I’ve come to a point in my life where I can’t accept reality. We live in an appalling world full of countless grief, social injustice, poverty, and cruelty. And I can’t look at it anymore. So my new approach to life, to avoid getting angry and bitter and sad about the way the world is, is to get as weird as possible. To get as weird as I can comfortably make it and as far away from reality as I can without letting too much light in. As I understand why I need to do this in my life, I look at musicians, artists, and filmmakers who people refer to as mad eccentrics and off the wall, I get it now. This is how people deal with reality. This is why fantasy is so important in the world.
Love Valentine’s Day? Hate it? I’ve got you covered noir-wise either way.
The “most romantic movies in all of noir” double feature:
Gun Crazy: This movie. This beautiful, kinky, messed up movie. Laurie and Bart are noir’s answer to Lord and Lady Macbeth, and share one of the greatest love stories in any genre.
The Big Sleep: I used to dither about whether this sexy, banter-based movie was real noir or not. I no longer do so, because I no longer believe noir should be based purely on misery.
The “murder mystery with a really cute romance” double feature:
Murder, My Sweet: Dick Powell is no Humphrey Bogart, but he’s a decent Marlowe, and this adaptation allows the private eye to end up with the girl he should have in the book.
Laura: Again, recommended viewing for Twin Peaks fans in particular.
The “my ideal valentine’s day involves ensnaring some new sucker to bump off my current SO” double feature:
Also known as “the James M. Cain marathon minus Mildred Pierce.”
Double Indemnity: Not a Marlowe novel, but Raymond Chandler wrote the dialogue. Sexy sleazos plot a murder.
The Postman Always Rings Twice: What’s prettier, those white outfits or John Garfield?
The “I want to be really miserable this valentine’s day” double feature:
Gilda: Yes, this couple gets a happy ending. No, that’s not a good thing.
Pickup on South Street: On the other hand, this unhealthy, abusive noir relationship kind of turns my crank. Go figure.
The “I want to watch Gone Girl but I don’t actually like Gone Girl” double feature:
Angel Face: If only Frank had run as soon as Diane expressed murderous inclinations. If only Diane’s father hadn’t encouraged her fixation on him. If only literally everyone hadn’t ignored her when she was crying out for help. If only.
Leave Her to Heaven: Was there ever any helping Ellen? Unlike Diane, I’m really not sure. If there was, it’s too late now.
I am so poor and literally couldn’t afford the bundle regardless of what I dropped. I get where people are coming from with wanting to see it but not being able to afford BUT PLEASE DONT VIEW A LEAKED VERSION. The creators of this little series that could, have given us years of content (Good, valuable and worthy content) for free!! All they are asking now is for us to invest in their oncoming pursuits of a movie and they’re offering us this fantastic collection of stuff anyway!? You’re quite literally investing money back into something amazing, please don’t watch the leaked version, they’re worth so much more than that.