Nothing has been the same since the DFS sale ended. Not only have Freddo’s become a luxury only for the top one per cent, but they can now be used in the place of sterling.
Scotland have independence, but no referendum could grant it to them, they had to physically detatch themselves from the rest of Britain. Carlisle was lost in the process. Nicola Sturgeon rules all.
Strictly is in its 36th season and Bruce Forsyth is the head judge; there are no longer any contestants, just Tess Daley and Claudia Winkleman whispering “keep on dancing.” He gives them 10.
Every school has been replaced by a Nandos. “What a load of cheeky lads,” Gaz mutters, as he remembers a time when he had an education, “utter banter.”
That bird off Tracy Beaker is now prime minister.