’t right.

“It’s normal,” they said.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” they said.

I passed out in science class. Woke up in the doctor’s office because my small town didn’t have a hospital and was told I’d had a ruptured ovarian cyst. I had four more cysts on my left one and at least three on my right. I needed to be on birth control and tested for PCOS.

I didn’t even know what an ovary was.

I was 12

My dad flat out refused to get me birth control. Said I didn’t need it. That there was no reason for a twelve year old to get on the pill. I’d just start having sex and who knows what else and that was that.

He’s a nurse.

I was 13

“What do you mean you’ve gone through the entire box of pads already?” my stepmother demanded, loud, shrieking. “There were 20 pads in there! How many days do you bleed?”

I didn’t know I was supposed to count.

“When does your period start? How many days between stop and start?”

I didn’t know I could count.

I started marking it all on my calendar. Some months there was nothing. Some months over half the days were filled in. I stole an entire box of pads from under the sink to hide in my room for my very own.

I was 14

New year, new calendar. I give my period tracking one to my stepmom and take her through it page by page. My periods last 10 days at the least. There is no consistent day my period begins and I show her.

“You just counted wrong,” she says.

I was 15

My legs swell. My back aches. I’ve got a headache. I puke up my dinner and shit out my breakfast five minutes after I ate it. I’ve bled all over my bed.

“You’re overreacting,” they said

“Don’t be such a baby,” they said

I was 16

I can’t eat for two straight days because if I do I will throw up. I’m not sick. I’m on my period.

It’s normal, I think.

I’m 17

I go through 40 pads this time.

It’s normal, I think.

I’m 18

I gained three pant sizes right before the blood shows up. I lay in bed all day with a heating pad across my shoulder blades, on my lower back, and one across my stomach. It doesn’t really help.

It’s normal, I think.

I’m 19

My own money. No health insurance. I moved away. Saw a doctor. I’m on birth control pills.

I’m 20

The pills have stopped working at easing my blood flow. The doctor tries a new pill. It does nothing. The doctor tries another pill. I can’t afford it. I don’t go to the doctor for four more years.

I’m 24

My girlfriend drags me to the doctor with my state health insurance. She tells the doctor about my symptoms. The doctor’s mouth opens slightly.

“That’s not normal,” she says.

I bleed for 28 days straight.

I’m diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. The doctor asks if I want an IUD. I’ve never even heard of that.

My insurance pays for it. It’s free.

“Okay,” I say.

“It’s worth a try,” I say.

I haven’t had a period in months.

I am 25

My oncologist examines my medication list. “IUD? Birth control?” he asks. “You’re married. Don’t you want kids?” No. “What about your husband.” Wife. “Oh.”

My GP is out of town. I see a new doctor. We’re discussing surgeries. Is a hysterectomy an option?

“No,” he says. “You might marry a man who wants kids.” I’m married to a woman and I don’t want kids.

My dad is a nurse. He has four daughters.

“You’re married to a woman. Why are you on birth control?”

“Because I need to be,” I say. Finally. I say. “Because I want to be.”

Because it’s my body. Period.

What chakra the signs needs to strengthen!

Aries: Crown chakra - this focuses on a lot, not to say you need to focus on a lot it’s just the last chakra making it more intense such as yourself, you need to focus on your higher calling. You have all the other things down packed such as self worth and physical needs, but you also need to focus on wisdom, purpose, a connection with people and the world around you. Sometimes we need to also connect outward just as much as we do inward. Your strongest chakra is the root chakra.

Taurus: Heart chakra - you’re very good with physical needs such as money and materialistic gain, but you also need to learn to be more affectionate, warm, nurturing and focussing on people you love. Your balanced in a sense of being dependable but that doesn’t mean you’re generous either. You need to focus on the love aspects of your life just as much as everything else. Your strongest chakra is the root chakra.

Gemini: Sacral chakra - you need to definitely focus on your self - expression. You ignore your feelings often because you try too hard to be logical. You need to embrace that normal part of yourself and learn to exercise openness in a positive manner. You also need to focus on your confidence which is the solar plexus chakra. That being said yes you have many weak points, but you also have very strong ones. Your strongest chakras are the throat chakra and crown chakra.

Cancer: Heart chakra - you’re a sign that is very emotionally inclined and follows how you feel about things. You’re an emotional responder. Making you hard to forgive someone or even being in harmony. However you do cherish your connections with loved ones the most. You may also need to work on your confidence (Solar plexus). Your strongest chakra is the root chakra.

Leo: 3rd eye - you have an issue with accepting the future, you’re not one fond of change. You’re not one to be rational because of your ego and self worth. However you’re extremely strong when it comes to the solar plexus and Sacral chakra.

Virgo: Crown chakra- you are an extremely powerful sign, everything in You is perfectly layed out (some days it flips back and forth to a little to a lot between the chakra but you always bounce back) that being said you just need one thing in your chakras and that’s focusing on your higher self and the enlightenment in this life that will rise you into a higher and even wiser individual. Your strongest of your chakras is everything except throat chakra and crown (because sometimes you have difficulties talking about your feelings too).

Libra: Solar plexus chakra - this controls your instinctive nature and gut feeling. Since you’re a logical sign you tend to ignore you inner feelings which is both good and bad. Since you ignore your inner feelings you also have a knack for being very insecure because of over analysing yourself or others. Focusing on this will help with your confidence and self worth along with leading you to your life’s purpose. Your strongest chakra is the heart chakra.

Scorpio: Sacral chakra - you need to focus on a balance and learn to openly express your true self. You have a habit of burying your feelings and letting them fester which means you also let your mind swim in the past. This chakra will help you to strengthen you to live in the now and to forgive! Your strongest chakra is the third eye.

Sagittarius: 3rd eye chakra - you’re very balanced when it comes to all the chakras but that doesn’t mean you don’t have a weakest. Your weakest is the 3rd, you may have natural wisdom that comes with you but you also have issues focusing on the future because you’re too focused on the now rather than finding clarity in your life. Your strongest chakra is the heart and throat.

Capricorn: Heart chakra - you are naturally successful and have a drive to win at life. BUT you need to work on finding harmony in your life because when you aren’t in control it could feel like the end of the world. You need to be more affectionate, understanding, nurturing, and open to spiritual healing! Your strongest chakra is the 3rd eye.

Aquarius: All of them! Your strongest chakra is the throat because you’re an excellent communicator and can make friends in a snap. However your chakra energies shift, some days you’re emotional, other days you’re logical, some days you’re strong and confident and other days you would rather be alone and isolate yourself; I guess this just comes with being the oddest sign to understand!

Pisces: Root chakra - you need to focus on your personal needs. The root chakra focuses on life and death because of our connection to the earth. Since Pisces is a high illusionist you really need to stay connected with reality, your surroundings and your needs as a whole. This includes your health, your diet, and overall major human needs. Your strongest chakra is the crown.

my hands are stronger than my heart and brain combined together
it sounds unbelievable but it’s
true hear me out
my hands have done a lot for me
they’ve wiped the tears from my face so i could face the world again
they’ve pushed against my mattress getting me out of bed when my own brain told me to lay there all day
they’ve thanked my best friend with hugs when my brain suddenly forgot how to say “thank you”
but remembered to say thank you to my broken heart instead because the pain always reminds me i’m still alive
most importantly my hands have shown me there’s a way to express my self that’s not
beating myself up
my hands tell me that everything will be okay
when every other part of my body says i’m dying
—  s-asx 
The Signs:

Aries: Something about you makes my blood boil in a unique, uncomfortable way, you are full of mystery. You have black holes for eyes, remarkably, that are too intense for most people to look into. You have no control over your greatness, you were born this way. Notice it and blossom. Not a single person on earth can blossom like you can. Not a single person can blossom like you will. You have great and empowering words to say in this life, make sure to say all of them without fear. You are not afraid. Be great.

Taurus: You are so lovely, the embodiment of nature, the embodiment of all the naturality in life created by the one and only, engulfing creator. I remember losing you and all nature that surrounded me seemed to shrivel and die. My heart ached when I heard the crunch under my feet of every dead leaf I walked upon. It brought me so much pain, i felt like death. I lost my vision and a bright 

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My Turn

Your busy schedules have left Tom in desperate need of your touch, and you decide to shake things up a bit…

(1800 Words)

Warnings: smut, language, the usual

A/N: I’M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG OMG but hey midterms are DONE. hopefully I’ll be posting Part Two of A New Hero in Queens, so stay posted and as always, REQUESTS ARE OPEN

Your favorite thing about moving out of the apartment with your roommates and into one with Tom was easily the fact that you never had to wear pants. On days when you didn’t work, you could just lounge around in underwear and one of Tom’s sweatshirts. Not only did you love it, but so did Tom. He loved hearing you squeal and giggle whenever he’d give your ass an unexpected squeeze while you were making breakfast or playing with Tess.

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