Swatting at the latest mosquito to try making a meal out of
him, Trafalgar D. Water Law, stumbles through the rainforest, wondering why
he’d even bothered booking a fortnight off work for this madness.
I know Barba is the ultimate professional. But he was so bland last season. Can he please be crazy passionate enough to be held in contempt or something. I need Barba to grow. I need character development. There were moments throughout but I would like a real character arc. He hasn’t gotten as much story as Alex or Casey for sure. But what do I know. I am just a fan.
how about a mckirk headcanon where bones comes across cinderella's prince from into the woods on an away mission without kirk (different unit, got separated, whatever works) and thinks it's kirk affected by a weird alien virus so brings him back to the enterprise only to find out that kirk has already beamed up and is waiting for him as they materialise. cue to fascinated jim+prince at each other's handsomeness and then fighting for bones as the prince starts woo bones and bones is 200% done.
Fucking hell, where even is he? This place. This planet isn’t even hostile, yet within minutes of being beamed down here, Leonard’s lost his entire crew. It doesn’t help that it’s a literal nightmare of every children’s book he’s read to Jo when she was younger. Laughter of witches, the howling of a wolf in the distance, the unnecessary singing of townspeople he passes by. Nightmare fuel, this is. And with his communicator not working, Bones is stuck here, by himself, casually trying to warn Little Red Riding Hood not to visit her grandmother, without interfering with the prime directive too much.
Jim isn’t even supposed to be here. That'even scarier, because while Bones is making his way through the woods when he runs into… Jim? “What are you wearing?” he asks when his captain approaches him on a horse. Clad in fancy clothes like he’d just walked out of a period drama. “Oh, you, good sir!” Jim calls out, sliding off his horse with flair, like he’d done that a million times before, “I’m looking for a fair maiden-” “Yeah, what else is new?” Bones counters, frowning a little at how offended the other looks from being interrupted. “She was at my ball,” Jim continues, “I intend to marry her.” “We’re in private,” Bones says, “you can act normal.“ "Oh, thank goodness,” Jim sighs, “I only intend to marry her because that’s what’s expected of me. I’m the heir to the kingdom, after all. I need a fair maiden to-” “Oh, fuck sake,” Bones groans, “what sort of alien plant spit you out this time?” Reaching out for Jim’s hand, his other hand reaches out in his pocket for his communicator. “Scotty,” he calls, hoping the other can hear him despite hearing nothing on the other end himself, “Scotty, if you can hear this: two to beam up.”
“Where have you taken me?” Jim asks, and Bones rolls his eyes. “Let’s just go to medical,” he says, only to be stopped by Jim, the real Jim, who enters the transportation room. “Bones! What are you doing, taking a local up with you?” Jim asks, glancing at the other - whoever that is, not-Jim - with mild interest, “who is this?” “I thought it was you,” Bones says, and Jim frowns. “He doesn’t even look like me.” “I agree,” not-Jim says, “I’m a prince, and much more handsome.” “I wouldn’t say that,” Jim replies, and Bones runs a hand through his hair. “Okay, fine, beam him back.” “Wait,” Prince says, “I do need a medical examination. I have a promiscuous past.” “Great,” Bones sighs, signing the other to join him, “just what I needed. Alright, Charming, let’s go get you looked at before syphilis melts your face off.”
“You’re so intelligent,” Prince says, sitting on one of the biobeds while Bones examines him. “Hmm, greatly under appreciated on most occasions,” Bones agrees. “Witty, too. I like that,” Prince replies, reaching out to cup Bones’ cheeks, the action leaving the doctor a bit stunned. “If times were different, doctor, you’d make me a fine husband.” Bones laughs at that, reaching out to take the prince’s hands away from his face. “Don’t take the rules of your time so seriously. You ever see a guy you like? Change the law. Someday you’ll find someone. As for me, I tried being a husband, it’s not for me.” "Change the law?” Prince repeats, his fingers tightening on Bones’ hands, “imagine that. Me, being with an intelligent, charming doctor as a trophy husband-” “No, really,” Bones says, “I’m not the one you want.” “Well,” Prince says, letting go of Bones’ hand, but rather than letting go, he moves his arms around Bones’ neck, “we don’t have to get married to enjoy each other’s company.”
“Hey,” Jim says, glancing at the two of them when the doors to the medbay slide open. That Prince Charming is there, arms around Bones’ shoulders, and the captain narrows his eyes. “Bones,” he says, “can I talk to you for a second? In private.”
“What are you doing?” Jim hisses quietly, “you bring a stranger onto this ship, you’re flirting with him-” “I’m not flirting!” Bones replies, “he’s just very persistent. Looks more like you than you think.” “He does not!” Jim says, looking over his shoulder at Prince Charming, who’s eyeing both Jim and Bones with interest. “I never hit on you…” Jim continues, and Bones raises his eyebrows, “… in the last year, or so. Can we just get him off the damn ship? He’s fine, he doesn’t need any help, and he certainly doesn’t need you.” “Please, like you’ve never been close with a local before,” Bones huffs, and Jim looks up at him - somehow both worried and upset at once. “That’s different! And what do you mean, you intend to sleep with him?!” “No,” Bones replies, “but if I were, that’s none of your business.” “You know I can hear everything you two are saying,” Charming calls out to both of them.
Being wanted is a nice feeling, though. Prince Charming is insufferable, constantly following him, touching him and - yes, bursts out into song meant to serenade Bones, or whatever, but even for someone as hopelessly romantic as Bones, that is highly uncomfortable. “Oh my God,” Jim calls out to Charming, “you’re going back to your world now.” “I am a prince, you can’t tell me what to do.” “We’re not on your planet. You don’t rule here,” Jim tells him, grabbing on to Charming’s arm and dragging him back to the transporter room. Bones follows them quietly, listening to, essentially two clones, argue continuously over either being the smartest, strongest, most witty - it’s exhausting.
“Bones,” Charming says once they’re in the transporter room, “would you consider coming with me?” “Are you serious?” Jim replies, “no! He’s not. Get on the damn platform.” “Bones,“ Charming presses, and Bones sighs. Nice as it is being wanted, this has gone on for long enough. “I’m sorry,” Bones says, gently patting Charming’s shoulder as he helps him on the platform, “it never would’ve worked between us.” Prince Charming simply responds by cupping Bones’ cheeks, leaning in to press a kiss on his lips. “Are you sure?” he asks, and Bones nods. “Very,” he replies, “now get off this ship.”
Scotty beams Charming away, and Jim immediately rushes after Bones as he makes his way back to med bay. “What was that all about?” he asks. “What do you mean?” “I don’t know, the fact that he just flat out kissed you,” Jim replies, “seriously, Bones, you have questionable taste.” Bones looks at Jim, huffing. “Tell me about it. No need to be jealous, though, I was never into him.” “I’m not jealous,” Jim says, “just concerned for your wellbeing.” “Super jealous,” Bones replies. “Am not.” “Are too.” Jim sighs, stopping Bones in his tracks to lean in and kiss him. It stuns Bones, clearly, until he pulls away with a frown. “What was that for?” “Am I a better kisser?” Jim asks, and Bones raises his eyebrows. “Are you serious?!” “Well, am I?” Jim asks, and Bones huffs. “No,” he lies, the devastated look in Jim’s eyes only half worth it, “but feel free to join me in my quarters to practice.”
Prompt: Justice league Flashpoint paradox but instead of the Flash going it’s Batmom?
You stare in what can only be described as awe, as your long dead father-in-law breaks Barry Allen’s fingers. At his second scream you finally move, “I have proof!”
You watch as Thomas Wayne freezes. Making sure that he sees every move, you carefully remove the locket from around your neck and hold it out to him. He drops Barry, before quickly snatching the necklace from your hand. You watch the emotions run across his face.
When he turns back to you, you see him for what he is; a broken man. “You’re … “
You take a deep breath “I’m Y/N Wayne, I’m married to your son.”
He smiles, “Bruce got married?”
You nod. “We were only nineteen, but we’ve known each other since middle school. We met shortly after you and Mrs. Wayne died.”
He looks at you with wonder in his eyes, as though he’s seeing a possibility he had only dreamed of. “And these children?”
You smile, “They’re ours.”
“What are their names?”
You move slowly to him and point them out one by one, “Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, Duke, Cassandra, and Terry.”
Thomas stares at the pictures for a bit longer, “He looks happy.”
You smile, “He has bad days but, then again, everyone does. I’d say he’s happy 95% of the time.”
“With a family like this how couldn’t he be?” He closes the locket gently before placing it back in your hand. His face grows serious before turning to Barry, “What do we need to do?”
Barry stares at him for a moment before saying, “Now you’re ready to help me?”
He shakes his head, “No, I’m ready to help my son, and get his wife back to him.”
Smiling you hug him. He’s a bit surprised at first, but eventually he wraps his arms around you, and you whisper, “Thank you, dad.”
Apparently Chris Cornell's mother in law is talking shit about Eddie on her Twitter. Wow
Now that’s classy. In all honesty she seems distraught, maybe confused and looking for someone to blame. She’s angry. Her comments about Eddie are disappointing and upsetting. Very upsetting, at first. It’s worse that she isn’t being direct. Vaguely shit-talking Eddie publicly on social media is just really low. Some of the things she said are just unthinkable. I hope that Eddie never hears any of what she’s saying. I think it’ll hurt him more. Eddie might be withdrawing after Chris’ death. Sometimes it hurts so much that you don’t know the words to reach out to someone. I can’t blame him for not saying anything yet. Eddie has to grieve in whatever way is best for him. Maybe touring will be a way to get his mind off it a little and move forward. So I can’t blame him for not cancelling his tour, either. And if Eddie’s words mean so much to her, why not reach out to him, make sure he’s alright? She expects something from him without even the slightest concern about his emotional well-being. Above all, who’s this slander going to help? I hope Chris’ mother-in-law can stop pointing fingers. And I hope that in time, she and the rest of Chris’ family can cope.
Also like some of what she said should totally be kept offline and she is betraying Eddie’s family’s right to privacy if she goes on like this.
Also I fucking hope Alternative Nation doesn’t get wind of this because they’re gonna have a field day exploiting it if they haven’t already.
The rule is, the kitchen stays clean. After dinner, after he’s finished serving dessert, Sanji goes and cleans every last inch till it’s sparkling. Even if there’s a party, Sanji will still stagger drunkenly through scrubbing and sweeping long after everyone’s passed out.
Every morning Sanji wakes up two hours before everyone else. First he makes coffee, then he smokes three or four cigarettes, then he makes breakfast. That’s how it goes. He sure as hell isn’t cleaning before his coffee, and there’s nothing more miserable than waking up to a dirty kitchen.
It’s four in the morning and Sanji is already awake. He slips out of the quarters silently as always, head already full of ideas. The Sunny’s guest doesn’t tolerate bread, but Sanji’s considering a donut made of rice flour, because Nami was talking about donuts last night, so he’s giving himself some extra time to experiment. If all else fails, there’s always eggs.
Sanji steps into his beautiful clean kitchen -
And there’s eggshells on the floor. Dirty knives on the counters. A black, crusted pan and half a roll of sausage and his fucking captain and latest ally are sitting on the countertop looking at Sanji like he’s the intruder here.
“Sanji!” Luffy says, like he doesn’t see the fucking steam blowing out of Sanji’s ears. “Couldn’t sleep?”
“What the hell, Luffy? In my kitchen! You destroyed my kitchen! And - and you!” Sanji points at Law, who doesn’t even have the grace to look guilty. “You’re enabling him? What is happening?”
“Snacks,” Law says. There’s something in his hand. Something a little charred that might have once been a sausage?
“Snacks?” Sanji hisses. “Snacks? You couldn’t wait for breakfast? You - you -”
“Is it breakfast time already?” Luffy looks surprised. “Sweet!”
“Lost track of the time,” Law says, popping the sausage slice in his mouth.
“Both of you, out. Now. No. Wait - clean up all this shit first - and then. Get out.” Sanji wants to start so bad. His hands are itching, his foot belongs in Luffy’s face, but it wouldn’t look good in front of the other captain, for Luffy’s crew to undermine him like that, and he hasn’t had a coffee and he needs a cigarette and he is this, this fucking close to stretching Luffy out and knotting him up like a pretzel and dropping him in the fish tank.
“Wow.” Luffy chuckles. “Were we fishing all night?”
“Guess so,” Law says.
“Fishing? Fishing? You were fishing all night?”
“There’s this legendary eel that only hunts at night,” Luffy explains. “It’s allergic to the sun, but it glows in the dark. It lives at the bottom of the sea and only comes up to the surface at night!”
“It’s a myth,” Law grins.
“That’s what he says, but I say -”
“Anything is possible if you believe in yourself.”
“Yes! Also? It’s huge. I’m talking eel for days, Sanji! And they’re all glowy and cool -”
“And they don’t exist, but -”
“Shut UP!” Sanji’s head is killing him. “And clean up. I’m gonna - I’m gonna - wait, why are you hunting a fish that doesn’t exist?”
“Why didn’t you stop Luffy?”
“Why aren’t you cleaning?”
“We’ll clean up,” Luffy says, holding his hands up in surrender. “Sorry, Sanji. But we were fishing all night and I got hungry and -”
“Stop talking. Start cleaning.” Sanji pulls out a cigarette. “I’m coming back in five minutes and if this place isn’t spotless I’ll - I’ll -”
Yeah, and Law could dismember him with a thought.
“He’s mad,” Luffy stage-whispers, and Law is flat out chuckling now. “Sorry, Sanji! Yes sir, right on it, sir!”
Law salutes. A thin blue film spreads out around him and in a flash everything is put away, white kitchen towels in their place.
Sanji loses it.
“You put dirty dishes away? You put dirty dishes in the cupboard?”
But Luffy is doubled over laughing now, and Law sighs, flicks his fingers. The dirty dishes land unceremoniously on the floor.
“I’m leaving! Leaving! And I’m not making breakfast!”
“So you’re gonna let us make breakfast for the rest of the crew,” Law says thoughtfully. “You know, Luffy…”
Fucking hell. Luffy is grinning and now they’re having one of those secret conversations again. This shared captain language of tilted eyebrows and half-smiles.
“OUT! Both of you! I’ll clean,” Sanji says, desperate. “Just. Get out of my kitchen.”
“Snacks,” someone mumbles.
Sanji turns and sees the great green beast himself. Zoro looks half-asleep, scratching his ass, but he’s poking his stupid head in now and muttering about snacks.
“Y’all are loud,” Zoro says. “Where’s the snacks?”
“Ooh,” Luffy says. “Kind of ate it all. Hold on, we can cook more sausage for you! Sanji, can you cook the rest of it?”
Sanji imagines being at the bottom of the ocean. He imagines a spa on some distant island, massages from beautiful women.
“Luffy charred most of it,” Law says. “He can’t cook to save his life.”
“Nope! That’s why I got Sanji.”
“Hungry,” Zoro mutters. “I’m hungry, and you guys woke me up.”
Sanji counts to ten. Takes a breath. Lights a cigarette, and starts to cook.
For the first time in his entire life, Luffy is late to breakfast.