it’s funny, so i just saw logan last night (which is both Very Funny and Very Not, but that’s a different story)
so you meet dear little laura, and you’re hanging out with her on this father-daughter bonding transamerican roadtrip, right? and she’s making shrieking noises and beheading people and stealing shit from convenience stores, and you’re like okay– secret weapons project, bioengineering, brainwashing, this makes sense. i see how you got here, you precious and wonderful child of death who i wish such good things for. it all makes sense.
but then you meet her cohort of other secret weapons children– and wait. these children are not like laura. these kids got some trauma and some superpowers, but are otherwise a lot more like “hi i’m johnny.” laura is a special murder snowflake.
in the ~final confrontation~ all laura’s buddies are, when cornered, taking down individual soldiers with faces that say “i am a scared but competent preteen and/or teen.” all of them team up to slowly and almost meditatively kill That One Douchebag, and it’s all very Big Deal, this is a Moment
and then you have laura, backflipping off her dad’s back while issuing an enraged nonverbal shriek of full-bodied fury and sticking her landing with her claws knuckle-deep in a baddie’s chest
what was she like in the lab? i mean, this kid clearly has a Protective Streak and also, you may have noticed, giant claws that spring from her tiny clenched fists, like, i bet this was a thing
i can just imagine the kids being like “laura’s late to the rendezvous, should we be worried?”
“she probably just got distracted by MURDER again, you know how it is, remember easter 2023?”
“oh damn it i miss that girl.”
“my favorite sister.”
“i thought i was your favorite sister.”
“only when i need my drink iced– ow– hey!– i’ll tell laura!”
“go ahead! she’ll side with me!”
tl;dr all tiny bilingual mutant found-families need a shrieking murder child
I am sick and tired of these stupid videos going viral on facebook about how technology has made us antisocial and that social media is evil.
Let me tell you a story. I’m half English, but live in Spain. I get to see my English family, at best, once a year. Sometimes not even that.
I love my English grandparents, but we don’t have many things in common. We can get a nice 20 minute talk going about what we’ve been doing lately, and then I usually fall silent whilst my mum talks about cooking with my grandma and my dad goes on to talk about science with my granddad. It’s so disappointing, because I barely see them, and I can only rely on their interest in what I’m doing with my life to start a conversation.
A few months ago we flew to England and stayed with them a few days. Whilst having supper, naturally (as always) the conversation started with how I was doing, and what I was planning to do with my future now that I had graduated. I told them I was thinking about moving back to Japan to start working there. Somehow, one way or another, we started talking about life in Japan, and my parents chipped in by commenting on their experience in Tokyo as tourists. “There’s so many people!” And then someone asked, “what’s the population of Japan?”
And I said, “Let me google that.”
So I pulled out my smartphone. 127.3 million. Can you believe it? That’s a lot! That’s twice as much as the UK, isn’t it? What is the population of the UK? Granddad says 60 million, but grandma says 62.
Google says 64.1 million.
What about Spain? 50 million, perhaps? 55? Mum says 48, dad says 40. Nope, it’s 46.77 million as of 2014, says google.
We all guessed at the population of the US, of Canda, of France, of Germany; we cheered when one of us had almost hit the mark, and gasped at unexpected numbers. We looked up the dates of historical events, we read random wikipedia facts, we searched Stonehenge on google maps and read about the theories behind it, we googled ‘disc symbols ancient’ to try and figure out what this paperweight my granddad had in his office was supposed to be because he couldn’t remember its name and immediately found out it was a replica of the Phaistos Disc. “‘Disc symbols ancient’! How did google know what we were looking for just from that? That’s amazing!”
We went on for hours, and it was so. much. fun. For three whole hours, three. whole. fucking. hours, every topic we talked about was somehow linked to googling facts or images on my smartphone, and do you know what my granddad said to me as we started cleaning everything up?
He said this thing I had was amazing, and he wanted one too.
Technology is not a conversation stopper. It’s a conversation starter, and if you don’t know how to be responsible, if you don’t know how to make use of this amazing thing we have to keep a conversations going, then the problem isn’t smartphones, or facebook, or twitter. It’s you.