lawyer time

Tokoyami Fumikage, major: heroics, minor: bird law

My kid does 13K in damage to studio equip, we handle it like lunatics.

[Part 1]

Some background:

I’m an audio engineer and score arranger full time in my self-owned business. It’s how I provide for myself, my fiancée (also CF), and my mother. I record, mix, and master for bands, voice-overs for local commercials, and write music for people’s weddings, college films, indie games, etc.. It was my passion since I was a child and every day I ask myself why I get paid to do what I do.

You know, until today.

I had a woman schedule to come in because she wanted me to record her monologue for an acting class. I thought it was going to be easy enough. I set up a mic and a music stand in the sound booth and got my workstation prepped for tracking. She was supposed to show up at 3:30, so when 4:00 came around, I called her to ask her if she was still coming. It was my last contract for the day and I was wanting to get home to my fiancée, dogs, and dinner.

“Oh, sorry sweetie, I’m going to be there soon. I just had to get my son from ex-boyfriend.”

Uh oh.

4:12, she showed up with her child.

To preface, I’ve never really wanted kids, and don’t really hate them either. But I’ve been childfree of mind for a decade now in league of several bad child experiences in public.

Anyway, I sat her down at the conference table and tried to talk to her about the contract and billing, etc., and just couldn’t because of the six-years-old pile of ovary droppings next to her.

“Mommy it’s cold in here.” “Mommy, I’m bored.” “Mommy, that guy has girl hair.” “Mommy, I want to play on the phone.”

The incessant whining went on for the entirety of the discussion. She did nothing about it. I had an ache in my stomach that this might be a rough session.

I was right.

I showed her to the sound booth, positioned the mic at face level, told her the basics of mic use, and then she floored me with a question.

“Can my son stay in there with you while I do this?” I insisted that he wait in the conference room (across the hall from the control room) because the control room wasn’t a very kid-friendly place considering the 120K of equipment at arms reach.

“But he’s a little angel.”

I shouldn’t have taken her word for it. I SHOULD NOT have taken her word for it. This kid was ANYTHING but. I let him in, told him to sit in one of the office chairs and don’t touch anything. Needless to say, he touched. I queued the recording arm and signaled her to start. She got three lines into her take before I hear a deafening screech and crash.

That little shit machine had just knocked over a $4,000 Korg into a rack with $9,500 of equipment. Completely shattered the touchscreen on the Korg, busted the dials off of half of the effects, and totaled my distressor that I use for almost all the vocals I track.

All of this, by the way, was the room’s length apart from where I told the crotch goblin to stay.

The kid, because of the loud noise, started full-lung screaming. Not crying. Not yelling. Screaming.

The mother, with no hesitation, ran over to the control room and DEMANDED to know what I did to her child. She cussed at me and accused me of hurting her little snot monster. Threatened to sue and even swung at me. When I told her that her precious angel had just racked up at least twelve grand of damages, she said “good”, spit on me, then stormed out, slamming every door on the way. So I pulled the security camera footage and had filed a police report. Grand total: $13,504.25. I also mailed her the bill for her session for good measure.

Of six years in the studio, this is my only truly terrible experience. Fuck mombies. Fuck having children. Thanks for making my vasectomy decision that much easier on me.

[Part 2]

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6

IT’S FINALLY DONE!! The edit I’ve been working on during the streams!! I tried my best to make it look as authentic as possible and I?? Think I did pretty okay!! Now all that’s left is for hesowars staff to hire me-

If anyone would like to help and write a description that would be Just Dandy👍  

Best Pun Ever

Mallory and Mark Kensington were two star struck lovers who had been married for 12 years. Mallory was a commercial airline pilot and Mark was the captain of a nuclear submarine. They were both very responsible with their money, lived simply, had no children, and no vices. The only exception to their frugality was their dog Max whom they doted on at every possible occasion. Unfortunately for Max, fate had terrible plans in store for him. One dark August day, Mallory and Mark were both at their respective jobs and in a cruel twist of fate suffered major mechanical failures at the same time. In a million to one oddity, they both perished in the astonishing first-of-its-kind airplane/submarine accident.

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Finally got around to making a 6 armed Bill, and realized frat boy was the only way to go. So throw on your toga and come to Tri Delta Δ Δ Δ 

This universe is gonna learn how to party!

Little Lawyer
  • Daddy: It's time for bed, okay baby?
  • Baby: Okay daddy 💝
  • Daddy: Are you on your phone?
  • Baby: *turns off phone* Nope!
  • Daddy: Then why did I see your phone light?
  • Baby: You asked if I am currently on my phone. I turned off the phone so no, I'm not on my phone. I was on my phone but not now
  • Daddy:
  • Baby:
  • Daddy:
  • Baby: And if you look at the record, you can see I did not perjure myself
  • Daddy: Go to bed
1 | Tomorrow

BTS MAKNAE LINE X READER AU
WORD COUNT: 3,568 ?

WARNINGS: SWEARING, FEELS, ANGST, SMUT 

masterlist | ask | next


Looking up at the man you loved with all of your heart, you found yourself smiling like an idiot as he spoke, his deep alluring voice as smooth as ever, captivating you entirely,
“I’m so proud of you Y/N. I can’t think of anybody else who deserves this more than you do.”
Taehyung said as he smiled lovingly in your direction.

Taehyung was your boyfriend of 5 years, the two of you met in law school and fell in love almost instantly. He was everything you’d ever hoped for in a significant other, he was funny, incredibly smart and attentive, and the fact he was chiselled perfection and handsome as hell didn’t go a miss either. Tonight you were celebrating your new job, after years of bending over backwards and trying your god damn hardest you were finally a lawyer. Taehyung was the reason you even managed to get an interview at the Jeon law firm, he was a specialist lawyer at the firm mentioned how you had just graduated and were looking for a job, after a successful interview low and behold you’d made it.

“Stop it,” you whined “The only reason I got this job was because of you… Thank you.” You placed a firm hand on his shoulder as you leaned in, over the table to kiss him, the two of you had drank maybe a little too much wine considering your first day in the office was only hours away.
Taehyungs lips gently pressed against yours, he cupped your face in his large hands as he deepened the kiss, your tongues danced together in perfect harmony. There was no denying you were in love with him.

“Shit, don’t kiss me,” Taehyung whispered with wide, offended eyes as he pulled away from you, his chocolate brown hair swishing from side to side with his movements,
“My girlfriend is a big time lawyer now, she works for Jeon law firm, you might even know her? You know she will kill-” Your amused mouth crashing against his stopped him mid sentence, he was always cracking funny jokes and making you belly laugh into hysterics, it was one of your favourite things about him.

Suddenly his strong arms pulled you onto his lap, almost knocking over the empty bottle of wine that sat quietly on the dining table. His hands roamed your body from your hips to your collarbones, never missing a single inch. The moment the skin of his smooth fingers made contact with your shoulders and ultimately unclasped your red bra strap you knew exactly where the night would be taking you.

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The GOP finally busted an “illegal” voter — and she’s a Republican

  • On Thursday, a Fort Worth, Texas, judge sentenced 37-year-old permanent resident Rosa Maria Ortega, a mother of four who has lived in the U.S. since she was an infant, to an eight-year prison term for illegally voting in elections in 2012 and 2014, the New York Times reported.
  • The harsh sentence came down as part of an effort to show “how serious Texas is about keeping its elections secure,” according to a statement from state GOP Attorney General Ken Paxton.
  • Ortega is a registered Republican who says she simply did not know she was ineligible to vote, according to the Times. 
  • Her lawyer says she voted for former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney in 2012, as well as Paxton, the Republican attorney general prosecuting her, in 2014. Read more (2/11/17 6:22 PM)

most lgbt movies you see recommended are rated r, sexually explicit, etc etc. while that’s honestly great to see and something i’m personally okay with, it leaves kids and people who DON’T want to see sex alienated.

*Please note that I have not seen all or most of these movies. I will be updating this list as I find more/watch unrated ones that can be placed here. Let me know if I missed any!

Last Updated: 5/4/17

thus, here’s a list of lgbt movies that aren’t rated r:

  • The Pearl of Africa, TV-14: “In this intimate documentary, Ugandan transgender woman Cleopatra Kambugu struggles and prevails as she lives in an actively transphobic environment.”
  • Jenny’s Wedding, PG-13: “When Jenny plans to marry her girlfriend, she decides it’s time that her family, who doesn’t know she’s a lesbian, finally learns the truth.”
  • The Out List, TV-PG: “Activists, entertainers, athletes and politicians are among those profiled in this thought-provoking portrait of notable LGBT personalities.”
  • Growing Up Coy, TV-PG: “Filmmakers follow a Colorado family’s highly public battle for the rights of their transgender daughter, Coy, in a landmark civil rights case.”
  • My Transgender Kid, TV-14: “Two British families discuss the challenges they face raising children who identify as a gender different from the one they were assigned at birth.”
  • Gayby Baby, PG: “This documentary follows four youngsters as they navigate the challenges of their preteen years, including society’s bias against their gay parents.”
  • Margarita with a Straw, TV-14: “An Indian woman with cerebral palsy decides to study in New York, where she becomes involved in a life-changing affair with a blind female activist.”
  • Who’s Gonna Love Me Now?, TV-14: “A gay London man faces a positive HIV diagnosis and a decision on whether to stay with loving friends or return to his estranged parents in Israel.”
  • Game Face, TV-14: “This documentary follows the struggle of transgender MMA fighter Fallon Fox and gay basketball player Terrence Clemens for acceptance by their sports.”
  • Kumu Hina, TV-14: “This year captures a year in the life of native Hawaiian transgender teacher Hina Wong-Kalu, who embodies mahu, a sacred spirit both male and female.”
  • Big Eden, PG-13: “Henry Hart returns to Big Eden and winds up confronting his unrequited passion for his high school best friend and his feelings about being gay.”
  • Rent, PG-13: “This is the film version of the Pulitzer and Tony Award winning musical about Bohemians in the East Village of New York City struggling with life, love and AIDS, and the impacts they have on America.”
  • D.E.B.S., PG-13: “Plaid-skirted schoolgirls are groomed by a secret government agency to become the newest members of the elite national-defense group, D.E.B.S.”
  • I Am Not Your Negro, PG-13: “The late black and gay writer James Baldwin is given new voice in I Am Not Your Negro. Director Raoul Peck offers viewers the opportunity to spend 90 minutes with Baldwin’s words — his interviews, manuscripts, and influences — which offer his honest and illuminating insights on race in America.”
  • I Can’t Think Straight, PG-13: “A 2008 romance film adapted from a same name novel about a London-based Jordanian of Palestinian descent, Tala, who is preparing for an elaborate wedding. A turn of events causes her to have an affair and subsequently fall in love with another woman, Leyla, a British Indian.”
  • The World Unseen, PG-13: “A drama centered on two women who engage in a dangerous relationship during South Africa’s apartheid era.”
  • Caramel, PG: “A romantic comedy centered on the daily lives of five Lebanese women living in Beirut.”
  • You Are Not Alone, UR: “Two precocious boys explore their sexuality at boarding school.”
  • Bend it like Beckham, PG-13: “The daughter of orthodox Sikh rebels against her parents’ traditionalism and joins a football team.”
  • Camp, PG-13: “After a series of Broadway flops, songwriter Bert Hanley (Dixon) goes to work at a musical camp for young performers. Inspired by the kids, he finds an opportunity to regain success by staging an altogether new production.”
  • Chutney Popcorn, PG-13: “Reena is a young Indian American lesbian who lives and works in New York. Her sister Sarita, who is happily married, discovers that she is infertile. Reena offers to be a surrogate mother for her sister’s baby, hoping to improve her relationship with their mother, who disapproves of Reena’s sexual orientation. Reena has second thoughts when her girlfriend Lisa feels left out.”
  • The Family Stone, PG-13: “An uptight, conservative businesswoman accompanies her boyfriend to his eccentric and outgoing family’s annual Christmas celebration and finds that she’s a fish out of water in their free-spirited way of life.”
  • Saved!, PG-13: “When a girl attending a Christian high school becomes pregnant, she finds herself ostracized and demonized, as all of her former friends turn on her.”
  • To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar, PG-13: “Three drag queens travel cross-country until their car breaks down, leaving them stranded in a small town.”
  • Victor Victoria, PG: “A struggling female soprano finds work playing a male female impersonator, but it complicates her personal life.”
  • Far From Heaven, PG-13: “In 1950s Connecticut, a housewife faces a marital crisis and mounting racial tensions in the outside world.”
  • Philadelphia, PG-13: “When a man with HIV is fired by his law firm because of his condition, he hires a homophobic small time lawyer as the only willing advocate for a wrongful dismissal suit.”
  • Beautiful Daughters, TV-14: “In February, 2004, with the help of Eve Ensler and Jane Fonda, a group of transgender women put on the first all-transgender production of “The Vagina Monologues”, including a new monologue written by Ensler from their own experiences.”
  • Zorro: The Gay Blade, PG: “In 1840’s Mexico, wealthy landowner Don Diego Vega learns of his late father’s secret as Zorro, the masked folk hero, and Vega adopts his new persona. But when Vega is incapacitated by an injury, he asks Ramon, his very gay, long-lost twin brother (now calling himself ‘Bunny’), to replace him as the caped hero, who makes some drastic changes to his Zorro persona.”
  • We Think the World of You, PG: “An aimless young man, Johnny, is sent prison. He entrusts his beloved dog, Evie, to the care of his former lover and best friend, Frank. When he gets out of prison, he has to face difficulties at home. Added to this, is the fact that he may have to give up Evie to Frank.”
  • EDIT: Nina’s Heavenly Delights, PG-13: “A feisty young woman returns to Glasgow to run her deceased father’s curry house.”
  • EDIT: The Color Purple, PG-13: “A black Southern woman struggles to find her identity after suffering abuse from her father and others over four decades.”