***au where Sirius raises Harry and sends him howlers when anything remotely interesting happens to him*** …
Sirius: “YOUNGEST SEEKER IN A CENTURY? BY GOLLY! WHO IS THE FIRST MATCH? YOU BEAT THE EVERLOVING STUFFING OUT OF THOSE SLYTHERIN NO GOOD ROTTEN BLOODY…”
Remus in background: “SIRIUS! I will not have you..”
*howler burns itself out*
Sirius: “YOU LET THAT LAVENDER LACED PRAT TRY TO MEND YOUR ARM? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? I’M COMING UP THERE TO MEET WITH THIS SOGGY SHAMPOO ADVERTISEMENT OF A ‘WIZARD’ AND I SWEAR ON MERLIN’S HAIRY WRINKLED OLD- ”
Remus in background: “SIRIUS! Now, that’s in bad taste and I will not have…”
Sirius: “YOUR HEAD WAS SEEN FLOATING IN HOGSMEADE?! BRILLIANT! OH IF I’D SEEN THE LOOK ON SNIVELLY’S FACE..HOW DID YOU DO IT? DID YOU HAVE YOUR DAD’S-”
Remus in background: “STOP! Now, Sirius. You know better than to mention-”
*howler fizzles and dies*
Sirius: “HELL YEAH! OUTFLYING A BLOODY DRAGON?! GENIUS! YOUR FATHER WOULD’VE BEEN SO PROUD! YOU STICK IT TO THAT KRUM LOSER! YOU TELL HIM I SAID HIS WAND ARM CAN-”
Remus in background: “Now, Sirius. Perhaps you should think before y-”
*howler turns to ash*
Sirius: “HIGH INQUISITOR?????!! YOU WAIT TIL I GET MY HANDS ON THAT JUMPED UP, PINK SMEARED, YELLOW-BELLIED TOAD! I SWEAR ON YOUR FATHER’S GRAVE THAT OLD BAT BETTER HAVE A CLEAN PAIR OF KNICKERS HANDY BECAUSE WHEN I-”
Remus in background: “While I agree with you, Sirius, perhaps we’d better tone it d-”
*howler burns a hole in the table*
Sirius: “HARRY! ARE YOU ALRIGHT? Stay with him. Remus and I are on the way.”
*howler turns black, disintegrates*
Summary: Phil is the drummer of a band, but how will the lead singer, Kevin, feel when he walks in on Phil banging his younger brother Dan as hard as Phil bangs his drums?
Warnings!! There’s 2 smut scenes: Rimming, daddy kinks, hints of DD/LB (but not), wall sex, angry sex, rough sex, dirty talking, Dan is in a skirt, Dan in panties, blow jobs, slut! Dan (if you squint), etc.
Summary: Royal AU. Princess Elizabeth of France is forced to marry the future King of England, Forsythe Jones the Third to stop a war between their between their two countries but their first meeting does not go as planned. Based on this post.
Warnings: A brief sexual situation.
A/N: I was heavily inspired by Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo + Juliet. I know some people, @jandjsalmon , have been asking for this fic and I thought I’d take a shot at it. I hope some of you like it. I’ve never written anything like this so if might suck.
This isn’t even remotely accurate historically and a few of these lines are Shakespeare’s not mine.
I also edited myself so there are probably mistakes.
“I do not wish to marry him mother!” Princess Elizabeth of France wailed as her plump lady in waiting, Jonet, laced her into her dress. “I do not love him!”
She was the eldest daughter of Henry Cooper, the ruling King of France. To quiet rising tensions between the French and the English she was set to marry the next King of England, Forsythe Phillip George Edward Jones the Third. Elizabeth knew little of him but what she did know she didn’t like. Promiscuous, entitled, egotistical.
“That is not what this is about, Elizabeth.” Queen Alice of France, scolded as she helped pin up her daughters flowing blonde hair. “Our kingdoms are on the verge of war, children of French and English blood will stop that war.”
“I want to marry Duke Archibald! He is of noble birth, he would make a fine husband!” Tears ran down her face and Jonet blotted them with a handkerchief.
“For a Countess possibly, but not for a Princess and future Queen!” Alice roared, pulling on her daughters hair. “You will meet Prince Forsythe, you will be pleasant, you will be ladylike, you will be of the nobility you were born into. You will entertain him at the masquerade tonight, you will be married and you will provide him with heirs.”
Elizabeth stood looking at herself in the mirror. The light lavender dress fashioned for this night was beautiful and different from any dress she had ever worn. The type of ball they were having required costumes so something a little less formal would not be frowned upon. The material was lighter and allowed her to move more freely than the heavier satin dresses she was used to wearing. White lace outlined the bust, sleeves and hem. She looked beautiful, glowing even, as her mother came up behind her.
“Don’t you want me to be happy?” Elizabeth asked.
Alice sighed. “My beautiful girl, happiness is something that people like us cannot afford. We live in this luxury and our penance is to make sure we keep our people alive. This marriage will do that.” Alice accepted an ornate gold tiara from Jonet and placed it on her daughters head. “Heavy is the head that wears the crown.” She planted a kiss on Elizabeth’s cheek and when her mother had left the room, the Princess began to sob.
Summary: Teacher!Dan and Teacher!Phil So Dan keeps flirting with Phil throughout school hours, and has even joint their classes just to low key flirt with the man and finally Phil asks what’s going the fuck on??? Cause he likes Dan, but he doesn’t just want to be a one night stand, and Dan expresses he likes Phil, which leads to very kinky Dom! Phil sex in the class room.
Summary: Hoping to escape the front lines, Phil Lester quits his job and trains with the medical corps, months before the war started. When all is not what he thought it would be, and a small tragedy occurs, he finds himself back home as a volunteer at a war hospital. He meets someone, someone unexpected, who offers him a heavenly view of his circumstances and helps him believe that just maybe the world isn’t so bad after all.
Summary: Dan totally doesn’t have a daddy kink. It’s just that sometimes he reads phanfics and sometimes he turns red when he calls Phil daddy in these fics and sometimes he uses humour to cover up the fact that he finds it totally, ridiculously, hot.
Summary: Dan and Phil are both cocky frat boys that love beer almost as much as they love each other. Dan, drunk and horny, challenges Phil to a game of beer pong: whoever wins, tops. may the games begin.
You hated to admit it but there was one thing in the word that you loved more than anything. And that was the chocolate colored lab that was laying right beside you.
Technically, Marshall wasn’t yours but he still brought you a comfort on lonely days when Tyler was gone. Like now, he was laying on the left side of the bed while you were on the right so you could smell your boyfriend’s scent that he left along with his pillow.
This time it wasn’t supposed to be long, only a week so he left some things that he normally would bring on the road. In fact, Tyler’s supposed to be home today, so Marshall and you decided to just chill on the blue bed that you and Ty shared.
As you continued to think about the hockey player, your right hand ran through the labs fur and you couldn’t help but kiss his precious forehead. This made the doggy open his eyes and he barking showing his excitement before attacking you with kisses. “Marsh-” you giggled pushing him a little to slide up so you could sit against the headboard. With the dog sitting on your legs, you cupped his squishy face in your hands. “You’re such a good boy. Yes, you are.” Marshall barked while his tail was swinging side to side.
“Sometimes, I think you love him more.” The familiar voice made the lab jump off you to run towards the bedroom door where his daddy was standing. He was wearing a black athlete shirt with green shorts. “Hey, bud.” Tyler dropped his duffle bag to crouch down, letting the doggy lick his face. “Did you keep mama safe while I was gone?” Marshall barked in response. “Good boy.” You just watched the two with a smile on your face and waited patiently for your turn.
Once Ty looked your way his smiled matched yours before walking over to you. His hands moved to your hips before pressing a kiss to your cheek. “Well, Marshall, doesn’t leave me for weeks to months a time.” He let out an aired laugh before saying.
“I missed you.”
You smiled. “I missed you, too.” Your hands when to the back of his neck to bring his lips down to yours.
Tyler moaned in response before pushing you down on the soft bed. As his hands went inside your shirt the both of you heard whining. “Marshall, go away.” The hockey player mumbled against your lips before slightly pushing the chocolate lab away with his leg.
Once the both of you didn’t hear the whining anymore, the kissed got more heated. You wrapped your legs around his waist to pulled him closer to add pressure were you needed him the most.
You’re hands played with the hem of his shirt, notifying your boyfriend that you wanted it off. Luckily, Tyler noticed this so he pulled away to take it off. You couldn’t help but stare at his nicely shaped chest down to his abs, plus that delicious v-line that made your mouth. However, what really drove you crazy would definitely have to be his tattooed covered biceps.
You finally looked away from his arms to look at his bearded face and that’s when you noticed the his signature smirk. “Like what you see?”
You didn’t say anything but sat up a little to remove your, well, his shirt revealing your lavender laced bra. “Like what you see?” A smirk was placed on your lips as his dropped into a snare.
Tyler pushed you back onto the bed then grind his hips onto yours making your mouth open to let out a mouthy groan. “That’s for mocking me, baby.” His lips moved to neck surely leaving a hickey then he moved back to your lips.
Suddenly, the bed dipped right beside the two of you and a wet feeling (other then in your underwear) appeared from your face to Tyler’s. The two of you pulled apart to see Marshall wagging his tail happily. “Aw, baby boy were you jealous?” The lab barked in response. You put a hand on your boyfriend’s shoulder to push him away.
“What?” The hockey player was so confused when you moved from under him to play with his dog. “But I thought we were-”
“Ty,” you turned to him. “Marshall just wants some attention.”
A pout covered your boyfriend’s face. “But I do, too.” You moved over to your side of the bed and patted to the spot beside you. Tyler quickly moved over to you and pressed a kiss to your lips. But Marshall started barking making you two pull away. You laughed while your hockey player groaned. “He’s such a clock block.”
"Oh, be quiet.” You said pushing him slightly making Ty laugh.
"No, seriously.” He commented while grabbing your hand. “Before we started dating, you know when I was a total douche.” You gave him a look. “Okay, more than I am now. I used to bring girls home and Marshall would bark at them like crazy. It scared them so bad that they would leave me all high and dry. If you know what I mean.”
You squinted your eyes. “Oh, I know what you mean.” You crossed your arms over your chest.
"Oh, come on babe. You know how I was before I met you.” Tyler wrapped his arms around your waist pulling you onto his lap so you would straddle him.
"I know,” a sigh escaped your month as you began to play with his hair. “But it doesn’t him I want to be reminded about it.”
"M'sorry.” He mumbled before pecking your lips. Marshall didn’t like the attention off him so he moved over to his father and started to lick his face.
"It’s funny.” You giggled while petting the sweet boy. “Because we wouldn’t have met, if Marsh didn’t tackle me in that park.”
"Yeah.” You boyfriend smiled. “I guess, at that time he had better taste than me.”
A huge smile covered your face. “Guess so.” You kissed the lab’s forehead then Tyler’s lips. “You know,” you started. “Maybe he’s just lonely.” The both of you watched as the dog moved to the end of the bed to lay down in his original spot.
"Yeah.” You turned back to your man and noticed the gears in his head moving.
"Hey.” You called out getting his attention. “You can still feel me up if you’ll like.”
You watched as a big smile covered his face. “Have I ever told you how much I love you.”
You smirked a little. “Maybe a little.”
"Well, I love you.” Tyler kissed your cheek.
"Love you, too my little douche.”
The next morning Tyler left you a note saying he’ll be home by noon, he had something to do with practice so you started to cook some fried pork chops with string beans and mashed potatoes. Yes, that may seem like a lot for lunch but Tyler is always very hungry after practice.
Anyway, Marshall was standing at your feet ready for anything you accidentally drop. As you stirred the mashed potatoes a text appeared on your phone.
Ty🖤: come outside
You squinted your eyes before rolling them. You turned off the stove then walked out the kitchen. “Come, Marshall.” The lab followed after you as you made your way through the house to the front door. “Ty.” You called out while walking down the steps. Suddenly, a small black thing ran up to you, nearly causing you to fall. “Oh my goodness.” You squealed as you picked up the little black lab. “You’re the cutest.”
"So you like him? I think his name will be Midnight or Cash?”
"I love him.” You turned away from your boyfriend to carry to new pup into the house. “You hungry?” The puppy started to lick your face. “Yes, I’m sure you are.”
"Um, Y/n.” You paid Tyler no attention as you put the little thing on the floor near Marshall who was trying to figure the black lab out.
You went over to the pork chops and started to cut up some pieces. “Here you go my babies.” You gave them some to which they very much appreciated it.
"What about me?” You looked at the hockey player and smiled.
"Come over here, daddy.” You giggled at the new puppy who started to paw at Marshall.
Arms wrapped around your waist. “You know better then to call me that.” You picked up a piece of pork and turned around to put it in your boyfriend’s mouth.
"Later.” You kissed his cheek. “But now, you eat.” He smiled before the both of you watched as the dogs played together. “I like Cash. It sounds more human.” Tyler looked at you. “Since Marshall is a human name. It would be crazy to name him Midnight.”
He smiled before replying. “Cash it is then.” You hopped on the counter so Tyler could stand in between your legs.
"Oh, and once the babies go to sleep-” you slid a finger down his white shirt to stop at his belt buckle. “Mama and daddy are gonna have some grown-up time.”
A smirk appeared on his face. “I’ll like that.” Once his lips crashed onto yours, a pair of whines were heard. “Oh, come on!”
We are really disappointed with how many inactive people we have in The Secret Witch Event, and ultimately it’s making the experience a bit anti-climatic for those who really want to have fun with this.
So we’ve decided to do another purge of inactive participants, please read the requirements needed to stay in this event. If you don’t do what is required of you, you will be removed.
The Gif below is an accurate depiction of Nessa and I with these inactive participants.
This is a huge issue, especially since the event is merely a month away.
So here is our course of action (again):
ALL PARTICIPANTS WILL BE REQUIRED TO EMAIL US WITH CONFIRMATION OF THEIR PARTICIPATION. THIS DOES NOT INCLUDE ANY PREVIOUS E-MAILS WE’VE EXCHANGED.
YOU WILL NEED TO GIVE US AN E-MAIL WITH THE TITLE BEING: SECRET WITCH EVENT CONFIRMATION OCTOBER 2017 ( or something close)
THE E-MAIL WILL REQUIRE :
A LINK TO YOUR BLOG
A LINK TO YOUR SECRET WITCH GIFT RECIPIENT'S BLOG
AND WHEN YOU PLAN ON SENDING THEIR GIFT.
In return ( to those in the address route) we will e-mail you the address to your secret witch recipient.
IF YOU DO NOT E-MAIL US BY THE END OF :
SEPTEMBER 25TH, 2017
YOU WILL BE REMOVED IMMEDIATELY AND WILL NOT BE PICKED TO PARTICIPATE NEXT YEAR.
ALL THOSE WHO ARE INACTIVE (without a valid excuse)
WILL BE BANNED FROM PARTICIPATING IN FUTURE EVENTS SUCH AS GIVEAWAYS AND OTHER SECRET WITCH EVENTS.
To those who don’t already know: WE ARE NO LONGER ACCEPTING PEOPLE TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS EVENT.
Okay now that’s all said and done….I feel the need to vent a little bit, because it’s making the entire experience so draining for us.
Kinara’s Rant Warning:
First of all, HOW DARE YOU ( to all inactive participants, or active but refusing to participate). There are other people in this event who want to have fun, and if you suddenly lost interest or had an issue that prevented you from continuing. You have the basic responsibility of bringing it to our attention, you are in no way required to stay against your will, in this event at any point. ( if you don’t want to)
Secondly, we will be having consequences for this issue due to the fact it’s severely unfair to others and for us. Why? Because we are so sad that this is even happening, it’s been to the point that I contemplated just canceling the event all together.
However, we won’t because there are some awesome people who deserve to have some fun and they make all this worth it. You guys know who you are, we thank you for your patience and thank you for keeping a positive outlook during this whole process. We truly appreciate you guys from the bottom of our hearts.
In order to try and restore some fun, we will be doing another purging of the inactive participants.
Organizing this is nothing easy, Nessa and I are really happy for those who are enjoying themselves but it deeply upsets us to see others not enjoying themselves because of their inactive secret witches.
ANYWAYS, Kinara’s Rant Over.
Please e-mail us and let us know you’re alive so we can give you an e-mail with your secret witch’s address ( if you’re in the address route) so we can continue having fun.
✨loves people ✨but is super shy ✨reads a ton ✨loves to sew (she’s the designer) ✨lots of freckles and moles* ✨stormy blue eyes ✨smol ears
Wears: ✨dark purple grid shirt with moon and star pins ✨peter pan collar ✨lavender skirt ✨lace socks ✨yellow buckled shoes ✨braided qr with added moon and star pins ✨short bobbed hair ✨bandages (of course, star patterned*)
“You look good Jughead, stop fidgeting.” Kevin adjusted the jacket the dark haired boy filled out perfectly,both of the young men looked dashing. Kevin had created both of these outfits in the span of 2 hours and it was some of his finest work.
Jughead had always been uncomfortable in extravagant clothing but he assumed wearing his builders clothes wouldn’t go over too well at the palace, Kevin was nearly drooling so he figured it would do for the night.
Veronica approached the pair in an incredibly tight dark purple dress stretched across her corset and flared out dramatically, Josie wore a similar dress in a burnt orange.
“You both look lovely as always.” Kevin grabbed Josie’s hand and began walking, leaving Veronica to Jughead who rolled his eyes and took her hand into the crook of his arm
“Nice choice of color Lady Veronica.” He grinned lazily.
“Well, rumor has it Prince Archie will be in attendance tonight and Purple Is the most regal of all the colors.” She tugged him excitedly to the palace as he rolled his eyes and smirked.
The four friends stood in line outside the double doors leading to the ball
“There’s word of a huge announcement taking place at this very ball, imagine, we’ll be the first too know.” Josie swooned, her eyes lighting up at the thought of gossip.
They approached the front of the line and spoke there names, quickly being ushered in and lead to the front of the ballroom. Jughead was overwhelmed, he had never been around so much… money. The crystals and lights and gowns and food.. it was so.. excessive, but as was the life of royalty he supposed. Veronica was nearly keeling over in excitement her eyes scanning the crowd.
“There he is!” She whispered, digging her nails into Jugheads arm. He drew his eyes over to the food and saw the red headed prince stuffing his face as another redhead in a tight red gown spoke to him.
“He appears to be preoccupied.” He smiled playfully at his friend.
“Never the less, I feel famished shall we get food.”
Jughead never got the chance to answer as the raven haired girl pulled him away determined.
They stood beside the young prince as Jughead eyed the food desperately, everything looked delicious and his mouth was practically watering".
“You should try the roast.” Jughead heard from beside him, he turned to see Prince Archie staring at him “and just wait until they they bring out the desserts.” He held out his hand
“I know a good man when I see one, you’re appreciation for food does not go unnoticed, my name is Archie, very pleased to meet you.”
“Jughead Jones.” He shook his Hand and felt a shove at his back.
“And this is Lady Veronica, my friend”
There was a shift in the atmosphere when the young prince set his eyes on the dark haired Beauty.
“Your majesty.” She curtsied, and he brought her knuckles to his lips kissing gently
“The pleasure is mine.”
Suddenly the room went quiet and Kevin appeared beside him
Jughead followed everyone’s eyes and nearly dropped to the floor.
Princess Elizabeth had made her entrance.
She was poised at the top of the stairs, the very definition of a fairy princess.
Long layers of soft pink and purple fabric billowed at her feet, light lavender and lace covered her top, slightly revealing but tastefully so, her long silky honey blonde hair was pulled up loosely, half of her curls were pinned back by her crown, her bright green eyes seemed to shine dangerously as she pouted her pillow soft lips. She moved with grace as she descended the stairs, occasionally stopping to greet royals who were in awe of her beauty.
“That is a future queen if I’ve ever seen one.” Veronica admired, her eyes glazed over slightly, it seemed everyone was struck by the mere presence of the princess.
Jughead was speechless and Kevin grinned
“She sure is something wonderful.”
Jughead nodded slowly
“Don’t look now but it appears the object of your affection is coming this way.” Josie whispered into his ear.
Betty stood before them
“Hello my new friends, I am so happy you could make it. I see you’ve met Archie and … princess Cheryl.” She nodded towards the two redheads
“Quite the dress you have on Princess Elizabeth, the color scheme is.. fun. You’ve always had a flare for immature colors.” Princess Cheryl took part in ruling over the central land, it was quite a distance from Riverdale but she found herself in the small land more often than not.
“Yes of course, I do love lavender. Unfortunately all of us can pull of Harlet red. You do a fantastic job of that yourself.” Betty’s sugar sweet smile was much different then her real one and Archie snorted audibly as Jughead bit back a grin at the princesses sass.
“Yes a Hartlet indeed, although it appears I’m too be married soon while you are still on your own, aren’t you a bit too old your majesty.” She growled.
Betty moved closer towards her
“Congratulations on your up coming nuptials princess, I always knew you and your brother would make it official.” Her smirk was wicked and Cheryl turned on her heel, moving away quickly.
Betty giggled behind her hand again, turning to Veronica
“Incest is so very last century.”
Veronica laughed and gripped the princesses hand. A friendship was being forged quite quickly between those two. Suddenly she was being ushered away without a word.
Queen Grundy was standing now beside Betty.
“My subjects, I’ve something of utmost importance to announce.”
There was a moment of silence before she finished
“Princess Elizabeth has so graciously agreed to merge our kingdoms, Pembrooke and Riverdale will now be one. I have chosen to step down and live out the rest of my life in comfort, I am very ill and cannot continue to rule to my best abilities. She will sworn in at the end of this month. It is my greatest pleasure to introduce you to your soon to be queen Princess Elizabeth Cooper.”
There was a roar of applause and cheers, Jugheads eyes met Betty’s and she smiled softly, she was trying to tell him something but he couldn’t understand not amongst all of the chaos.
As things settled Jughead finished his meal and stood beside his friends, when suddenly a soft small hand was placed on his forearm, he turned to find Betty holding her hand out
“Will you dance with Jughead Jones?” She asked.
He swept her in his arms instantly
“M'lady, I should have asked you, I apologize.”
She waved a hand
“Oh no please, I find comfort in your eyes, your arms feel like home. Surely I shouldn’t feel this way? For we’ve only just met.”
He nodded, pressing her against his body
“I find I feel the same. We can never be, a queen mustn’t even be in the arms of a simple builder, I cannot give you what you need, I cannot even provide for you. It is a tragedy of the ages.”
She pulled away slowly
“Times are changing, I shall choose who it is I love. I aim to make this kingdom better, you can help me, together we can fix this kingdom.”
He pressed her tighter against him
“A fantasy, a beautiful dream.” He whispered against her ear, stroking her hair.
“I dream In color, I dream of you.” She whispered back, staring into his eyes, the world had disappeared even just for a moment.
Thank you so much for participating in this event. We are super excited and amazed that so many of you are willing to do this and be so kind and loving to one another– the support we have seen so far really inspires us so thank you once again.
In order to avoid anyone figuring out or narrowing down who their Secret Witch is; I’m going to ask everyone who’s participating to follow one another.
Please don’t give yourself away, also we ask you to turn on Anons for your Secret Witch, this way they can ask you things without being revealed.It makes things super fun and exciting as we wait (im)patiently for October.
Please remember to contact us with any problems/concerns you have!
We will no longer be accepting entries for the Secret Witch Event. (Effective Immediately: 9-1-2017)
Your Recipients information will be sent to you by the 15th of October and We suggest Amazon Wishlist Routes send out their gifts by that same date :)