lawwwwddd

How are Seventeen In Bed?

S.Coups: Every time he goes inside you he screams “ SAY THE NAME!!!” in your ear. Every. Fucking. Time. And you have to reply with “Seventeen!” or he refuses to continue.


Wonwoo:
This your daddy. This is my daddy. This is our daddy. We love daddy.

Jeonghan:  Despite looking delicate and as soft as a rose, he’s actually the opposite. #strokegameouttathisworld. Sex with him is nothing short of amazing. He lasts long. Takes care and makes sure you’re comfortable. Foreplay. Lawwwwddd the foreplay. The things this man can do with his tongue. However, he refuses to wear a condom which is no bueno. No glove, no love, son.

Mingyu: He’s gorgeous. He’s sexy. He’s fine. Oh so very very very very fine. There’s just one teensy problem. Sigh. He’s a premature ejaculator. He’s turned on by any and every thing. Text him back. He cums. Wave at him. He cums. Look in his general direction. He cums. Speak. He cums. He can’t control it. So by the time you’re ready to start he’s at the finish line :(. He can eat the kitty like a pro though so there’s that.

Vernon: He’s fucking crazy. Sex with him is even crazier. He’s into some hardcore rough sex. Reallllyyyy rough. The kind that makes you question your morals. He’s ruptured your cervix twice. You only meet with him once every six months as per your gynecologist instructions.

Woozi: Don’t let his small size fool you, Woozi has the biggest dick in the group. Yes, you read that right, Woozi got a big dick. He knows how to work it just the way you like it. Sometimes you feel like he knows your body better than you do. However, he has an habit of randomly screaming “I DONT LOOK LIKE YOONGI, BITCH” when you guys are intimate which is confusing because you’ve never once called him Yoongi.

Joshua: He has erectile dysfunction, but he’s cute so you don’t mind playing with his flaccid limp noodle.


Dokyeom:
He’s amazing in bed. He knows all your hot spots and can get you all hot bothered without even taking your clothes off. He’s good at what he does…there is just one problem. He likes to pray. Not that praying is a bad thing….he just says his prayers while he’s balls deep inside you. 


Seungkwan: “The bragger”. He’s always talking about how good he is in bed and how he can eat it like groceries.. Sex with him is awkward he constantly forgets to put it in the right hole and puts it in your belly button instead.You’re probably the first vagina he’s ever seen.


Hoshi:
He may look cute and innocent, but he’s actually into bondage. He loves to tie you up and gag you. Which is a little exciting because who doesn’t love a little bondage? However, he often leaves you bound and gagged. and by often I mean all the time but he’s cute so that’s okay.


Jun:  He takes his teamwork with his other members very seriously. Too seriously. He’s a firm believer of “Ain’t no fun if the homies cant have none”.He frequently asks you if you’re down for orgies. You’re having a hard time telling him no.


Minghao:
*glances nervously at the anon who said they would cut me if I said anything bad about Minghao* He’s great. Absolutely nothing negative to say about him at allllllllllllllllll. 10/10 would bang again. 


Dino: He’s a shy lover. It’s normal people get shy when they’re intimate. He’s just too shy. He likes to have sex in the dark with sunglasses on and he doesn’t like to take off his shirt, or pants, or socks, or underwear, or any article of clothing period. So sex with him is basically dry humping…but he lasts longer than Mingyu so that’s a plus.

Dear Congregation,

This is Sis Aries the Announcement lady and Choir director for the church of Hip-Hop. In light of this recent “scandal” involving our Pastor, please don’t let this lead you astray. Yea he might be a thot, a stupid thot tbh, but let us not snicker and outright laugh in his face and stop coming to this church. Let us all pray for him….PRRRAAAAAAAYYYYY SAINTS, that the Hip Hop Lord will show mercy on him…PPPRRRAAAAAYYYY SAINTS, that Queen B, the reason why he lowkey getting these hoes won’t pull him to the side and say “You making me look bad…so nigga you gotta go”….. PRRAAYYYYY SAINTS…that his momma don’t make a trip to beat him because even though he’s grown if his momma like my momma she’ll still pull out a belt and beat me in front of my friends and I’m old enough to buy alcohol…Just pray man cause Lawwwwddd Knows..this nigga needs all the prayer he can get

This has been a church announcement from Sis Aries. Have a blessed day